He was freezing.
His entire body trembled as the night breeze swept past him, making him shiver as he slowly lifted his head up to stare at the dark sky. Stars glimmered briefly for a moment or two before fading away as the clouds drove on its own path, unyielding even as it covered the round moon that stood at plain sight.
Breathtaking, he mouthed.
How must it have been like to be the moon?
Untouchable, unreachable and alone?
Would it be as lonely as he was?
With flashes of hope that gradually burns out over the course of time?
As morning comes, he remains forgotten and as the moon rises, he remains unfound?
It must be lonely, Kuroko pondered as he continued to walk, barefooted. He could feel his feet hurt from the jagged surface of the concrete, but he didn't stop. There was no sense in going back. He lived alone so no one will have to worry about looking for him. Even the school won't probably notice.
He might inconvenience the fast-food restaurant where he works though, but a missing employee can easily be replaced, right?
Replaceable; just like that one piece of the puzzle that can't fit into the picture.
...
...
...
There will always be a spare piece.
There will always be a replacement.
There will always be someone left out of the picture.
…And that was him.
...
...
...
He walks and continues to think, his expression unchanging even as the cold night breeze seemed to slice through his pale skin. He sported nothing but a thin white shirt and shorts; he hadn't bothered to change into another set of clothing. It wasn't as if he needed a change of clothes for a little walk, right?
He looked up.
Vehicles speedily drove through the streets just several feet away from where he stood, the noise made by the engines and the low hum of the people's conversations passing through his ears and urging him to walk faster.
Right, his mind answered.
...
...
...
Everything that is beautiful is untouchable; unattainable, just like the moon.
Just like a rose that has its thorns.
Just like the sun that burns so bright it blinds.
And just like salvation from all this pain...
…it was nowhere to be found.
...
...
...
Kuroko paused and looked at his wrists before removing his wristbands form where they were, unflinching even as he saw the thick, red and angry lines on his pale skin. He had done this to himself, he knew. He might be a fool, but he wasn't that much of a retard to not know what he was doing to himself.
It was as simple as he couldn't take it.
Cowardly as it may have been, it hurt and it still does.
It was no joke.
The pain.
The suffocation.
The contradiction he could feel bubbling up his chest and messing up with his head.
The frustration that grips his heart and tears it apart into tiny shreds.
The anger he directs toward himself for being everything he didn't want to be.
The helplessness he felt knowing that he couldn't do anything.
The regret he felt for doing nothing to stop or make something happen.
He can't play the part of someone who is strong enough to overcome everything alone; he can't play the hero when he can't save himself or anybody else.
Kuroko just can't, so he bitterly smiles to himself.
He can't fool himself.
He can lie, but his heart knows the truth.
He can always, always convince himself that he just wanted to clear his head a little.
He can also tell himself that he just wanted a little time to sort things out.
But in all honesty, he can't.
He knew that he wasn't coming back.
He was never coming back.