Edited on 07/02/2015

N/A: All right let's do it: TAN TAN DA! Ladies and gentlemen I present you my first Death Note fanfic.I would say I'm very proud of it but actually I'm not ;-; .This a pure, crack, mindless story that emerged from the depths of my tedious mind and today I present it for you. The whole idea is to read it like a musical (?) because I love musicals; I'm really obsessed with the thing and I have to use my apparently hopeless knowledge of them or I will burst and disappear. Oh, and we actually are going to have a Death Note musical, so: why not play with the idea? So this story is just for inoffensive delightfulness with a typical, simple plot of the most mundane of musicals. It was made to bring some laughs (even though I'm not sure it is actually funny x.x) and alleviate the daily tensions of our lives. It's a first-person narrative, the chapters alternating between L and Light'. The chapter's titles are songs from musicals and the lyrics on the beginning of every one too. The songs are actually part of the story's mood, so if you want to have a little fun out of the thing, you can listen to them while reading it.

Disclaimer: What else can I say? Slash, L x Light, A lot OOC-ness, fluffy, bad jokes, swearing, shinigami's love, America's Next Top Model (even though they are in Japan)… oh gosh I don't know. I just don't own Death Note ok? ;-;

Please, take it lightly? It's my first shot on the fandom and english it's not my first language, but(!) I now have a wonderful, darling beta, the lovely shewhowasnamedanyway , who kindly accepted embarking with me on this crazy ride. Thank you so much, chum 3

Feedback is always important! Hate, love and hate again! Leave your reviews, sweethearts, please 3

~ Enjoy.

J.J

xxx

Hands touch, eyes meet.

xxx

"Tell me, Ryuuzaki, what brings joy to your life?"

I stop working at the glace laces on the cupcakes; my fingers discreetly (and fruitlessly) attempting to get them straight and silently muse on the question.

"What brings joy to my life?" I repeat, letting the words sink on my tongue, feeling their flavor as I unfold their meaning before giving an acceptable answer to my interlocutor.

The said speaker, Keishi Kitamura, the wedding's groom, smiles at me, his head nodding in an incentive way.

"That's it. Why don't you tell me, pal?"

He's holding a half full/half empty glass of champagne and, assuming by his unstable balance, his flushed face and the carefree way he drawls his voice as he addresses me as "pal", he is utterly, completely drunk.

What a pity. I guess I didn't have to lose time planning my reply for the beginning of a casual social interaction.

Anything I say to Kitamura-san now will sound infinitely interesting.

That being set, I can calmly return to my previous task. My mind can easily cope with the tiny sugary ornaments and the track of his meaningless conversation. I will lay down my speech to one word per Kitamura-san's one, so I won't lose too much energy that could be extremely useful on the achievement of my present goal.

"Sweets," I respond as I accomplish a victory in one of the cakes.

He laughs unnecessarily loud at my statement.

"Well, that one I figured out already. What else, hum?"

"Books," I continue, my fingers delicately shifting another lace to the right position.

"That seemed expected, what kind of books?"

"Classics," I move to the left side of the table, aiming to take care of the other set. I write a mental memento to enlighten B about paying attention to all minimalistic details on the desserts and how this simple carefulness would allow me to not get caught in stupid interactions like this one.

Kitamura-san follows me. Oh my, doesn't he have other matters to attend to? Doesn't he have to merry- dance- go-round with his bride? Where is she, anyway?

Isn't it time to kiss her again or consume the union?

"Classics! Good! I like classics too! Have you read Shakespeare? I had to read Hamlet twice when I was in high school." The obscene laugh again."Man, let me tell you that was traumatizing."

I nod. I can sympathize with him.

Someone with a quarter of a brain shouldn't read Hamlet ever, even less so as a teenager.

Metaphorically speaking, I can easily identify the book as the one traumatized.

Poor, defenseless book and its once virginal pages. Nothing would ever be the same for it after being so cruelly and irrationally raped by the eyes of a true moron.

As Kitamura-san babbling goes on, my ears involuntary pick up a near, distinctive conversation; my back turned to the speakers.

"Light, you must try the canapés, they are simply divine."

"Thank you, Ryuk, but I think I've already had enough."

"No sense. Try at least the apple tartlets. Truly marvelous!"

"You know I'm not into sweets."

"And I'm not into weddings either, but here I am accompanying you. I could be anywhere but no, I decided to not leave my friend alone in the unfolding of this horrendous ceremonial tragedy. Tell me; how many guys back in your office would stick up for you in the same way, hummm?"

"Well-"

"Exactly! None. Zero. Nada. You can't rely on lawyers. Now, don't be a diet guru for a change and go get yourself some high calories. Grab a cookie or something. Do they actually have cookies here? - Oh look, they have cupcakes. Much the same thing, it all starts with a 'c.'"

"Cookies and cupcakes are the same?"

"Hey, look who's talking Mister 'It's all mixed up sugar anyway'. Grab us some of this colorful, insalubrious things. I'm going to return to the coffee table and conquer more of the tartlets."

"I think you should slow down on- Oh, I'm sorry"

My fingers brush another's as we both reach for a cupcake. I feel the momentarily cool touch of a slim hand on my right palm as I grab the broken dessert before it.

"Please, try another. This one is not ready yet" I announce. I don't make eye contact with the hand's owner, my focus completely set on the remedy at hand.

"I see. The laces, hum?"

I turn around, my gaze falling upon a young brunette. He is elegantly dressed in a dark blue suit, the design rich and scandalous expensive.

His Japanese features are graced with an apologetic smile in my direction

The smile doesn't reach his eyes.

"Yes," I respond. He's more perceptive than the others. Even if I'm applying some effort in the task, I admit that the imperfections are almost invisible. A crude onlooker would never notice the difference between a rightly positioned frosted cupcake lace and a wrong one.

This resolution could be applied to more than half of the percentage in the party.

That man seemed to fit in the other percentage.

He nods, his hand reaching for another sweet, this one faultless.

"They seem to have a complicated pattern." He muses as he analyzes the cake, his pianist's fingers carefully removing the red velvet paper that serves as a support.

"The craft work of the ribbons must have taken hours to be fully completed. The chief is an extremely talented one."

"She possesses a natural gift, if I may say so." I think of A and her fairy hands. When she is in a kitchen, everything she touches becomes magical and delicious.

"An artist indeed. What flavor?"

"Coconut and white chocolate. The pink laces have strawberry essence." I say, wondering why he seems so insistent on engaging a conversation with me. This man has shown me he pursues a slight larger margin of brain cells then my previous talker but, even so, I don't find within myself the urge to avidly enroll in an interaction with him

"Hey, Ryuuzaki, are you listen- Oh! Light! I didn't think you would come!"

Speaking of my previous talker, the said speaker finally noticed that I wasn't paying attention to his mindless chatter (What has he been looking at anyway? Couldn't he see that I have already attracted a new replacement to his former hole? Was he so inebriated with champagne that he didn't even hear that I was talking to another person?). He turns his body to face the man by my side, his face lightens up at the sight of the younger one.

The brunette's lips stretch again in a charming smile, too truthful to be true.

"I honestly didn't think I would make it too, Kitamura-san."

"- And you brought Ryuk too!"

"I hope it's not an inconvenie-"

"What are you talking about? Jesus, I haven't seen this guy in ages. Hey, ugly thing, come here!"

"What kind of despicable mortal dares to call the great god of death ugly?" The young man's companion approaches, his scratchy voice muffled by the sounds of the disgusting munches of an apple tartlet.

He really is an ugly thing but, impressive nonetheless. His height easily passes the six foot mark, his slender limbs imposing. The belief that his suit can completely dress his whole body seems almost absurd.

The face is the most outrageous part of his anatomy: long, pale with big, bulging brown eyes and a scarred mouth that seemed frozen in a perpetual bizarre grin.

I know I can't consider myself a beautiful specimen but, though looking at this man makes me cogitate an audition for America's Next Top Model. The thought of myself wearing high heels and a dress doesn't appeal to me so much but, it's not a horrendous sight either. I sincerely must ponder the question with care.

"You deranged bastard, still calling yourself 'god of death.' Tell me shinigami, are you still as sharp as you were in Osaka?

"Of course I am, you dork. Unlike you, who became fat and lazy, the years only made me more beautiful and deadly."

"Oh Mr. District Attorney, I surely want to see tha- wait, did you call me fat?"

"Oh yeah,"

"Ryuk-sama is indeed in his best self. There isn't a case where the convicts are taken lightly by his hands."

"Yada, yada, stop fawning him so much, Light. Come on god, say again to my face that I'm fat-"

"Kitamura-san I'm sure he didn't mean-"

"You fat, obese, dirty pig!"

"Take back your words right now!"

"Jesus, you're sounding like a woman. I'm only attesting the truth. If you want pretty little lies, speak with golden boy here."

"Ryuk-"

"Hey, you" I'm watching the entertaining scene before me, when Edward Scissor-Hands addresses me.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Tell me I'm telling only the truth when I say this bloke could join the cast for the next Super-Size Me movie."

I blankly stare at Kitamura-san.

"Well, not a Super-Size Me level but-"

"Oh come on! Give my wedding buffet's man a break. He has nothing to do with it."

"Your buffet's man?" The man named Light inquires like he is totally befouled by the idea.

"Yes. Oh Ryuuzaki, I'm sorry, let me introduce you - Ryuk, Light, this is Ryuuzaki Rue, the manager and owner of this spectacular buffet."

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Light Yagami." Yagami-kun states, holding out his hand. I can see by the way he stares that he had mistaken me as a simple, minor servant. He finds it unbelievable that a man with my appearance could be titled as a manager of anything; my jeans and long sleeved white shirt covered by a worn-out Wammy's blazer must seem extremely disapproving in his gaze.

I save him the effort and don't hold his hand in return.

"Likewise," I say, staring directly into his eyes. His charismatic facade fades and his eyes darken. The air tenses and the situation suddenly become oddly uncomfortable.

The sound of a loud crunch breaks the silence.

"Ryuuzaki Rue," Scissor Hands is back to his role of destructor of desserts."For real? Sounds like a fake name to me."

"Ryuk"

"What? Can't I even ask questions here? Anyway, I'm Ryuk Ryuuku." He extends in my direction a hand totally covered by gluey frosting. I flinch involuntary. He grins.

"That sounds like a fake name to me." I say, recollecting myself.

He chuckles in mirth, "The Ryuuku maybe. Never met my dad and mommy was always too doped up to tell me his or her own name. The Ryuk part is pretty much real, though."

"I see"

"Oh, please Ryuk Ryuuku, stop with the bullshit already. Anyway, Ryuuzaki boy is really on an alias. He says his real name is too difficult to pronounce."

"Is that so?" Yagami-kun's gaze never leaves me. I'm actually annoyed by Kitamura-san's spoiled information. I want to squirm my eyes in his direction and mentally pierce him with nails but I turn to Yagami-kun instead.

"It's a foreign name. I figured it would be difficult for the Japanese to phonate."

"You actually doubt our capacity in verbalizing stranger words?"

"No, I doubt the 100% probability of everyone drawling my name right, so I choose to avoid annoyances." I spat back.

Yagami-kun coldly stares at me.

"Tell me your name."

I look at him. He is challenging, calling me out to play. He wants to defy me.

I consider abnegating the knowledge but something in his voice stops me.

I stare into his eyes.

I accept the challenge.

"L Lawliet,"

He blinks, hardly concealing the surprise that I actually comply with his request. Then his eyes glint with beguilement, his tongue reveling in the words before they escape his lips.

"L Lawliet,"

He articulates it perfectly, flawlessly. No hesitation, not a tinge of stiffness.

He says my name like a snake savoring its prey.

"That's correct," I praise him, tilting my head to the side. I stare at him for some time.

I bring my thumb to my lips. He seems taken aback by the motion, his expression suddenly confused.

I grin, delighted.

"Well done, Light-kun" I say, pronouncing his name by its English meaning instead of Raito.

His left eye twitches. I try to suppress a smirk.

"Oh Light, that was something! I can't believe you could really unravel, Ryuuzaki." Kitamura-san enthusiastically yaks, his hand patting Light-kun on his shoulders.

"What kind of phony name is that?" Ryuk furrows his brow "E-ro Rau - Shit, he is right. I can't say it."

"I wonder where the name ends and the surname begins"

"I'm with you. How do you spell it anyway?"

"It's a letter," Light-kun coolly declares.

Ryuk and Kitamura-san look at him dumbfounded.

"His name. It's a single letter. L. That's it. It's spelled like it is said."

I nod.

"Correct again. I'm thrilled to know that there is indeed hope for some -"

"Please, don't be, Lawliet-san," he cuts me off sharply, the name again being said impeccably.

My grin widens.

"Please, call me L,"

"L then. Now if you could excuse me," he turns abruptly from me and directs himself to Kitamura-san.

"I just caught sight of my current client and I will not let him slip away with my honorariums so easily this time." Light-kun grabs Ryuk's arm.

"Wait, what do I have to do w-"

"Kitamura-san, the wedding was splendid, Mariko-san was lovely. If I can't see her until the party's end please, send her my regards and best wishes." He only turns his head in my direction, eyeing me over his shoulder.

"L,"

"Light-kun" I insist in calling him that way since it seems to have a pleasant unnerving effect upon his collect demeanor. He nods at me in a gesture of cordial accountancy but his eyes are stoned, not a single glimpse of emotion in them.

Then he walks away, dragging Ryuk along, as the man protests at the unexplained reason of pulling him away from the conversation. I can hear from a distance Ryuk saying that "He doesn't care about fucking lawyers honorariums" as the pair mingles into the crowd, disappearing to some unseen place.

"That Light Yagami" Kitamura-san sighs beside me, my attention unwillingly being drawn to him. "With him, it's all about work, work. This guy is a real shark. You should have to see him in action back when he was charging my case. No one could stop him; our victory had been set in stone from the beginning"

"So, he was your lawyer?"

"Yeah. You see, this is not my first marriage. My first wife was a monster, our life together was unbearable and I almost died, twice. She made a scandal when I asked for the divorce. Thank god my old friend from college, Ryuk, is a district attorney so he knew from the field who could help on the case. At the time, Light Yagami had never dealt before with conjugal cases but he decided to give it a try. Man, let me tell you, that handsome bloke saved my life. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have met my dear sweet Mariko and probably would be buried six feet underground, dead and with a debt of one billion yens with that wicked bitch.

"Light Yagami was already a hot shot in the matters of civil cases back then, but with my case? The guy became an all star celebrity in the Law world. The office he keeps with his other associates is the most competent in Tokyo and one of the best in whole fucking Japan. If you have them, there is no doubt you're going to win. There is no doubt too, that you're going to be bankrupt; damn aren't those bastards expensive."

"I see," he talks about Light-kun with flare, but I can see there is a cranky tone to his speech, like I should've known the famous man Light Yagami or something.

Well, I don't. I've never heard a single word about Light Yagami before in my life.

And I'm not eager to know more.

"Kitamura-san, I have to-"

"Keishi! Where have you been?" I'm abruptly cut off by Mariko-san's shout at a distance. We turn around to see her energetically waving at Kitamura-san.

"Come here, it's time to cut the cake"

I caught sight of one of my staff standing beside her, his hand holding a sharp knife, ready to follow orders at any moment.

"I'm coming, sweetie! Sooo, Eru, you're coming too?"

I clench my teeth at the disturbing sound of my real name being so atrociously used that I actually have to control the desire to stab Kitamura-san with my subordinate's knife.

Instead, I force an odd smile and wave my hand dismissively at him.

"Go ahead, Kitamura-san. I'm used to this type of ritual in my line of work. Now the whole thing actually bores me. Go ahead and enjoy yourself. I'm going to check the kitchen, see if everything is alright and well."

"Well, if you say so, see you later then." Kitamura-san happily strolled away from me and I actually sighed in relief.

Finally, I'm free of this lamebrain.

A strangely calm and sad Bossa Nova version of 'My Favorite Things' starts to play as the two love birds cut the first slice of their red velvet wedding cake, the melancholy melody heavily contrasting with the fairytale-like moment.

I look at Mariko-san and her face matches the lyrics; the dog is biting, the bee is stinging, there is some sadness but she smiles as she gazes at her husband, thinking of her favorite things.

Then she won't feel so miserably bad.

As I make my way to the kitchen, I hum along to The Sound of Music's tune wondering how many months (or days) will pass before Light-kun's services will be needed again.

xxx

"Do you think all went well, L?"

A asks me as I help her pack up her chef's utensils. The party is at its end; it's time for us to leave.

I look at her, taken in by her big blue eyes and distraught expression as she bites her lip. A is probably one of the best chef's in the world, easily surpassing Wammy and, even after all these years, she still can't help but feel insecure every time we finish a job.

"Perfectly, A, flawless as always,"

"Are you sure?" Her voice skips as she speaks, biting her lip harder.

"Certainly," I try to reassure her, putting my hand on her back but the attempt of comfort becomes weird and clumsy. I'm not good with physical contact, even less with words of ease. Wammy is the man for it; Beyond and myself are a complete failure in that aspect.

Strangely, she moves closer to me, my hand on her back now on her shoulder, the comforting gesture becoming an awkward embrace. She looks so small in her white uniform and matching apron, the clothes too much big for her.

"Thank you," she sighs in relief, feeling the heat coming from her body as it is so extremely close to mine.

I cough a little uneasy, giving a few pats to her shoulder.

"Hum. That's ok. Anytime you need," I carefully remove my arm away from her, putting some adequate distance between us.

"We are a team, after all. Right?"

She seems upset by my withdrawal but I choose to ignore it for the sake of my personal convenience. Lately, A has been craving a lot of closeness from me.

"Right," she answers, looking around the kitchen. "Where are the others anyway? We are the only ones here. They should be finished with the saloon already."

"Yes, I think I'll go to check up on them." I declare, happy that I found an excuse to leave the precinct.

"Do it, please. Oh, and see if you can find Beyond. We are leaving soon; I don't want to lose time looking out for him."

"Understood,"

"Thank you, L. You're the best," she gives me a smile so warm that it could melt an iceberg.

I'm actually feeling very attacked right about now.

I grunt a hasty "you're welcome" and leave the kitchen as fast as I can. In the main saloon, I can see that things are mostly done; the tables are cleared, the ornaments already having been taken off and the remaining food is savagely grabbed by the gluttonous last guests who want to prolong the banquet for a week.

I approach one of my staff boys. I'm ordering him to gather the others and go to the kitchen when a commotion in the front main entrance attracts my attention.

"Ryuk, let's go,"

"No, no, no, no. I'm not going, not just yet, the party has just start-"

"It's the end of it, Ryuk, we are one of the lasts. There isn't any more music and all of the groom's familiarities have already left. Please, don't embarrass me more than you already have."

"But I don't want to gooo. And how will we go, exactly? I doubt the taxi that brought us is already he-"

"Matt came to pick us up. He is already outside."

"Mail?! You called Mail Jeevas to pick us up?! Why? I don't want fucking e-Mail, I want Rem."

"Rem is in Germany, Ryuk-"

"Fuck Germany, I want to speak to that damn wicked woman. Call her now, I want to say a few things to her."

"Ryuk, I think she has already stated that she doesn't want-"

"Screw what she doesn't want. Screw her and the endless list of things she doesn't want. I want to take those things out and light a goddamn fire with them, then piss and shit all over it. Now, call my damn fucking wife. I'm her husband and I want to talk to her!"

"Oh my god, Ryuk, stop it. I think the whole world heard you."

"I want them to hear it. Give me that phone Yagami, I want to speak with my wife! Can you hear that from Germany, Rem?! I want to speak to fucking you!"

A very drunk Ryuk is being half carried, half dragged by a helpless Light Yagami, very much pissed off with his companion's behavior and very much clueless on how to carry a whining giant dressed in gala.

Ryuk's endless complaints suddenly tone down and become sobs, as he keeps moaning about his wife.

"You witch, you are so cruel. I love you, you know. Damn you, why did you leave me? I want you back, fucking ugly bitch. What is of a god of death without his goddess? I promise I'll be a better man. I won't make jokes anymore about your plastic surgeries. I just think you look worse with them, but you are so beautiful. I will say it looks fine, but please, please come back to little miserable ol' meeeee."

"Ryuk, oh-" Light-kun trips and is about to fall, taking Ryuk along, but I move faster and run to catch him and Ryuk's arm, keeping their balance.

Light-kun is astonished by the fact that he didn't complete his fall and when he sees that it was me who saved him, he seems completely befuddled.

"L-?"

"Shall I help you with him to the car?" I ask. I can see he is deliberating if he will accept the offer or not. A sudden grumble comes from Ryuk's stomach and the man throws up on our feet.

We both wrinkle our nose in disgust.

"Please,"

"All right, let's do it."

Our walk to the car is clearly an embarrassing one and I'm glad nosy Kitamura-san and his wife have already taken their flight to wherever their honeymoon is. The remaining guests are too busy with their own matters, so nobody will stick an uninvited nose into this awkward affair.

The only ones in sight are the security guards. They help us with Ryuk, clearly accustomed to this type of situation.

We make to a black sedan parked near the entrance, the back seat's door already opened. The windows are blacked out and closed. I can't see the driver.

The guards let us rest a little and launch Ryuk into the car like he's a rag doll. His whimpering and crying about his wife doesn't stop.

"Rem, my sweet Rem, please no-"

"Thank you, guys," Light closes the door with a heavy 'bam.'

"You were really a huge help."

The guards smile, saying that "it was nothing" as they bid us farewell and return to their original posts.

We keep staring at them even after they're gone, an uncomfortable silence falling upon us.

We don't move and I mentally count the seconds until one of us breaks the stillness.

Five seconds.

Ten seconds.

Twenty.

When I reach half a minute, Light-kun decides to do the honors, turning to me.

"Thank you, L,"

He says it flatly, not as displeased and unwillingly as I expected, and not like he meant it ether.

I feel just a little aloof satisfaction in the fact that he actually thanked me.

I smile at him, the exact one I know will annoy.

"You're welcome, Light-kun,"

Then I hold out my hand to him.

He looks at it, eyebrows raised. He seems hesitant (probably thinking of refusing, out of vengeance) but, after some thought, he takes it and our palms join in a grip.

We stare into each other's eyes. Waiting. Expecting.

Daring.

"It was a pleasure," I say as we shake hands.

"Indeed." He let go of mine first. Light-kun drifts away, heading to the direction of the passenger's seat .He opens the door and, before entering it, he turns his head to me, our eyes locking again.

"I'm sorry for, ahem, anything." he says awkwardly, indicating my dirty shoes, stained by Ryuk's vomit.

I shake my head dismissively.

"It was nothing really,"

"I see," Light-kun mutters. He stares at me one last time, as if trying to take a mental picture of myself, his eyes absorbing everything in a sturdy, analytical way.

"Let's hope we meet again someday,"

Then he closes the door, saying something to the driver while he does it. The car starts to pull away from the coasting, running along the street asphalt as it disappears and leaves me completely and utterly alone.

I watch it go for sometime before I turn myself back to the main entrance.

A man is waiting for me there, his arms folded, his body leaned back on the wall. I recognize him as B, my almost mirror image, and nod at him.

He nods back.

"So, everything ready?" I ask as I approach him.

"Yep. A is waiting for us,"

"Where have you been? I looked for you everywhere. We had a problem with the cupcake's frosting."

"I know. That's why I disappeared," he deadpans.

"That was distressing, you know. I would appreciate it if something like that didn't happen again."

"Yes, sir," he says monotonous. I sigh. There is no winning with Beyond.

We make our way to the saloon.

"So tell me, who was the man you were talking to?" B casually inquires. He looks at my shoes, raising an eyebrow.

"He seems to have left you a present."

"This belongs to his much ill-mannered companion."

"All right then. But, tell me, who was he, really?"

"Someone I met," I open the kitchen door for B and he looks at me.

I stare back at him.

When he realizes that he wouldn't get anymore from me, he shrugged his shoulders, passing by me and entering the cuisine.

"Ok, then he will be Mr. Someone you met."

I nod, following him in. As I close the door, I silently mutter to myself.

"And I hope to never meet again…"

xxx

N/A: Love it? Hate it? Next chapter, Light's POV :)