A New Path

Chapter One

A/N 1: Yeah, I know. There is another fic that has a similar title ( FrogtownStamper: I like your fic very much). However, I started to work on this fic a long time ago. Even before I started to write 'Sad past, happy future?', which was supposed to be a test trial. I have thought long about different titles but for one reason or another, I didn't like those ideas. Therefore, I have decided to publish this story with this title.

A/N 2: Although, I have worked on this fic for a long time, I actually have not written down much of it. Therefore, updates will be slow.

A/N 3: I have planned it as a multi-chapter and it will be totally AU! I plan to use different characters from various TV shows. It is possible that some of the characters will act OOC. You have been warned! ;-)

A/N 4: There a more than 4.000 JAG stories. I have read a lot of them, but not all of them. Therefore, it is possible, that there will be storylines, which are similar to those other authors have used before. I apologize in advanced. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N 5: Feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome. Please, feel free to tell me what you like or dislike! I am also open for ideas ;-)

A/N 6: I am not a native speaker. Therefore, there will be many mistakes. Obviously, I am going to try to minimize them. As of yet, I do not have a beta. Please, contact me if you want to have that job! I would be very happy for your help.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. of any TV show used in this fic are the property of their respective owners, producers or creators. Any resemblances to actual persons, places, etc are purely coincidental. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise. Hence, no copyright infringement is intended.

Unmarked airplane

Somewhere over the Southern Atlantic Ocean.

Harm sat with his eyes closed in his seat. The past couples days had been rough and he had not gotten much sleep. He was dog-tired and his head hurt. He felt numb on the inside. There had been only a few times that he could remember feeling like that before. After the ramp strike, he would just felt pain and guilt for killing his RIO for a long time. It had been a dark time in his life. He had survived just barely, but he had been injured severely. He still remembered the day the doctors had told him that there was only a slim chance that he would walk ever again.

Although Harm had thought that his days as a naval aviator were over, he could not accept that he would never walk again. However, Harm was a fighter - so he fought. He worked hard in his rehabilitation. Nevertheless, it was difficult because neither the doctors nor his family had actually encouraged him at first. In fact, they gently tried to force him to accept his injuries. That had provoked him to work even harder. In the end, he had shown them that he was not a man who would give that easily and walked out the rehabilitation centre on his own feet.

After he had his physical problems more or less solved – he still carried the scars on his back – he had to battle his psychological problems - meaning his guilt. Although he had been cleared of all wrongdoing, he still had to live with the fact his friend died during their mishap. He would have to live with that knowledge until the day he'll die. Long conversations with his grandmother and Diane had helped him to soothe those feelings.

The first time he had felt that numb was after his return from Vietnam. Back then, he had not been able to talk about it. How could he have possible spoken of the things he had seen and done there? Things, a sixteen-year boy should never experience.

The second time was when he had heard Diane's name while opening the body bag. Diane and he had made plans for the weekend. They wanted to meet and finally talk about a possible life together. They had known that they had feelings for each other, but regulations and deployments had kept them apart. However, instead of talking about marriage and kids, Harm had to look at Diane's bloodied body in the bag. He didn't feel a thing the first few minutes after he had seen Diane dead on that stretcher. Nevertheless, the feeling did not last long before he started to feel the grief, the regrets and most importantly the anger. He focused mostly on the last feeling while he tried to find killer.

The third and last time he remembered feeling completely numb on the inside was in Russia, after he finally learned what had happened to his father. Then again, Mac had been with him and being near her had helped him.

At this time, Mac was also near him. However, this time it did not help, he did not feel better. In fact, it made the feeling stronger. Harm thought about their conversation at the taxi stand:

"Things are never gonna work out between us."

"Why not?"

"Because we both want to be on top …. and that's physically and emotionally impossible."

In all those years that we have known each other, this had to be the stupidest thing she had ever said to me, Harm thought. He never wanted to be on top as Mac had put it. As competitive as he knew he was, Harm had never seen a relationship as a power-struggle. I just wanted to be with you, Mac. Oh, Mac… clearly, you do not know me as well as you think you do. Because if you did, you would not have said something as stupid as that. If you are wrong about that, what else have you not understood about me? Ah, well, there is no point of thinking about that now. The headache just would get worse. He knew he should not make a rash decision. Nevertheless, he knew one thing for a fact, whatever might have been between them, their stupid dance was over. They would never be anything more than friends would. He made a promise to himself: He would not let any more innocent people get hurt because they could not figure out their relationship. With that promise, he came to some sort of inner peace. He did not know what his future would look like, but he was determined to make the best of the hand he'd been dealt.

Not far from his seat sat Mac who was deep in thought herself. The experiences of the previous days had taken its toll on her. She was looking at him and she realized that he was deep in his thoughts. After their conversation at the taxi stand, he had been uncharacteristically quiet for most of the time. It had been an awkward silence. He had said only a few words when it had been essential to board the plane. But since then, he really hadn't said anything at all. It was like that for him, she wasn't even here in the same plane.

She could not believe how this assignment could've turned out so bad. The death of the missionaries, the torture of Webb, Harm's timely rescue just before they would start to torture herself, the plane crash – it all seemed rather incredulous. In addition to all those things, there was her conversations with Harm. It started rather good, but it deteriorated rapidly after Clay and Gunny had come to the hotel room. It was another painful encounter in their long friendship.

She still could not believe that he had resigned. He had given everything up - for her. The thought of it weighed heavily on her. Would he eventually hate her for it? But why should he? I did not ask him to rescue us. The CIA would have come for us, eventually. But no, Harm had to play the hero again. And the Admiral will take him back – like always. With that thought, Mac drifted into a deep sleep.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. Harm had not spoken to Mac throughout the entire flight. After the landing at Andrews Airport, they stood, picked up their baggage and left the plane. Harm noticed a couple of unhappy government officials who were standing in front of their dark vehicles. He instantly knew that they were there to debrief them, so that they could find out, what had happened in Paraguay. Harm knew that the screw-ups of this mission outweighed by far the positive outcomes. They may have defused the stinger missile threat, but there was a lot of collateral damage. First, there was the personal count: a few injured agents and two killed hostages. Secondly there was a wrecked plane that belonged to some innocent bystander, multiple sites of explosions, fires and shootout that would have the Paraguay government riled up.

One of the suits took a few steps towards them. "Ms. MacKenzie, Mr. Rabb, I'm John Feldman …"

Before he could say anything else, a determined voice interrupted him. "Whatever you want, it has to wait. I'm tired and have one hell of a headache. I'm going home!"

Those were the first words Harm had said since they had left Paraguay. The look on Harm's face convinced Feldman that Rabb would not budge. He would not get his debrief today. Therefore, he did the only thing he could think of, and nodded.

"Come on, then. Mr. Rabb, would you come with me, please. Ms. MacKenzie, you can go with my colleague. Martha, would you take Ms. MacKenzie home, please."

"Harm...", Mac started.

"Not now, Colonel. Let's go, Agent Feldman." Harm more or less dismissed Mac. He took his sea bag, climbed into the car and shut the door.

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Washington, DC

On the ride back to his apartment, Harm thought about the next days. He knew he had to go to the CIA to be debriefed. He also knew that he had to go the JAG office and see the Admiral. Well, that will be fun.

The whole situation was almost as bad as it could possibly have been. Only almost - none of them was dead, Harm and many different thoughts were swirling around Harm's brain, filling his head with chaos. He rubbed his eyes again, trying to soothe the pain. The constant throbbing was killing him. He desperately needed to sleep. He had not slept during the long flight at all. When they stopped at his apartment, Harm wordlessly crabbed his bag and exited the car.

At his door, he turned the key to his apartment, opened the door and walked in. Although the apartment was cold, he could not remember ever being more relieved when walking through that door. He'd been away for a couple of days, so a thin layer of dust covered everything. Harm saw the light flashing of the answering machine to let him know that he had messages waiting for him. He dropped his bag on his way to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water and went to his bedroom. Harm would have liked to take a hot shower, but that had to wait. The boiler needed a least half an hour to get work and he really did not want to wait so long. Therefore, Harm simply changed in T-Shirt and shorts and went to bed.

Harm's journey to wakefulness was slow. Although he had slept more than twelve hours, Harm only felt slightly rested. He blinked his eyes open and groaned when the morning light hit his eyes. He rubbed his temples hoping against hope that this would lighten his headache. After a long hot shower, Harm went out shopping. That was the only time, Harm had left his apartment for the weekend. The rest of the time Harm spent cleaning his apartment, washing his clothes and doing other shores. These tasks helped him not to think about Mac. It was Sunday evening when Harm sat on his couch nursing his beer. Harm still did not own a TV. Normally he would read or play his guitar. His headache prevented him from doing both today. He sighed miserably and wondered what had gone wrong in the past months. He actually had thought that he and Mac were becoming solid again in their friendship. Maybe even more, but it all changed when Singers pregnancy became common knowledge. From this moment on everything changed. He was honest to himself and knew that he was not blameless. He DID investigate her pregnancy behind everyone's back, but he had been so sure that she was pregnant with Sergei's child. When she told him that, she did not want the baby he made the decision that he could adopt him or her. His damn sense of obligation came back to bite him though. He nearly had been convicted of her murder.

These weeks were bad enough. Then came this whole ordeal in Paraguay. It began with Mac showing up at his apartment in her pregnant suit and their fight. When she told him that she was going to work on a mission for the CIA, he instantly had a bad feeling. It didn't have anything to do with her capabilities. It was the fact that she would be working with Webb. Although Webb had helped him in the past, his missions never went smoothly. Hell, he and Mac nearly had been killed on more than one of Webb's missions. What had him so concerned was that he would not be there to help Mac. He had feared for her because he knew that the CIA had a different set of parameters than the military. Unlike the military, the CIA was not known for its 'leave no man behind' attitude.

However, Harm did not expect for Mac to twist his words and make it about them. Her parting shot that he would only show interest when she had one foot out the door and not when she might return it, had hurt him deeply. After all that followed - him giving up his career, killing a number of people and rescuing her literally seconds before she was tortured - she kissed Webb. Then she told him that there would never be an 'us'.

For some reason he did always end up alone. Unlike what Mac had accused him of, he was not afraid of a commitment. Actually, he had been trying to have something more than just a casual relationship. He was yearning for a family. He so desperately wanted to have children. However, his every attempt had failed miserably. So here he was – 40, unemployed and single. Her acts and words had torn his heart out of his chest. Now there was a hole where his heart had been. That is depressing, Rabb. Stop wallowing. He knew he had to start and plan his life. For example, he needed to think about his meeting with the Admiral the next day. On Saturday, he had called the duty officer at the JAG office to make an appointment. Whether he liked it or not, he knew that, he had to speak to the old man at least once again.