Igraine

She hates how she was everything she never was, everything she will never be, everything she hoped to be.

Igraine had everything she wanted, everything she deserved, everything she strived for without even trying.

Igraine was everything she wasn't: kind, merciful, understanding and satisfied .. So satisfied and calm and accepting .. So respected and loved .. Everything she wanted to be, everything she wished to be.

She knew well in her heart that It wasn't Igraine's fault or misdeeds that drove her to what she is now, she believes her claims when she says that it was her who spared her life ..

Maybe that's why she hates herself now so much, she hates her life which was bestowed upon her by the enemy.

Or maybe she wasn't the enemy..

She was a pawn as much as her played by her wicked father, whom she destests herself now for having loved him or pitied him, whoms she loathes how she surrendered herself to guilt after killing him, whom she regrets she hasn't disposed off him earlier, hasn't killed him ten times instead of one, hasn't terrorised and agonised over and over for the cruel man he was, for the illusion she thought he was yet whom he was determined to shatter and show her the underneath: rotten semblance of a man, a carcassed king and nothing paternal.

She was a pawn as much as she was to Merlin.

Another illusion she thought existed.

How fascinating and kind he appeared.

Turned out he was a manipulating pervert, just as much as she is.

How well he could fool everyone.

Ironic enough, every unspeakable deed he had ever done, has come to hit him full in the face, haunt hin over and over.

He has come to love and admire everyone he had ever hurt so much .. Something she knew was to be his torture, his downfall.

Strange though, after everything he had done , even after destroying her life , even after everything that has passed in between them, she hated that he was yet another one that she had shared with Igraine, lost to Igraine.

Yet now with Igraine gone, her rival gone, there is a slight emptiness that is never going to be filled.

There is a loss that is never going to be compensated.

And a victory in her heart she knows she will never acheive.

Everything is wasted for her, there is only one path left for her to tread, no going back, no repentance.

Nothing but the darkness and madness that consumed them all..

All except Igraine.