"M-my dad is dead, Carisi," she said slowly, confused and stammering.

"As far as I know, the guy is still alive. Shot, but Olivia says the guy has a chance at making it. Don't know how good of a chance, though-

"No, I mean my dad is dead. Or was dead before, I mean. I saw- I saw the body at the funeral and it was definitely him. I didn't want to go because he left… never mind. But there's no way whoever's been murdering all these people is my dad!"

"Oh."

"Yeah," she said lamely, just as dumbfounded as the man in front of her. Who on this earth would have such a vendetta against her that he would rape and murder innocent people in her name? And why would he refer to himself as her father? It didn't make any sense, unless…

Oh no. Oh god no. There was no way. It couldn't have been him. He wouldn't have come to New York for this. He wasn't that crazy. He couldn't be. No. It wasn't possible.

"Rollins, you look like you've seen a ghost. I'm guessing you have an idea of who this guy is?"

"Did Liv notice any distinguishing features on this guy?"

"It was dark even with the streetlights, but she said maybe a lazy eye."

Oh god. It was him. The one horror from her time in Atlanta that she thought would die in Georgia had forced itself back into the forefront of her life and her mind. She knew the guy was dangerous, but never in a million years did she believe he would come after her after she had left.

But the trial…

"Talk to me, Rollins."

The words came flying out of her mouth before she could even catch up to herself, the pressure of the pain bubbling beneath the surface of her chest finally too strong to stay hidden in her silence.

"He raped me! He said that he didn't but he did!"

"Patton?" Carisi asked softly, "Liv and Nick would have noticed if it was him."

"No! I mean yes, but not him!"

"Slow down, Amanda. Whatever it is I believe you, but I need you to tell me the whole story. I want to help you."

His demeanor was gentle and sympathetic, but she could tell that he felt a little awkward. The man was extremely talented at pretending to empathize with suspects to get them to talk, but he was still adjusting to how to talk to the victims of the crimes they came across. She felt for him- she knew he wasn't a bad guy, just not the most emotionally sensitive guy out there. And it had to be even harder when the victim, god she hated referring to herself like that, was one of his own.

Normally, she probably would have raged and withdrew at Sonny Carisi treating her with kid gloves, but she was too shocked and exhausted to put up a fight. In that moment, there was only one thing that she could think to do, and that was to tell the truth. That was the only way this mess was going to truly untangle itself. She had to finally finish unpacking the trauma that she brought with her from Atlanta.

"Patton had, or I guess has a brother," she sighed, "an estranged one, though. You knew he had to be bad if Deputy Chief Patton didn't even want to associate with him."

"Did that son of a bitch-

"No, I was only… raped by the one that you knew about it. But his brother, Luke, he had been sent away multiple times. The family tried to pass him off as mentally ill, but that was just an insult to those who actually had mental illness. This guy was just a plain old sociopath. He had all the signs, hurting animals and setting things on fire ever since he was a little boy. As I said, Patton tried his best to disassociate from him but Luke still followed him around, pretty much stalked him…"

"Did Luke find out what his brother did to you?"

"Yeah," she breathed shakily, "And I was never going to press charges before Reese Taymor, but uh, he couldn't stand the thought of his big brother Charles, his hero, going to jail."

"What did he do to you, Rollins?"

"He tried to rape me. He forced himself on top of me and… tried to make me call him daddy," she paused, choking back the sobs that were threatening to rise up her throat from her chest, "but long story short, someone intervened and he ran. I never saw him again."

"Amanda, I am so sorry… I had no idea. We're going to get him, okay? If he doesn't die, this bastard is going away for life, do you hear me?"

"Nick and Liv are okay, right? And Fin's going to be fine?" she asked, shaking her head in an attempt to physically shake the memories out. She had finally released all of the secret, and now she just wanted to forget.

"Yes, Benson and Amaro don't even have a scratch, and Fin is going to be one hundred percent fine. As a matter of fact, we should probably get ourselves to the hospital before they get worried about us. Come on, I'll drive."

When Amanda and Sonny made their way through the hospital doors, Amanda's eyes were scanning the parameters for Olivia and Nick. Logically, she knew that they probably weren't even on this floor, but she couldn't help it. They had just endangered themselves for her, and not only did she feel overwhelmingly guilty, but she desperately needed to make sure that they were okay. Sure, Sonny had told her that they were fine and she didn't disbelieve him, but she needed to see them with her own two eyes.

Especially Nick.

And of course, Fin, considering that he was the one who had really paid the price of having a sociopathic lunatic after oneself for her.

But especially Nick.

"You know, Rollins, your hands drifting down to your stomach all the time is kind of a dead giveaway."

"Shut up, Carisi. I'm not pregnant."

"Whatever you say. Hey, I think that's Liv over there."

It was, and it took all of the tiny bit of professionalism that Amanda still clung to after the horrifying events of the night had ransacked her to keep from bolting into her arms. Never before in her life had she ever been so happy to see Olivia Benson.

"Amanda, are you alright?"

"I think I should be the one asking you that question. Are you okay, Sergeant? Are you hurt at all? Because if you are I am so sorry and-

"Breathe, Rollins. I'm fine. And so is Nick, he's just off talking to an officer. And Fin is knocked out from painkillers but he'll be good as new in a few weeks. Don't worry about us, okay? Right now I'm more concerned about you. Amanda, the shooter-

"Said he was my father, I know. Carisi told me, and I told him… everything. Look, the guy's not my father but I know who he is. I just, I already went through the story once tonight and I know I'll have to go through it again, but is there any chance it could wait? Liv, I am absolutely exhausted and shattered right now and I don't know if I can."

"How about this," Carisi spoke softly, "the guy is in surgery so there's no way you can ID him for sure right now. No need for an official statement or charges from you right now, but Olivia does need to have an idea of what's going on. Why don't you go sit in Fin's room so you'll be there if he wakes up, and if it's alright, I'll relay the story to Liv?"

"Yeah, that's fine," she breathed, "What room is Fin in?"

She half listened to the directions that Olivia gave her, and wandered off in that general direction. As much as she wanted to be there for him, there was no way she could see Fin right now without absolutely falling to pieces. Her head knew that even if she had somehow managed to have gotten Charles Patton in jail down in Atlanta, that there was nothing that could've been done to have Luke incarcerated as well. But her heart ached with guilt. Her partner, her friend, had been shot because of her past.

Well, to be fair, Amanda had been shot before because of someone from Fin's past, but that person hadn't brutally raped and murdered anyone, either.

Her breath began to shorten and her head began to spin, so she stopped stumbling aimlessly and leaned back against the wall, doing her best to take in a deep, calming breath.

"Amanda?"

She quickly flashed her eyes around the floor, making sure there was no one else from the NYPD around.

Then she flung herself into Nick's arms.

"Hey, hey, I'm right here. I've got you. Everything is going to be okay."

"Nick," she whimpered, her voice muffled by his chest.

"Shh 'Manda," he whispered softly into her hair, gently shifting his weight as to lightly rock her back and forth.

Amanda took a few minutes to compose herself, soaking in the fact that Nick was safe and physically with her, before trying to speak again. She wondered if she would regret being so vulnerable and forthcoming towards him the next day, and figured that she probably would. But right then, she didn't care. All of her past scars were bleeding out, and she needed him. It was as simple as that.

"I was so scared you were hurt," she sniffled, pulling back a little bit to look at his face. His brown eyes were staring into her blue ones, full of care and compassion, and she could tell that his heart was aching for her.

"I'm fine, Amanda, and I'm right here. Are you okay?"

"M'fine," she mumbled, looking down at the floor.

"Oh really?"

"No, I'm not fine," she answered honestly, "but I don't want to talk about it. The guy, he's not my father and Carisi knows and is telling the story to Liv right now but I just can't go through it again right now… and I feel like I might pass out and I know that you're probably mad because I never want to talk but I…" she trailed off as her gaps for breath overcame her and panic flooded into your lungs.

"Breathe, Amanda. In and out. You're going to be fine. And I'm not mad that you don't want to tell the story again, you've been through hell tonight. Just promise me you'll talk to me after you've gotten some sleep, okay?"

"I promise," she murmured, leaning her head against his chest.

"Thank you," he whispered, running his hands up and down her back, "now let's get you home and to bed."

"Can you take me back to your place? I don't know if I can go back to my apartment right now."

"Of course. That's what I meant, 'Manda. You can have my bed, I'll stay in the guest bedroom."

Amanda paused to take a good hard look at him. She could tell that despite the fact that she had quite literally thrown herself at him, he was trying hard to respect her boundaries. His face was one of longing, and she knew that all he wanted to do was kiss her and say all of things that neither of them ever had the balls to say to each other, but he wasn't going to do that. Because he knew that she was in a compromised state, and he knew that she might regret everything in the morning.

And he cared about her too much to knock down all of her walls when she wasn't thinking clearly, no matter how much he had always wanted them to come down.

That is what fueled her next words.

"No. Stay with me. I don't… I don't know if I'm ready for us to be… us, or if I even know what I want, but would you just lay with me tonight? I don't want to sleep alone."

"Are you sure?" he asked, looking her dead in the eye and trying to keep from getting his hopes up. He wanted nothing more than to be there for her in her time of need, but he needed her to be sure. Tonight was about what she needed, not what he thought that she did.

"Never been so sure in my life."

"Then nothing would make me happier. Let's go home."

"Should we go say goodbye to Liv and Carisi? I don't remember where they were but I don't think we should just disappear from them?"

"Nah, I'll text Liv. Besides, she probably already left to relieve Barba from watching Noah."

"Barba? That's who she stuck Noah with on such short notice?"

"Yep."

"Nick, promise me something."

"Anything."

"Never, ever leave our child alone with Barba. Ever."