appear nonthreatening

Summary: …and be prepared to get yelled at. It's a father's privilege to threaten his baby daughter's boyfriends. OneShot- Ino, Shikamaru.

Warning: Attempt at humor.

Set: Story-unrelated. Since the series is over probably should be declared as AU.

Disclaimer: Standards apply. Title and summary are a variation of a quote by J. Hagy.

Shikamaru could remember his father's face when he came home after the first talk.

He had been twelve and a newly-minted genin. The day before, he had come home and Shikaku had greeted him by putting a hand on Shikamaru's shoulder – the last bit of contact both of them were comfortable with – and had told him he knew Shikamaru was the next generation Ino-Shika-Chou. There was some kind of undercurrent – either make me proud or don't screw it up or you'll survive – but Shikamaru had consciously chosen to ignore that. Thinking back, he had wanted to make his father proud. Shikaku was the highest-ranking jounin in Hidden Leaf, head strategist, main advisor to the Hokage. But he also was a good father. He'd taken Shikamaru out for adventures when he'd been younger, had taught him many things. He'd accepted Shikamaru's listlessness as a fact, humorous, as if he knew his son didn't bother doing stuff because he knew what would happen, or what he was supposed to learn. As it was, Shikamaru had a pretty cool dad. He knew that. And he also knew that he could always come to him, whatever happened.

"How was your day?" Shikaku asked, only shortly lifting his gaze from the scroll he was reading. Shikamaru, able to multi-task himself (he just didn't see why he should do it if it wasn't really that important) didn't mind.

He shrugged, dropping his bag where he stood.

"Careful," his father warned. "Your mum is going to give you hell."

"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered and pushed the bag back into the corridor with his foot, where it would remain undetected for another hour or so. "Ino's dad wanted to talk to me today?"

Shikaku actually turned to look at his son. "He did?"

"Don't act all surprised." Shikamaru dropped on his seat at the table. "Something about not defiling his precious daughter. He didn't give the talk to Chouji, though. I asked."

His father shook his head, grinning, the scars on his face shifting in the distinct way they always did when he was amused. "Don't mind Inoishi, he's completely besotted with Ino-chan. You know him."

"Troublesome," was Shikamaru's comment. "I wouldn't touch Ino. She's too loud."

"Thought you'd say that," his father chuckled. "If I was you, I wouldn't give Inoishi any reason to think otherwise."

"As if I'd want to have Ino as my girlfriend." Shikamaru yawned. "She's annoying. Two days a genin team and she's tried to convince us to wear matching clothing items. How long will I have to be on her team?"

"Until you graduate to chuunin," Shikaku told him, "But you knew that already. Either way, just be nice to Ino-chan and don't give her a reason to complain to Inoishi. Because I don't know if I could do something for you if that guy was mad at you."

"What am I supposed to do: break her heart?" Shikamaru scoffed. "I'm not stupid."

To which Shikaku returned back to his reading, a small smile on his face. "You're definitely not, son."

For a while, the rustling of papers was the only thing that disturbed the silence of the Nara family room. Shikamaru put his head onto the table and watched the small expanse of blue sky he could see in front of the window. Cirrus clouds were spreading all over it, carrying with them the promise of rain.

Shikaku spoke without looking. "But she's pretty, isn't she?"

Shikamaru sighed and rolled his eyes and didn't deign to answer.

There seemed to be a universal rule, Shikamaru thought, that parents were allowed to meddle with their children's relationships.

Or, more accurately, with their children's potential girlfriends and boyfriends. Chouji's mom had been all over Masumi, when Chouji had first introduced her to his parents. And then, as soon as Chouji left the room for a moment, she'd turned into something a regular member of Konoha's T&I squad would have been proud to be. Masumi had gotten through it – Chouji said at the end she had laughed, and that, presumably, was why Chouji and she were getting married next month – but it had been quite terrifying. Shikamaru was nothing but realistic: he knew today was his turn.

Ino and he had been going out for – how long now? Oh yeah, a year. And still, Shikamaru hadn't been formally introduced to her parents. In his eyes, the gesture was obsolete. How many times had he sat with Ino at the Yamanaka's table? They'd known each other for their entire lives: there was nothing to introduce. Granted, once he had suggested it but Ino had looked horrified at the thought and had distracted him quickly. (It had worked. Shikamaru still was amazed how thoroughly his brain shut down when she kissed him like that.) He hadn't brought it up again. And then, one evening, Ino had been all jittery and over-excited (terrified) and when Shikamaru finally sighed and asked her what was on her mind she told him her father had invited them for dinner, her father, specifically, and that there was no way they weren't going but she wished there was. And Shikamaru – stupid genius he was – had told her it would be fine, and that they would go, of course. She didn't need to worry. Not even Ino had believed him when he'd said that. It had led to a fight – in which Ino accused him of not taking their relationship serious, and then apologized profusely and started crying and Shikamaru realized it was that time of the month – and when she finally calmed down he pulled her into his arms and held her.

"Stupid," he told her. "Your dad won't scare me away."

"You sound pretty optimistic."

He was. Shikamaru always had a plan. And if it threatened to fail he had a backup-plan, and then a mind that calculated his options so quickly to normal people it had to seem as if he'd had the plan long before he actually came up with it.

(Though sometimes he wondered whether Inoishi would be the first to make him crack.)

Dinner started well.

Ino's mother was a good cook, a quality Ino had either inherited or had been taught. (Some of the things he'd learned about her after he and Ino had become an item still surprised him today.) Similarly, they got through soup and main course without too many glitches. There was nothing new to tell so conversation focused on the things all of them were familiar with. The Nara and the Yamanaka Clan had always been close, so there were many things they had in common. Ino was smiling brightly and even Inoichi had a grudgingly accepting expression on his face and Shikamaru was beginning to hope – against his better judgment – that there might have been any way the inevitably expected you hurt my daughter and I will hunt you down I will find you and kill you might be skipped. Of course there wasn't. The odds had been far too low. The only thing that surprised Shikamaru was that Inoichi didn't wait for his daughter and wife to leave the table. Instead, when Ria stood and asked her daughter to help her bring out the dessert, he shook his head at her.

"Stay," he said, his blue eyes unreadable. "You too, Ino."

Suddenly it was there again: Shikaku's face, a mixture of pride and mischievousness on his face. As if he wanted to say: sorry, son, but that's something every man has to go through. Thanks, Dad, he thought, only half-annoyed and, weirdly, half-amused. You could at least have given me a hint how to deal with this. Shikamaru took a deep breath and resigned himself to whatever was to follow.

"It's a father's privilege," Inoishi started, crossing his arms, "to ensure his daughter's happiness."

"Dad," Ino moaned.

Shikamaru nodded, waiting. His calmness seemed to irk the blonde man on the other side of the table, since his eyes shrank to slits.

"I warned you before, Nara Shikamaru. And I don't take lightly to people who hurt my precious daughter."

"Dad! Before? When was that? What did you do?"

"I know she deserves better than me," Shikamaru said. "But I love her, and I have no intention of hurting her."

Inoichi leaned back in his chair, still staring at him hard. "You'd better not. If you break her heart, I will hunt you down and make you pay. If you two-time her or betray her in any way, I will hunt you down and kill you. Slowly and painfully."

"DAD!" Ino looked incensed. Shikamaru, watching her from the corners of his eyes, wondered how long it would take her to get angry at him, too.

"I understand."

Was there, Shikamaru wondered, some precedence case that stated what happened to people who threatened the future head strategist of Leaf? The way he saw it, when it came to Ino, everything went. He agreed with Inoichi wholeheartedly. Some time ago – and they hadn't even been together at that time – Shikamaru had watched a worthless guy break Ino's heart and he had wanted to kill him, too. He had the feeling he might not be as creative as Inoichi was when it came to torture, but he would get away with it. There were at least five ways he could come up within that second that would make a body disappear without any trace.

Inoichi continued to glare at Shikamaru for another few heartbeats and then got up from the table without another word.

"God, he's such a stubborn old man," Ino muttered, still angry. Shikamaru felt her fingertips graze his hand under the table and fought the urge to roll his eyes.

(Or do something entirely else and possibly much more stupid.)

"Dessert," Ria announced brightly, returning from the kitchen with inhuman speed and a tower of bowls in both hands. "Inoishi, sit down." Her husband complied wordlessly. The rest of the conversation that evening was between Ino's mother and Shikamaru.

Troublesome.

"Well played," Yamanaka Ria congratulated him quietly, her eyes smiling, when he stood in the hallway later that night. "Agree to everything he says and pretend you're no threat to him. Then do what you wanted to do anyway. That's the best way to deal with people, I always say."

Shikamaru eyed her wearily. In the living room, Ino was talking to Inoichi, their voices a dull murmur.

"You give me too much credit."

"On the contrary." Ria patted his cheek, a gesture that seemed so heartfelt Shikamaru didn't feel awkward at all. "You give yourself too little. I've watched you, Shikamaru. I've seen the way you look at my daughter. And not just since the two of you got together. How old were you? Twelve? That's quite some achievement. No matter what Inoichi thinks, I don't think you'd ever do anything to hurt Ino."

He blinked.

"Did you think I hadn't noticed?" Ria laughed. "You're not as unreadable as you think you are. Though, I have to say, you're pretty good. I doubt many people ever noticed anything, so don't beat yourself up. It's just…" She stared in direction of the living-room, a wistful look in her eyes. "You love her so much I sometimes wonder whether you shouldn't be the one we should worry about."

"That's not necessary," Shikamaru said.

"Good." She surprised him by hugging him. "It hasn't been said tonight, so I'll do it. Welcome to the family, Shikamaru."

Stepping back, she regarded him closely. "So have you-"

"Stop lecturing me, Dad! I'm old enough to think for myself! I can even speak for myself!"

Ino's enraged voice boomed from the living-room suddenly, startling both Ria and Shikamaru.

"Talking about honesty! You talked to Shikamaru before? Behind my back? What am I, a princess with a glass heart that has to be protected from the world? I am old enough to live my own life and make my own decisions!"

"I don't doubt your decisions!" Inoichi returned, his voice growing sharper increasing in volume. "I just think you're biased when it comes to him."

"That's no excuse for you to step in!" A shattering noise, as if someone had slammed his fist on the table.

"I'm your father! It's my right to step in whenever I think you're in the process of getting hurt! It's my right to protect you! And when it comes to him you're not thinking logically anymore!"

"So what?" Ino screamed. "Love's not logical, you taught me that! I am happy, Dad! What else do you want? Leave me alone!"

The door flew open and Ino stormed into the corridor, flushed and with tears in her eyes.

"Oh God," Ria sighed.

"We're leaving," Ino snapped at Shikamaru and marched towards the door without waiting for him.

With an apologetic glance at Ria, Shikamaru grabbed Ino's coat and bag and followed her outside. She was storming down the garden path without looking left or right, the heels of her shoes clicking soundly. (How the hell did she walk on those things, anyway?)

"Hey, Ino, wait," Shikamaru said as he caught up with her. She actually stopped, something he took as a good sign, albeit only after putting fifty meters between them and her childhood home.

"You know he does it because he loves you," he said, touching her wrist.

"I know!" Ino yelled, realized her voice was echoing in the darkness of the street, and raked both hands through her hair in frustration. "I know he just wants the best for me, I know, it's always been that way, but I can't stand it! Shikamaru, it's you we're talking about, he just won't accept you, won't accept that I've chosen you-"

He took her hand and tugged her closer, wrapped her in a one-armed embrace.

"Oh, I think he has accepted it some time ago. You remember what he did with potential boyfriends of yours in the past? He never did that to me."

"Yeah, but just because you're…" Ino sighed, took a deep breath and laughed. "Because you're you." She tilted her head upwards to look at him. "Why didn't you tell me he already gave you a shovel talk?"

"Umm." Shikamaru cleared his throat. "It was… a long time ago."

"Really?" Ino pressed her face against his shoulder and made a sound halfway between a sob and a laugh. "Stubborn old man."

"You're very much like him."

"Yes. And that is why I'm only going to tell you once that I can take care of myself and I don't need two men thinking they have a right to meddle with my life." Her eyes were steely. God, he loved her. "Got me, Shikamaru?"

"I know you can take care of yourself," he said honestly.

"Keep that in mind."

"I'm not stu-"

"Don't say it."

Ino jabbed him with her elbow, but there was no force behind the blow. Then she extricated herself from the hug and took her coat and bag from him. "Strange how he's the only one who can still make me cry," she said and a brilliant smile flashed over her face and belied her angry tone. "Okay, let's go back."

Shikamaru muttered a troublesome, but it was more for the old time's sake than because he felt it. Ino rewarded him with another elbow between his ribs. For the old time's sake.

"It's a daughter's privilege to throw a tantrum and storm from the room," she told her father when he opened the door. Inoishi, never able to stay angry with his precious daughter, grumbled, grinned and hugged her.

"Good night, sweetie." Over her shoulder, he threw Shikamaru a glance. "Night, Shikamaru."

Ria winked at him from behind her husband.

What a family. And he was starting to get right into the middle of it.

In their small apartment at night, Ino asleep in his arms, Shikamaru wondered if he would have to go through all that again when he proposed to her.