"You remind me of Moose. All that research that you seem to enjoy so much. Not to mention the general air of nerdiness. It's overwhelming." The King of Hell remarked once the (evidently) most dangerous person in the room, aka. the Slayer, had departed. The demon had latched onto the observation that Giles was more than a little terrified of him, plus the redhead didn't seem too threatening, so he figured he wasn't in any danger. Nevertheless, the ex-watcher still found himself automatically tutting while removing his glasses (yet again). He also instantly realised that he wouldn't get any peace while the two demons were in the room constantly making irritating and insulting comments - not that Giles ever got offended by them, it was just rather annoying while he was trying to research. Therefore, he decided to act on it now, before he got too infuriated by them.

"Right, Willow, do you want to take Mr, er, Crowley and maybe Spike on a tour of the house? Start with the kitchen. Or just go upstairs, anywhere but here." Willow gave Giles a confused and questioning look, so he beckoned her over.

"Look," He spoke in a low voice, ensuring that the terrible duo wouldn't hear. "I don't think I'll be able to stand them both lurking about in here a moment longer. Just keep an eye on them, make sure they don't destroy my belongings."

"What about the research? I want to help." Willow replied, gazing up at the watcher.

"Don't worry, I can handle it on my own. Besides, I-I might be getting somewhere. Thank you ever so much." As Giles expressed his ultimate gratitude, he steered the girl towards Spike, who was lounging about with one eyebrow raised.

"Um... Hey." Willow greeted them awkwardly. "If you'd like to, er, follow me?" As the unlikely trio mooched upstairs, the redhead caught Giles' eye on the way, looking extremely anxious. The librarian simply gave a thumbs-up gesture in reply, reassuring her with his unrelenting confidence in her. Back he turned to his collection of ancient witchcraft material as he situated his metal-rimmed glasses back on his face. He wasn't actually lying when he'd comforted Willow; he was rather close to a solution. He had a theory, nevertheless.

Across town, the Slayer and her faithful companion were on their way back from the magic shop, after having collected the required supplies. Xander, being the bubbly one, naturally instigated a conversation.

"Hey, Buff? What do you think of all this?"

Buffy's brow furrowed in confusion as she glanced at her friend. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it just seems kinda suspicious, that's all." When Buffy still looked uncomprehending, Xander sighed and attempted to explain. "Look, Willow's spell goes wrong and Spike disappears, fair enough. We do a spell to get him back, still fine. But then he turns up with someone he says is a demon - the King of Hell, of all the demons he could have found - and they don't try to kill us? Not exactly Spike's nature, is it?"

"I see your point, but Spike still can't hurt us. Plus, I guess they wouldn't have had enough time to plot against us if they only just met, especially if it was in the future - it's also not in Spike's nature to trust people, particularly demons. Anyway, even if they do try anything, we've got it."

"Yeah. Sure we have. I just... really don't like Spike, okay?" Xander justified his doubts.

"I hear ya." The friends were silent for a moment, then Buffy began to chuckle, much to Xander's surprise. When he gave her a puzzled look and she still didn't stop laughing, he had to speak up.

"Um, Buff? Buffy?" Still no sign of her giggling fit letting up. "Okay, is there something in that magic bag of goodies that causes your friends to go crazy? 'Cause it sure seems like it."

After a few seconds, the Slayer finally pulled herself together and terminated her laughter enough to reply to her friend. "I'm sorry... It's just... It's so funny..."

"What? What's funny about this?" For once, Xander was the one unable to make humour out of a situation.

"Spike... And Crowley..."

"What about them?"

"Two British demons that are practically the same in personality, are just here, and Giles has to babysit them, and it's just... I don't even know." By this point, Buffy had finally stopped her hysterics and was wiping her eyes. Before Xander could comment, she spoke again.

"Mention a word of this to anyone, and I swear I'll send you back to 2014 with Crowley."

Meanwhile, back at Giles' place, Willow and Crowley were rather awkwardly perched on the edge of a bed in the ex-watcher's spare bedroom. Spike was striding around the room with general arrogance, blatantly snooping around, probably for blackmail material. The King of Hell had just been educating Willow on his past, therefore she was naturally pretty concerned.

"...and then the bloody Hardy boys turned up on my mansion doorstep, expecting to just pluck the Colt from me! The cheek of it! I mean, I was just going to give them it anyway, of course, but still. Worst day of my life, deciding to help them for the first time. Course, now they take me for granted-" The demon halted his outburst abruptly, then sighed while the Wicca looked all the more frightened. "Ah." He continued, somewhat calmer this time. "Sorry, the human blood makes me awfully emotional sometimes. It's disgusting. Bloody Winchesters got me addicted as well. Now they expect me to stop, just like that. Unbelievable, they are."

"I hear you, mate." The vampire unexpectedly chipped in, moving over to stand right in front of them. Willow subconsciously leaned back a little. "Got captured by these commando nancies a couple months back. They implanted a chip in my noggin - now I can't even hurt a human, let alone bite. It's pathetic."

"WILLOW! SPIKE! ER, CROWLEY!" An overtly British accent sprinted up the stairs, alerting the group when it reached their ears. Practically jumping up, Willow was eager to finally have something to do rather than keep demons occupied.

"Oh! We should probably go downstairs - don't want to keep Giles waiting, huh!" The girl smiled nervously, leading the way down.

Crowley glanced confusedly at his companion. "Is she always this on edge?"

"Only around people like you and me." Spike replied, winking at the demon before strolling after the witch.

"Willow, come here, I think this is it." Giles spoke softly once everyone was in the room. He studied Willow's expressions as she herself studied the text in the witchcraft book he held. Her face revealed he was correct before she even told him. Also, as she opened her mouth to speak, the front door burst open as Buffy and Xander returned with magical supplies.

"Ah, perfect." The librarian grinned at the sight, welcoming the Slayer in. Before long, the spell for Crowley's return was prepared (it was definitely not the same one that Willow had used in the first place). The Scoobies all stood in a polite circle surrounding the King of Hell - not in a satanic ritual, we-all-worship-you-dark-lord kind of way - apart from Spike, who stood in the background, hesitant.

"A-Alright then, shall we, er, begin?" Giles attempted to instigate the group effort for magic, however Crowley piped up.

"Hold your horses, mate." He peered over the youngsters so his dear vampire buddy was in sight. "Hey, Spike! Aren't you gonna say your farewells?"

"Yeah, Spike. Say goodbye to your little friend." Buffy couldn't resist having a dig at her sworn enemy in an extremely patronising tone. Spike simply glared at her with a 'I'll get you after this, Slayer' vibe, before addressing Crowley.

"Er, see ya then." When made aware of the demon's affronted expression, the vampire scrambled to explain himself. "Sorry mate. Don't do goodbyes."

"Ah. I see. Well, neither do I." Desperate to regain his compromised dignity, the King of Hell hastily added the last sentence as a rebound. After sharing one final glance, Crowley turned back to the Scoobies. "So. Are we going to get this done, or are you ridiculous children just going to stand there like lemons forever?"

At that, Giles mumbled a 'ah yes, of course', neglecting to mention the fact that Crowley had been the one to hold the process up in the first place. The watcher scrambled for the correct page in his book, then followed the words of the incantation with his finger while he read it out. Before he had chance to look up from the book, the King of Hell promptly vanished without further comment. (The other Scoobies had been watching while Crowley disappeared, therefore later on they reported that his final seductive glance had been aimed at Spike nonetheless.)

"Well, I suppose that's another adventure over for the time being." Giles remarked, hastily darting across the room to return the book to the shelf which beheld his life-long collection.

"You got that right. Though not for me, I guess - I'm gonna head out to patrol with Riley, it's getting dark pretty quick. Later, Giles. And I'll see you guys tomorrow." Buffy replied as she grabbed her denim jacket and headed out.

Spike suddenly leapt out. "Hey, don't I get a goodbye?"

"Shut up, Spike." The Slayer and her watcher retorted in unison, a second before she slammed the door shut.

"Honestly. No one ever appreciates us demons." The vampire muttered to himself, though it was indirectly aimed at the remaining Scoobies in the room, of course.

For another few seconds, everyone simply stood where they were and stared at Spike, who glared back in a petulant manner. "What?" He challenged.

"Aren't you, er, leaving? Quite frankly I can't stand the sight of you." Giles interceded, much to Xander's amusement. Spike rolled his eyes in blatant exasperation.

"Weren't you listening to your Slayer? It's not quite dark yet - do you want me to burn? Don't answer that." The vampire internally cringed when he realised he'd just used a similar speech mannerism to the shorter, not-moose man from 2014, however obviously no one in the room noticed this, having not met Dean Winchester. Instead, Giles merely removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes briefly, while Willow continued to pack away the research books and Xander was just... well, Xander.

"Hey, uh, Spike." The most humourous of the Scoobies couldn't help speaking up.

"What now, you ponce?"

"Are you and Crowley, like, related or something? You're both British and sarcastic - okay, I guess they're sort of a two-for-one deal - and you're both really annoying-"

"Alright, that's enough, mate. And the only reason you find me annoying is because you just can't take a bit of truthful insulting once in a while." Spike shot back at the boy as a knee-jerk reaction. "Anyway, I can tell when I'm not wanted. It's dark enough, I'd rather take my chances than stay here with you bloody idiots." At that, the vampire swished around dramatically and stormed out the front door, his black leather coat billowing behind him.

Fourteen years later, in the Men of Letters' bunker, the King of Hell materialised in front of Sam and Dean's very eyes, in the exact same spot from which he had vanished, an elusive poof of white smoke rapidly dissipating along with his appearance. The younger Winchester jumped slightly in his seat at one of the grand tables, startled, however the older brother simply turned his head towards the demon and glared.

"Oh. You're back." Dean sounded more than vaguely disappointed. He was hoping Crowley would have been trapped in the past with his stupid new boyfriend forever, but no such luck.

"Nice to know I'm wanted. No 'how was your trip'? 'I'm really glad you didn't get brutally murdered or stuck there'? Lovely. Well, at least I know I'm back in Winchester territory." Sighing, the King of Hell shrugged and strolled a couple of steps closer to the brothers.

"I'm guessing Spike's back with his – what was it again? oh yeah – 'gang of absolute losers'." The older brother quoted sarcastically in the most outrageously bad English accent ever to be recorded, while Sam couldn't resist a small smile of amusement.

"Unfortunately, yes. He was better company than you two could ever hope to be."

"We wouldn't hope to be good company, Crowley. Not for you." The younger brother chipped in, and Dean gave him an approving smirk for his sass. "Anyway, we can't really let you go off on your own again, not after your blood addiction has gone this far. I'm sorry." Crowley followed Sam's gaze to underneath the demon's feet, where a devil's trap had been hastily drawn. Luckily for him, since the sigil had been rushed, Crowley noticed a slight crack in the floor which ran perfectly through the outer circle, breaking the temporary prison.

"Might want to watch your drawing skills and floor patterns next time, boys. Ciao." Due to the obsolescence of the failed devil's trap, the King of Hell wiggled his fingers and gave a sly grin as he teleported away.

A/N:

I hope you enjoyed this fic, I certainly enjoyed writing it (seriously, I love writing banter between Spike and everyone, and Crowley and everyone). Please favourite and follow, and reviews are awesome too :)