Nora tightened the blanket around her shoulders as she stepped into the cold night air. Natasha was sat on a log in the field, holding a now cold cup of coffee, staring at the grass near her feet. Nora sighed and walked over, sitting down next to the red head. She waited in silence for a few moments, giving Natasha time to say something if she wanted to but the woman stayed silent too.

"It's pretty cold out here, you want to share a blanket with me?" Nora asked, holding out one side of it. Natasha looked up and smiled with a shake of her head.

"No, I'm good. I'm heading inside soon anyway, I just came to think" Natasha said, and Nora narrowed her eyes. Natasha wasn't making eye contact, and she was fidgeting. If it were anyone else, Nora would think it was just nerves of the upcoming fight. But Natasha didn't get nervous about that kind of thing, so it must be something else.

"Thinking about Bruce? They won't arrest him. They can't afford to lose their most valuable weapon" Nora placed a hand on Nat's shoulder for comfort but she shrugged it off. Nora didn't understand where these newfound feelings for Bruce had come from, but that was a conversation for another time.

"He's not a weapon, Nora. None of us are weapons. You of all people should understand that" Natasha clipped and Nora dropped her hand, studying the other woman for a moment. This was about the Red Room, it had to be. Natasha didn't get defensive about very many things, but Nora knew that her past was a very touchy subject.

"Do you ever get tired of it? This life? Doing nothing but fighting and killing, always having to look over our shoulder. Do you think there is more for people like us out there?" Natasha asked after a tense few minutes, still refusing to look in Nora's direction. Nora had to think about it for a moment.

It would be nice, she supposed, having a large house in the middle of nowhere where no one could hurt her. She and her brothers living peacefully, making an honest living, and being safe for the first time in their lives. Or maybe she'd have her own little safe haven where she would never stain her bathroom sink with blood ever again. A nice, albeit unrealistic, thought.

"I get tired of it, of course I do. I used to enjoy the killing, and the power that came with the win, I suppose that I still do on some level, but eventually the thrill wares off and you're just left feeling empty. And yeah, I think there is more for us in the sense that we can fight on the right side for a change, but I don't think that a life like this would ever work for us because one day they'll come for your husband, or your kids, or your grandkids, and you can't be around to protect them all the time. Is having a family worth the risk of losing them?" Nora thought of Nik at home, lounging on the couch, using all the hot water and eating all of her food. How she wished that he could stay like that forever.

"It's just hard, knowing that I'll never have a life like this. I'll never have a family" Nat whispered and Nora pressed her lips together in a tight line. She knew all about the Red Room, and what they did to the girls after graduation. Some of Hydra's senior members initially wanted Nora and her brothers to be sterilised too, but they decided that they wanted the perfect genes to be passed on to future generations.

"I know, but there's more to life than kids and a white fence, Nat" Nora shrugged, she didn't know what else to say.

"It's not just kids, Nora. Do you think people like us could love anything good without ruining it?" Natasha asked, finally turned to meet the other woman's eyes. Nora thought about it for a moment.

"Love doesn't ruin people, Nat. It took me a long time to figure that out" Nora sighed and looked away from Nat, turning her attention to the trees in the distance. The sky was so clear out here that Nora could see millions of stars, a luxury that she did not get in Washington or New York. Nora wondered how beautiful the sky must be from Thor's world, where there were no cars or planes to taint the image.

"Doesn't it? What about your brothers? They have killed hundreds of people to keep you safe, because they love you. Each kill left a stain on their soul, each kill eats away at them but they did it anyway, and they'll never stop because they love you too much to do that" Natasha's grip on her coffee mug made her knuckles turn white, and Nora was stuck in a pattern of braiding one small strand of her, untangling it, then doing it again.

"You don't kill for the people you love, Natasha, you die for them. Aleksander was stronger than me, faster than me, more skilled than me, but he let me win. He died so that I could live. Steve put a plane in the ocean, thinking it would kill him, because he loved his country and the people in it. Tony, for all his faults, flew a nuclear bomb into a wormhole to save New York" Nora argued, fulling turning to face Natasha and grabbing one of her hands in hers.

"Love shouldn't make you feel like a monster, it shouldn't make you feel like you ruin people, it shouldn't make you want to run away from a fight. If you love someone, they should inspire you, you should want to fight in order to protect them, they should judge your worth on who you are now, not who you used to be" Nora paused, "I don't think Bruce is-"

Natasha didn't listen to the end of Nora's sentence. She stood up and stormed inside, leaving Nora on the log outside alone. She didn't mean to upset Natasha, really she didn't, but Nora really didn't think Bruce was the right guy. Nora huffed defeatedly, and started picking at the grass at her feet.

"What did you say to Nat? She looked pretty mad" Steve announced his presence, taking Natasha's place on the log. It looked rather comical, the log was so small and Steve was so big, taking up almost all the room. Nora debated telling him for a minute, before deciding against it. If it were her, she wouldn't want her life broadcasted without her permission.

"It's nothing I said. At least I don't think so. It's just some stuff about her past with Hydra and how it affects her future, that's all you need to know" Nora said and Steve blinked at her.

"As the leader of this team I have a right to know if one of the members-" Steve started but Nora spun on him, and his death wish was not strong enough to encourage the malicious look in her eye.

"It does not affect her abilities as a spy or as a fighter, so stay out of it. The Red Room did some pretty messed up stuff to their girls, Steve, and Natasha is strong, but what she's going through is an emotional scar that she will live with for the rest of her life. Even if I could tell you, there is nothing you can do to make it better" Nora explained and Steve sighed. Nora could see all the fight, the confidence, the bravado, melt from his body and his shoulders hung down.

"I don't think I can make anything better anymore" he admitted in a quiet voice and Nora smiled sadly, shuffling closer and resting her head on his shoulder.

"Why's that?" Nora asked, not wanting to rush him into an answer.

"I don't belong here, in this time. It feels like a completely different world. The Maximoff girl showed me this vision, I can't really explain it. I was in a dance hall in the 40's, and everyone was trying to talk to me, and then Peggy was there, and we were dancing and then-" Steve let out a shaky breath, "I feel like I'm trying so hard to keep everyone together but everything is falling apart. The team is in pieces, Nora. Tony is crushing underneath his guilt for Ultron and what happened to the twins. Bruce can barely look any of us in the eye after the damage to the city. Nat is at the most vulnerable and shaken point I've ever seen her. Thor took off without telling any of us where he was going. Clint has all this and was keeping it a secret the whole time" Steve was silent for what seemed like forever, and Nora just tuned her breathing to his as she stared out at the sky.

"I want to save everyone, there is no other option, but how can we save everyone if we can't even save eachother?" Steve finished and Nora sighed. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Nora lifted her head to look at him.

"It's not your job to save the team, Steve. We are all responsible for our own demons, some bigger than others" she thought of the eight feet tall Hulk that destroyed everything it its path, "and some more evil" if blood stains couldn't be washed away, she and Natasha would be covered in it, "We have to decide whether they control us or not, and there's nothing you can do about it. Just remind Natasha that she's not a monster for something she cannot control" Nora said and Steve stared at her, soaking her words in, before nodding.

"Aren't you going to leave now?" Nora asked when he made no move to get up.

"No. I don't want to be alone right now" he whispered, his eyes drifting away to a different time, and thinking about a woman with red lips instead of red hair. Nora shrugged, resting her head back on his shoulder, and letting her eyes drift shut.

Nora stared down at her phone, reading the text message from an unknown number a million times. The other Avengers were currently suiting up to find Helen Cho about the pod and what Ultron would need with so much vibranium. Nora was supposed to go with Steve on the back of his bike before her phone pinged.

She had expected it to be Nikolai asking where she was or when she was coming home or her bank details so he could order himself a take out. One of the deadliest assassins on the planet and he can't even pay for his own Chinese food. She had missed him when she was in New York and he was in Washington, but he had bought his own place in the city, saying that he didn't like her being so far away. Now, she kinda wished he'd go back.

You need to come home. Ivan showed up at the apt.

Nora's throat felt tight, and she thought she might have been sick. The last time she saw Ivan, she had her hands around his head and twisted it so violently that it broke instantly. She remembers watching his eyes still and the light fizzle away from them. Ivan had beautiful eyes, she remembered, the same stunning shade of blue that Nora's were, and they always looked so heavenly when the light hit them.

"Nora, are you okay?" Steve asked. She was shaking, and the colour had drained from her face. Nora was clutching her phone like it was her lifeline, and she wasn't going to let go for anything. She stumbled away from the bike and leaned against the nearest wall.

"Nora, we don't have time for this, we need to go" Steve said but Nora shook her head violently. He moved forward and reached a hand out to comfort her, but she smacked it away. She took a few deep breaths before straightening her spine and looking him in the eye. He didn't say anything about the tears welling in hers.

"I need to go home" Nora whispered, so quiet that Steve had to strain his ears to hear her.

"You can't leave, Nora. Ultron is trying to kill us and we have no idea what he wants with Doctor Cho and her machine, we have to stop him" Steve tried to rationalise with her, but Nora could barely hear him, all she could think was that another one of her brothers was in New York, waiting for her to come home. She hasn't seen him in ten years. Would he still look the same? Would he still be the same person he was? Ten years is a long time, anything could have happened to change him.

"Steve, please, I need to go home" Nora begged and she hoped Steve would forgive her for leaving when he needed her, when they all needed her.

"If you leave halfway through this mission, you can't be on the team" Nora paused for a moment. The Avengers is what she had been working towards. Her and Steve on a team together, being unstoppable and saving the world. Having people praise her and call her a hero, being a good person overall. If she went home to Nikolai and Ivan, she would be throwing away all of her hard work, undoing everything she had accomplished so far.

Her brain was saying the Avengers, and her heart was saying her brothers. She knew the day would come when she had to pick who meant more to her; Steve or her family. She just didn't think it would come so soon.

"Forgive me, Steve. They're my family" Nora clenched her fists to fight through the pain as she turned away from her best friend and asked Mrs Barton if she could borrow one of their cars.

Steve watched her go with a clenched jaw and tried to ignore the sting in his eyes. He could only compare the pain of watching Nora walk away from the Avengers, from him, to watching Bucky walk away from him on the river bank through hazy eyes.

"You'd walk away too if it meant being with Barnes again" Natasha said as she materialised beside him, and all Steve could recall was the stinging pain in his chest the night of the party, when she was smiling at Bruce the way she used to smile at him.

"She came so far" Steve said before taking a deep breath, "I don't know what's hurting you, Nat, but pain doesn't last forever. Whatever you did, or whatever was done to you, takes nothing away from the hero you are now. Nora couldn't see that about herself, and I really hope you don't make the same mistake" Steve put a hand on her shoulder and Natasha's eyes flickered to the gesture before smiling up at him sadly.

"That's nice of you to say, but I'm not a hero, Steve. I'm a monster" she had to fight to keep the crack out of her voice, and she remembered her conversation with Bruce in his room.

"You're not a monster, no matter what it is that's troubling you. We've all done bad things and we're all missing pieces of ourselves, but it only changes who you are if you let it control you" Steve reassured and Natasha felt a warm, comforting feeling in her chest before she smiled, leaning up to kiss his cheek and relishing in the fact that his cheeks turned red.