A/N: Written on a whim. Inspired by The Rules of Rikkai Dai Gaku Fuzoku. I do not own S.A. Review please.

Summary: Oneshot. As suggested by the title, I present you the seven sacred (deadly) rules of S.A.. Information is gathered by a surprisingly knowledgable school nurse. DO NOT DISOBEY.

~The Seven Sacred Rules of S.A.~

1. The S.A. greenhouse doors and windows must be locked whenever empty.

"This is the 119 emergency line. May I ask what what is your emergency?"

"ANIMALS! ANIMALS ON RAMPAGE! THERE ARE LIONS ON THE LOOSE, I REPEAT, LIONS ON THE LOOSE!"

"Sir, please calm down. We will send a squad over immediately. Do you know where the animals came from?"

"THE S.A. GREENH-" The line went dead.

31/10/2015 (Mon) 18:29 Patient's logbook

Sugimoto Kenji (security guard) - diagnosis: severe animal bites/mild mental trauma - sent to hospital for vaccination

2. Do not leave knives on the table during tea time.

"For today's tea, we have Earl Grey, accompanied with strawberry cheesecakes-"

"THIS CHEESECAKE IS REALLY GOOD, AKIRA! GIMME MORE MORE MORE!"

"Tadashi..."

"Blergh, what is this drink? It tastes awful, man."

STAB!

01/11/2015 (Tue) 07:41 Patient's logbook

Karino Tadashi (student/S.A.) - diagnosis: multiple stab wounds on body from knife - sent to hospital for treatment

3. Dumbbells are not allowed on the table.

"Hikari, those are..."

"Right! It's for my training to beat Takishima!"

"That's too bad. Even if you train for a hundred years, you still won't be able to beat me, Miss Number Two."

"DON'T-" *takes up dumbbell* "-CALL ME-" *gets into stance* "MISS NUMBER TWO!"

CRASH!

"Whoa, whoops...sorry, Tadashi..."

28/11/2015 (Fri) 12:21 Patient's logbook

Karino Tadashi (student/S.A.) - diagnosis: broken nose/continuos bleeding/severe loss of blood - sent to hospital for treatment

4. Non-S.A. students are advised not to challenge Takishima Kei's final decision.

"Takishima-san, I think-"

"Watanabe-san, are you doubting my judgement?"

"But I would like to propose-"

08/12/2014 (Thurs) 15:38 Patient's logbook

Watanabe Sakura (student/class2-D) - diagnosis: severe mental trauma - advised to rest for one hour

5. Yamamoto Jun and Yamamoto Megumi are given permission to be paired up for all group projects.

[WARNING: Do not attempt to challenge this if you value your life.]

"Yamamoto-san, how about trying another partner for a change?"

19/12/2014 (Fri) 10:14 Patient's logbook

Miyamoto Kouji (teacher) - diagnosis: NIL - symptoms: severely damaged hearing/dizziness/temporarily incapable of normal speech - rushed to hospital one hour later

6. Hanazono Hikari is forbidden to handle kitchenware and is exempted from all cookery classes.

"Hikari...are you sure your cake should be glowing?"

"Of course! I did it exactly the way sensei did!"

"The cake seems to be gathering a lot of tension inside it though...what did you add in it?"

"I dunno...I just used whatever was on the table."

BOOM!

21/01/2015 (Wed) 08:56 Patient's logbook

Takishima Kei (student/S.A.)

Hanazono Hikari (student/S.A.)

Yamamoto Jun (student/S.A.)

Yamamoto Megumi (student/S.A.)

Karino Tadashi (student/S.A.)

Toudou Akira (student/S.A.)

Tsuji Ryuu (student/S.A.)

diagnosis: mild post-explosion injury/minor head concussion - advised to be sent to the hospital

7. S.A. students may not use physical education lessons to settle disputes.

"Takishima! I challenge you to a duel!"

"I'm ready any time, Miss Number Two."

"You bastard...I'll punch some sense into you..."

**{Note: Due to the ultimate godliness of the following scene, it is impossible to be showed to normal humans. Thank you for your consideration.}**

07/02/2015 (Thurs) 10:19 Patient's logbook

Takishima Kei (student/S.A.) - diagnosis: multiple bruises on body/broken ribs - sent to hospital treatment

Hanazono Hikari (student/S.A.) - diagnosis: multiple bruises on body/twisted ankle/dislocated arm - sent to hospital for treatment