Notes: For Liza (Forever Siriusly Sirius) for the GGE. My dearest Plot Queen, I love you more than this fic can tell. I hope you don't mind could've-been-Slytherin!Lily, because I had fun experimenting with that side of her. I hope you enjoy it!

Of Faith and Change

Denisse Adams was talking to James again.

I've nothing against her. I'm pretty sure James thinks her nice enough, too. But I know for a fact that she quite fancies him, and he doesn't know how to reject her, and having to witness this is not what I want to do on a Friday afternoon. Of course there's nothing wrong with her fancying him. I try not to blame her, for I know how James feels, but she clearly doesn't.

Before you say anything, I got here first, even if they were too busy to realize that. And by 'here' I mean the library, the worst place in Hogwarts to flirt. What with Madam Pince being the most dedicated one-woman patrol and the fact that some people just want to study. Well. "Want" is too strong of a word in this case. Whatever excuse is fine to get out of here today. The only reason I'm here is that I don't want to be stuck with this at the last minute... but as the scene in front of me unfolds, I understand it's a lost cause. I hear her giggle, and James politely whispers, and I'm torn between telling them to shut up and getting up and leaving.

James is scratching the back of his neck, leaning back, looking away, and I cringe by watching him melt away with awkwardness.

That's it, I decide as I walk to them. I know it's wrong of me. James is a big boy, and he can take care of herself... I know Mary appreciates it when I lead her away from blokes like this, but James is not Mary. Then again, I'm always so conflicted when it comes to James, I've learnt to ignore the little voice in my head that seems to pop up only when he's around.

"There you are, James," I say. "McGonagall wants to talk to us."

He quickly stands up and says goodbye, and I wait until we're out of the library to say,

"I lied, by the way. You were clearly uncomfortable with her."

Mary would've thanked me. But James's lips turned into a thin line, and there were a few tense moments before he spoke.

"You sneaky, sneaky lady. Now I get why Slughorn says you'd do a fine Slytherin. Now tell me, Lily, is this your way of getting back at me?"

"Getting back at you?"

"Making me feel bad over what happened a year ago. Over... over asking you out like that."

Oh. My cheeks went red. We've never spoken about that. The only time we'd ever mentioned it was three months after the fact, when we agreed to leave it behind. It was for the best.

"To be honest, I didn't think about that... I hadn't thought about that in a long time. I just... I just thought you looked like you were having an awkward time."

"Really?" He doesn't seem so mad now I've cleared that up.

"Things have changed since then, James. I'm not one to hold grudges. I wasn't too kind, either."

He lets out a half-hearted laugh. "Please, Lily. Like you owed it to me to be kind. Now I understand why you hated it all so much. I'm so sorry."

It's a hurried apology that seems drawn from his lips by a force stronger than him. It cuts the air with the swiftness of a knife, and I feel my whole body going cold, my knees going weak.

Why does this affect me so?

Because you've always wanted it, said a different voice in my head. You've always wanted James to apologize for being a complete arse.

But I never thought it would happen.

You've always had faith in him, Lily.

That part is true. I'd had faith in him, and I'd hated it. He'd asked me out as he hexed my then-friend and held him by the ankle, up in the air, in front of the whole school... I remember not being able to sleep that night. I remember anger and frustration. I remember thinking, among many things, that James was good underneath that desire to be noticed, that compulsion to impress... I remember thinking that given the right set of circumstances, I would've agreed to give him a chance. Hadn't he been so arrogant, so childish...

And here we are.

"James, please. It's all forgotten. Let's not go there. There's no reason to." And, because I don't want him to push it, I added, "Is she being that awful that it reminded you of yourself?"

To my relief, he laughs softly. "Not at all, really. It would be better if she were. I could tell her I'm not interested."

"Why don't you, then?"

"She doesn't seem to have the intention to say anything, Lily. You're being too harsh."

"Well, yeah. Maybe," I concede. "I should let you fight your own battles, shouldn't I?"

"It's fine," he assures me. "How come you were so sure I don't fancy her, anyway?"

"This may come as a surprise to you, but I listen to you when you tell me things."

"Maybe things have changed since then."

"They surely have, but I can tell when my friends are uncomfortable."

"Things have changed, haven't they? To think you just called me a friend..."

You could never be just a friend.

The thought rises to my mind, and before I can suppress it, it has invaded every corner of my brain.

The right set of circumstances is now, isn't it? Now he's not being arrogant, or attention-seeking. Now he's acting like a man, and not like a boy. Now I can see it as natural, almost as expected, that I should consider asking him out.

Who am I kidding? I've considered it, time and time again. I've always imagined how, if ever, I would do this. I've hoped it passed. I've hoped he'll prove me right once again, so I can let it go. But James Potter has done the unthinkable - he has become a better person. And I want to hate him for it, because if I hate him a little, I could have an excuse to avoid feeling like I do.

But James Potter can never be just a friend.

"Things have changed," I agree. "Everything has changed, and yet..."

Should I do this? I've got nothing to lose. But what if he says no? A year has passed since he asked me out. We've got bigger responsibilities now. We're Head Boy and Girl. If the link between us goes to hell, we'll be quick to follow.

"And yet..." he repeats, trying to get me to finish my sentence.

I shake my head. Our steps have taken us to the common room, so it's now or never. He mutters the password, and when we're both in, I understand my moment is slipping away.

No. I have to do this. It's unfair to keep up a friendship with the pretense of something else. And I could say beautiful things. I could tell him the whole truth. But why should I, when simpler words would suffice?

Get it over with. Worst case scenario, he says no and you move on.

"Weather's supposed to be nice tomorrow, James. Why don't we go flying?"

It takes him a few seconds to answer. My heart is pounding so hard, I'm surprised he can't hear it.

"Is the great Lily Evans asking a bloke on a date?"

"If said bloke is mocking the great Lily Evans," I bite back, "then he can forget about it."

"That was rude of me. I'm sorry." He's grinning from ear to ear and clearly not sorry. I relax. I'm defensive, but I can tell he's joking. "Wow. Yeah. Flying sounds... nice." He runs his hand through his hair and scratches the back of his neck. "Great!"

I bite my lip to contain a small giggle. That's James acting uncomfortable, again, but I know what it means in this occasion.

He never stopped. He never stopped fancying me.

I'd always thought him arrogant, and just then, he was making me feel humbled.

"Lovely. After lunch, then."

"Sure. So... wait. Could it be that you were jealous of Denisse, then?"

I crossed my arms, letting out a lopsided smile. He's challenging me, as he usually does, but he knows it's a fight he's going to lose.

"If I'm going to be jealous of every girl that talks to you, are you sure you want to go out with me?" James is about to answer when I add, "Wishful thinking, maybe?"

"Maybe." I've never seen James's smile become so open, so sincere. But, to be fair, if he wants an easy fight, he picked one with the wrong girl. "Well. I think I'm going upstairs to see if Sirius is back from detention. See you later?"

"Sure."

I turn away from him, assuming he'll go upstairs to meet with his friends. I smile to myself, letting myself fall into an armchair, far from the fire, far from everyone. I grinned.

So maybe I was a little jealous.