An LOK Christmas
Snow is falling, bells are ringing, reindeer are breeding, and for once, Nosgoth is peaceful. Well, apart from all the places which weren't peaceful. One of these places was Kain's home. Since it was Christmas, his sons, who were usually kept well away from him in some forest or castle or anywhere far away, had come round and were staying with him. Two days 'til Christmas. Kain didn't think he was going to make it.
Zephon: Like a bat out of hell, I'll be gone dubah dubah doo...
Dumah: Yes?
Zephon: I said Dubah, not Dumah, Dumah.
Kain: Shut up, all of you! Where's Raziel? He should be here by now.
Rahab: You tossed him into that big pit, remember? He hates you.
Turel: But we ALL hate him!
Kain: What was that you just said Turel? You don't want to make me angry. I trust you all remember what happened the last time you made me angry?
Melchiah (snickering): Yes, you went for the soul reaver, but you forgot that you broke it in that fight with Raziel and didn't have it anymore, so you pulled out an umbrella that you mistook for the reaver, and in your surprise you accidentally opened it and it hit you in the eye and you starting staggering about the room and swearing then you slipped on the floor and then...
During this monologue Raziel wanders into the room.
Raziel: Sorry I'm late everyo...
Kain: Well Melchiah, this time I DO have the soul reaver!
Kain grabs Raziel by the legs and begins hitting him off of Melchiah's head.
Dumah: KAIN! He's gonna live forever! He's gonna rule all the world! KAIN! He's gonna make it to the pillars, he's gonna learn how to rule! Forever! Forever! Forever! Forever! Forever! Forever! KAIN! He's gonna live forever! He's neva going to die! KAIN! He's gonna make it to Coorhagen, Raz will learn how to fly!
Kain throws Raziel to the other side of the room, where he crashes into Turel.
Kain: No he bloody well won't, and what have I told you about spontaneously bursting into song? Next time you do, I'll spontaneously burst you into flames.
Dumah: Sorry dad.
Zephon: Hey, look outside! Snow! I'm gonna go out and play! Who's coming with me?
Zephon runs outside excitedly, but no-one else follows him. They look outside the window and sigh. They see Zephon run onto the snow, yell out loud and jump ten feet into the air with his feet on fire. He lands on his ass and again jumps into the air with his ass now on fire. This continues with various body parts for some time.
Dumah: Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!
Kain: What did I just tell y- oh wait, you're right.
Zephon finally makes it back inside and everyone hears a sizzling noise coming from him.
Zephon: What are you all looking at? I just decided to come back in. It was no fun out there. Nothing interesting or painful happened at all and one things for sure, I remembered that snow is harmful to vampires.
Dumah: Anywho, it's Christmas eve tomorrow! Exciting isn't it folks?
Rahab: Tell us again why it is we celebrate a religious holiday that isn't even of a religion recognised in Nosgoth?
Turel: Ooo, ooo, we haven't opened our advent calendars today!
Turel runs over to where the calendars are pinned to the wall.
Turel: It's my Buffy the Vampire Slayer calendar! Oh, what's going to be behind the door today?
Melchiah: I bet it's a train! A train!
Raziel: No way, it's a donkey! A donkey!
Zephon: It'll be a Christmas tree! A Christmas tree!
Kain: No, no, no, you're all totally wrong, it's a Santa hat for sure!
Turel opens it and it's a Christmas tree.
Kain: Yes, I was right! It's a Santa hat.
Zephon: What the hell are you talking about? It's a Christmas tree, so I'M right.
Kain: I am never wrong! You will listen to what your father tells you, you little shit!
Zephon: Have you ever seen Santa wearing a fucking Christmas tree on his head!?
Kain: No, but since that's a SANTA HAT I don't know why you're asking.
As the argument continues, Rahab talks to Raziel on the other side of the room.
Rahab: Oh, how rude of me, let me take your scarf Raziel.
Raziel: Er, no that's okay...
Rahab pulls Raziel's scarf off and gasps as he sees what Raziel looks like without it.
Rahab: Or how about you just keep it on, yes, keep it on, it is Christmas and we don't want you getting cold now, do we? Ha ha ha.
Raziel: Tell me the truth Rahab. Am I hideous?
Rahab: Em em, I think I'll just go and see how the turkey's doing.
Raziel: But we're not cooking it until tomorrow.
Rahab: I thought it looked a little under-done.
Raziel: So, how do I look?
Rahab: Eh, you know, not too bad...
Raziel: Do you think Ariel will go out with me? I bought some flowers for her. I was planning on giving them to her when she comes round on Christmas day. Do you think she'd go out with me?
Rahab: I think I'll just go check the sprouts... you know how Kain loves his sprouts. Come to think of it, Kain looks a bit like a Brussel sprout.
Rahab quickly runs into the kitchen. There is a knock on the door. Raziel goes and answers it.
Vorador: Hello Raziel, mind if I come in?
Raziel lets him in and he goes through to the sitting room where everyone except Rahab is.
Vorador: Hello everyone.
Kain: Oh great, it's Vorador. Who the hell invited him? Was it you Raziel? You know how much I hate Vorador!
Vorador looks hurt.
Vorador: But, I always thought you liked me and hated Janos?
Kain: I DO hate Janos, that stuck-up bastard...
Janos flies through the window.
Janos: Hi everybody!
Melchiah: Hi doctor Nick!
Kain: Oh super, the gangs all here. Who opened that window? Honestly, I don't know why I go through with this every year.
Janos: Christmas is a time when you should have loved ones around you Kain.
Kain: So then why am I stuck with you lot? And did you just suggest that you loved me?
Moebius' head appears at the window. Well, all of him does, he's not a scary floating head, but the vampires can only see his head and nothing else.
Moebius: Ah, so many questions, old Moebius has the answers, if you'll let him in.
Kain: GO AWAY! Janos and Vorador are one thing, but I absolutely draw the line at you.
A tear forms in Moebius' eye and he turns away and sits down next to the window. He curls up into a ball and shivers every now and then. Why must he be alone every Christmas? The Elder God held a party every year, but he said that Moebius didn't make the cut. He'd show them. He'd have his own party, and none of them would make 'the cut'.
Raziel (shouting into the kitchen):Rahab, Kain wants you to come through here!
Rahab walks out of the kitchen, muttering to himself.
Rahab: What does old Sprout-head want now?
Kain: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?
Rahab: Er, nothing. I was talking to...
He looks around the room desperately.
Rahab: Vorador.
Vorador: WHAT!?
Rahab: Er, I mean...
Vorador transforms into a wolf, leaps at Rahab and begins tearing into him.
Meanwhile, Moebius had tracked down the circle members. He saw Bane and waved to him.
Moebius: Bane!
Bane keeps on walking.
Moebius: Bane!
Bane still keeps on walking.
Moebius: BANE!
Still walking.
Moebius: B-A-N-E!!!!!
Moebius runs after him now, and gets in front of him. He bends over and begins puffing and panting. Bane just sees Moebius bending down with his ass pointing towards him.
Bane: What the hell do you think you're doing?
Moebius turns round and stands upright, clearing his throat awkwardly.
Moebius: Hello Bane, I was just wondering if you'd like to come to my time- chamber for Christmas, it's going to be great. Only the coolest people in Nosgoth will be there.
Bane: Do I know you?
Moebius: It's me, Moebius!
Bane: Oh, right. Sorry, I already have plans for Christmas.
Bane walks on and Moebius follows him. They enter a building and Moebius sees all the other members of the circle.
Moebius: What's going on here?
Azmuth: Oh, why did you bring HIM here Bane?
Bane: This isn't my fault! He just followed me here!
"Santa Claus is Coming to Town" starts playing and Moebius notices the circle members all have drinks in there hands or are dancing.
Moebius: What is this?
Azimuth: It's a Christmas party for all the members of the circle.
Malek walks to the middle of the dance-floor and starts break-dancing.
Moebius: W-Why wasn't I informed? I AM a member of the circle, you know?
Bane: We, uh, forgot to invite you.
Moebius: Well, can I join you?
Everyone except Moebius: NO!
Moebius: B-b-but... oh well, at least Kain wasn't invited either.
Azimuth: Actually, we did invite him, but he said he couldn't make it.
Moebius' bottom lip starts to shake and he turns and runs out of the building.
TO BE CONTINUED
A/N: The author would like to apologize for excessive use of exclamation marks during this chapter. That said, the next chapter will be up very soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Snow is falling, bells are ringing, reindeer are breeding, and for once, Nosgoth is peaceful. Well, apart from all the places which weren't peaceful. One of these places was Kain's home. Since it was Christmas, his sons, who were usually kept well away from him in some forest or castle or anywhere far away, had come round and were staying with him. Two days 'til Christmas. Kain didn't think he was going to make it.
Zephon: Like a bat out of hell, I'll be gone dubah dubah doo...
Dumah: Yes?
Zephon: I said Dubah, not Dumah, Dumah.
Kain: Shut up, all of you! Where's Raziel? He should be here by now.
Rahab: You tossed him into that big pit, remember? He hates you.
Turel: But we ALL hate him!
Kain: What was that you just said Turel? You don't want to make me angry. I trust you all remember what happened the last time you made me angry?
Melchiah (snickering): Yes, you went for the soul reaver, but you forgot that you broke it in that fight with Raziel and didn't have it anymore, so you pulled out an umbrella that you mistook for the reaver, and in your surprise you accidentally opened it and it hit you in the eye and you starting staggering about the room and swearing then you slipped on the floor and then...
During this monologue Raziel wanders into the room.
Raziel: Sorry I'm late everyo...
Kain: Well Melchiah, this time I DO have the soul reaver!
Kain grabs Raziel by the legs and begins hitting him off of Melchiah's head.
Dumah: KAIN! He's gonna live forever! He's gonna rule all the world! KAIN! He's gonna make it to the pillars, he's gonna learn how to rule! Forever! Forever! Forever! Forever! Forever! Forever! KAIN! He's gonna live forever! He's neva going to die! KAIN! He's gonna make it to Coorhagen, Raz will learn how to fly!
Kain throws Raziel to the other side of the room, where he crashes into Turel.
Kain: No he bloody well won't, and what have I told you about spontaneously bursting into song? Next time you do, I'll spontaneously burst you into flames.
Dumah: Sorry dad.
Zephon: Hey, look outside! Snow! I'm gonna go out and play! Who's coming with me?
Zephon runs outside excitedly, but no-one else follows him. They look outside the window and sigh. They see Zephon run onto the snow, yell out loud and jump ten feet into the air with his feet on fire. He lands on his ass and again jumps into the air with his ass now on fire. This continues with various body parts for some time.
Dumah: Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!
Kain: What did I just tell y- oh wait, you're right.
Zephon finally makes it back inside and everyone hears a sizzling noise coming from him.
Zephon: What are you all looking at? I just decided to come back in. It was no fun out there. Nothing interesting or painful happened at all and one things for sure, I remembered that snow is harmful to vampires.
Dumah: Anywho, it's Christmas eve tomorrow! Exciting isn't it folks?
Rahab: Tell us again why it is we celebrate a religious holiday that isn't even of a religion recognised in Nosgoth?
Turel: Ooo, ooo, we haven't opened our advent calendars today!
Turel runs over to where the calendars are pinned to the wall.
Turel: It's my Buffy the Vampire Slayer calendar! Oh, what's going to be behind the door today?
Melchiah: I bet it's a train! A train!
Raziel: No way, it's a donkey! A donkey!
Zephon: It'll be a Christmas tree! A Christmas tree!
Kain: No, no, no, you're all totally wrong, it's a Santa hat for sure!
Turel opens it and it's a Christmas tree.
Kain: Yes, I was right! It's a Santa hat.
Zephon: What the hell are you talking about? It's a Christmas tree, so I'M right.
Kain: I am never wrong! You will listen to what your father tells you, you little shit!
Zephon: Have you ever seen Santa wearing a fucking Christmas tree on his head!?
Kain: No, but since that's a SANTA HAT I don't know why you're asking.
As the argument continues, Rahab talks to Raziel on the other side of the room.
Rahab: Oh, how rude of me, let me take your scarf Raziel.
Raziel: Er, no that's okay...
Rahab pulls Raziel's scarf off and gasps as he sees what Raziel looks like without it.
Rahab: Or how about you just keep it on, yes, keep it on, it is Christmas and we don't want you getting cold now, do we? Ha ha ha.
Raziel: Tell me the truth Rahab. Am I hideous?
Rahab: Em em, I think I'll just go and see how the turkey's doing.
Raziel: But we're not cooking it until tomorrow.
Rahab: I thought it looked a little under-done.
Raziel: So, how do I look?
Rahab: Eh, you know, not too bad...
Raziel: Do you think Ariel will go out with me? I bought some flowers for her. I was planning on giving them to her when she comes round on Christmas day. Do you think she'd go out with me?
Rahab: I think I'll just go check the sprouts... you know how Kain loves his sprouts. Come to think of it, Kain looks a bit like a Brussel sprout.
Rahab quickly runs into the kitchen. There is a knock on the door. Raziel goes and answers it.
Vorador: Hello Raziel, mind if I come in?
Raziel lets him in and he goes through to the sitting room where everyone except Rahab is.
Vorador: Hello everyone.
Kain: Oh great, it's Vorador. Who the hell invited him? Was it you Raziel? You know how much I hate Vorador!
Vorador looks hurt.
Vorador: But, I always thought you liked me and hated Janos?
Kain: I DO hate Janos, that stuck-up bastard...
Janos flies through the window.
Janos: Hi everybody!
Melchiah: Hi doctor Nick!
Kain: Oh super, the gangs all here. Who opened that window? Honestly, I don't know why I go through with this every year.
Janos: Christmas is a time when you should have loved ones around you Kain.
Kain: So then why am I stuck with you lot? And did you just suggest that you loved me?
Moebius' head appears at the window. Well, all of him does, he's not a scary floating head, but the vampires can only see his head and nothing else.
Moebius: Ah, so many questions, old Moebius has the answers, if you'll let him in.
Kain: GO AWAY! Janos and Vorador are one thing, but I absolutely draw the line at you.
A tear forms in Moebius' eye and he turns away and sits down next to the window. He curls up into a ball and shivers every now and then. Why must he be alone every Christmas? The Elder God held a party every year, but he said that Moebius didn't make the cut. He'd show them. He'd have his own party, and none of them would make 'the cut'.
Raziel (shouting into the kitchen):Rahab, Kain wants you to come through here!
Rahab walks out of the kitchen, muttering to himself.
Rahab: What does old Sprout-head want now?
Kain: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?
Rahab: Er, nothing. I was talking to...
He looks around the room desperately.
Rahab: Vorador.
Vorador: WHAT!?
Rahab: Er, I mean...
Vorador transforms into a wolf, leaps at Rahab and begins tearing into him.
Meanwhile, Moebius had tracked down the circle members. He saw Bane and waved to him.
Moebius: Bane!
Bane keeps on walking.
Moebius: Bane!
Bane still keeps on walking.
Moebius: BANE!
Still walking.
Moebius: B-A-N-E!!!!!
Moebius runs after him now, and gets in front of him. He bends over and begins puffing and panting. Bane just sees Moebius bending down with his ass pointing towards him.
Bane: What the hell do you think you're doing?
Moebius turns round and stands upright, clearing his throat awkwardly.
Moebius: Hello Bane, I was just wondering if you'd like to come to my time- chamber for Christmas, it's going to be great. Only the coolest people in Nosgoth will be there.
Bane: Do I know you?
Moebius: It's me, Moebius!
Bane: Oh, right. Sorry, I already have plans for Christmas.
Bane walks on and Moebius follows him. They enter a building and Moebius sees all the other members of the circle.
Moebius: What's going on here?
Azmuth: Oh, why did you bring HIM here Bane?
Bane: This isn't my fault! He just followed me here!
"Santa Claus is Coming to Town" starts playing and Moebius notices the circle members all have drinks in there hands or are dancing.
Moebius: What is this?
Azimuth: It's a Christmas party for all the members of the circle.
Malek walks to the middle of the dance-floor and starts break-dancing.
Moebius: W-Why wasn't I informed? I AM a member of the circle, you know?
Bane: We, uh, forgot to invite you.
Moebius: Well, can I join you?
Everyone except Moebius: NO!
Moebius: B-b-but... oh well, at least Kain wasn't invited either.
Azimuth: Actually, we did invite him, but he said he couldn't make it.
Moebius' bottom lip starts to shake and he turns and runs out of the building.
TO BE CONTINUED
A/N: The author would like to apologize for excessive use of exclamation marks during this chapter. That said, the next chapter will be up very soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!