A/N: This fanfic was the result of another plot bunny hopping around in my head of what it would be like for Emma and Regina to have to walk through a sex shop during their little road trip. I imagined funny lines and even funnier facial expressions. Enjoy!

CHAPTER 1

"Are you sure this is the right address?" Regina asked in utter disbelief. Emma looked at the torn slip of paper and then at their surroundings.

"455 Howard Street. This looks like the place."

"You're absolutely certain?" Emma looked to her traveling companion, who was nervously chewing the inside of her bottom lip, eyes darting all around the outside of the store. They had been on the road for three days now, following clues in their quest to find the author of the book. The Storybrooke sheriff was beginning to feel like they were on a wild goose chase.

"Yes."

"But Miss Swan, this is a…"

"I KNOW what it is, Regina." Emma huffed a little irritably. She wished they could just go home so that they could have some distance between them again. They had never spent such an extended period of time together in such close proximity before and Emma was having strange feelings. Before they left, she thought that maybe this would be good for them. They could bond, talk about Henry, have some fun. Last night in their hotel room, Emma had looked across from her bed to Regina's and felt like there was a different light around the woman all of a sudden and it was confusing. Maybe it was part of the bonding process but without anyone around - Hook, her parents, Henry - they were so in tune with one another, were frequently finishing each other's sentences and even the smiles they shared seemed a little different. Whether she knew it or not, Regina was also showing sides of herself that Emma had never seen before and she found it appealing. "Let's just go in and get this over with."

Regina watched Emma walk in first and followed her warily. The inside of the store was rather pleasant, bright, welcoming and sounds of new age music played softly over the speaker and the glass counter they were standing beside was filled with the wares the store boasted to sell successfully.

"Oh, welcome. Welcome, ladies!" They were approached by two older rather attractive women, probably in their late 50s, early 60s who were genuinely excited to see them. One had long blonde hair almost down to her waist with streaks of gray and the other woman following her had a mass of greying red curls framing her face. The blonde greeted them first, "Welcome to Naughty and Nice Vibrations. We are here for your pleasure. I am Gwen Moriarty and this is the love of my life, Sable Blackwood. We're the owners."

"It is a pleasure!" Sable received them with a warm smile. Emma would have thought their greetings were a little overboard, but the two women actually seemed to be the free-spirited, hippie, carefree type who did not mean any harm and were whole-heartedly honest and forthcoming. Emma could actually pick up on their sincerity as soon as they spoke. Super Power. They were not liars.

"Oh Sable, look at them! They are PERFECT together!"

"A stunning couple." Sable smiled.

"Excuse me?" Regina sounded.

"What?" From Emma at the same time.

"Oh now don't fret and don't be ashamed to admit it. I know love when I see it." Gwen chortled.

"What are your names?" Sable asked kindly.

"Oh," The young store guests seemed stuck in their own thoughts frowning, "I'm Emma and this is Regina." Emma looked back at Regina, who was still thoroughly out of her element, finding herself standing inside a store promoting sexual pleasure and education. The former Evil Queen had never been in a store such as this before and she had imagined them to be dark, seedy and indecent. However this one was bright, cheery and tastefully decorated,

"Regina and Emma, you two are simply GORGEOUS!" Sable replied eyeing both younger women from head to toe in an entirely friendly way. "Now don't tell me…" Sable appraised them both for a moment and then her eyes fell to their chests. Emma and Regina shared a bewildered look and then Sable piped in with the correct guesses of their bra sizes. Emma's mouth hung open and Regina gasped softly with wide eyes. "I have the perfect lingerie set for you, Regina!" Sable put a friendly hand on Regina's shoulder and started to guide her toward a display of racy under garments.

"No, no… you don't understand… we're here…" Regina started.

"For a VIBRATOR! Of course!" Gwen fisted her hands over her heart. "We have a wonderful collection of vibrators and dildos. You must see! Come, come!" She grabbed Emma's hand and excitedly pulled her toward a wall with glass shelves displaying an array of phallic objects of the vibrating and non-vibrating variety.

"Now," Gwen began with a brilliantly wide smile on her face. "You have used a vibrator before, have you not? Do you have one at home?" She asked so innocently, like a doctor would, that both Regina and Emma could do nothing but simply nod and then they looked at each other slightly surprised as if some dark secret had been revealed. Now they both knew the other one had a vibrator and used it.

"Here, Regina," Sable offered her a beautiful colored glass dildo. "Just run your hand over the top of that smooth surface and just imagine how that would feel." Regina did just as instructed and when she looked up, Emma got a punch to the solar plexus, not just at the sight of Regina holding the glass phallus, but with a look on her face that told that she would rather be giving it than receiving it, and when their eyes met it was like a jolt of electricity went through both their systems at the same time.

Regina opened her mouth to say something and then abruptly thrust the glass dildo back into Sable's hands as if it burned her. "Uh, thank you but, not right now."

"Oh," Sable seemed a little deterred but then perked up, "I have just the thing to show you!" And she ran off while her partner rambled on grabbing Emma's attention again.

"… a wide-array of best-selling vibrators, from Waterproof to G-spot Vibrators and Rabbit Style to Eggs & Bullet Vibes…" The older blonde went on with her finger to her chin. "Aha, this." She handed Emma a vibrator of the smaller variety, about 4 inches long. "Now this is a popular one with our customers. It's very quiet, three unique vibration patterns, seven speeds…" Gwen turned it on while in Emma's hand and she almost dropped it.

"Whoa! That's…" Emma was taken aback. "…nice…" Could she use a new vibrator… wait… what did she come in here for?

"Indeed! And it is perfectly designed to hug the clitoral area! Now I tell you. Imagine holding that up to Regina." Emma did suddenly and she and Gwen looked over to her at the same time to find Regina standing there awkwardly arms out to her sides while Sable held a strap on harness in front of her, with a large purple dildo swinging from it, as if she was trying to convince Regina to strap it around her waist.

Emma would have thought the whole thing was funny if it was not suddenly so hot! She gulped and in that moment Regina looked up baffled.

"Oh yes, fantastic!" Gwen grabbed the vibrator and placed it on the shelf and brought Emma closer to Regina and Sable.

"Dildos and strap-ons. We have a variety of sizes, styles, colors, shapes, and materials, from silicone to glass, metal and even wood!"

"Wood?" Regina and Emma goggled incredulously.

"Oh yes, indeed! Now ladies, don't be shy…" Gwen smiled and rubbed both their arms reassuringly. Regina looked so amazed, Emma could not remember before a moment when the mayor was stunned speechless and nearly into agreeable docility. "Now… have you worn a strap on before?"

"No," Regina replied.

"Yes," Emma said at the same time.

Both women turned and stared at one another; Regina with bulging eyes at Emma and Emma with a slow grin growing into a wide dimpled smile and then with a shrug she turned away enjoying Regina's look of absolute shock.

"Hmmm…" Sable said with a knowing smile at Regina. "I was sure that Regina would be the one topping Emma."

"Yeah, I wouldn't bet on it." Emma threw out doubtfully with a short laugh.

"Miss Swan!"

"Oh my goodness! The way she says your name." Gwen replied with a hand over her heart. "Oh Emma, it is in her voice how much she wants you."

Emma's gaze flew to Regina who colored profusely now, but oddly there was no denial.

"Uh…" Emma started, wanting desperately to diffuse the unwanted lustful feelings swirling within her. "…wants to kill me you mean…" But Gwen gave her a knowing look and Regina blushed again.

"Voila!" Sable pulled out something in front of Regina suddenly making her gasp and jump. "A strapless dildo." Emma's mouth was open in wonder at the hot pink sex toy. "This end goes into the wearer…" she held it in between them and Emma reached to take it but Regina grabbed it instead stubbornly and Emma just stuck her tongue out at her.

"I knew it, Regina." Sable grinned excitedly. "Then, you would use this end to penetrate Emma."

Penetrate Emma.

Those words seemed to hang between the both of them. Regina was holding the dildo low, to where Sable had guided it, to its realistic location. Emma spied the tip pointing at her as if it was inviting her to sit and ride it. She gulped and slowly raised her eyes to Regina's intense stare.

"Here, much like in this video we have cued up for demonstration."

"Demonstration, nothing!" Sable guffawed and then behind a hand, loud enough for everyone to hear, she said, "It's porn! My Gwennie likes her porn."

"Porn, hmm?" Regina smirked. "We should buy a copy and send it to your mother." Emma gave her the evil eye and returned her attention to the TV.

Gwen turned the TV on. Regina and Emma curiously watched as the screen immediately glowed, showing two female bodies at close range; one slipping one end of the dildo into herself and then moving between her partner's legs, pushing it into the other woman's sex. Regina was confounded. Was she actually standing in the middle of a sex store, watching porn with Emma while holding a two-headed dildo?

Moaning sounds took over their area and Regina and Emma were transfixed, eyes wide and mouths hanging open. "See," Gwen tutored, "just like that, ladies." The position suddenly changed and the camera zoomed out to show the couple full from the side and Emma's and Regina's eyes went even wider.

"Oh my GOD!" Emma and Regina exchanged glances and looked into the surprised eyes of Gwen and Sable.

"That's not us," Regina clarified before the question could be asked.

"It's an amazing resemblance then." They all peered closer as the blonde, in the video, penetrated the brunette from behind, sitting atop and astride her, rocking into the woman's bottom. Then the blonde leaned over and placed a loving hand over the brunette's fisted one in the sheets and used the other hand to brush back the brunette's hair to kiss and lick her ear, both of them loud, sounding like they were nearing climax. It was such a surreal experience because the couple on screen looked so much like them it was as if they were watching themselves having sex. They suddenly realized their throats were dry from their uneven breathing through their mouths.

Sable looked closer at the screen again and back to Emma and Regina. Then she slanted a disbelieving glance at them with a deep grin.

"I assure you, that is not us." Emma shook her head.

"But it will be," Gwen assured as she grabbed a sealed packet off a shelf. "All we have in is the striking pink color though."

"Awww, no blue? Regina likes blue."

Regina gasped in surprise, "How do you know I like blue?"

"I'm observant." Emma snarked, "Despite what you might think."

"Fighting like a married couple. So cute." Sable chuckled. Emma's and Regina's heads jerked in surprise at that, but inexplicably neither said anything.

"Now, what about lube," Gwen asked, "… is there a flavor you are partial to?"

"Do you have Grilled Cheese flavor," Regina sarcastically quipped earning her a glare from Emma.

"We have many different kinds," Gwen chortled understanding it as a joke, "…but I'm afraid that's not one of them." They all ended up at the counter. "Now, OH! What about anal play?"

That seemed to shock both Storybrooke women and they blurted almost identical statements at the same time. "We are looking for the author."

"Oh… well we have a great collection of sex education books and sex play guides," Sable said, "Which one were you looking for?"

"No. The author of the story book. We were told you would have more information here."

Both Gwen and Sable looked at them with blank expressions on their faces.

Emma blew out a confused breath and asked, "Isn't this 455 Howard Street?"

"Oh Heavens no!" Gwen giggled typing on her computer keyboard.

"That happens all the time," Sable explained to the goggle-eyed younger blonde and brunette. "This is 457. 455 is the place next door."

Emma felt the intense brown eyed scowl boring a hole into her temple from beside her. She turned and shrugged, "It was an honest mistake," and Regina rolled her eyes.

"So how will you be paying, dears?"

Regina and Emma uncomfortably glanced at each other and just before Emma was going to make an excuse, Regina said, "Cash." Emma shot a curious glance at her friend, who returned a shrug with an unreadable expression.

"Regina, I am going to throw in some lube, free of charge, because I have a good feeling about you two!"

After they exited the store, saying their goodbyes and getting hugged by the kindly women, Emma turned to Regina gesturing to the non-descript, yet elegant bag. "I can't believe you bought it."

With a nonchalant movement of her shoulders, Regina replied, "They were nice women. Kooky, but nice. It would be a shame for them to not get anything out of it."

As they walked into the direction of the store next door, their steps became a little slower with the same startling realization: a strapless dildo and a bottle of lube were just added to their trip's supplies and they could not help but wonder, separately, what the repercussions of that, if any, would be.