A/N: I've joined the downward spiral that is Clexa. Takes place post-battle of Mt Weather, the kiss never happened.

Stepping down from her horse, Lexa smirked proudly at the parade of Grounders behind her. They had a more than successful hunt, and per their alliance with the Sky People, a delivery was in order. Exchanges like this strengthened the alliance, though Lexa often felt it was still at risk of crumbling. As her hunters began unloading, Lexa stood tall, proud and wandering Camp Jaha in search of the Sky People's commander. She found Bellamy and Raven near a drinking station, concerned looks upon their faces. "Your sister proved herself once again, she killed a wild boar alone," Lexa commented. Since the Battle of the Mountain, her and Bellamy had not seen eye to eye. And she knew Raven probably despised her because of that murderous boy, Finn. Regardless, she knew these people were important to Clarke, and for that reason alone, she was cordial.

"That's, uh, that's great," Bellamy mumbled, rubbing his brow. Raven kicked the dirt, avoiding eye contact with the commander.

Lexa hid her uneasiness, straightening her spine and shoulders, "I have to speak with Clarke, is she here?"

Before Bellamy could answer, Octavia ran up giving her brother a bear hug. "Hey Bell, guess who caught and killed a boar? Me!" she laughed smugly. She noticed the grim looks on her friends' faces and grew concerned herself, "Hey, where's the fire?"

"It's Clarke," Bellamy stated. "She's sick."

Lexa's stomach twisted. People got sick all the time, she knew that much. But, the way Bellamy said it and how it matched his sad expression, it worried her. "Sick?"

"How sick?" Octavia added.

"It started yesterday," Raven started, "She said she wasn't feeling well, but insisted on helping build the new radio tower. Halfway through the day, she was sweating really bad, saying her neck hurt and then she got really confused."

Lexa stood silent, while Octavia asked the important questions. "Is she okay? What's wrong with her?"

"Abby said she has bacterial meningitis, she's in the infirmary getting treated. Last night she had a seizure and hasn't completely been with it since, just randomly wakes up screaming in pain and not making sense," Bellamy commented.

Lexa's throat tightened. Whatever sickness this was, it sounded life-threatening. And anything that threatened Clarke's life, infuriated and frightened the commander. "Where is the infirmary?" She demanded.

Her forcefulness did not surprise the two Sky people nor the newest Grounder warrior. Since the Battle, Clarke and Lexa had been an integral part of the Sky People and Woods Clan's communities. The two leaders had been working diligently to unite the 12 Clans again and fully integrate the Skaikru into the alliance. Lexa had grown increasingly fond of the blonde, and at times, almost embarrassingly so. Luckily, only in their moments of privacy, like when they went over land layout or Grounder customs and laws, it was only Clarke who saw Lexa's commander demeanor fade.

"I'll show you," Raven offered, walking toward the Ark. Upon entering the ship, Raven lead her down several hallways of metal and wires until entering an area with the word Infirmary painted sloppily overhead. "Abby?" Raven called.

The doctor came out from the back room, wiping her brow. "Adam, get another bag of saline, and hang the next bag of antibiotics, please," she said exasperated. "Oh, Raven," Abby noticed the women standing in the entrance. "And, Commander. What can I, uh, help you with?"

Raven shifted uneasily on her good leg, "The Commander wanted to see Clarke. How's she doing?"

Nodding and gesturing to the back, Abby generously explained her daughter's condition as the three women surveyed the blonde. "She has an infection in her brain and spinal cord," the doctor commented, as Lexa listened intently. The room was dim as Clarke slept, tubes running into her skin, plastic bags of fluid dripping into them. Wires lead from underneath a simple cotton dress to a machine that beeped steadily. "Her fever increased too quickly last night that it caused a seizure, convulsions," Abby clarified, wondering the Grounder commander would understand. She wasn't entirely sure of the Commander's motives behind visiting her daughter, but chalked it up to concern regarding the alliance. She grew tolerant of Lexa, but still was weary of her actions and intentions with Clarke. "We started antibiotics, medicine, there through her veins. It should combat the infection. We've given her other medications to keep her fever under control, but tepid baths seem to be helping, too. We can't let her have another seizure. I've yet to be able to assess her neurological status. She's been incoherent, in extreme pain, and hardly responsive to stimulation. That said, her vitals are more stable. We've detected a lowered amount of bacteria in her spinal fluid and blood, which is an improvement," Abby sighed, shakily.

"Her color looks better," Raven observed, watching the monitor's electric waves. "Is she still contagious?"

Abby shook her head, "No, the contagious period is over. The antibiotics are working."

Lexa nodded, only understanding half of what the doctor said. She did not want to appear ignorant, so she did not ask any questions. The pit in her stomach still grew as she watched Clarke lie there. She was gaunt, pale, and seemingly, lifeless. Breaking her thoughts, Adam came into the room with another large bag of fluid, detaching the old one and starting the new. "She's dehydrated," Abby explained, intently watching the Commander as she watched her daughter. Abby knew the young leader to be a woman of few words, but she seemed more quiet than normal. "The fluids will refresh her blood, and flush out the bacteria." Lexa only nodded once more. Raven and Abby exchanged a look, before the doctor spoke once more. "Commander, you're welcome to stay with Clarke for a little while. Raven and I can go update the others on her status," Abby offered pulling a chair from the wall to Clarke's bedside.

"Thank you," Lexa said simply, seating herself beside the Skaikru princess. A few moments later, the room was empty, except for the young leaders. Once alone, Lexa sighed deeply and hung her head. She cursed under her breath. She needed Clarke to be alive. To be whole and healed. The alliance would suffer under her death, and "So would I," Lexa admitted out loud. She cursed again. She picked her head up, eyes darting to the machine that beeped. It's even, sharp lines reassured Lexa, despite her not understanding their purpose. She did understand that as long as those lines moved and the machine beeped, Clarke was still here. A stir from the bed drew back the brunette's attention. Clarke's hand twitched softly at her side. Instinctively, Lexa reached out to hold it. She wrapped her hands around Clarke's, waiting for another sign of movement. "Clarke?" She whispered.

Nothing, but the steady beep beep beep.

The blonde leader's hand lay limp in her own. Tentatively, Lexa pressed a soft kiss to Clarke's hand, her mind ringing a red flag. She knew better. After Costia, and other countless lives lost, Lexa knew better than to care about anything but the general safety of her people. Even then, being a commander, she understood death and it's tendency to be indiscriminate. She put on a tough front, and believe to her very core that that's who she was. A fearless leader. A courageous commander. A powerful grounder. And she was. Until she met Clarke. The Sky princess had seeped into Lexa's skin like a needle through fabric. She wove herself deeper into Lexa's thoughts and actions, relentless to find the Lexa underneath the Commander. In the beginning, Lexa deferred. She did not trust the Sky People. But, time and time again, Clarke proved steadfast. Eventually, Lexa determined them equals, and somewhere between the alliance between their communities and the success of the Battle of the Mountain, they developed a sort of friendship. What worried Lexa was the feeling that it was growing into something more. For, if it had not, she doubted she would be pouting at Clarke's bedside, wishing more than anything for the blonde to wake up.

In the midst of her reflection, the beeping intervals increased. Clarke moved. No, she writhed. The machine alarmed loudly, Lexa covered her ears, for the sound was ugly and inhuman. The sound that came next was even worse.

Clarke cried loudly. She groaned. Her fist knotted the sheets and her legs curled. Just then, her mother burst into the room, "Adam, toradol IV now. Clarke, honey, it's okay," her mother soothed. Lexa watched, too afraid to move, but aware enough to maintain her calm composure. Abby placed a wet rag on Clarke's forehead as the girl writhed weakly.

"It hurts," Clarke cried clutching her head. "God, please, make it stop. Please," she whimpered.

Abby rolled her eyes, "Today would be good, Adam."

"I can't find it!" He shouted from the other room.

The doctor huffed in frustration, "Jesus. I'll find it," she spat, handing the rag to Lexa. "Here, try to calm her down."

Lexa couldn't hide the shock, but nodded regardless. She stood and moved to the head of the bed. "Shh, Clarke, it's okay. Your mother is getting your medicine."

"If the pressure in her head increases, she could seize again," the doctor explained from the other room.

There were tears in Clarke's eyes as they lolled from side to side with delirium. Her lip stuck out, quivering and whimpering. For the first time in many years, Lexa felt helpless. She wiped the sweat from Clarke's brow, brushing her hair back behind her ears, "It's okay, Clarke. Don't cry."

The writhing paused, Clarke held out a shaky hand. "Lexa?" Her voice broke. Abby and Adam came in the room, immediately pushing a syringe into Clarke's IV. Distracted by the movement, the blonde called again, "Lexa!"

"I'm right here, Clarke, I'm here," the great Commander said gently. She didn't take her eyes off the blonde, now careless of who saw what. She watched as her body calmed, the twitching slowed. Lexa held Clarke's hand again, the other rest atop her forehead. "I'm here, I'm not leaving anywhere," she promised.

Clarke nodded wearily, her eyes closing with each breath. After a moment or two, she slept soundly again.

"That's the first coherent response I've seen since yesterday," Abby observed. She was surprised, to say the least. She knew her daughter and the Commander had a bond, something she didn't quite understand. But, seeing the tenderness displayed by Lexa for Clarke altered her opinion. Slightly.

Lexa cleared her throat, pushing her emotions away and regaining her normal composure. "She is getting better then?"

"I'd say so."

"Councillor Griffin, I understand your dislike for me, but I do hope you would allow me to stay with Clarke."

"We can discuss my dislike for your actions at another time, Commander. For now, your presence seems to help. You're welcome to stay," Abby clarified.

"Thank you, Councillor."

Several hours later, Abby Griffin entered the back room of the infirmary. She rechecked Clarke's vitals, finding them in better condition. The brunette grounder rested quietly on the opposite bed, her hand on her knife. Abby had offered the bed to the Commander a couple hours ago. By her count, the Commander had remained with her daughter going on 17 hours. She dismissed her guards, leaving only Indra and Octavia at Camp Jaha to escort her back to Tondc. However, Lexa refused to return until she once again heard from Clarke. Of course, the Commander's request had gone unquestioned. Adjusting the doses on the IV tubing, Abby paused when she heard a soft groan. Fearing another attack of pain, she prepped the medication but froze when she heard, "Mom?"

"Clarke?" Abby asked, turning to her daughter.

Clarke put her hands to her head, "Mom, I feel like shit."

Abby couldn't help but laugh lightly, "Yeah, you're pretty sick, honey. Doing a lot better now though."

Clarke turned on her side, squinting her eyes at the figure across the room. "Who's that? Is someone else sick, too?"

Abby shifted her eyes to the opposite bed. "That's, uh, that's the Commander."

The blonde shot up, the blood rushing to her head, causing an intense throbbing. "Ow, whoa. Wait, Lexa's sick, too?"

"No, no, she's fine. She came to see you. She's been here since yesterday, actually," Abby stated clearly.

Clarke eyed her mom cautiously. She had an uncertain look on her face, feeling both delighted and uneasy. "She came... to see me?" Abby simply nodded. "Can you wake her for me?"

"Of course," Abby answered, walking over to the sleeping brunette. She cleared her throat, "C-Commander," she spoke softly, softer than she ever thought she would to the Grounder. She placed a light hand on her shoulder, "Commander, Clarke's asking for you."

Waking up in a metal box startled Lexa for a moment, but upon seeing the doctor's face, she regaining her composure. "She's awake?" She asked, turning to leave the uncomfortable canvas cot. Abby only nodded, gesturing to Clarke, the blonde resting with her eyes closed. Without saying anything more, Abby simply left the room. Lexa was grateful for the privacy. "Clarke," she said gently, finding a seat in the dimness.

The blonde leader cleared her throat, despite the fluids she still felt dehydrated. She turned slightly, opening her eyes to a shadow of the Commander. "I can't see you."

"Your mother says the darkness is necessary for your brain to heal," Lexa stated, moving slightly closer and increasingly aware of her nearness to Clarke. "She explained many things to me about your condition, although, I still do not understand the medicines and machines." Lexa smiled slightly, the smallest tug on the corner of her mouth she usually reserved for only Clarke.

Smiling back, Clarke nodded. "Yeah, it's uh, a lot." She felt a lingering awkwardness, a foggy feeling she couldn't shake. And she was sure it wasn't the infection. "You stayed here, all night?" Lexa nodded.

"I was... concerned with your well-being. Bellamy and Raven, your mother, they were all extremely disturbed by your illness. I thought... Well, I suppose I thought the worst."

Clarke leaned onto her side now, facing Lexa, even closer. She noticed Lexa's hands resting on the cot mattress, her thumb and index finger twiddling. She reached out, pressing her own palm on the Commander's hands. "Since when does the Commander take concern of anyone?"

Lexa stared at their hands, her stomach coiled and her heart beat harder. She swallowed thickly, "A commander's concern over her people should not be questioned." She took her hands from the bed and Clarke and folded them into her lap. Her words felt harsh and the look on Clarke's face matched. "Speaking of which, I've spent too long from Tondc. I must return," she stood, collecting her swords and armor. At the doorway, she turned her head to Clarke, lying in the darkness of the metal room, "Be well, Clarke."

Lexa left. Clarke lied on the stiff mattress, confused. Yes, her condition contributed to that, but there was something else bothering her. She had vague memories of events that occurred during her blackout. She remembered her mother, poking and prodding, but also comforting. She remembered the nurse, Adam, medicating. Short glimpses of Raven and Bellamy, the look of panic on their faces. But, most clearly of all, Clarke remembered Lexa. She remembered her soft touch and gentle, soothing words. She remembered feeling instantly calmed by the Commander, and to her surprise, very safe. And possibly, very loved. The thoughts consumed Clarke and she moaned. Her headache was returning but no pain was a distraction from those olive eyes and soft voice that rang in her mind.

Several days later, Lexa was returning from visiting a nearby village, tired and sore from riding all day. She dreamt of nothing more than climbing into her own bed and taking a much needed night's rest. She had been working the last few weeks to ensure the nearby villages affected by the Battle were easing back into their normal routines. This often meant meeting with village leaders and listening to the painfully sad and detailed stories of the families who had lost loved ones. Regardless of the weary tasks, it was Lexa's duty as commander to protect and provide for her people with food, clothing, and shelters. As the day ended and Lexa dismounted her horse, she walked wearily to her tent. At her entrance, her guards addressed her. "Heda, Skaikru Heda Clarke insisted on waiting for you inside." Lexa sighed, thanking her guards and asking them not to disturb her the rest of the evening.

She drew back several thick pieces of fabric, spotting Clarke sitting on her bed of furs. The room was alight with candles, Clarke sat tapping her foot and drinking what Lexa assumed to be wine. "I do not believe you are in such condition to be drinking?" Lexa teased, setting her swords on the large wooden table.

"I won't tell if you won't," Clarke replied, gulping down the remaining wine. She stood, awkwardly, shoving her hands in her back pockets. She opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it and furrowed her brow.

Lexa rolled her eyes, "Clarke, if you are here for something important, please state it. Otherwise, I've grown tired and wish to sleep." She started taking off her armor, groaning slightly with ache in her tense muscles.

"Here, let me help you."

"I do not need your help," Lexa huffed, fumbling with the straps.

Clarke advanced to her, her hands on her hips. "Don't be stubborn. Just let me do it, go sit down there."

Lexa exhaled sharply, annoyed, but compliant. She sat at her desk, shoulders slumped. With skilled fingers, Clarke undid straps and knots, carefully removing the heavy equipment. Lexa was acutely aware of Clarke's touch, each finger that unintentionally grazed the skin of her shoulder, the presence of Clarke behind her, the girl's steady, concentrated breathing. With a quick movement, Clarke lifted the armor over Lexa's head, setting it delicately on a nearby chair. The blonde lingered for a moment, before returning to the Commander's bed. Lexa grew frustrated. "Clarke, I want to sleep."

"Then sleep, I'm not stopping you," Clarke retorted, gesturing to the rest of the bed behind her.

Lexa licked her lips, forcing a tight, annoyed smile. "You're in my bed, therefore, you are stopping me. Please, I've had a very long day-"

"Why'd you stay?" Clarke blurted, her brow furrowed, arms crossed.

The brunette took a sharp inhale, pinching the bridge of her nose. Every neuron in her brain screamed to dismiss Clarke, to force the sky princess out, to hide her weakness. But, her heart ached deep in the pit of her chest, for she wanted nothing more than to lie in bed next to Clarke. "I was worried... about you."

Shifting nervously, Clarke took a breath. "Worried?"

"Yes, Clarke! Worried, concerned, whatever you want to call it. How many times must you force me to say it for you to understand?" Lexa snapped, harsher than intended. She stood up, pacing slowly in front of the Skaikru leader. "Clarke, please. Just leave me alone."

Lexa leaned on the war planning table before her, head hung low and eyes shut. Her skin pricked when she felt Clarke's presence behind her. Her fist were knotted on the wooden surface, Lexa bit her lip trying not succumb to her emotions. She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, and flinched at the touch. She heard Clarke sigh behind her. "Lexa... You're the only one I remember clearly," Clarke spoke gently, clearing her throat. "Everything else, everyone else... was just a blur. I guess I knew I would be okay, but for a while, it felt like I was dying." She moved closer, hands resting near Lexa's waist. "And if that was going to happen, then I wanted you to be the last person I saw." Clarke's voice broke slightly at the last sentence, sending a bittersweet river through Lexa's core.

The commander opened her eyes to the glowing candles before her, feeling Clarke's stare. "You were in a lot of pain. And I hated it. I sat there, hating that I was hurt by your pain. That I could be so affected by your suffering. But when you called out my name and reached for me, I no longer felt hatred. Instead, I felt something I never expected or wanted to feel again. Weakness." She turned to Clarke, feeling more vulnerable than she had in several long years. The blonde leader moved closer, Lexa retreated to the edge of the table but there was no more edge to lean on. Clarke extended her fingers, reaching to intertwine hers with Lexa's, their bodies near.

Clarke gazed into Lexa's olive eyes, a soft but serious expression on her face. "Maybe we'd be stronger together," she said before leaning to Lexa's lips. Clarke's mouth moved skillfully, strongly against Lexa's. Their lips melded together with a passion Lexa had thought was long lost. Lexa reluctantly broke their kiss, only for the need of air. Still, Clarke did not keep her mouth calm. She kissed Lexa's cheek, retreated to her sharp jaw and placed a single kiss near her ear before stepping slightly away. The blonde, swept out of the moment, bit her lip in anticipation for Lexa to speak.

After a long moment of trying to hide her bashfulness, Lexa cleared her throat. She whispered, "Aren't you afraid, Clarke? We both know the pain of love, why risk it?" She angled her body faintly away, dropping Clarke's warm hands, a poor attempt to put physical distance between them. She spoke low, wishing she didn't sound like such a coward.

Clarke contemplated for a moment, answering the Commander with an understanding expression. "We've both lost so much Lexa. And it does hurt. I don't think that feeling will ever completely go away, and maybe it shouldn't have to. We remember those we've lost. Finn, my father, Gustus... Costia. All of them. Do you honestly believe any of them would want us to continue on, cold, hardened, and alone? You could face the challenges this world brings alone, Lexa, and conquer them. But, why if you don't have to?"

"Because I would rather you safe than in constant danger. I am the Commander. My loved ones will always be sought after, you would always be a target-"

"I'm leader of my people, too. I'm already a target. Try again," Clarke smirked.

Lexa huffed and challenged, "Our people, they- especially Bellamy and Raven, they would surely have some objections." She paced toward the bed, crossing her arms defiantly.

Clarke placed a hand on her hip, jutting it out in a casual fashion. "They'd come around," Clarke dismissed quickly. "But, huh, everyone else? You think two leaders from two already aligned communities wouldn't... I don't know... strengthen the alliance? Come on, Lexa," she laughed, shaking her head.

The Commander narrowed her eyes, brow raised. "A relationship such as that is typically cemented with a union." In a way, she meant it as an absurd dare. A serious matter than would defy Clarke's expectations. Moreover, she was running out of reasons they wouldn't be stronger together. But, internally, under all the hardness, coldness, and painful layers of lost loved ones, she knew what Clarke was to her. Inevitable. Lexa admired Clarke from day one. She saw great strengths within the girl, and then, to her surprise and sometimes dismay, grew incredibly fond of the blonde leader.

"I mean, never say never," Clarke shrugged. "Of course, I would expect a proper proposal, not this lame one."

"Clarke!" Lexa gasped, surprised with her admission. She groaned and Clarke laughed.

"See?" Clarke observed, tiptoeing to the brunette. Lexa remained frustrated, her annoyance painted on her face. She sat on her bed, running through more excuses. But, Clarke was too quick, and soon enough the blonde leader helped herself to Lexa's lap. "See, I think you've ran out of reasons," she commented, gliding her hands around Lexa's neck. "And I think you want me," she lowered her voice to a soft hum, leaning to kiss Lexa's neck. "Just as much as I want you." She kissed, the sensation of her lips sending a shiver down Lexa's stiffened spine. She instinctively wrapped her hands around Clarke's middle, drawing her closer. All she did was nod in agreement, Clarke's mouth distracting her from speaking. Clarke melted into Lexa, the feeling of her hands running along her back was intoxicating. She felt victorious, cocky almost, that she had won over the Great Commander. She sucked and nipped on Lexa's neck until she felt a soft, throaty laugh grow beneath her teeth. "What's so funny?"

"The Councillor," Lexa grinned with a smug expression. "Your mother." Clarke knit her brow, confused momentarily until it hit her. Then, a defeated stupor replaced initial shock. "Your mother would never condone her little Sky princess' relationship with the terrible Commander." Lexa leaned back on her hands, a smirk stretched wide. She tilted her head back and laughed again, the throaty but somehow incredibly attractive sound, both irritated and enticed her.

Again, before Lexa could properly react (which was ridiculous because she was a trained warrior after all), Clarke pushed her down flat, taking her hands in her own to pin them above the Commander's head. Lexa attempted to resisted, but was stopped with the writhing of Clarke's body on top of her. She quite liked it, and was quick to give in to the luxurious feeling. The blonde leaned down close, their noses almost touching. "I'm going to tell you, what I told my mom," she smirked, placing a soft, teasing kiss to Lexa's lips. "She may be the Councillor," she kissed again, firmer this time with Lexa arching into her touch. "But, I'm in charge." Another kiss, this time, Clarke slipped in her tongue, a moan rising from the Commander's throat. "Do you understand, Commander?"

Lexa winced at the loss of Clarke's lips, "Yes, Clarke," she breathed out heavily, aching for more. "I understand." Clarke nodded, feeling confident once more. She smiled, genuinely, as she guided Lexa's hands to her hips and kissed the girl beneath her with the fire of the sun. After another moment of heated kisses, Lexa parted their lips, her hand brushing Clarke's golden hair behind her ear. "Clarke of the Sky People," she said. This time, her eyes were absent of the typical stoicism, or even the teasing demeanor she reserved for only the blonde. This time, there was a truth and loveliness about them that Clarke had yet to encounter on more than a couple previous private occasions. A vulnerability. Lexa continued, cradling Clarke's face in her hand. "I am so very glad you are alive."

Clarke sighed, a smile gracing her features. And in this moment, she was certain her eyes matched Lexa's because she felt the exact same.

"I'm so happy you're alive, too, Lexa."

A/N: Hope you guys liked it! Regardless, pls leave a review! Thank you for reading!