Today was the day. Today was going to be the day that changed everything about everything as everything and everyone in the entire world — no, in every world — knew it.
For today was the day that Noire played her spinoff. Today was the day that all across the world, Noire — and her game — was launched into the public eye. Today was the day store shelves everywhere were, for once, filled with her face instead of Neptune's.
Today... Today was the day that Noire was on top.
After years of waiting, after countless spinoffs and alternate universes where she had never had her chance, after even having her starring role hijacked in the first place... This was it. This was Noire's time to shine. She had set her alarm clock for two hours early she had been so excited for this moment. She had woken up in time to hear the extra early radio show that had gone on and on about how excited everyone in the entire world was for this game. She had used her special, good luck dragon and bandicoot bedsheets and blankets the night before she had been so ready for today. Today was the biggest day of her life. At long last, today had come, and it was going to-
"Well? Are you gonna turn it on or not?"
Noire sighed.
Neptune had interrupted her attempts to dramatically build this moment up five times now, this newest interruption being the sixth. Noire would have already been playing the game if not for the fact that Neptune had made her promise that they could play it together when it came out, but so far, it had just been going like this so far. It was so frustrating!
"Neptune, why don't you go get something for us to eat or something?" Looking to her friend hopefully, doing her best to keep her frustration in check, Noire even managed to offer Neptune a small smile. She just wanted to play already! "I'll be ready when you get back and then we can start right away. Sounds good, right?"
The purple haired CPU at her side seemed to consider this offer. She did tend to consider most things when it came to food, and this seemed to be no different — Noire was surprised that it was taking her this long. Then again, Neptune had her own reasons for wanting to see just how this game had turned out, so she supposed she could understand...
"Alrighty... I'll do it. I know you need some 'alone time' with the box." Jumping out of the way as Noire took a swing at her, Neptune stuck her tongue out at the other CPU as she began hopping towards the door — Noire was already imagining her biting her accidentally biting her tongue, but sadly life wasn't that nice to her today. "Now don't play that without me! You hear?! I wanna see every second of it too! If you do, I'll never ever ever forgive you, Noire!"
Noire raised an eyebrow. Like Neptune ever waited for everyone else... Well, except for right now, anyway. It looked like she wasn't going to go anywhere until Noire agreed to these silly terms. She was here, wasn't that good enough?! Sheesh... N-Not that she disliked this or anything, but she wanted to get on with it already!
"Okay, okay, I won't play without you..." Naturally, using the hand that Neptune wouldn't be able to see, Noire crossed her fingers. With her visible hand, she simply waved Neptune off towards the door. "Now just go already, would you? Vert will have beaten it by the time we turn it on at the rate we're going, you know."
Neptune didn't seem as bothered by this as she normally would be. Instead-
"Promise me!"
- she obstinately wanted to make sure she got her way. If she wasn't being such a pain about getting her way, Noire would have found it... maybe a little nice that Neptune wanted to play with her that much that she was being such a brat about it.
"Seriously?" Noire shook her head. She wasn't going to make that promise — she fully intended to break it, after all, so how could she promise it even so knowing that? "Go already, Neptune! If you go fast and don't eat any of the pudding before you get here, then you won't even have to worry about it!"
Unmoved by such logical tactics, Neptune continued to stand her ground.
"Prooomiiiiise meeeeee...!"
Geez! Seriously!? This was getting them nowhere!
"F-Fine, fine..." Making sure her fingers were still firmly crossed, Noire sighed in defeat and gave Neptune a sour look. Vert really would have beaten the game before they even started it at this rate. "I promise you. Are you happy now?"
"Sure am, not main character!" Noire would have said something if not for the fact that she knew Neptune was baiting her into starting another conversation — and Noire would have none of that. Instead, she just watched Neptune silently, as if daring her to drag this out any longer. It took a few moments more, but then... "Good! Now you better not do anything without me, 'cause I mean it — I'll be back!"
Rolling her eyes at the other CPU's antics, Noire set the Lastation Unita down on the table in front of the couch they had been sitting on together, as if to show that she really meant it. After doing so, gave Neptune a sarcastic sort of half-wave as the other CPU left the room — finally. With that done but still in need of a way to pass the time for a moment or two, Noire picked up a nearby magazine — an old copy of Lowee Power — and began idly flipping through it as she listened to Neptune's footsteps become quieter and quieter as she made her way down the hall towards the kitchen. Shaking her head at how she could actually tell Neptune was skipping, Noire took a moment to engross herself in the magazine.
Naturally, the only copies of Lowee Power in the Basilicom were of when Planeptune had just made a major release and Lowee had been struggling to counter it — Neptune must have thought it funny to keep things like this around. Noire couldn't believe Blanc didn't tear these things up when she visited, though she supposed, knowing Neptune, the other CPU probably had gone out of her way to buy every copy just in case Blanc did something like that anyway.
"Whatever..." Setting the magazine down, Noire hesitantly glanced towards the doorway. There was no sound. Neptune's footsteps were gone. If Noire knew Neptune — a-and she liked to think she did! — then she figured she had a good ten to twenty minutes before Planeptune's CPU returned. She'd either get into it with Histoire or Nepgear, or decide to sneak extra snacks for herself in the kitchen before she returned with some for the both of them. And if that was the case... "T-Then, since it's my game and all... Shouldn't I get to preview it a little first?"
Looking around, as though she was making sure she wasn't being watched, Noire scanned the room. Obviously Planeptune didn't have any hidden cameras in it — or at least not any that Neptune would have access to, at any rate. She was now absolutely and positively sure that she was safe to play the game. Finally! At long last... Finally!
"I can't believe it's finally here..." Fighting the urge to squeal in excitement, Noire reached for the Unita on the table, turning on the handheld device and just taking in the icon with her face on it for a few moments. That in itself was just so wonderful... But she was wasting time — she needed to see what was beyond that icon. "O... Okay. I'm ready. Here we go... It's time...!"
Slowly, Noire turned on the game — and already, she was impressed! Rather than the usual introduction games got, hers game with the sound and even smell of flames erupting nearby, with strangely iconic music starting to play just like-
"Stop! Noire, stop! You can't play that game!"
Crying out in surprise, Noire threw her hands up in the air, the Unita going flying, as Neptune's voice rang out into the room. Guiltily, Noire swiped the Unita out of the air before it could land poorly and break — before she could lose her chance to finally, finally play her game — and looked around frantically to see where Neptune's voice had come from. She hadn't heard her come back or anything, but there she was in the doorway all of a sudden! That wasn't fair at all!
"W-What are you doing back so soon!? You were supposed to be getting our snacks!" Going straight for the defensive, Noire pointed at Neptune in annoyance. After a moment, she noticed something... strange about her fellow CPU — besides for the fact that she didn't have any snacks or pudding with her, anyway. Lowering her hand, Noire frowned at the CPU before her. "And why are you wearing your Lowee colored clothes? Did you trip and get your regular clothes dirty that fast?"
To her surprise, the CPU simply shook her head.
"N-Noire...! You don't understand! I'm not Neptune..." Panting, "not Neptune" fell onto one knee, catching herself on the nearby coffee table before she fell completely. If nothing else, considering the flames in the hallway and how into the act she seemed to be, Noire had to say she was almost impressed with the level of idiocy her friend was willing to sink to for whatever she was trying to accomplish here. N-Not that would get her anything, of course, but still... "No, stop your tsundere inner monologue right now! You have to listen! I'm not Neptune, Noire. I'm Neptune..."
Eye twitching in annoyance, Noire raised a finger and opened her mouth to point out that Neptune had just said that she wasn't Neptune-
"... from the future!"
The black haired CPU smacked herself, performing the classic facepalm maneuver.
Was that really Neptune's game? Was she that annoyed that Noire had finally gotten to be the main character of something? She was owed it, thank you very much!
"Fine, I get it, you're mad I started playing without you and madder I got to have a game." She couldn't help but be a little disappointed that Neptune was being such a baby about this, but Noire supposed there was no helping it. Neptune was Neptune, after all. "How about we forget the pudding and just play the game? You know I've been waiting — can we just stop? P... Please?"
For a moment, the Lowee-colored Neptune stared blankly at Noire, as though she had said something particularly foul.
"F... Forget pudding? Forget pudding!? What... What kind of person are- Aaaah, no, never mind, this isn't the time for that!" Shaking her head furiously, Neptune stomped her foot defiantly — as if she had to physically fight off her intense feelings for pudding so that she could have this conversation properly. "Listen, I am from the future! Do I look like any Neptune you know? Now listen up! If you play that game, horrible things will happen, Noire! I'm telling you the truth! If you play this game, Blanc will become the most popular character! She'll take over Gamindustri! Everyone will have flappy wings and floppy hats if you play that game, Noire! Graphics will go a full generation back, and we'll have to talk in code to our friends whenever we want to play online! We're friends, right? Then you hafta listen to me!"
As ridiculous and stupid as this was... Noire bit her lip as Neptune told her "tragic" tale. Neptune was actually calling her her friend? She knew that Neptune didn't really mean the things she said when she teased her, but... Maybe...
"That's it Noire!" Neptune began to smile as she saw the hesitation in Noire's eyes. She was already celebrating, was she...? "I knew you could do it!"
... Ugh, no, this was just too ridiculous. Besides, when would she ever get another game again? She couldn't risk not seeing it! What was worth not playing this game?
The CPU shook her head, reaching for the Unita — ignoring the dismayed look on Neptune's face.
"Just put your normal clothes back on so we can play, would you?" Noire said to the other CPU dismissively, no longer even looking at her. "I'm not going to play along any more than this. If you don't want to watch, then don't, but that doesn't mean I should lose out."
"Noire, I mean it, you can't- If you do, then-"
"Not listening!" Noire was going to play this, and that was final. Besides, who wouldn't want to play again with such realistic graphics and sound? Here it was, showing the greatness of Noire with those awesome flame sound and smell effects again! "I'm playing it, and that's final!"
"But this game has-"
"Stop! You can't tell her why she can't play it!"
Noire and Neptune both snapped their heads in the direction of the doorway... as another Neptune stumbled in. Unlike the first, who still sat there on the ground decorated as if she was Blanc's sister, this Neptune had long blonde hair and was wearing the colors of Leanbox. Behind her, two trails of flames burned brightly in the hallway she had just stepped through, as if she had... Run through and caused those flames herself, somehow...? But that was ridiculous...!
Then again, as far as ridiculous things went...
"W... Wha..." Noire slowly opened and closed her mouth as she tried to find the words to describe what she was seeing, but none came. There were definitely two Neptunes in the room now. There were two Neptunes where there should have been one. She couldn't deny that, if nothing else, she was seeing and hearing two people that looked and sounded like Neptune did. But... why? For what purpose? It couldn't really be to stop her from playing this game, could it...?! "I... What...?"
Even more surprising, the Lowee Neptune looked just as surprised as Noire was — if that was possible. Wasn't she in on this stupid game too...?!
"But I have to! I have to tell her, Neptune! If she plays that game..." The girl in white shuddered violently, as if real memories were overtaking her and she wasn't making all of this up for effect. "You know! You know what happens if we let her play it! That's why we have to tell her-"
"No...! If she knows why she can't... If she knows why she can't, Neptune...! T-Then... Then... I... Waaaaaah!" Without warning, the Neptune in green burst into tears and collapsed into the arms of the Neptune in white, stunning both the Neptune that held her as well as Noire, who still looked on in confused amazement. "Vert wins! Vert wins, Neptune! Vert has all our sisters — no, we're all Vert's little sisters now! Everyone in the world is Vert's sister! I can't do it anymore! I can't play any more MMOs! I can't play any more BL games with her! I know too much! What has been seen can't be unseen...! I... I... I've been ruined for maaaarriaaaaaaage!"
There simply weren't words to describe what Noire was watching happen before her eyes. In some respects, two Neptunes at once was both a dream come true and her worst nightmare realized all in one — which was why she was certain this couldn't be happening. Maybe Neptune had come back with expired pudding, as she often did, and given Noire food poisoning and she was actually unconscious and on her way to the hospital right now. That made sense — more than this at least.
Or maybe it was a trick. Maybe Neptune was showing off some new Planeptune virtual reality technology. That might be it. Surely this had to be a trick. No, it had to be a trick. It just couldn't possibly be real!
"Hmph... I don't know what you two- No, I don't know what Neptune, the one of you, I don't know what you're playing at, but if you're trying to convince me not to play it, you've really blown it with this one. Too bad." Reaching for the Unita again, Noire tossed a hand through her hair, ignoring the two despairing "Neptunes" on the floor before her. What a ridiculous trick this was, really — and it was so mean spirited! Neptune really needed to grow up. "After all, everyone knows Vert never wins anything. She can't even win herself a younger sister."
The two Neptunes gasped.
"That's harsh..."
"As expected of Noire..."
"S-Shut up! I'm ignoring you now!" And she meant it this time too!
Separating from each other after finding mutual agreement in Noire's "harshness," the two Neptunes exchanged looks, before they both nodded at each other. They stood up and gave Noire a harsh look of their own, the white Neptune offering the green Neptune something to wipe her eyes as they did this — naturally, in a very Neptune-like manner, the green Neptune just grabbed the white Neptune's arm and blew her nose on the other Neptune's sleeve.
It would have been funny if they weren't trying to look threatening — it was still definitely a very "Neptune" thing to do.
"W-What? What is it?" Noire leaned back, becoming painfully aware in that moment that she was cornered if there was some truth to this and if they really wanted to stop her so badly that they would use force to do it — but that was crazy... wasn't it? B-Besides, she could hold off two Neptunes by herself, couldn't she? "What are you going to do if I play this? You're not going to..."
The three Neptunes spoke in unison.
"We are!" "We'll do whatever we have to!" "Stop! You can't hurt her!"
- Wait, three Neptunes!? Three now!?
The white and green Neptunes both spun around and looked to the doorway as Noire, feeling pinned in her seat by their stares, did the same, relief filling her from head to toe now that she wasn't being stared at so intensely. And there, in the doorway, was none other than...
"""Neptune?!""" Noire and the white and green Neptunes cried out the name at the same time — for it was true. Yet another Neptune had joined them, with yet another pair of flaming footprints left in the hallway behind her.
The black haired CPU in the doorway shook her head. Her too-short-to-be-twintails pigtails shook as she did this, and despite everything, all three of the room's other occupants found themselves thinking that that looked really cute on her.
"No, I'm not Neptune..." Looking incredibly grim as she slowly walked into the room, seemingly ignoring the fact that the hallway was on fire again, or perhaps she had simply just expected it to be that way for some reason, the Neptune clad in Lastation's colors surveyed the three other people in the room, before she revealed the terrible truth. "I'm Neptune... from the future!"
And there it was.
Hearing that, Noire just groaned, covering her face with her hands — on the other hand, typical, the other two Neptunes "oooh"ed and "aaah"ed at this revelation as if it could have been anything else. What the heck were they expecting!? Why would they have thought it could have been anything else after they had just pulled the same dumb joke on her!? ... Hold on though... Looking at this newest Neptune...
"Wait a minute, are you from a future where I take over?" Not that Noire was any more keen on believing this ridiculous story now that there was a third Neptune... O-Okay, fine, so maybe she was a little more keen on it... But she wanted to see where this one went. Because she was curious, though, that was the only reason! She'd already heard the ridiculous stories of what happened if Blanc and Vert took over as a result of her playing this game, but how did Neptune expect her to not want to play the game if she knew it would lead to her taking over the world? Didn't Neptune know her? "You didn't think this out at all, did you, Neptune?"
Neptune just looked at Noire like she was looking at an animal in a zoo or some kind of fascinating historical object in a museum — no, that couldn't be right, Neptune didn't go to museums. Whatever the expression was, it was really ticking Noire off, she could say that much...! Then, without warning, she burst into a strange smile.
"So that's what you looked like... Wow... I'd forgotten...! I've missed you soooooo much, Noire! That's the Lonely Heart I remember!" For a moment, it looked as though the black Neptune was about to jump over the table and the other two Neptunes to get at Noire — hopefully to hug her, which would fit her expression, but considering what the other two had seemed like they had wanted to do just a moment ago, Noire wasn't going to risk trusting Neptune — or "any of these Neptunes" — just yet... "Oopsie, might make a time paradox again if I do that..."
Maybe it was because of the more welcoming attire (w-what? she didn't have an ego or anything!) that this Neptune wore, or maybe it was because of her words, but for some reason... Noire was a little more interested in what this Neptune had to say for some reason. As it happened, the other two Neptunes seemed to be in agreement with this.
"What are you talking about? She's Noire, how could you forget what she looks like?" For a moment, Noire felt herself almost touched at this comment from the green Neptune. So she was someone so important to Neptune that the idea of not knowing what she looked like was worth a comment like that? Even if this whole thing was stupid and ridiculous, for that... F-For that... Maybe Noire could play along for a little-
"Don't tell me... You're from a future where everyone is socially inept like her!?" The white Neptune added this comment, at which point she clasped hands with the green Neptune and, in unison, gasped in horror. "That's not a future I even want to hear about! That's the worst thing I could imagine!"
... And then that feeling went right out the window...
"Don't even joke about that! That's not even Nepping funny!" The black Neptune's gentle expression faded instantly at this suggestion, one far more typical of Neptune taking its place. "Besides, if I was from a future where she took over, I'd be in some cosplay, right? There'd be a law for all cute girls like us to wear cat ears and a cat tail everywhere we went. No, the future I'm from is completely different than one like that!"
... And then it got run over...
"Whew... I guess I can at least be glad I didn't come from that kind of future..." The green Neptune sighed in relief at the black Neptune's joking description of what a Noire-ruled future would be like, apparently preferring being forced to live under Vert's iron fist of sisterhood as opposed to having to do a little cosplay...! "So what kinda future are you from then?"
... And then a passing dogoo started eating what little remained...
As the Neptunes began to converse amongst themselves, her annoyance reaching its peak, Noire tried to tone them out and just reach for the Unita again so she could finally play the game — and hopefully shut these stupid tricks or future girls or whatever they were up! While doing this, she couldn't help but listen in to their conversation — thank goodness for their being so airheaded they had apparently forgotten why they were here.
"... and so after you guys accidentally kill Noire, Uni goes crazy and takes over every Gamindustri she can get her hands on lookin' for a new Noire. She makes everybody dress like her and everything — that's why I don't remember what Noire really looks like anymore, 'cause everybody looks like her now and it's been a reeeaaally long time." The Neptune from Lastation shook her head, crossing her arms and looking especially dismayed. "It'd be super duper sad if she wasn't all crazy supervillain about the whole thing, you know? Blanc's making out like a bandit writing Noire's autobiographies since they're the only thing they teach in schools now, though..."
"W-Wow..." The Neptune from Leanbox looked down, kicking her foot on the ground awkwardly. That almost made a life filled with BL and chest pillows and constant hugs and cuddling sound nice. "And I thought I had it bad... I don't even want to make a joke about Uni being even lonelier than- Ow!"
"You almost did, stupid!" The Neptune from Lowee was giving her Leanbox counterpart a sharp look, having just elbowed her to stop her from making the joke she had been trying not to make in the first place. "Don't you think?"
"Hey, don't call her stupid — you're calling me stupid if you are! Don't you think?" The Neptune in black glared at the Neptune in white, which in turn got her a look of approval from the Neptune in green. Considering they all had the same face, it was certainly a sight to behold — a shame there was no one around but the two other Neptunes to see it! "If you wanna take this outside, then I'd be glad to show you just what this Nep can do!"
There was a clattering sound. The three Neptunes spun around, gasping when they realized they had totally forgotten their primary reason for traveling back in time — Noire! — in the first place. What the goodness was wrong with them!?
Noire hated that she had actually started crying, but after hearing what happened to her little sister... She didn't care how these Neptunes were screwing around with her or what, but that was a horrible thing to hear, even if it was just a joke!
"I-I don't know if I believe you or not, but either way..." Wiping her eyes, Noire reached for the game once again. She wasn't sure how things had gotten to this point, but now she was determined. She had to play this game. She didn't even have a choice in the matter anymore. "If I'm understanding you right... From what you're saying, if I play this without hearing what any of you have to say, then... Then that won't happen to Uni, will it? One of the other two ones might happen, but Uni will be okay, won't she? A-And if you're wrong, which, I mean, it's not like I believe you or anything, b-but then it's not like anything would have changed anyway, so... That should save Uni, right?!"
There was silence from the three Neptunes... and then the Neptune in black blinked slowly, as if this had just dawned on her.
"Oh... Hey... Yeah, I guess that would stop my future from happening..." The Neptune in black tilted her head in wonder — she couldn't believe Noire had figured out a fix to things so quickly! Boy, time travel sure was weird. If only there was a way to knew how it worked for sure... As she began thinking about the more confusing aspects of time travel, she stopped paying attention to her surroundings — so while the Neptunes in white and green at either of her sides began flailing around and Noire began turning on the game a third time, the Neptune in black just stood there, thinking long and hard about- Wait, was Noire turning the game on!? Why would she do that!? "Noire, stop! You can't!"
"No! I have to now! I have to play this game no matter what happens! I have to do it! For Uni!" Blinking back her tears, Noire shook her head, taking in the crackling, electric sound effects of the game's opening sequence for all they were worth... Whatever was wrong with this game, if there was one thing she could already praise it for, it was the amazing sound effects! ... Huh... Crackling? Electric? "... Wait a minute, wasn't it fire before...? Now what's going-"
Noire didn't get to finish her question — in fact, she didn't even need to. She looked up just in time to see what seemed to be an miniature electric storm forming out of nothing in the middle of the room (as well as the three Neptunes crying out in surprise and scattering in order to get out of the way). Bolts of lightning shot out from it as it began to take the form of an orb — old issues of Lowee Power and new issues of tabloids Gamindustri Informer were set ablaze by stray bolts as this electrical orb took shame... and then it began to fade.
"W-Wha..."
"Why..."
"How...?"
"Isn't that...?"
And in the orb's place... Crouching on the ground... Slowly looking up and looking around the room...!
"Why are you looking so surprised? I told you before, didn't I?" Purple Heart, completely naked, stood up from her crouching position and took a step towards the black haired CPU on the couch — shame had apparently become lost to her at some point, if she had ever even had it...!? — acting as though the other Neptunes weren't even there. "I kept our promise. It was a long time ago for me, but for you..."
"T-T-T-Told me w-w-what!?" Covering her face with both hands (but peeking through her fingers like any self-respecting person in her situation would do), Noire pushed her feet on the ground as if she was trying to escape, but obviously, she was unable to go anywhere for she was still seated on the couch that she had been on this entire time...! "W-What did you tell me, Neptune?!"
A small smile graced the naked CPU's lips. She looked directly into Noire's eyes. And then-
"'I'll be back.'"
After recovering from the sporadic episode of extreme blood loss that had occurred when the extremely naked Purple Heart had made her appearance, Noire found herself witnessing more and more crazy, outlandish appearances of Neptunes and Purple Hearts claiming to be from different futures, each more outlandish sounding than the last. It had gotten to the point that Noire realized there wasn't much room left in the room for all of them — meaning she couldn't keep ignoring them, because Gamindustri would probably already be facing a hunger crisis once it got time to feed all of the ones that were here already as it was.
And so, faced with Neptune after Neptune after Purple Heart after Neptune, all looking at her, Noire considered her options.
She had a room full of Neptunes — two of which were still very naked for some reason (a few others had tried to appear in the same way after them, but the first two told Noire they were from futures too convoluted and distorted to worry about — and with naked Purple Hearts giving her such advice, she really wasn't in a position to argue) — all wanting the same thing from her. Regardless of how they had gotten there, be it through an egg-shaped time machine that they put away in a pill, through being brought to her by the Ghost of Pongsmas Future, and all sorts of other means, the end result was the same.
There were now countless Neptunes of all shapes and sizes (and appeal too...) in the room, all pleading with her not to do something — the same thing. They were all begging her to not turn on that game...
... and on the other hand, she had a spinoff game about her. A spinoff game that she had been waiting so long for... A spinoff game where she was finally the main character, like it had always been meant to be! A spinoff game where it would finally be her time to shine and stand in the spotlight, like she'd been waiting for for so long! A spinoff game that...
"Y-You said you all would do anything to stop me from playing this...?" The Neptunes all gave their assent and agreement to this.
... A spinoff game that, by all accounts, would probably be forgotten as soon as the next one came along...
"And all I have to do is to promise to never ever play it?" Some of the Neptunes were starting to look hopeful, while others were looking exceedingly desperate.
... A spinoff game that, if it was worth playing in the first place, would probably get a better and much improved sequel down the road anyway...
There was just one thing she had to confirm first.
"And that future where Uni goes crazy definitely won't happen if I don't play it?" The first Neptune that had come from that future — one had come later from a branching future like it (the main difference was that one apparently had trains instead of cars), which had just made things even more confusing for Noire — nodded furiously. That was all Noire needed to know. "Definitely then..."
... A spinoff game that was already completely forgotten.
"O-Okay... Y-You've convinced me! I won't play it! Ever!" The Neptunes erupted into cheers or satisfied smiles or whatever else was appropriate for whatever kind of Neptune they were. Noire didn't really care all that much, for she had much more pertinent things to deal with now. "But... Only if you keep up your end of things...!"
This was going to be so much better than that game ever could have been...
Neptune couldn't believe Histy had done such a horrible thing, throwing out all her almost-two-weeks-past-the-expiration-date pudding! Everyone knew pudding was still good for at least three weeks after that! At least now she had nice and fresh pudding in her hands (and some in her tummy, but Noire didn't need to know that) as she made her way back to where she had been playing games with Noire earlier. She just hoped that Noire hadn't gone and started that game without her — she wanted to see how bad a main character Noire was firsthand!
Grinning at the thought, and not at all jealous that Noire had gotten something like that, Neptune slowed her pace and began to tiptoe as the open door to the living room came into view. Knowing Noire, she probably had gone ahead and started it to make sure it wasn't something she didn't want Neptune to see — if Neptune was quiet, she might get to catch Noire in the act! Oh, what a naughty CPU Noire was! But Neptune knew better!
"No, not there... L-Lower... No, you don't stop just because she's there- Both of you do... Ah!"
Now close enough to hear what was going on inside the room she had left only a short (in Neptune hours) time ago, Neptune froze. Alarm bells were going off. What she was hearing was something she knew she definitely shouldn't be hearing after how she had left Noire...
"Good... That's good. T-That's the spot..."
There was no mistaking it. That was definitely Noire's voice... Wasn't it? But... Wait...
"Yeah... Yeah, that's right... D-Don't look at me like that- W-Who said you could slow down?!"
That was her voice in there too, wasn't it...? How could that be...
"... Unless..."
After she stopped to consider the situation for a moment, even as the noises and sounds and voices didn't stop, Neptune realized that she had nothing to worry about. In fact, a most devious of devious grins began to form on her face. There was, after all, a very simple explanation for what she was hearing right now, one that explained away all of those sounds in one fell swoop.
"I see, I see... So Noire's game is that kind of game?" The CPU would have rubbed her hands together in a most diabolical fashion if they hadn't been full of pudding. It was a shame she didn't do so anyway — dropping the pudding might have let her notice all of the strange burn marks on the floor, as well as imprints from unusual machines and all other sorts of things. "I bet once I walk in, she won't want me to even go near it! Hehehe, well too bad Noire, I've already heard everything I need to!"
Having settled on the obvious solution to the mystery that had presented itself to her, Neptune continued on her merry way towards where she had left Noire, filled with anticipation. Sure, Noire had broken their promise, but now she was getting to catch Noire in the act — and she was getting to catch Noire in the act of playing her super embarrassing pervy game! It was like Pongsmas had come early!
"Now let's see... What have we..." Slowly, Neptune peeked into the room, knowing Noire would probably be hunched over the couch, totally engrossed in the game but in a position that she could easily hide the game away should someone surprise her. That was... definitely... what... would happen...? "... here...!?"
The pudding she had been carrying clattered to the ground. Neptune stared in shock at what was going on. Noire wasn't playing a game at all! In fact, she was... She was getting a massage!? At least Neptune hoped that was what she was seeing...! The thing was... The people giving her that massage... All of them were... All of them were...
Before Neptune could cry out in surprise, she found herself being yanked into the hallway, her cry dying on her breath.
"This is your last chance, Neptune."
There, standing in the hallway, was Black Heart — as in Noire. As in the person who was in the other room getting smothered by Neptune, who was actually also in the hall, a minute ago. But Black Heart was Black Heart right now, not Noire, and Neptune was in the hall, not the other room, and... What...? What's more, Black Heart wasn't wearing a processor set of any kind — but it was definitely Black Heart. It was just... She was wearing sunglasses and a black coat. It was cosplay, obviously it was cosplay, it was Noire after all, and Noire cosplayed, but-
"After this, there's no going back."
"Wha?" Neptune was already lost before she had been yanked out here by... Noire? That didn't make sense... Wasn't Noire in the other room? What was going on? Where was... Why was a bunch of her in the other room with Noire? And why was... But... Huh?! What the heck was going on!? "Last chance for what?!"
Black Heart merely laughed. It was natural for poor, innocent Neptune to react this way — she still didn't understand. But she would soon. Very, very soon. Slowly, elegantly, the goddess held up her hands, offering them to Neptune, for in each of them...
"Ooooh... Are these new flavors? I've never seen these before..." Her worries starting to fade at the sight, Neptune eyed the pudding cups in Noire's hand curiously, her eyes starting to sparkle. After the pudding she had been carrying had been lost and the shock of seeing whatever she had seen in the other room chasing away all the fullness she had felt from eating up in the kitchen, she was feeling awful hungry now... "What are these, Noire? Come on, tell me!"
"I'm glad you asked." Closing her eyes behind her sunglasses, Black Heart began to explain — she knew that this was only the beginning. "If you eat the blue pudding and the story ends. You wake up in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe... If you eat the red pudding, you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole-"
"You say somethin' Noire?"
The goddess in the coat opened her eyes.
Neptune had just wolfed down both cups without a second thought. Both pudding cups were now in Neptune's hands, and both of them were completely empty.
"You... You... You moron! You just doomed us all! How did you even eat those without the spoon!?"
"Huh... What?" Neptune tilted her head, a frown crossing her features. Tossing the empty pudding cups aside, she gestured to the oddly dressed CPU before her, as though she were trying to explain something very basic to her. "Noire... There is no spoon."
Hearing this, Black Heart frowned. Stepping back, she found herself starting to scowl — trust Neptune to messing with things right at the end!
"Of course there's a spoon — it's pudding, how else would you have eaten it?" Shaking her head, Black Heart reached into her coat for her metal box of utensils and other cutlery, offering it to Neptune to observe before she opened it. But when she did...? "Wait... No, that can't be right- That's impossible...!"
There was only a fork and a knife inside.
As Black Heart looked at her in horror, Neptune returned the expression with a grin as she withdrew a pair of sunglasses of her own from her inventory, donning them like it was the most natural thing in the world for her to do. Why did she suddenly look so calm...? Hadn't she been freaking out just a moment ago?
"Welcome to the Neptrix, Miss Noire." Wait... Now Neptune was in a suit too...? Hey, she actually looked good like that- Wait, what was she smirking like that for? What was the Neptrix? What was- "They call me Agent Purple."
Black Heart's whole world was spinning. Catchy theme music started to play as Neptune — Agent Purple? — descended on Black Heart, as even more sunglasses-clad Neptunes began to crawl out of the other open doors.
Nothing made sense anymore- What was happening? What about her massage? Or was that another Noire? But then who was she...?! Someone, anyone, help! And where was that music coming from...!? Turn it down, please, she couldn't think anymore...!
"Stop...!"
Gasping, Noire jolted up in her bed in a cold sweat. The music was still playing... But that was all. There was no massage, no wonderf-er, terrifying harem of Neptunes surrounding her, no pudding, no spoonfs (or lack thereof), it was just a normal, regular morning. Everything was fine. Everything would be fine.
It... It must have been a dream. That was all.
Her alarm was going off, the radio playing one of her favorite songs. That was the music she had been hearing. A quick glance out the window revealed that it was morning. It was still a little dark out — it wasn't night, though. It was just especially early. She must have forgotten to change her alarm back to normal after yesterday... What had yesterday been again? She looked at her calendar sleepily as she hit her alarm — she'd forgotten to cross out yesterday...
"Gooood morning Lastation! It's a big, big day!" "
Slowly crawling out of her favorite dragon-slash-bandicoot bedspread, a bedspread she was sure she only ever used for special occasions, the CPU began to frown as she slowly walked to her bathroom to wash her face. That... sounded awfully familiar for some reason. She must have still been half-asleep — she knew better than to cut out hours from her sleep schedule like that. She was no Vert... She wasn't cut out for this sort of thing.
"What's so big about it, Phil?"
Rolling her eyes, Noire muttered how she was glad Pux asked under her breath as she looked at herself in the mirror. As if these lame radio guys would say the same thing every day. Oh well — not her problem right now. She'd better not make it a habit to listen to these silly radio personalities, or she'd start quoting them like Neptune quoted her favorite television shows...
"Glad you asked, Pux! Today is the day Lady Noire finally gets the recognition she deserves!"
Noire froze. She peeked out of her bathroom to stare at her radio, eyes slowly widening.
"No..."
Had she heard this before? No, she couldn't have. That would be silly. She was overthinking this, that was all...
"I hope all you listeners out there are ready for this one! Especially you, Lady Noire!"
Never mind.
She had heard this before.
"No...!"
She had definitely heard this before.
"Today is Lady Noire's big debut as a main character! That's right, listeners-"
Images of multicolored Neptunes and naked bodies and sunglasses began flashing before Noire's eyes. Images of that "dream" began to fill her mind, and even before the people on the radio spoke them, Noire found herself whispering their next words.
"Because... it's..."
"BECAUSE IT'S LAUNCH DAAAAAAAY!"
As the radio announcers began to go on about the game that was releasing worldwide in just a few hours once stores opened up, Noire fell to her knees, slackjawed. She couldn't believe her ears. This couldn't be happening. Was she... Was she really living the same day over again...? Would she have to sit through Neptune being an idiot all over again? And then all of those other Neptunes — including the naked ones!? And then... Those other things...?
Could she... change it somehow? Was there anything she could do? Was... Was she still dreaming? Or was this just another horrible dream on top of the last horrible-
A loud, booming, WHAM of a noise interrupted her thoughts — and then her bedroom door... exploded!?
Screaming at the sudden intrusion, Noire leapt for her bed — would her bedsheets somehow protect her!? doubtful, but what else could she do at this point!? — as her door was violently kicked down. Yet even as she did, she still couldn't help but wonder... Now what was going to happen...?! What other ridiculous thing was going to happen to her next!?
Her answer took the form of... none other than her little sister at the remains of door?
Oh no, it wasn't just her little sister. How silly of Noire to ever think it would be that.
It was her little sister... toting more artillery than Noire had ever seen or known a single person — of Uni's size or any other — was capable of carrying.
Staring blankly, mind in the process of shutting down completely at this point, Noire could only watch, an observer in her own body, as Uni reached her hand out and offered it to Noire — and as she did, she made a declaration. She made a declaration that would lead to a change so drastic that the course of their lives and the lives of everyone they knew, had known, and every would know would be forever altered... All with one last iconic catch phrase...
"Come with me if you want to live!"