A/N: This isn't your usual destiel fanfic. All elements of this story are how I think the characters would react, and they legitimately don't know why this is happening. So it's sort of, non-canon meets canon :D AU verse where Gabriel ships destiel really hard.

Sam and Dean were coming back in the Impala to the motel room after a case. "Nice job Sammy, with those vamps back there," he said, nodding toward his brother. Sam smiled back. "Yeah, you too." They got out. "Where'd Cas go?"

"I'm right here, Dean."

Dean jumped, and turned around, sighing as he saw the angel. "Oh. Hey, Cas." "Hello, Dean." They stared at each other for a moment, and Sam frowned. "Uh... I'll just be going." Dean looked away. "Yeah, me too. You gonna come in, Cas?" "That would be nice."

He stopped Dean. "You did the right thing in the hunt today- even if she was young, she was a monster. She would have drank and turned or killed many more." Dean nodded, looking down, and Cas put a comforting hand on his right shoulder- over the handprint area.

Suddenly, Dean was overwhelmed with a powerful warmth in his body, and he fell to his knees, gasping out. Cas frowned in alarm, removing his hand, and leaned down. "Dean?! Dean, are you okay?" Dean looked deeply disturbed. "Oh god..." he mumbled. "What?" "Oh...god!"

Cas held his frown. "Dean, what's going on? What did I do?" Dean suddenly looked down, and back up again. "I... think I just had an orgasm."

Cas paled, and looked very awkward, shuffling away. "Uh... that was, uh... unintentional." Dean looked up at him. "Obviously! Jesus..." "What does blasphemy have to do with this?"

Just then, Sam ran out, seeing Dean on the ground. "Dean! What happened!" "You don't want to-" "He's had an orgasm, it was very severe." Dean sighed at Cas' lack of discretion.

Sam stopped in his tracks, his expression blank. "Oh... umm... you guys...want a room to yourself or something...?" Dean growled up at him. "Cas didn't jerk me off or something, you perverted bitch! It just," he stuttered, "Happened."

He thought for a moment. "And it felt great." Cas went dark red, and Sam covered his eyes. "Dude, don't need to know. How did you just randomly... you know?" "I don't know! Cas just touched... huh. Cas, touch my arm again, right on the handprint."

Cas looked hesitant, not making any move as he stared at Dean precariously. "Come on, dammit, do it! We need to figure this out." Dean took off his leather jacket, riding up his t-shirt sleeve, and Cas licked over his lips reluctantly. He stepped forward, placing a ginger hand over Dean's scar.

"Hnnng," Dean moaned, his mouth dropping open as his body convulsed violently. Cas kept it there, standing dumbly as if he were waiting for an elevator. Meanwhile, Dean was panting and cursing, trying to move away. "Ah! Ah! Oh, motherff... oh, geez...C-C-Cas, t-take the hand... o-off...oh...god..."

Cas jerked his hand away quickly, and Dean leaned back against the car, breathing heavily. "Shit..." he muttered. "Guess we found out what's causing... this," Sam said, still refusing to look.

Dean nodded, still catching his breath. "Well, for the record," he mumbled with a grin, "That was the longest one I've ever had."

Sam blushed beet red, pursing his lips, and Cas just frowned, not knowing what Dean meant. "I'm sorry if I caused you any discomfort," the angel told him.

"Discomfort's not really the word I'd use," Dean frowned, rubbing the back of his neck.

"So, we have to find a way to stop it then," Sam said, putting his hands on his hips, "We can't have you... moaning, every time Cas touches you." "That would get me in a lot of trouble back in heaven," Cas affirmed.

"Yeah, that's all fine and good," Dean said, "But first, can I... go change my boxers?" he asked, squirming uncomfortably. Sam made a face. "Dude..." "What?! I didn't ask for it! Fuck..."

Dean went into the motel room, and when he got back out, they were about to pull out Sam's phone to search for lore, when they heard a snap behind them.

"Well, well, well. I knew it was too good to be true." They all turned. "Crowley," Dean grumbled. "I was all ready to buy you two congratulations gifts!" "Did you do this for your personal amusement?" Cas said angrily.

Dean smirked. "You don't know how wrong that sounds." "I wouldn't dream of doing something like this. Just came to see if you could use some help." "Help?" Sam scoffed, "You want to help us? Why?" "Really, Moose? You think I wouldn't help a friend in need?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "What do you really want, Crowley?" "I know how to get rid of it." "What? How?" "Well... it'll be a tad complicated, because of the chap who did this-" "Who did it?"

"A bothersome archangel- Gabriel, I think his name is." Cas closed his eyes, rubbing his temples. "My brother." "That douchewad!" Dean yelled, kicking is tire, then bent down, soothingly stroking them. "Sorry, Baby."

"Diiiiid somebody call my name?" a voice trilled, and they turned again. "Gabriel, undo this embarrassing spell right now," Cas warned. "Or what, li'l bro? You'll... smite me?" The archangel laughed. Dean stomped forward, and grabbed him by his collar, lifting him up a few feet.

"Woah, woah, woah, Hands Off, Hasslehoff," Gabriel said, laughing at his own joke, "I'm not your pretty boyfriend, he's one clockwise." "Oh, I will savour every feather I pluck from your furry ass wings-" "Not a way you want to talk to an angel, Dean," Crowley mumbled, and Gabriel stepped forward to the hunter.

"Why don't you shut your trap, asshat, or I'll obliterate your brother!" he said perkily, all seriousness now. Dean glared at him and crossed his arms, but backed off.

"Don't threaten Sam, he has no part in this, it's Dean and I," Cas said, putting a hand on Dean's-

"No! Augggfffff...oh yeah..." Cas' eyes widened, and he removed it, letting Dean's body go. "Dammit, Cas!" "Sorry, I forgot." Gabriel snickered, and Dean looked at him murderously.

"Get rid of whatever... whatever you have on me right now, because I don't feel like coming every time Cas touches the print!"

Gabriel pouted. "I thought you'd have fun with it! Come on- don't you want it for a night... maybe two?" Cas and Dean looked at each other, then both pushed Gabriel against a wall, holding him there. Cas put his blade up to his brother's neck.

"If I was to ever engage in sexual relations with Dean, it would be by our accord, not your idea of a jest," he deadpanned, and Dean's eyes widened as he looked at Cas.

Cas looked back sternly. "I said 'if', as an example." Dean shook his head, and looked back at Gabriel. "Undo it, now."

Gabe sighed. "Fine, fine. I'll tell you how to break it. You probably won't like it, though." "Just tell us," Dean growled. "Alright! You have to kiss."

Sam choked, and Crowley chuckled. Cas and Dean looked at each other, and Cas dug the blade in deeper at Gabriel's throat. "Woah, I can't reverse it! That's the only way, okay?!"

Cas sighed, and lowered his arm, letting Gabriel off. "I can't believe this," Dean said, "I miss the days when we had to deal with Wendigos and good ol' friggin' bugs, not angel-dicks." Sam nodded in full agreement.

"Let's get this over with," he told Cas, and Cas looked back at him. "Dean, I don't wish for this to create any sense of indifference in our relatio-mmmph." Dean pressed his lips to Cas' for a moment, and for a time, Cas felt like he had reached high heaven again, before the hunter stepped back.

The hunter wiped his mouth. "Happy?" he asked Gabriel. "Very," the archangel smirked. Cas put a hesitant hand to Dean's shoulder, and Dean prepared himself, but nothing happened. "Whew," he muttered.

Cas cleared his throat. "Well... I'll be leaving now. Call if you need me." He disappeared before Dean could say anything, and Gabriel grinned. "That's what you call a one night stand." "Or a quickie," Crowley smirked.

"Alright, you two can fuck off now," Dean said, waving to them dismissively. Gabriel smiled. "Til next time boys! Thanks for the show." He disappeared, and Crowley chuckled. "I am forever scarred now. Thanks for that," he said, and snapped in a flash of fire, disappearing.

Sam turned to Dean. "What the hell just happened?" "I don't even know." "Uh... beer?" "Love one."

They walked back to the room together, shaking their heads in confusion. That was the most interesting case of their careers.