AND THEY ALL LIVED ------- EVER AFTER!

Blue Fic

Chapter One

...Trojan Man Strikes Back...

Alternate chapter title: And Boromir has left zee cage.

Authors: Lea (Me), Reala (Zeech), Lindi (Kadama or Reala and Lindi) and Boshi.

Rating: R

Disclaimer: Ehh...for this chapter, we only own Reala, Lea and Boshi. We do not own the little "Sharks" thing, that came to me via Boshi who heard it somewhere that she can't remember. We do not own the Fellowship (But I've been good all year and I'm asking Santa.), nothing we write in here has any true effect in the world of Disney or Celebration (cough) and this is all filled with classic Floridian humor.

Author's Note: I (Lea) began this sometime last...February in World History, let Becky begin writing in it, then Boshi, then Lindi. So this has been going on for quite some time now. We have a three-inch binder filled with loose-leaf paper and a small notebook and half a bigger one. Oh yeah, and Boromir's not dead.

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Immortality...the aftereffects of eradicating evil from the world. Gradually, however, the Fellowship was torn asunder, couples split and it all drifted away. Then one day in 2002 (when this humble fic began) they were drawn together by an evil surpassing Sauron...eviction. And so the Fellowship and their significant others rented a house in Celebration, Orlando, Florida, USA. They had been there only a year when the last remaining member of the Fellowship joined them...

"Boromir?!" yelled Legolas indignantly.

"He's staying here," said Reala smugly, hooking her arm in his. Legolas took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Reala scowled at him.

"You still haven't gotten over that whole 'Troy v. Greece' thing? That was like...two millennia ago."

Legolas glowered at Boromir all the same. Boromir pushed his way past Legolas, knocking him with his broad shoulders. Legolas was shoved back. He made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and stomped after them, the effect ruined by the fact that Elves, even after six thousand years of immortality, still did not make any noise whatsoever when they walked. Even when they wanted to. Boromir stepped into the living room and stared in horror. Merry and Pippin were playing Diablo on the TV screen.

"Die!" shrieked Pippin. "Why won't you die?!"

Boromir looked at the screen closely and his eye twitched involuntarily. "They look like Uruk-hai."

"They look like you," chirped Merry. "Hi, Boromir the non-ruler of extinct Gondor!"

Suddenly the front door opened and a very angry she-Elf stormed into the room. Sam, Frodo and Reala dove to opposite corners of the room rather than ask how Lea's day was. She paused like a deer in the headlights when she saw Boromir, then caught herself.

"Aie!" she mocked, pointing at him in horror. "Trojan man!"

Boromir scowled. "Very funny."

Merry and Pippin managed to pause Diablo before collapsing into fits of laughter. "It...it...is so funny!" gasped Merry in between fits of giggles.

"Trojan man!" cried Pippin, throwing his fist in the air and then doubling over in laughter again.

"Boromir can have the bottom bunk under Legolas," said Aragorn from the kitchen. Everyone jumped. Reala gave him a feral glare. "He needs a collar with bells or something...as bad as Elves."

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Merry waved his hand at the door at the end of the hall. "That's the hobbit room."

A series of small signs were hanging on the door overlapping each other. Boromir walked over and lifted each one up and read them. Tuckborough, Brandy Hall, Bag End... Boromir looked over at Merry in confusion.

"Depends on who gets home first." Merry waved his hand expansively at a half-open door with about ten padlocks and deadbolts on the inside doorjamb. Boromir stared.

"Ehh...the girls room," explained Merry. "The locks are there because of the time Frodo messed up the ingredients in the food and made a very strong aphrodisiac and fed it to...well, that was a long time ago. Legolas already tried getting through. It doesn't work," finished Merry with a note of sadness.

He waved up at the ceiling. "Gimli's up there, and Gandalf has a room off of the kitchen. It's supposed to be a broom closet, but Gandalf did something and now it's connected to another dimension. He mostly lives there now."

He moved to the last bedroom door. "This is your room."

Boromir warily opened the door. Thousands of years living with immortals and their paranoia made him a little leery of new places as well. He walked in and saw two blond Elves making up the bottom bunk with new sheets. Legolas turned and bowed.

"Trojan man."

"Shove it."

Lea snickered and finished putting the pillow in the Lion King pillowcase. "Trojan man. You know, you never knew which side to take."

Boromir stepped forward threateningly. "Hey, that Ring was pretty t-t-tempting."

The two Elves shook their heads and walked out. Boromir followed and tapped Legolas on the shoulder. He turned, and Lea went on ahead.

"What, Trojan man? Have you a surplus of the little teal boxes?"

"Ha ha. Actually I was wondering what time the alarm was set for?"

"I don't know. Aragorn (said with a certain note of contempt) is the only one who uses it. You'll have to ask him-"

A horrific shriek rang out suddenly, causing Legolas to turn around and grab the upstairs banister. As Boromir watched in amazement the Elf sprang over the rail and landed lightly on the ground floor. He ran off in the direction of the conflict, being the mediator of the house. Boromir followed. Lea was standing by the refrigerator waving Andúril at Gimli in a threatening manner. The Dwarf was wobbling around drunkenly, armed with a toilet plunger he obviously thought to be a Dwarven battle-axe. Legolas took one look at the scene and gave up all hope, leaping behind the sofa with Frodo, Sam and Merry. Aragorn reached out with a potholder and yanked Andúril away from the she-Elf and threw it aside. It flew right past Pippin, nearly taking off his head and stuck in the wall, quivering like a shish-kebab stick stabbed into a steak. The hobbit yelped and ran behind Lea, who turned to Aragorn with a death look worthy of being compared to the velociraptors from Jurassic Park.

"Hey!" she yelled. "You nearly took his head off!"

Aragorn shook his finger at her. "If you hadn't had the sword-"

"If you hadn't let Gimli get drunk-"

"I did not get drunk!" roared said Dwarf. "I got drunk!"

"Ass!"

The fight broke out in full force: Aragorn vs. Gimli vs. Lea vs. Reala (after a rude comment made by someone about Reala's mother) with Pippin cheering for Lea from the top of the refrigerator. Merry peered around the edge of the sofa after Boromir stepped behind the sofa as well. He felt like Jacques Cousteau.

"Observe zee vicious majestry of zee sharks as zey tear each ozzer to leetul peezes. But fear not, we are safe in zee cage!"

Boromir leaned forward. "What should we do?" he asked Merry in a hushed tone.

Merry flapped his hand behind him, nearly smacking Boromir in the face. "Non, non, stay behind me; you are safe in zee cage!"

Just then the fight got ugly. Aragorn yelled a particularly nasty insult at Reala after her knee connected solidly with his groin. There, Boromir made a fatal mistake. Again. He stepped over Merry, Frodo, Sam and Legolas and yelled, "Hey, you can't talk to her that way!"

"Non, non!" cried Sam and Frodo in unison. Boromir looked at the angry faces of Aragorn, Gimli and Lea, than back at the terror of the refugees behind the sofa, then back to the fight. He strode forward and tried to keep the combatants apart, but was consumed. The onlookers stared in horror, then winced as they heard a long, shrill shriek that was suddenly cut off with a strange sucking "thwump" sound.

"And Boromir has left zee cage," finished Merry sadly.

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It took a good 45 minutes to get the toilet plunger off of Boromir's head, and another half-hour to scrub off the rubber scuff marks from his face and the floor. Gimli had passed out on the floor and they managed to shove him into the hall closet. Lea was sulking in the corner of the living room, nursing a jammed middle finger and occasionally glaring at Aragorn. Pippin had been assigned the task of dislodging Andúril from the kitchen wall, then to take masking tape and cover the hole with it, then Wite-Out to blend it in to the wall. Aragorn managed to make it upstairs, his face contorted into grotesque expressions as he held and ice pack to his crotch. Whether the pain or the cold was causing him to make the faces, no one knew and didn't dare to ask.

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The next morning Boromir opened the bathroom door and frowned. Funny. There were even more locks on the bathroom door than on the girl's room door. Then, with the same look as one who has discovered the secret of the universe (and promptly forgot it), he realized. 'Ah. Shower.' He nodded sagely, mentally congratulating himself. Suddenly the shower curtain swung open and out stepped Aragorn with only a towel girding his manly region. He let out a yell of shock and his heels slipped in a puddle of water. He fell over, knocking into Boromir and toppling over with the other man onto the ground. A beat passed and then Boromir let out a decidedly womanly scream. Arwen skidded into view and clapped her hand over to her mouth at the sight of Boromir and Aragorn in a tangle of arms and legs on the floor.

"Oh my lord," she murmured in horror. "Aragorn...Estel...you're like that? Why didn't you tell-"

"NO!" shrieked Aragorn trying to get up off of Boromir while maintaining his modesty. Which was damn near impossible, as proved when he only seemed to get more tangled. Boromir was making small, terrified noises as he tried to use the doorjamb as support to pull himself out from under the ranger. Arwen stepped away from the doorjamb as Boromir kept yanking on it and it continued to splinter (Dom.) under his grip. Lea passed by, hopping lightly on one foot as she tried to put her shoe on while walking.

"Ha," she said briefly then disappeared from view. Boromir stood up, looking pale and disheveled.

"I think I'll go for that job interview now."

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