It's early morning. The sun barely, slowly rising; a beautiful mix of orange and deep shades of yellow fighting the deep dark blue that had taken over. It's the first sight that greets him as his eyes slowly adjust to the room. No cheap with rips-all-over-it, color washed makeshift fabric, no broken glass or random piece of wood or cardboard to act as a makeshift window-shield. He doesn't hear women's screams or children's cries or the elderly's lamentations. For a few seconds, he panics, not used to this overly quiet and oddly peaceful environment, every cell of his body rising to highest guard and his breathing labored. Though it's serene, filled with familiar pictures pinned into portraits all over the walls, it's still new, unfamiliar and a deranging mix of soothing and completely unsettling. Maybe it's his mind mocking him, maybe it's the reality and he can hear it- screams and cries and desperate pleas over the roaring of guns and bombs going off. It's not his normal anymore.

Breathe in, slow, from your nose.

At first, he doesn't feel the weight on a side of his body, having gotten used to it at some point during the night. He'd probably never admit it but he had barely really slept. His dreams, or mental tricks, were so vivid he couldn't exactly pinpoint his current situation, was he still in his personal nightmare or was it real; was he really back home. Everything felt or was, he couldn't really tell, so real there weren't any real boundaries between reality and dreams. The old trick of pinching himself didn't exactly make a difference- the pain had at some point become an unwanted friend of his, a companion he couldn't really part with. Either way he could barely feel it.

Release from your mouth.

His brain was a messy nest, swimming in an infinity of thoughts. The questions never really ended; did he really see his son? Did he really set foot back into their home? Was he really holding her close in the safety of his arms… safety? He chuckles dryly, mentally rolling his eyes. Was she really safe? Could he really still protect them? He had failed once; how can she even trust him again? He couldn't trust his own instincts; it feels like his body isn't his; that feeling of a foreign entity within him, completely owning him. He exhales as quietly as he can when he actually just wants to scream and let it all out – the frustration; that low self-esteem, the built up anxiety and distress. It was as if screaming, the act itself, could release the intruder whom had taken over his body and mind. But could it really?

It's too much and it's taking over him. Deep breaths leave his nostrils; hesitantly, he's tiptoeing with his breathing- he can't wake her up. Not again. She's tired. She's normal.

And he isn't. He's messed up. She's perfection.

You can do it. You know you want to.

He suddenly feels her shifting in his arms, barely dipping the soft mattress further- her face sinking somehow deeper into his chest and feels a smile he doesn't understand why is even taking over and stretching her cheeks as she inhales him, her arms tightening around him, holding him as tight as her tinier frame can. She's his anchor. She had believed in him. Yet, he was supposed to be the rock she could rest on, he was supposed to be there for her, he was supposed to be that partner she could count on. But now, he can't even deal with his own issues and he feels like an additional burden weighing on her shoulders. A burden she doesn't need. The roles have been reversed. And he can't accept it. And he knows her, he knows she would roll her eyes if he dared saying that.

And God, how he wishes he could just change, get over it, get over it, get over it dammit.

Then it's a voice, dancing on some music sheets, making the sweetest noise his brain automatically identifies as her voice. It feels like finally putting the tip of his toe out of his tormenting hell. It feels like momentary relief. A teasing peek into what normalcy, whatever it actually is, feels like, a familiarity he can somehow still feel.

I missed you.

I missed you.

I missed you.

He keeps chanting the words in his mind, somewhat relishing in the meaning of what she had confided in him. It's like a lullaby and he's the scared child. He was never alone. Never again. Never again. He had actually held her; more like pressed her body flush against his as she mostly did the talking. The weight against his chest comforting him, a weight he's hoping is enough to keep him from drifting away as her familiar smell invaded his nostrils anchoring him to their reality. From letting thoughts invade him all over again.

She had filled him in briefly. They had spent the night, or a pat of it really, talking a little about their son, unwilling to open the still very fresh, bloody wounds. He could feel her hesitation. He could feel his own memories, flashes, and panic rising like electricity in his veins, pinching every available cell, every inch of his being. A stranger had taken over his body, controlling his actions, and he couldn't focus. It's irritation, and he feels like ripping his own skin if it meant getting rid of it; that little whisper going all over his brain. Nagging him. Teasing him. He wasn't ready. He couldn't even face his reality, much less talk about it. He could see, feel the cracks in the darkness warming up his skin, creating a few streaks of light. Thankfully, she didn't pressure him or talked him into opening up, only sharing a few details about Ryan; his best friends at school, his likes and dislikes, what he prefers for breakfast, his favorite shows and color and what superhero he's been into lately. And he's grateful. Grateful for what she did for him, for their son. For the albums. For freezing their life and their memories. Grateful for details that could piece together a reality.

Because maybe one day, his soul won't be as shattered and destroyed and he won't feel like bleeding. He won't feel this broken.

He feels her lips making contact with his bare chest and he involuntarily flinches- damn them habits, her hands going in soothing patterns on his sides as her gentle voice gently whispers, "go back to sleep, Ryan's a living energy ball when he wakes up, I swear you're safe."

And he tries, he really does, squeezing his eyes shut as tight as he can and before he knows it, he flinches, almost completely jerking from their bed when he hears the soft chanting of a bird. It takes every ounce of self-control for him to detangle from her once he makes sure she's back to sleep.

He makes his way to the hallway, and habits are hard to break as he catches himself barely pressing the tip of his toes into the hard floors avoiding every nook and cranny he remembers the wood creaking. He feels like he's spending his life hiding.

Yet, he has no idea what he's supposed to be hiding from.

He grabs at the frame of the heavy wooden door, firmly, as he opens it slowly, taking in the strips of orange-y light bathing the room. He doesn't dare come in. Fatherly instincts kicking in- if he doesn't trust his own doings, how could he trust himself around his sleeping child? Everything seems and feels normal, except he knows; he can feel it, the slight difference hanging like a second skin layer, impossible to take off. He watches the deep inhales from the little slightly open lips, his little hands on either side of his small body, his eyes moving fast, wondering at whatever he is dreaming about. He looks around, committing the small changes in the room to memory yet he can almost see their dynamics during the times he wasn't around. He makes his way towards the child's bed, adjusting the covers to tuck him back in before he heads downstairs.

He doesn't know how long he's been outside, mindlessly staring at the sunrise, basking in the last few minutes of deafening quiet when he feels her before tinier arms try to snake a way around his middle, squeezing firmly as a cheek softly presses against his shoulder blades.

It suddenly feels like home again.

Hello! It's been a while, hope y'all are doing well!

I know y'all were expecting the reunion between Fitz and Ryan but yeah i've had this done for a while now so i figured I'd just update. Maybe blocks will go away at some point... Shout out to Sora for her help with this ;)

Enjoy and until next time take care