Regina lay on the floor of the basement, the punch bag swinging above her as she contemplated the meaning of life. It was Christmas Eve. Everyone was busy, cooking, wrapping presents, preparing ever so secret surprises that Regina just couldn't manage to be excited about. It wasn't that she didn't feel included. She knew that everyone, even Tina, was trying to keep her involved. But no matter what they did, they were a family and she was an outsider. Her family was her mother. And that was something she would rather not consider the meaning of.

"It's almost our turn in the kitchen."

Regina turned to look at the lanky blonde in the doorway. Emma flashed her a lopsided smile.

"I see you've made a friend," she commented. Regina looked up at her swinging opponent.

"I'm not sure 'friend' is the correct term. But yes, we have been interacting."

"Good. You'll have to show me your skills. But not now. Because now you have to wash up, and then we're going to make cookies!"

Regina rolled out from under the punching bag and got up, still almost a head smaller than Emma. She could feel Emma looking at her.

"What?"

Emma blushed. She had been admiring the way Regina's work-out pants accentuated her assets.

"Nothing. Go shower. I'll meet you in the living room in twenty minutes."

Regina rolled her eyes at Emma giving her instructions, but ended up following them anyway. She showered quickly, looking forward to baking the cookies. She liked cooking… She looked down at the scar on her arm, the shiny red skin, burned by the flame on their huge gas cooker- She shuddered. That had been a long time ago. She pushed the thought out of her mind and focused on scrubbing the rest of her body, washing her hair and pulling it back into a tight braid.

Emma grinned at Regina's leggings-and-sweater combo.

"You look almost human," she commented. Regina looked down at her clothes. Her mother hated leggings, she had only ever worn them under her pants in winter to keep warm. But they were so comfortable…

"Thanks?" she said, raising an eyebrow. Emma led the way to the kitchen.

"Do you have a recipe?" she asked. Regina tapped the side of her head.

"In here. We need…" she reeled off a list of ingredients, helping Emma find them along with the correct cooking supplies.

Half an hour later they were both covered in flour and cinnamon cookie dough, an array of extravagantly shaped cookies on baking sheets in front of them. Emma moved to another counter, out of Regina's direct line of sight.

"Don't look!" she said when Regina tried to see what she was doing.

"Why not? Are you designing nuclear launch codes onto that one?"

Emma flicked some flour at her.

"No, I'm making your one and it's going to be a surprise."

"I don't like surprises."

"You'll like this one," Emma insisted. Regina realised that she was planning to surprise Emma, too. She started to clear the rest of the kitchen. By the time Emma was finished, the rest of the cookies were in the oven and most of the dishes were already done.

"You didn't have to-" Emma began, but Regina cut her off.

"I wanted to. What else was there to do?"

Emma took over the sink, squirting in a generous amount of washing up liquid and frothing it to create a vast quantity of bubbles. She turned on the radio with her wet hands (to Regina's horror) and even managed to find a station that wasn't playing Christmas music - golden oldies. Regina set about drying the dishes; Emma finished washing and wiped down the counters, dancing as she did so.

"How do you know all these songs?" Regina asked. Emma shrugged.

"I like listening to music. I listen to everything, I guess… But I know the older things because they're my favourites. Like… Dancing in the Moonlight. I want that one to play at my wedding."

Regina pursed her lips. "And who will you be marrying? Killian?"

Emma gasped. "Ew, gross! No thanks. But hey, what about you? Did you see anyone you like at school?"

Regina rolled her eyes. "I do not gossip about my love life."

"Ooh, so there is a love life to gossip about?"

Regina groaned. "No."

"What about Robyn?"

Regina narrowed her eyes. She detected a hint of jealousy in Emma's tone. She considered playing with her, but she just didn't have the energy. She didn't have the energy to consider the implications of the jealousy, either.

"We're just friends. Maybe. I don't like her in that way."

"So you don't like girls?"

"I didn't say that. I don't… I've never…" She trailed off, blushing at Emma's demanding questions.

"Sorry," Emma said. "I just… I thought you did. I got the vibe."

Regina bit her lip. "I… Perhaps I do. But I have never been in a position to act on it."

Emma put away the last of the dishes. All the cookies except her top secret masterpiece were out of the oven. She was a little sad that they would be leaving the kitchen… It was a kind of sanctuary, no one to bother them, a strange, clean space without any of the pressures of reality. She gave herself a shake. What was she even thinking? She was fifteen, she was way too young to be philosophical.

"I'm still sorry. It's not a big deal. I think… People just like who they like. It shouldn't be something to worry about."

Regina nodded. Then she gave Emma a look. "Do you like girls?"

Emma grinned. "Yes," she said happily. "Now scoot. I have to take your cookie out and I don't want you to see."

Regina reluctantly left the kitchen, feeling similarly to Emma about the space. She cleaned herself up, then knocked on Ruby's door to check on Emma's present one last time. It was stupid - inanimate objects did not need checking on. She just wanted to look at it, to think about it, to question again and again whether Emma would like it… Maybe it was too shabby, maybe it wouldn't be right-

"Kid, you gotta stop second guessing yourself. She'll love it, it's an amazing idea."

Regina sighed and looked up at Ruby.

"I hope you're right."

"I am! Now come on, it's almost dinner time. We do a special Christmas Eve thing, kind of like Thanksgiving."

Regina approached the meal with apprehension. She didn't like having to eat, her mother had always insisted on clean plates, perfect manners, not even the smallest slip up. And, as she had feared, before they ate Granny began a speech about how lucky they all were, then asked everyone to say something they were thankful for this holiday season before they began the meal. Regina's seat meant that she would be last; she prayed desperately that someone else would say something to give her an idea.

"I am thankful for my family," Granny said. "I'm thankful for our home, for the love and hope that holds us together, and for the wonderful meal we're about to enjoy."

Ruby rolled her eyes. "Well I am thankful for design school. They just got back to me, I'm doing a correspondence course starting in January!"

After a stream of congratulations, Tina declared that she was thankful for school, her friends, and her family.

"I've never been in such a good place," she admitted, in a rare moment of genuine sweetness. "I'm so safe and happy here. I'll always be thankful for that."

Emma looked around as if coming to a decision. When everyone had finished cooing over Tina's statement, she looked straight at Regina. "I'm thankful for Regina. She's awesome, and I know it sucks that shit happened to get her here, but I'm really glad she is, anyway. Also, I'm incredibly thankful for food, so girl, you better say your thing quickly because I am starved!"

Regina was stunned. She knew Emma was being nice to her, and she'd tried to hide it with the food thing afterwards, but… Emma liked her. Really liked her. Wanted to have her around.

"I'm…" she began weakly. Anything she said would be a lie. Thankful for being allowed to ride like it was a big deal when she had been doing it all her life? Thankful for the bed in a shared room when she'd had a room three times the size all to herself? Thankful for the meal she felt sick at the thought of? Thankful for these people she hardly knew? Thankful for being here when the reasons were so-

"Excuse me, I'm so sorry," she said, stumbling out of her seat and practically running from the room.

Emma moved to go after her but Granny held her back.

"Let her go," the older woman said gently. "She has to feel it."

Emma glared at her plate, suddenly uninterested in the food. "She must really hate us," she said dejectedly.

"No. She's just got a lot to deal with. Remember what you were like in your first week here? Now add to that the fact that this is her first time in any kind of foster home. She's going through hell," Granny said.

Emma pushed some roast ham around with her fork. "Then why did you make her do it? The thankful thing?"

"Because she has to think about these things. She has to find a way to live the life she's in. And because it is our tradition, and it's a good one. She has things to be thankful for, too."

Emma threw down her fork.

"You just said she's going through hell! Why do you want to make her thankful?"

Granny frowned. "She has to look for the light."

Emma stood.

"Look, I understand what you're trying to do and I'm sorry for leaving the table but I don't think she's ready! She's doing great, she's almost making friends with me but she was just embarrassed back there. She wanted to be thankful, she just… We all said family."

Tina rolled her eyes at Emma's immature infatuation. Granny frowned even more as she realised Emma had a point. Ruby tried to concentrate on eating. Emma left the room.

Regina was sitting against her bed, her knees pulled up to her chin, her eyes tight shut, her hands balled into fists. She heard Emma come in.

"Go away," she muttered. Emma sat down beside her.

"I meant what I said. That I'm thankful for you."

Regina dug her nails into her palms even harder.

"I am not responsible for your idiocy."

Emma grinned. "That was almost a joke, Princess."

Regina sighed.

"I… I'm not thankful. I'm not thankful that I'm here. I… But I should have said something. I had something to say."

Emma waited, not wanting to push.

"I'm thankful for you. But that would just have sounded like copying. Or like something an infatuated couple would say. And… Also the punching bag. I really like the punching bag."

Emma laughed.

"You're amazing, Regina, you know that?"

Regina opened her eyes and looked at Emma as if to say, how can you possibly think that?

"You just are. You're hilarious. You're so cute and poised and girly, but you love this punching bag. You pretend you're mean but you make Christmas cookies. You hate it here and you want to go all wild and crazy but then you're embarrassed when you can't think of what to be thankful for. And… And you like me. That's the best part."

Regina continued to stare. There was a long pause.

"Maybe I poisoned the cookies," Regina said quietly. Emma laughed again, then slowly scooted around so she was opposite Regina and reached out to take her hands. When Regina didn't resist, Emma carefully uncurled her fingers until they were properly holding hands like a weird kind of trust exercise. She listened to Regina's breathing gradually even out and slow, all the while rubbing circles on Regina's palms with her thumbs.

"I left my dinner," Emma said after almost half an hour. "Want to come down and eat? Ruby might have left us some."

Regina looked at her for a moment as if to say, "Do I have to?" But it was only a moment, and then she pulled herself together, snatched her hands back to herself, and got to her feet. Emma got up, examining Regina's hard expression, wondering if she'd done the right thing to ask her to come back downstairs. She felt as if she had, but Regina looked so distant, now, so unfeeling… Emma followed her downstairs and into the kitchen, where two plates of food were waiting for them in the oven. Granny was waiting for them too, though she didn't seem to know exactly what she wanted to say.

"It's a long standing tradition of ours," she began, sounding almost defensive. Regina already knew that adults were often wrong. She liked Granny, though. And she couldn't decide… Mostly, Regina just felt guilty.

"It's a nice tradition," Regina whispered, taking her plate and sitting at the table, staring at the monstrous looking meal. It wasn't that she didn't like the food, it smelled delicious, but the smell still made her sick. She licked her lips, her mouth suddenly incredibly dry. Her tongue felt like sandpaper.

Emma dug into her meal, flicking her eyes up to Regina, wondering why she wasn't eating. Granny had said a few more things… When she left the room Emma gritted her teeth, then spoke.

"You can talk about it. I know you don't want to, but… it might help."

Regina put down her fork. It was obvious she wasn't going to eat anything. Her throat felt so tight she could hardly speak.

"Talk about what?"

"Why you're not eating."

"I'm not hungry." It wasn't really a lie. She wasn't hungry.

Emma pushed away her plate. She was pretty much done, anyway.

"I'll be right back," she said. Regina sat at the table, helpless. Emma reappeared after a minute.

"Come on," she said. She led the way to the hallway and handed Regina a bulky jacket and a beanie.

"These aren't mine," Regina said.

"No. Jacket's a hand-me-down. I like it. It's really warm. And the hat's mine."

Regina put the clothes on, wondering what Emma was planning. For a moment she considered the possibility that Emma might be running away with her. But that was ridiculous. They were in the middle of nowhere on Christmas Eve. There would be no buses until morning, at least. And even then, where would they go? She put on her boots; Emma was also dressed in a snow-proof outfit. She opened the door for Regina, who stepped out into the icy darkness.

Emma led the way out into the middle of the road. There were no cars, it was completely deserted. Snowflakes floated down from the somehow starry sky, almost as if they were stars themselves. Emma took a deep breath of freezing air, then pulled out her phone. She'd even shoved her speaker in her pocket. She plugged it in, then set it and the phone on the ground. She pressed play.

The introduction of the song reminded Regina of a music box she'd had when she was very young. Her father had given it to her. She bit her lip. Emma grabbed her hand.

"Dance with me," she said. Regina blushed at how close Emma held her, but she moved her feet, the music getting to her somehow. To her surprise, Emma sang the words, deep and husky in her ear.

They moved together until the song ended. When it did, the silence took them both by surprise. Regina hunched up inside her coat. Emma picked up her phone from the ground.

"Why did you do that?" Regina asked. Emma didn't look at her.

"Because it's like he says in the song. Dancing makes you feel… Like, free. Natural."

There was a pause.

"It worked," Regina said finally. Emma managed to make eye contact, blushing all the while.

"I… You needed to get out of there. I recognised the feeling."

"Thank you."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Regina shook her head, her automatic reaction, but at the same time she felt words slipping out of her mouth.

"I've never talked about it. I've never felt safe, I can't even eat a fucking meal without having a panic attack…"

Before she knew what was happening, her body was shaking with violent sobs. Emma put her hands on Regina's shoulders, but she was afraid to touch her any more than that.

"You're safe with me," she whispered. Regina looked up, her face blotchy and stained with tears.

"Why do you even care?" she choked.

Emma bit her lip. "Like I said earlier. Because you're great. But… You need to talk, Regina. You can talk to Granny, or Ruby, or Dr. Hopper, he's the shrink they'll send you to… They're all good people. It doesn't have to be me but-"

"No. It… I… It's you," Regina said softly. Emma waited.

"I want to talk to you," Regina continued. "I just… I don't know how."

Emma gripped her shoulders more tightly. "Look at the moon. Look at the stars. Breathe in the smell of the snow. And whatever it is that's weighing down your heart the most right now, just say it. I know it feels impossible, I know it's awful and painful and you never want to say it because saying it out loud will make it real, but it's already real, Regina, and when you finally do say it, I promise you, that heaviness in your heart, it won't go away, but it'll get lighter."

Regina looked up, past Emma, past the strange little town, into the sky, the infinite universe that she was a tiny, insignificant part of.

"She would take away my cutlery and put my plate on the floor and make me eat it there. She said I ate like an animal so I would be fed like one. I ate too slowly, if I tried to eat faster it was disgusting, if I was silent I was rude, if I tried to speak I was an idiot, if I finished the food I was greedy, if I didn't I was wasteful, if she was angry she wouldn't let me eat for days, even at school, she would know, she used it for everything, to manipulate me, to punish me… She would always watch, like she enjoyed it, like humiliating me was some kind of entertainment for her. And now I hate eating, especially in front of people, especially when it's a big deal. I know I'm going to do something wrong, I know I'm going to seem ungrateful, and the meal looked amazing but even the sight of it made me feel sick."

Once she'd started, the stream of words flowed easily, out into the darkness, out of her and into the air. Emma's hands never left her shoulders until she finished speaking and Emma used her thumbs to brush away the fresh tears on Regina's cheeks.

"It wasn't your fault," Emma said, echoing the phrase she had been told over and over again. "What she did was very, very wrong, and it wasn't your fault."

Regina leaned her cheek into Emma's hand; Emma cradled her face.

"Thank you for telling me," Emma said.

"You were right," Regina admitted. "It does feel better."

The corner of Emma's mouth twitched up in a smile.

"I'm always right."

"You're worth so much, Regina. You deserve so much happiness. I know it's going to take a long time for that to really sink in, but…" Emma trailed off, not really knowing where her sentence had been going.

"Thank you," Regina whispered.

Emma was still holding her face. Regina watched as Emma bit down on her bottom lip, cast her eyes down to the snowy ground and then back up, then took a step forward so their faces were only an inch away from touching.

Emma could feel her heart thundering away in her rib cage, pounding so fast she thought she might burst. She looked into Regina's eyes, dark and sad but with a flicker of hope, a flicker of light.

Their lips pressed together so suddenly neither of them knew who had initiated it. They broke apart again after a few seconds, but a few seconds had been enough. Emma gasped. She had reopened the cut on Regina's lip. She brought a hand up to stem the trickle of blood. Regina winced in pain.

"I'm so sorry-" Emma began, but Regina shook her head vehemently.

"So worth it," she muttered. Emma smiled cautiously.

"Really? You… You liked it?"

Regina blushed. "Yes," she whispered. Emma wanted to sing and dance and do cartwheels in the street.

"I think, by the huge grin on your face, it's safe to assume you liked it too," Regina said, a wry humour in her voice that made Emma grin even more.

"Yes," she said, echoing Regina's simple response. Then she pulled the beautiful girl in front of her in for the tightest, safest hug Regina had ever been a part of.

A/N: I know, it's been forever, but here is an update, and loads of love to you!