" " - speech - Chinese speech [ ] - Panda sign-language ( ) - thoughts / author quips
Ranma 1/2
The Nine Lives of Ranma By Etherway-Oni
Chapter 2: "Sorry, I'm already engaged."
To the average citizen of Nerima, a thundering rainstorm was about as common as the Olsen twins were annoying. To a certain purple-haired girl accompanied by a panda and a black / blue cat, it was another visit to Hell. Said girl was currently chasing the panda (which happened to be wearing a very large pack on its back) with the cat on her shoulder as she waved two steel bonbori with abandon. The sight was strange even for Nerima. Presently the panda spun around and faced her with a defensive posture. The girl took this opportunity by hurling one of her bonbori directly at its face. Somehow it dodged the attack, after which point it traded a flurry of punches and kicks with her before being thrown into a wall and slumping to the ground.
"Hmph," Shampoo sniffed. "You is lucky Airen can no fight too, would be beat to mess on ground for tricking us like this." The panda pulled out a sign that read, [I have no idea what you're talking about.] It flipped the sign over. [I'm just taking us to see my old friend.] "Meow?" {"Just what do you mean by that Pop?"} Of course, no one could understand the cat, but somehow the panda answered anyway. [I have a promise to keep.] "Meow..." {"That promise better be a good one..."} [It is.] "Like hell!" That was Shampoo again. "Only promise panda-man ever keep always cause trouble for Airen!" She paused for a moment as she reconsidered. "Actually, all panda-man's promise cause trouble for Airen." "Meow! Meow! Meow!" {"That's it! We're going back to China! I don't want nothin' to do with any agreements you made, Pop!"} [But Tendo's waiting for us!] "So?" *flip* [So, at least we can get a hot bath!] "Meow..." {"That does sound pretty good..."} "We *have* hot water, Airen." "Meow." {"Oh, right."} Shampoo waved to the panda as she turned to go back the way they came, carrying Ranma-neko. "Bye, panda-man! We write soon!" The panda pulled out another sign that read, [That's IT!], ran to catch up with the girl and her cat, and swung the sign down over their heads. Shampoo caught the sign and whacked its head instead, but as it fell it knocked a telephone pole over, which hit her in the head, K. her on the spot. [That worked out well.] The panda bent to pick up the two figures and their packs. [Oof! Maybe not...]
Tendo Soun sat at the table in the main room holding a postcard in his hands. The card showed a panda bear among bamboo sprouts. On the back was one sentence. "Bringing Ranma and a friend from China. - Genma Saotome." Tears welled up in his eyes. It was amazing how much effect nine words could have on a man. Granted this particular man was highly emotional and a little unstable, but that was beside the point. Within moments he was pouring fountains out of his eyes as he babbled, "Oh, how I waited for this day! Finally our promise can be kept, Saotome! The schools will be joined! WAAAAAAHHHHH!" (Like I said, highly emotional.) After about ten minutes and twelve inches of rain, Tendo eventually regained his composure. When he had calmed down to the point where he could think clearly, the full implications of what his friend's arrival signified had sunk in. Being unable to help himself, Soun gave in to another good, long cry (he does this a lot)...
Half an hour later, he was still seated at the table (though he was drenched and sitting in a large puddle). By this time he had gathered enough resolve to tell his daughters the good news. "Kasumi! Could you come here for a minute?" Out of the kitchen came a lovely young woman in an apron. Her hair was bound in a ponytail that was draped over her shoulder. "Yes, Otou-san?" "Can you please get Nabiki and Akane to come out here for a moment? I have something important to tell them." "Of course." She then turned to face the main stairway. "Nabiki! Akane! Otou-san has an announcement!" Soun facefaulted. A few minutes later, Nabiki came down the stairs, abacus in hand. Soun looked around. "Where is Akane?"
Akane entered the family dojo, returning from her afternoon jog. She immediately changed into a gi, piled some bricks and lumber, and began to focus. After a few seconds, she brought her hand down, smashing the entire assembly into just so much rubble. "Ah, that felt good." "Hmph. No wonder the boys at school think you're weird." Akane turned around to face Nabiki. "Why should I care what boys think? They're just a bunch of mindless hentais." "Oh, well then I guess this announcement has nothing to do with you then." She turned and left Akane looking mildly confused. "Announcement?"
After all three girls had sat down at the table, Soun made his announcement. "In a few moments, a very good friend of mine, one Saotome Genma, will be arriving with his son and another friend. I want you three to know now because of an agreement we made when we were in training. Before any of you were born, we pledged that should I have a daughter and he have a son, those two would be wed to ensure the continuation of our two schools of Anything Goes. To that end, one of you will be engaged to Ranma." Reactions were immediate, and somewhat predictable. Nabiki asked, "Is he cute?" Kasumi said, "Oh I do hope he's older than me. Younger men are so... young." Akane sniffed, "What makes you think we're going to allow ourselves to be married off? Shouldn't *we* get some say in it?" Nabiki turned, "Now Akane, don't be so hasty. After all, we haven't even seen him yet. He could be cute. He *is* cute, right?" This last remark was addressed to their father, who sat chuckling. "Really, Otou-san, you shouldn't be so sudden. What do you know about this Ranma?" "Yeah, Daddy, what's he like?" "Ahahahahaha... *ahem* No idea." Nabiki asked, "No idea?" "I've never met him." "THAT'S JUST GREAT!" That was Akane. "Not only do you engage us to someone we've never met, you engage us to someone *you've* never met either! I'm not going to have any part of this!" "Akane! You should have more respect for Otou-san! He's doing the best he can!" "Hmph! Serves him right after what he's trying to do to us!" "Oh, my babies don't appreciate me anymore! Waaahhhh!" "Now, now Otou-san, it's really nothing to get worked up about."
About this time, a yelling was heard outside, followed by a knock at the door. "That's them!" All members of the Tendo family got up and rushed to the door. Kasumi, being the hostess, got there first. Opening the door, she said, "Welcome, honored - Oh my." That last bit was said after she got a good look at their visiters. In front of the door stood a panda carrying two packs and a brown sack that looked as though something were struggling to get out of it. To his left stood a well built girl with purple hair. She was also carrying a pack. Soun burst into the doorway, babbling, "Oh Saotome! At last our promise will be fulfilled! Waaaaaa - eh?" He finally noticed the panda. "Um, who are you?" The panda handed off the sack and broutht out a wooden sign board and a felt pen. They watched, amazed, as he wrote on the sign, then held it up. [It's me, Genma.] "Genma-kun?" The panda flipped the sign around, [A long story.] During this exchange, the girl had opened up the sack, revealing a black cat with dark blue stripes. It immediately jumped onto her shoulder.
Akane, noticing the cat, cried, "Oh, what a kawaii kitty! What's his name?" The girl looked at her and replied, "Name is Ranma. Is Shampoo Airen." Nabiki asked, "Ranma? But isn't that your son's name?" She looked at the panda, who nodded. Soun looked at the cat more carefully, asking, "Ranma?" The cat nodded, then said, "Meow." {"A *really* long story."} Soun took one more look and promply burst into tears.
After Soun calmed down (again), Kasumi showed their new guests into the main room. The panda went off to the kitchen for some reason, and the purple-haired girl glared after him. Soun and his daughters sat opposite the girl and the cat. Soun was close to tears again. Kasumi was smiling as usual. Nabiki looked bored. Akane was trying to play with Ranma-neko. The purple-haired girl was trying to keep Ranma-neko to herself. Ranma-neko looked confused (for a cat). Kasumi then got up, saying, "Otou-san, I'll make us some tea." "Thank you, Kasumi." She walked into the kitchen. A second later, everyone heard a scream, then, "Urk!" THUD. Everyone rushed to the kitchen, finding Kasumi standing in one corner, and a flattened (now human) Genma in the center of the floor. "Genma-kun!" cried Soun. "You're finally back! Waaaahhhh!" Genma twitched uncontrollably, and managed to grunt, "It's great URK to AAAHH be back AARRGGHH TENDO!" (Nabiki had been peeling him off of the floor.) "Otou-san, who is this man?" Soun sighed. It was turning into a long evening.
"Excuse, Mr. Tendo?" That was the purple-haired girl. "Is okay for Shampoo and Airen get hot bath?" Nabiki blinked. "I'm sorry, did you just say shampoo?" The girl looked at her. "Is my name. Xian-Pu." Nabiki tried valiantly not to laugh. "Your name is Shampoo?" That was Akane. "That's really strange." Shampoo glared. "Is great warrior name of Amazon of Joketsuzoku. Is no funny!" Soun blinked. "Amazons?" He whirled to face his friend. "AMAZONS?!" Genma had the grace to look sheepish. "We were starving, Tendo! We had no choice!"
While the two men had their argument (which was more of a harsh scolding for Genma), Akane was still talking to Shampoo. "Hey, you want to go out to the dojo?" Shampoo smiled. "Sure." As they walked, Akane was still talking. "My name's Akane. My dad teaches his own school of martial arts. We've had this dojo for years." Shampoo merely listened while they entered the dojo. Ranma-neko followed from a short distance. Akane turned back to look at Shampoo. "What kind of martial arts do you study?" Shampoo answered, "Amazon Wu Shu. Is very old style. Shampoo learn from great-grandmother." Akane said, "I study Kempo, mostly. Ours is the Tendo School of Anything Goes." She paused. "Say, you wanna spar for a bit?" Shampoo shook her head. "No, Shampoo not want hurt new friend. Be very bad." "Don't worry, I'm a big girl. C'mon!" So saying, she threw a quick punch. Shampoo easily dodged. "You is making mistake." "What, it's just a friendly match! We'll go easy." She threw another punch, missed again. Ranma-neko looked on from the side.
Shampoo sighed. "If that is way you want, then Shampoo fight." Akane smiled. "Great!" She launched another attack. This time, instead of just dodging, Shampoo grabbed one of Akane's outstretched arms and threw her across the room. Akane landed on her back, then got to her feet. Shampoo stood in the same spot, keeping a loose defensive posture. Akane charged the purple-haired girl, and was abruptly sent sprawling. As she rose, she saw Shampoo with one leg stretched out. "You is very slow, violent girl." Akane narrowed her eyes. It was time to get serious. Yelling a loud kai, she ran forward. Shampoo did likewise. The two exchanged a flurry of kicks and punches, but it was clear that Akane was getting hit much more often than Shampoo (actually, Shampoo wasn't getting hit at all). Suddenly a kick to her midsection knocked her back into a wall, where she slumped to the ground, panting. She looked up. "Wow, you're really good. I don't think I've fought anyone as tough as you." Shampoo stood in a ready stance. Akane got to her feet and walked past her, so she turned to follow. "I'm just glad you're not a boy." Shampoo blinked at this. "Why you say that?" Akane looked over her shoulder. "I'd just really hate to lose to a boy, that's all." Shampoo exchanged a look with Ranma-neko, then followed her into the house.
When they made it to the main room, they found everyone at the table, Genma included. "Mr. Tendo," Shampoo asked. "Is okay to get bath, yes?" Soun looked up. "Hm, what? Oh, um, yes, of course. Feel free. After all, it seems you'll be staying with us for some time. It's just around the corner." "I've already drawn the bath for you, Shampoo. It should be ready," Kasumi said. "Arigato," said Shampoo. She didn't understand what Soun meant exactly, but she nodded, deciding not to dwell on it. Gathering up Ranma-neko, she made her way to the stairway.
Akane took her place at the table, and sat silently as she watched the two older men catching up. Nabiki was stretched out, reading a manga. Kasumi was in the kitchen, fixing dinner. Akane laid her head across folded arms on the table, sighing softly. It looked as though things were taking a drastic change in the Tendo home. It actually didn't look too bad at the moment, but it could get ugly. That Shampoo girl was really tough, though she'd been polite. Genma looked like nothing more than a bum, and then there was that cat. They'd called it... Ranma? Wasn't that Genma's son's name? And why had Shampoo been so possessive of it? And where was this boy that one of them was supposed to marry? Not that she was really interested. Not at all.
It never occured to Akane to consider Genma's transformation in the kitchen. After all, no one had explained about the Jusenkyo curses. She sat for a few more minutes. Eventually she decided that she should get a bath. That girl should have finished by now. 'What kind of a name is Shampoo?' she thought. 'Even for this place it's weird. Oh well, I guess I'll be getting to know her better soon...' She stood and made her way to the bathroom.
Ranma-neko lay down in one corner while Shampoo washed herself off on a stool. After all the craziness he'd witnessed today, he felt like just taking a rest (being a cat, there was hardly anything else for him to do). First this curse, then all the business with the Amazons, and now this. Ranma had thought that his life *before* the curse had been eventful. The way things were going right now, he didn't expect to get much R & R for a while. So he lay in the corner, trying to take advantage of the few peaceful moments he had...
Shampoo finished scrubbing down, then poured a bucket of cold water over herself. She opened the door to the bath, when she noticed her Airen, still resting in the corner. Not paying any attention whatsoever. A mischievous grin formed on her face (uh-
oh). Moving very quietly, she walked across the room, and picked him up by the scruff of his neck. He blinked once, then his eyes opened wide. He struggled for about as long as it took for him to figure out that he had absolutely no leverage in this position. "Meow!? Meow!" {"What're you doin!? Put me down!"} Shampoo grinned wider as she walked back to the bath. Ranma-
neko was getting desperate. "Meeeooooooooooow!" {"Noooooooooooooooo!"} She then tossed him into the water. She followed quickly, closing the door behind her.
Ranma surfaced, looking stunned. Shampoo had by now lowered herself into the water, so his nose was safe for now. However, the small proportions of the furo didn't help matters much. "Whaddya think you're doin? Are you crazy?!" Shampoo grinned, saying, "Is no Shampoo fault she want spend time with Airen. Is nothing wrong with take bath together." "Easy for *you* to say." Shampoo frowned slightly. "Airen no need worry. Shampoo not bite. Just want be with. Why you have problem?" Ranma said, "It's... not right. We aren't married yet." "So?" "So, it... aw, forget it." He paused. "I just don't want you to get any ideas. That's all." Shampoo sighed. After a moment, she rose. "Shampoo no see what problem is, but if it make Airen uncomfortable, then Shampoo no do again." Opening the door, she gathered her things and left.
Ranma sat back in the water, cursing his mouth once again. He hated the way it hurt Shampoo's feelings whenever he started talking and quit thinking. Even though he didn't really like the idea of being engaged to her, she was still his friend. He sighed. Whatever his pop wanted with the Tendos, he hoped it didn't take too long to settle. However, Ranma had to admit that it was pretty good to be back in Japan. At least *here* he wasn't surrounded by Amazons trying to force him into marriage.
Eventually he decided it was time to get out and see what it was Genma had planned. He moved to the other side of the furo, and rose, reaching for the door. The door opened before he got there. Directly on the opposite side stood Akane, wearing nothing more than a towel draped over her arm. Both of the two teenagers froze. Their eyes locked. Ranma's eyes widened (he looked like a deer caught in headlights). Nobody knows how long they stood like that. But eventually something had to happen. Akane, very slowly, closed the door. She turned around, gathered her things, and walked out of the changing room. Ranma settled back into the bath, not sure of what to say or do at the moment.
Akane stood with her back to the door of the changing room. She was stunned, to say the least. Part of her mind was still numb with shock. But that was put to rest as her inner voice began to rise to the surface. That voice drowned out all rational thought. It quickly became far too loud to ignore. It soon found release. Akane took a deap breath, and screamed. Loudly.
Nabiki looked up from her manga as a loud scream came down the stairs. "Isn't that Akane?" she asked. Soun and Genma looked up only briefly, then resumed their yelling. Shampoo was visibly worried. Just then Akane rushed into the room. She picked up a boulder from outside, screaming, "I'LL KILL HIM!" Nabiki was curious. "Kill who, sis?" "THAT PERVERT IN THE BATHROOM!" Kasumi came out of the kitchen, asking, "There's a boy in the furo? But I thought Shampoo was the last one in there." Shampoo looked nervous. "Oops." Meanwhile, Nabiki was asking Akane, "Why didn't you just kill him with your bare hands?" "BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID!" "Oh."
Akane ran to the hallway, still carrying the enormous rock, when Shampoo moved to block her path. "Violent girl no kill Airen!" Akane was incredulous. "What're you talking about?! That creep came out of nowhere! Now get out of my way so I can kill him!" Shampoo was beginning to get angry herself. Scowling, she said, "That boy is Ranma! Is Shampoo Airen! You no kill!" Akane blinked. "Ranma? But you said that was the cat's name!" Shampoo sighed, then said, "Cat is Ranma. Is also boy. You understand?"
Akane didn't, but she did understand that a pervert had snuck into their bathroom. "I don't know what you mean, but I'm gonna finish that creep off right now!" As she spoke she tried to get around Shampoo. Shampoo was having none of it. Her hand stabbed out at the boulder, looking like nothing more than a blur. A blur that struck roughly one hundred and fifty times in little more than a second. The rock was soon reduced to a pile on tiny pebbles. Kasumi blinked. "Oh my." Akane was stunned. Glaring at Shampoo, she raised a fist as she said, "So that's how you want it, huh? Fine, I'll take you out first!" She lunged into a punch with all her might, straight at the other girl's jaw. But Shampoo wasn't there anymore. Suddenly Akane felt something press into the back of her neck. Then she slumped forward, blacking out. Shampoo caught her before she could hit herself against the wall, and carried her back to the main room, where she laid her out on the couch.
Ranma peeked around the corner. He looked a little nervous, saying, "Is it safe?" Shampoo quickly made her way to his side. As she led him into the main room, Genma finally broke off his argument, saying, "Tendo-kun, this is my son, Ranma." Soun looked at the newcomer. Then he broke into tears, wailing, "Oh happy day! Now the schools will truly be joined! Waaaahhhh!" Everyone pointedly ignored him. Kasumi spoke next, asking, "But when did he get here? There hasn't been anyone at the door." Ranma answered for himself, saying, "That's kind of a long story."
Shampoo continued for him, saying, "Airen here whole time." Everyone looked more than a little confused. Ranma said to Shampoo, "They don't know yet, Shampoo." Looking back at everyone else, he said, "I was the c-... c-.. c-cat you saw earlier." He sighed, while everyone else blinked in shock. Nabiki decided it was time to speak up. "Hey, do you think we could get the whole story all at once?"
Yet again, everyone sat at the main room table. Ranma sat on one side, flanked by Shampoo and Genma. Next to Genma at one end was Soun. Across from Ranma sat the sisters Tendo (minus Akane, who was still unconscious). Genma was making introductions once again. "I am Saotome Genma, this is my son..." "Ranma," continued, well, Ranma. "And this is my best friend, Shampoo." The girl in question smiled back at him, saying, "Shampoo is more than that, Airen." Ranma blushed. The Tendo sisters particularly noticed this.
Nabiki asked, "And, about these curses...?" Genma looked thoughtful for a moment, saying, "Ah... how to explain this..." He grabbed Ranma by his shirt and was about to throw him into the koi pond, when he stopped, paling. Then he let go, patting Ranma's shirt back into place. "Perhaps that's not such a good idea." Ranma looked angry (who could blame him?). He quickly returned the favor, throwing his father into the pond instead. A few seconds later, a very wet panda emerged.
Kasumi gasped. "Now he's a panda again!" Soun wailed, as usual. Ranma nodded grimly. "Yup. Pop had the great idea of takin' us to a cursed training ground, when he couldn't even read Chinese!" Genma-panda raised a sign that read, [You were supposed to be willing] *flip* [to give your life to the Art!] Ranma snorted. "My life is one thing..." He then threw a rock which struck Genma-panda between the eyes, saying, "My *humanity* is another!" Soun looked at Ranma, turning away from the sinking furball. "And... you become...?" Ranma paled as he said, "A c-... c-cat." Nabiki's eyebrow rose.
Genma-panda stomped back to the table. Nabiki asked, "Mr. Soatome, why did you hesitate when you were going to throw Ranma in the pond?" [Ranma has a... problem with cats.] *flip* [If he becomes one, the shock could set him off at any time.] She eyed Ranma, saying, "And why should he be so afraid of cats?" Ranma flinched. [That's another long story.] *flip* [Meanwhile, can we have dinner?] *flip* [May I have some hot water please?]
A few minutes later, Kasumi had a pot of soup on the stove (the night was a little too hectic for anything more elaborate, besides, she didn't want to miss anything), Akane had been revived and was sitting next to her, Nabiki was reading a manga, while Ranma and Shampoo sat together, brooding. Soun came from the kitchen with a steaming kettle. Pouring it over Genma-panda, he said, "So, hot water changes you back..." "It needn't be quite *that* hot!" "...while cold water triggers the curse." He clapped Ranma's shoulder, chuckling. "Your problem isn't so bad after all!" He waved as he turned to regard the three sisters. "My daughters. Kasumi, nineteen. Nabiki, seventeen. Akane, sixteen. Pick one." Ranma blinked. "Nani?" "One of them will be your iinazuke."
"WHAT?!" Everyone did a double-take. Shampoo had been so quiet, even Ranma had forgotten she was there. She faced Soun, glaring. "What you say?" she hissed. Soun swallowed. "Ranma will be engaged to one of my daughters. We have a promise, after all." Shampoo somehow managed to look even angrier. "Airen is Shampoo's!" The Tendos gasped. Soun paled, looked at Genma, who was quietly trying to sneak away. Ranma grabbed him by his gi, saying, "Where do you think you're goin, oyaji? This is *your* fault, remember?"
Soun immediately seconded the sentiment. "SAOTOME! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Genma instintively backed into a wall, having just become acquainted with the Tendo Demon Head Intimidation Technique. "Tendo-kun, I can explain everything! Honest!" "Okay." Soun reverted to normal form, by all appearances looking just fine (he was still on the verge of tears, though). "Start talking." Genma big-sweated. "Well," he said nervously, "after the incident, we followed our guide to an Amazon village, to get some food. He told us that they were having a tournament, and there was a buffet for spectators." WHAM Ranma removed his fist from Genma's head. "That isn't what he said, baka! That food was supposed to be for the Champion!"
Shampoo took the opportunity to continue the story, saying, "When Shampoo win, see Airen and fat man eating prize. When Airen challenge for food, he win very quickly. Then he Airen." She then took Ranma's arm, making him blush slightly. Akane sniffed, saying, "Why should she marry a pervert like him just because he beat her up?" "Who are you calling a pervert?!" "*You*, you pervert! You were staring at me in the bath!" "Hey! You walked in on *me*!" "You didn't put the sign on the door!" "I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A SIGN! I JUST GOT HERE!" "WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED BEFORE YOU WENT IN THERE!" "I DID!" "NO YOU DIDN'T, *SHE* DID!" "I WENT WITH HER!" Ranma quickly regret saying that, blushing a deep crimson. Akane took the opening. "SEE?! YOU *ARE* A PERVERT!" Ranma sighed, then said in a (relatively) calmer tone, "We didn't actually bath together! I went after her!" "Who are you kidding?! She's your iinazuke, for crying out loud!"
Shampoo had been watching the pair with some amusement, but now she was getting angry. "Who is violent girl to make... assumption about Airen?!" Akane quickly moved the focus of her ire at the other girl, saying, "And who are you calling *violent*?!" She then lifted the table off of the floor, and (while the spectators ran for cover) brought it down over Shampoo's head.
At least, that was the plan. The table actually halted about halfway there. Ranma raised his hand, and the table with it, having blocked the attack with a finger. Akane, still holding up her end, was dumbfounded. "How?" Ranma didn't answer her question, instead saying, "Don't take shots at my fiancee." "Hey! She started it!" Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Well, you saw how she's been insulting me..." Her protests wilted as she saw the level gaze on Ranma's face, and the fury on Shampoo's. Ranma said, "And what do you call all those remarks you've been throwing at us the whole time?" Having no response to come back with, Akane relented, and put the table back down.
Kasumi spoke next, saying, "Akane, you should know better than to attack the houseguests. It just isn't polite." Akane blinked. Kasumi sat back down next to her, followed by the rest of the family. "Now Otou-san, why don't you explain the situation so we can come to some kind of agreement?" Soun nodded. "As I said earlier, one of you will be chosen to stand as Ranma's iinazuke. The purpose of this engagement is for our two families to be combined so that we can properly continue our schools." He paused for a moment, then said, "We made this agreement before any of you were born. Our own Master oversaw the... *ahem*, ceremony." Nabiki, once again, countered the arguement. "But what about... Shampoo here? Isn't she already engaged to Ranma?" Genma sighed. "Sadly, yes. It is unavoidable that the two will marry."
Soun burst into tears, babbling about how his friend had betrayed him and the schools won't be joined and life is horrible... Genma tried to comfort him, saying, "Don't worry, Tendo-kun! My son can still marry one of your daughters!" Soun dried up instantly. "Nani?" "NANI!?" said all three Tendo sisters. Genma chuckled. "That's right! Before we left the village, I made a deal with their matriarch. She has agreed to allow Ranma to marry one of you as well as Shampoo!" Reactions came quickly. Soun brought out a Japanese fan, crying, "Oh, happy day!" Kasumi said, "But, this isn't proper." Akane turned to Ranma, saying, "You really *are* a pervert!" "Stop calling me pervert!" "Stop calling Airen pervert!" Nabiki waited until things had calmed down, then asked, "Has anyone bothered to see how Ranma and Shampoo have taken this?" She was answered by silence. "I thought not."
Ranma said, "Well, we can tell you anyway. We think it stinks." Shampoo was quick to follow. "Shampoo no want share Airen." Genma laughed, then said, "It's settled, Tendo-kun! The engagement is on!" "Right you are, Saotome-kun! Let's celebrate!" Ranma was shocked into a near-catatonic state. The idiocy of his Pop never ceased to amaze him. Shampoo glared at the fat man that somehow dared to call himself Ranma's father. Soun once again clapped Ranma's shoulder. "Well, Ranma, which one do you choose?" Ranma, in his current condition, found it difficult to respond. Kasumi said, "Otou-san, perhaps this isn't a good time to discuss it. They did just get here, after all." Nabiki followed her, saying, "Yea, besides, he's already got *one* fiancee. Do you really think he can take another just like that?" They glanced at one another, then, speaking in unison, they said, "Take Akane!"
Akane, needless to say, was furious. "What!? Me marry that... that... that HENTAI!?" Shampoo was busy trying to get Ranma to return to the living, else she probably would have belted her. Her sisters justified themselves immediately. Kasumi said, "Well you hate boys, right Akane?" "So you're in luck," said Nabiki. "He can be your pet cat instead!" Ranma blinked, seeming to finally come out of his daze. "What? What happened?" Genma patted him on the back, saying, "Ranma, Akane is your new fiancee!" Ranma gagged. "You want me to marry that macho tomboy!?" Akane reacted without thinking. Please bear in mind, this girl really is a violent maniac, having dealt with the news of her mother's death by obsessing herself with the Art, so that she could vent her anger. So you see, there can be only one conclusion to this situation. Akane slammed a fist into Ranma's face before anyone could stop her, and sent him flying... directly into the koi pond outside.
"Oh, no," said Genma. He turned back to Akane. "ARE YOU INSANE?! HE'LL KILL US ALL!" "Serves him right, calling me that!" Akane paused for a moment while she thought, then said, "While we're on the subject, WHY DON'T YOU JOIN HIM!" She then kicked Genma back into the pool as well. A few seconds later Genma-panda came out of the pool, followed by a screeching Ranma-neko (Genma-panda was pretty scared, if the roaring was any indication). Soun was quick to respond. "Kasumi! We need hot water *now*!" Kasumi rushed to the kitchen. Meanwhile Ranma-neko was back, standing on the tabletop, glaring daggers at Akane and hissing threateningly. He seemed dangerously unstable. Akane saw the way his eyes were twitching, and chose the most suitable course of action. She fled out to the dojo.
Ranma-neko might have followered her, but Shampoo reached out and drew him into her lap. He calmed down after a few moments, being stroked by his iinazuke. Soon he was purring contentedly, seemingly oblivious to the violence that had just taken place. Genma-panda approached the table cautiosly, not wanting to disturb his son. Soun reappeared with the refilled kettle, and was about to pour it over Ranma-neko's head when Kasumi shouted, "Otou-san, stop!" Soun was so surprised that he poured it anyway, revealing a fully human (and stark naked) Ranma sitting in Shampoo's lap. Kasumi and Nabiki immediately covered their eyes, Nabiki heaving a sigh of frustration as she did so. Ranma blushed when he saw Shampoo grinning.
"Daddy, when Kasumi says stop, next time *stop*!" Soun could only nod dumbly. Kasumi got up (still covering her eyes) and made her way to a closet where she got a blanket for Ranma. She waved it in his general direction, and he quickly wrapped himself up (though not before Nabiki got a small peep). She gasped in surprise, then abruptly blushed. Soun poured the rest of the kettle's contents over Genma-panda's head next. "Let's eat!" he said.
While the two fathers discussed the impending marriage with glee, Kasumi was helping Ranma and Shampoo settle into the guest room. "We don't have a bed in here I'm afraid," she was saying. "That's okay, Kasumi, we've got sleeping bags an' all." Shampoo asked, "Where we put stuff?" "Oh, you can just unpack your clothes into this dresser here. I'll put your packs in the closet for now." While Shampoo did just that, Kasumi asked (blushing), "Um, I don't mean to be too forward, but do you two usually... uh, spend the night together?" "Yea, usually, why do you ask?" Ranma said. She blushed a darker shade. Then he realized what she had meant. "Oh, wait, *no*! Nonononono! Not like that!" Kasumi heaved a sigh of relief, while Shampoo looked vaguely disappointed. "Well, then, we can just let your father share this room with you two! That way there won't be any problem with space." Ranma groaned, then Shampoo said, "No want share room with stupid panda man. Him can sleep in dojo." Kasumi shook her head, saying, "Oh no, I could never ask him to do that! It's not proper behavior for a host to treat a guest that way." Ranma tapped his chin, then said, "Well, I can't argue with that, but this is Pop we're talkin' about here. Besides, even though we aren't together *that* way..." (Shampoo frowned), "...we would still rather it were just the two of us, you know what I mean?" Kasumi hesitated, then nodded, saying, "Yes, I can understand that Ranma-kun. I'll go see about letting Mr. Saotome sleep in the main room."
She went down the stairway, leaving them alone again. Ranma went back to unpacking, and after a few moments of silence, he glanced back at Shampoo. He blinked when he saw a faint sadness in her eyes. "Hey, Shampoo, what's wrong?" Shampoo looked up at him, forcing a smile. "Nothing, Airen. Why you ask?" When he didn't immediately answer, her smile slipped a bit, and she turned back to her work so he couldn't see her face. Ranma was a little surprised at the odd behavior. It was the first time his iinazuke had deliberately hidden something from him, so he was naturally curious, and more than a little worried. However, he had also seen that she was rather upset, so he decided not to press the issue. He'd ask her about it some other time.
Akane was in her room, lifting weights (as was her usual response to anger, other than insults, outrageous violence, and general thick-headedness). "I can't believe that... that pervert! He even let himself get engaged to both of us!" Nabiki was stretched out on her, doing leg-lifts while reading another manga. She looked exasperated. "Akane, do you *really* think he likes what's going on right now?" "Well, no, but..." "But?" "But, he didn't even try to do anything about it!" Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Bear in mind, Sis, that you hardly gave him a chance. You knocked him into the pond as soon as he opened his mouth." "Well, he was being a jerk!" "Says my violent maniac of a sister who takes every excuse to beat the living daylights out of every boy she meets." Akane glared. "You're not saying all boys *aren't* complete perverts, are you?" "No, I'm saying that you don't even give them half a chance to prove that they aren't." "What about Kuno?" "Bad example, Sis. He's obviously off his rocker."
Akane sighed, knowing her sister too well to keep the arguement up any longer. She was an expert at all kinds of manipulation, including twisting people's words to suit any purpose. Kuno was the sole exception (being too stubborn to part with any preconceptions), but he was so stupid she never had to go that far. Of course, one thing Akane would never see was that she was easily just as stubborn as that pompous fool, and if she did see it, she would never admit it, even to herself. So, she was completely attached to the notion that Ranma was nothing more than an arrogant hentai, and that he always would be.
Nabiki, for her part, couldn't deny that Ranma had a healthy ego, though she would hardly classify him as the perverted type. She had watched him closely all evening (looking for any exploitable weaknesses), and seeing the way he blushed every time that girl Shampoo got close to him was all the proof she needed. Unfortunately, her younger sister was far less observant than she was, and, on top of that, would refuse to let anyone spell it out for her, even Kasumi. To make matters worse, she and Ranma seemed to have a particular talent for grating each other's nerves, which meant that property costs for the Tendo household would likely go through the roof. That set Nabiki down the familiar pathway of her mind, which was usually focused on one thing: making money. Getting up from the bed, she went to her own room and sat in front of her computer, considering her options...
Kasumi was in the kitchen now, washing up after dinner. As she worked, she listened to the conversation her father was having with his old friend. It had been easy convincing Mr. Saotome to sleep downstairs, despite his reluctance to do so. According to him, it would have been a better idea to let him keep an eye on his son and prospective daughter-in-law. By her father's reasoning, if Ranma was spending time with Shampoo, he *wasn't* spending time with Akane. Which made it less likely for the engagement to be carried out. Not that it had a decent chance in the first place, what with Akane beating her fiance up at even the slightest provokation (real or imagined) , and with Ranma taking every chance to further insult her. But it was still better than having Nabiki or herself marry him. That just wouldn't do.
Now her father and Mr. Saotome were playing Go, one of their favorite things to do together, apparently. She listened to their friendly chatter about the old days as she finished cleaning, and could not help but notice that there had been no leftovers. The Saotomes sure knew their business when it came to eating. They both had terrible table manners, even going so far as to try to steal each other's portions. Considering the fact that they had been eating soup, it was a wonder that there hadn't been any spills. Fortunately they didn't include anyone else in their competition, not even Shampoo. It seemed that they both ate enough for three people. That wasn't good news for Kasumi. It meant she'd have to increase her food budget, which had already been under strain. It was too bad her father no longer taught students. That left Nabiki to bring in the money, and Kasumi had always worried about how it might affect her moral standing to be under that kind of pressure. So far she hadn't taken any dangerous steps, but with three new people in the house (and staying indefinately, by all indications), that could soon change.
Kasumi sighed. It was so much to do to take care of two younger sisters like she were their mother, especially with all the other work she had to take care of on a daily basis. It was a wonder she even had any time to read those books that nice Dr. Tofu was always willing to let her borrow. And it seemed that now even that little bit of quality time would soon be leaving her. Oh well, at least if this latest engagement worked out then Ranma could begin his duties as the new owner of the Tendo dojo. Then she could finally get back to the plans she'd made so long ago. Walking out of the kitchen, Kasumi set about her nightly routine before finally going to bed.
That's the end of the second chapter. Now that the story is beginning to take shape, the later chapters should be done a little bit sooner. Or I'll just write them longer and better. Anyway, if you have any questions, comments, offers, suggestions, etc. etc., e-mail me at "etherway .com" I look forward to hearing from you!
Next episode: Ranma and Shampoo's first day at Furinkan High, and the dreaded meeting with Kuno.