[Jo]

Jo felt her head spin. Those last few months, weeks, days, hours, everything was too much. She'd gone into that internship with the thought of wanting to excel at what she'd been doing already. She had wanted to build onto her medical career, she'd wanted to do something that mattered, something that would help millions of people in the end. Her hopes and needs had built to dreams that were barely realistic anymore but all that hope and imagination kept her going, all those dreams had spurred her career, had made her susceptible to all kinds of knowledge, and had made learning and practicing easy. All she had wanted was move to Seattle and get into her work, head first, bolting through her residency, succeeding at her work, realizing her dreams. That's all she had ever wanted. Make things better. For her, for her family, for all people. Never had she thought about meeting someone like Alex.

She'd met bunches of guys during schooling, during her internships. She'd hooked up with some, she'd gotten involved with some, but none of them had ever really left an impression, left her distracted or longing for more, for bigger things, better things, never once had she met someone that had let her know that there were other things out there rather than work and success, things that did matter. But then she had met Alex, and as clumsily they had started out, as smoothly their togetherness had become. She'd found herself wanting him so much, longing for him, yearning him, she'd panicked when first realizing that she'd started feeling that… that thing people talked about. Looking at a person and forgetting about everything else. Holding a person and never wanting to let go. Being with a person and starting to not mind so much that one's career wasn't all there was to life. She'd panicked and then she'd gotten a grip on it since she'd realized how much Alex was enhancing her career, not in the obvious way but with supporting her and encouraging her and being there for her always, she'd excelled in a way that she could have or would have never dreamed of before.

All that sounded so easy, so smooth, so uncomplicated; however, everything was far from easy, smooth or uncomplicated for them. Why? Jo couldn't quite grasp that. So, with that mind-set, emotional frame, emotional hurricane within her, she'd slid into the matter of having to confront her own and her family's emotions and past, a thing she'd feared forever would outrun them at some point. But it wasn't only her dad dying, but it was her mom dying, her grandparents dying, their family being ripped apart all over again. It was her entire childhood all over again. The hurt and the darkness, the fear of drifting apart, the fear of being alone, of having no one in the entire world, the hurt of developing different mind-sets and drifting apart because of that. The pain of watching your siblings trying to tackle the world day by day and failing over and over and over again. The nagging responsibility inside oneself, the guilt. The guilt of having left people behind. And at one point, realizing, you've left yourself behind in the midst of all of it. And in the midst of finding yourself again, you get ripped from all your roots. Your dad dying. Your one true love telling you he won't ever love you back, even though that might not even be true but as your reality always plays in your head, no matter what reality is the truth, that is the truth for you. Your truth will always be in your mind, your reality will be the one conjured in your mind. And in the midst of dealing with that, your obsessed neighbor taking everything from you that you've built yourself really is just the hot and heavy chocolate drizzle on top of a great big sundae of sorrows. The roots you've tried to lay. The roots those are so essential to actually build and carry a new life. And again, her dad dying.

So, Jo was standing on the platform, the train thundering by her, rushing out of the station, herself staring down at her phone, reading Alex's attempt to argue with her, feeling agitation set within her, irritation, really. There was one thing, she had learned from all this. Don't let them take all your roots. Don't let them decide about your life. Take action. Do it for yourself. If you wanna preserve what's important to you, you have to do it yourself. Jo felt like everything was thundering down onto her. The conversation she'd just had on the phone with the police officer reporting Sam's arrest to her, telling her he had been very apologetic and had asked to see her, that knowledge rammed to the back of her mind, Alex the only thing she could think of at the moment. All the hopes and expectations. How she only wanted him. Needed him. Loved him. Jo finished typing up the last text, walking slowly towards the exit, when suddenly she looked up and Carly was standing there, waiting, looking anxious.

"Hey, did I take too long?" Jo asked her with a slight tilt of her head, narrowing her eyes. "You okay, sweetie?" she added quickly when seeing her face, reaching out for her little sister, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders and walking on with her, observing said one's nondescript gaze. She pocketed her phone and watched the other one nod.

"You look kinda… are you okay?" her sister asked her tentatively. Jo matched her sister's eyes and shook her head slightly, confused.

"I'm fine, why are you asking?"

"I saw you guys… fighting," Carly mumbled, her arms still crossed on her chest. Jo felt a smile on her face and squeezed Carly's shoulder.

"Aw, sweetie, that wasn't a fight," she reassured her, making her look up at her puzzled.

"It wasn't? But it didn't look good…," she confessed to her spying. Jo chuckled and rolled her eyes.

"Don't you worry about that," Jo told her.

"But I do, tell me what's going on," her sister begged her now, loosening her arms and putting one around her sister as well. "You looked so in love and so… fine… just this morning," she told her sheepishly. Jo smiled.

"And what you saw makes you think this has changed?" Carly shrugged. Jo looked towards the car, smiling. "Again, don't worry about it. We're not fighting. Alex is an idiot, that's all," she gave her with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"What does that mean? Did he… do something?" the young one asked uncomfortably.

"No," Jo shook her head and scrunched up her face. "We'll be fine. Just a little disagreement," she squeezed her upper arm again. "But you know how stubborn the Wilsons are," she winked at her. "I'll always make him agree with me in the end."

"And you're sure that it'll be fine? How do you know?"

"Because I know us," Jo gave her back, feeling how the smile widened. "I know us," she repeated the statement for herself, not getting enough of saying it. "Everything's gonna be alright. Today's a good day," she said, climbing in the car and closing the door behind herself. The feeling of security, of love, flooded Jo and for a second she felt a tiny bit drunk, unable to drive the car. She smiled to herself, smiled about the fact that a minute ago she was overwhelmed with every tiny little emotion tumbling down onto her but now, now that her sister had brought up the matter, had shown worry, she'd completely, truthfully and securely been able to answer her, that everything was going to be okay, that they were going to be just fine, and all she felt inside her was love. They drove in silence for a little bit before Carly chimed up again.

"He's cute, you know," she pointed out quietly. Jo chuckled and flitted her eyes over for a second.

"How long did it take you to shape that thought?" Carly's cheeks reddened.

"Well, he's old," she admitted, making Jo laugh out loud, genuinely amused.

"Sweetie, you're just super young," she gave her back.

"He must be a lot older than you are, too, though," Carly gave her a pointed look. Jo rolled her eyes. "Is he Drew's age? Cause that's old," she rambled on.

"Well, I'm a lot older than you are, Carly," Jo gave her back. "It's not like he's twice my age."

"Oh, so he's twice my age?" Carly turned back towards Jo unbelievingly. Jo smiled and shrugged her shoulders, basically agreeing to that thought. There was another long silence between them until they had reached the town of Hyattsville.

"Tell me," Jo turned over in her seat when she had parked the car at the funeral home. "Why don't you want Drew and Sal have another baby? What's this about?" Carly groaned and unbuckled her seatbelt but stayed put, thinking it seemed.

"I don't know," she said a moment later. "One's enough. And they just had Lyla. She's only a year and a little bit," she argued. Jo narrowed her eyes, watching her. "What?"

"Carly, listen to me," she told her. "If you let him, Andrew would bunker you up until you were forty," she started, making Carly snort. Jo's eyes and voice softened when she saw Carly bite her lip and struggle with her fingers. "You were his first baby and you'll always be his first baby. He's not replacing you with Lyla and the baby," she explained. "He's not. He-," Jo got cut off by Carly.

"Soon, they'll want me out of the house to make room. And I mean… Sally must be uncomfortable with me and all and… with the babies… and Dan having babies… and you and Alex being all… unbearably in love," she ranted on, making Jo raise her eyebrows, "I'll have nowhere to go," her voice died a little bit, and she cast her eyes down.

"How can you even think that? I don't understand," Jo shook her head, taking her hand. "I know it's always been complicated, and I know you've always been insecure about where you belong, but that's completely unfounded. Andrew has always been your dad, and I don't even know why you stopped calling him that, you did for years," Jo pointed out. "And Sally… you're doing her wrong too," she put her little sister on the spot. "She's never been anything but loving towards you. She's so sensitive around you and she's so caring, and for all I got to see the last weeks, she really grew to be your mom, too, even though she might not have always been here, ever since you were born," she put her in a rightful place. "New family additions don't change anything about that. Look, Sally and Andrew are so happy. They have their own family. And you are part of that family. I mean, of course, we all are family, but you guys, you're a family on your own, just like Dan and Marie and their baby are."

"And just like you and Alex are? Is that what you're saying? Alex is your family?" Jo sighed.

"Look, I don't know where this is coming from," Jo nudged her little sister and then chuckled. "You'll be done with high school in no time and you're probably going off to college and you'll be moving out and you'll be wanting to have your own life, your own… boyfriend or… family… career…," Jo told her. "I don't even know why you're not excited about that," she observed as Carly put her head back on the rest and closed her eyes. Jo ran the back of her index up and down her upper arm.

"What if I really do have a different dad? What if it's true what they say? What if… what if Andrew doesn't wanna be my dad anymore after finding out that I'm not even all your dad's daughter?" Jo gasped quietly.

"Oh, Carly, that's where this is coming from?" Carly nodded tentatively. "Oh, sweetheart, no! I didn't even know they told you in the end," she had to express her surprise for a moment, making the other one roll her eyes.

"I'm gonna pretend this is not another thing that everybody knew but me despite the fact that it concerns only me," she chucked out madly.

"Look, it doesn't matter who your biological dad is. If it matters to you, go ahead and find out. Andrew will support you. But what if it is true? What do you think happens then? You think Andrew cares? You think he'll… I don't know what you think he'll do, what do you think?" Jo shook her head with a frown. Carly just shrugged. "Nothing is going to happen. You know why? Because Andrew's your dad," Jo stressed that statement. "Look, for what it's worth, Andrew's seriously been breeding over this for years now. You know why he never found the guts to tell you?" Carly shook her head. "Cause he was scared that you would run from him. He was scared that his little girl would… just leave him," Jo smiled. "He's scared, Carly, all the time. He doesn't wanna let you go. He thinks you're gonna leave him. He thinks he's gonna lose you," she told her. Carly scrunched up her face.

"I would never do that," Carly sounded taken aback. "He's my dad." Jo smiled at Carly's epiphany. They were a weird and messed up family. But they were just that. A family. She looked back at her curiously, when Carly snapped her head back over. "When did you get this good at communicating?" This made Jo laugh out loud.

"Oh, trust me," she shook her head. "I'm not," she chuckled. "But it's easier to contemplate things from a little bit of a distance." Carly looked at her with a frown now.

"So… are you guys taking a break, then?" Jo laughed again, suddenly feeling so easy. Everything was easy.

"No," she shook her head with a wide grin. "We're not taking a break. Alex and I are…," Jo mused.

"…family," Carly ended her sister's thought. Jo looked over, and contemplated this, her head falling onto her shoulder. Then she shrugged.

"Maybe," she told her, watching as Andrew and Dan rolled into the parking space besides them, and opened her door. "We might be." Jo walked over towards the guys, standing next to Daniel, watching as Carly purposefully walked up towards an oblivious looking Andrew and hugged him tightly, leaving him in complete surprise but slowly embracing her, putting his head onto hers. Jo smiled at them and side hugged Dan. She loved her family, she did, despite all differences, all history, the distance. She did. But maybe Carly was right. She had Alex, and Alex was her true family. There wasn't anyone else Jo needed but him. These past months had shown her just how much they were each other's family. How much she needed him. Jo felt so relieved. This really was a new day. A day on which undoubtedly she had learned to embrace what was right in front of her. Now she just had to make sure Alex knew of it as well. And that, she wasn't sure how long would take. Ugh, you idiot. How can one be so blind? Jo chuckled, thinking about him. On the other hand, this might make me love you even more. Oh, Alex.

[Alex]

Alex sat in the cab, watching the streaks of raindrops running down the car window diagonally with the speed they were driving, the window condensed with the sudden change of weather and drop in temperature in Baltimore. His thoughts were tumbling over in his mind, not being able to get into proper order. He was tired of this day, confused over all the tidbits he had gathered about what was happening between Jo and him. He was exhausted, really, from them going back and forth, never quite knowing what was happening. He looked down at the envelope in his hands, the one the nurse at Hopkins had given him after his surgery telling him this was a message from his colleague. He'd frowned at the nurse, not immediately getting the drift, quietly opening the white envelope and feeling his eyes widen when seeing a condom inside, a condom labeled with sharpie, a heart and an address scribbled onto it neatly. He'd taken out a hotel room swipe card, looking at it confusedly, sighing when realizing what Jo was trying to tell him. Alex looked up when the cab slowed down, entering a hotel kiss and ride, and spotted the familiar green lit letters on top of the building he was being led to. When the cab halted, Alex paid and got out, taking a deep breath. The lobby boy held the door open for him and he entered the lobby slowly, walking towards the elevators, remembering the path well, looking left and right, feeling the stabbing in his guts, recognizing the hotel bar Jo had refused to go to, spotting the door towards the staircase in which they'd first talked to each other, joked together, the staircase on which he had first attempted flirting with Jo, her sending him packing. The entire building was the personification of how their romance had started, how they had gotten to know each other better. Alex's guts dropped when he entered the elevator and pushed the button to the 18th floor, remembering exactly where he had to go. What was she trying to tell him with this? What was expecting him here? Alex gulped heavily, trying to keep his emotion in. He felt overwhelmed, exhausted, confused, irritated, scared. He sighed heavily when the door dinged and he walked out, taking a left and passing three doors before standing in front of his destination, fidgeting with the hotel card. Was he supposed to let himself in? He knocked apprehensively, twice, not being able to make out anything on the other side of the door. What was this? Was she setting him up?

Alex waited for another couple of seconds before sliding the card through the machine and watched the light turn to green, operating the handle and pushing the door in, meeting an empty room. He let the door fall close, looking around, his eyes roaming the familiar room, the desk at the window, they'd first used to get to know each other better, the mini bar they'd plundered to ease their nerves the tiniest bit, the spot they'd first kissed in, the bed they'd first had sex in, the view they'd talked about so much and had led to all kinds of other stories they'd talked about eventually. Alex bit his lower lip and felt his heart flutter the tiniest bit when thinking about how they had started out, how distant his mind-set back then seemed to him now, how far that one night seemed to him now, how much had happened since then. Alex took a cleansing breath, taking a few steps into the room and putting down his bags on the edge of the bed, placing his hands on his waist and narrowing his eyes to an item he couldn't remember having been there the last time he was in this room. He walked up to a flip chart that was written all over in Jo's neat handwriting. He tried to decode her mysterious scribbling, seeing an A and a J adorning each top corner of the paper, lots of arrows and thoughts noted down underneath them. Alex shook his head at the mind map, feeling irritation growing inside him. What the hell was this? Why had she led him here when she wasn't even showing up herself?

That moment, he heard the faint click of someone having swiped their room key and turned to look at Jo entering the room, her gaze down, snapping up when she realized his presence, instantly recording a smile on her features. Alex just stood, looking at her, awaiting an explanation.

"Hey," she seemed relieved somehow, as if she hadn't been sure if he'd show up after all. Alex narrowed his eyes at her, when she placed the room key and what looked like the car key down besides his stuff, walking up to him. "How long have you been waiting?" she asked him with a wrinkled forehead. When he didn't say anything, she sighed. "Sorry, I've been spending all afternoon in here since I didn't know when you'd be done and I just had to get out for a bit, I was going stir-crazy. Of course, I managed to be out at the exact time you came here," she chuckled insecurely. When Alex still didn't say anything, Jo looked up at him with big eyes, looking nervous.

"What is this?" Alex chucked out after a long silence, staring at each other.

"Well," Jo started out, flitting her eyes down to the floor nervously before matching them with his again. "I…," she gulped heavily, blushing slightly. "…wanted to return the favor," she smiled. Alex furrowed his brows. "You know… with our history of hotel rooms it seemed fitting… especially with this one," she looked around, her gaze getting caught on the bed. Alex watched her, before sighing and rubbing his forehead, shaking his head.

"Jo, I don't really know why you keep-," he started but stopped when he felt Jo put her hand on his chest and looked up at her, startled. Jo smiled at him.

"Stop talking," Jo was shaking her head as well. "I think we've established by now that we're terrible at communicating," she told him. Alex narrowed his eyes, not knowing where she was going. "Well," she rolled her eyes, "I still think you're the more terrible part of us," she laughed but her features softened when she caught a glimpse of his reaction on his face. "I'm kidding, Alex," she whispered. They stared at each other for a minute. "And besides, it's my turn." Alex looked at her and she could see that he was grinding his teeth together. "Look… I just… before I say what I wanna say… the thing I've wanted to say forever now and you just don't let me… I just wanna ask you… what is it do you think this is?" Jo looked at him with wide eyes. Alex felt a lump in his throat and gulped heavily.

"I know that even though I've fallen for you, this is not going anywhere… so this really is just sex… I know that, don't worry," he told her flatly. Jo rolled her eyes.

"I didn't wanna hear that again but yeah, thanks. Um… I was just wondering… I mean… we've been… we've been doing this for so long now," Jo shook her head to emphasize her statement. "And we've been through so much… you know… being together and then being apart and I've told you how I had missed you when you were gone for a while and how I just couldn't sleep with any other guy and then everything happened with Sam and we lived together for a while and we…. I mean… I was completely depending on you, I wouldn't have made it without you, they would have had to strap me down and sedate me in first place probably… and then everything happened with my dad and you came here and you stayed and I…," she shook her head now more than ever, before stopping and sighing. "I just don't get what exactly you think I feel towards you? I mean… what is it you think about me? I mean, as amazing as the sex is and as much as it was the reason for this for the longest time, but seriously… we've long passed that state of our relationship… so what do you think? Do you think I'm… I'm using you for surgeries? Or… my career in general? Um… your house? Or what do you think I want from you if it's not a relationship? If you're so sure I don't reciprocate your feelings?" Alex looked back at her face when she stopped asking all her questions, not knowing what to say. She had a point there… what did she want if she's not in love with him?

"I… I don't know," he shook his head, biting his lip. Jo tilted her head and smiled sadly.

"Exactly," she nodded, her smile wider now.

"Can you just say what you want to say and then let's move on," Alex told her, his voice completely emotionally void suddenly. Jo tilted her head, pain shooting through her face, instantly nervous.

"Right, I will. Um, thing is," Jo cleared her throat, Alex spotting a speckled blush rising on her cleavage, neck and face. He watched and listened to her take a shaky breath before she matched eyes with him. "I love you." Alex felt himself go completely rigid, and Jo's hand that she still rested on his chest burn uncomfortably, his instincts telling him to take a step back, which he did after the initial second of shock and surprise. Jo let go of some accumulated air through her nose and slowly let her head fall to the side, looking at him compassionately, her arm slowly sliding down. Alex knew his face was stone and his windpipe was tightened and every muscle in his body was tense, and he knew she could see and feel it. Alex yanked his head back slightly when he observed Jo close her eyes as if in relief and chuckle, putting her face inside her palms and rubbing it. She shook her head and laughed. "Man, you have no idea how good it feels to just say that out loud," she shook her head and put down her hands to look at him with a wide smile. Alex felt his jaw clench.

"If you think you're being funny-," Alex pressed out, however, Jo immediately stopped him, her face going from relief and happiness to something between panic and anger.

"No, Alex, no," she took a step closer but he held out a hand for her to keep her distance, making her sigh. "Will you ever let me finish my thoughts?" She looked at him desperately with the hint of a smile playing the corners of her lips. He didn't know what to say. When they stared at each other again silently, Jo adopted a look of what he defined as… love on her face. Could it be true? "Look," Jo pointed her head over towards the flip chart and chuckled. "I actually made a mind map to sort all my thoughts and just… write down everything that has happened between us… cause seriously… as much as I don't wanna admit it but I didn't realize it either, for the longest time. So, I just write everything on here that went down between us… starting right here," she blushed slightly, flipping through the papers.

"Jo," Alex groaned.

"No, it's my turn," she turned back to him sharply. "Everything that has happened, everything that's going on between us, I didn't realize it for the longest time, either, Alex, but you never once gave me the chance to explain myself. You have this attitude… you have this… you are so opinionated about me and what I think, what I feel. But you never once let me say anything myself. You… I mean… you've been accusing me now of… God knows what and you haven't even let me talk. So now, I'm gonna talk and you're gonna listen, if you want to or not, you're gonna stay in here with me and you're gonna listen to what I have to say and you're gonna respect that. I'm sick of you believing bullshit about me, seriously, Alex, I'm so sick and tired of you treating me like I'm not in this just as well and as much," she blew up at him. Alex frowned, feeling insecure all of a sudden. Had he done her wrong after all? They stared each other down for another second or two before he nodded jerkily. "Good," she let go of the breath she was holding, smiling mildly. "Look, we've both acted like complete idiots," Jo started, laughing. "Of course I didn't realize this the longest time myself, but this was never just sex. This," she pointed in between them, "us," she took a step closer, "it was never just sex. Of course I didn't wanna realize and it appears you didn't either, but we were set up to fall in love with the way we behaved towards each other," she explained to him as if it was completely crystal.

"And yes," she laughed again, looking at the bed, "I never meant to fall for you either, I wanted you to distract me, for God's sake," Jo slightly pushed her palm into Alex's chest accusingly, making him chuckle softly, rolling his eyes, making her features immediately soften for getting a genuine reaction out of him. "I wanted you for sex, I knew you'd do your job… I never thought… not in my wildest dreams… I… I never thought we could have what we had these last months, what we had instead. I never thought I'd learn to love you the way I do, I never thought you were what I was looking for… what I needed. Look, I'm not mad at you, I just… apparently we were both walking into this blindly and never realized that we were both falling desperately. And all of it… all this… it turned out so messed up… I totally thought that you knew about me being in love with you, I mean I tried telling you all the freaking time… I thought you were saying… hey it's okay that you want more of this than I do but we can still keep up with the sex, you know?" she told him, his eyes fixed on hers, his whole body transfixed to the spot. "I thought you knew… and I totally panicked when you didn't like me back… when you said… all the stuff about… it being temporary and… the way you kept repeating we were just fine the way we were."

"I thought you wanted to break it off cause you realized I was in love with you," Alex slowly formed his thought.

"But I didn't, Alex, don't you see," Jo took another step closer. "I didn't once realize you were in love with me," she reassured him. "I just…," she looked down, shaking her head. "Alex," she turned it up to match gazes with him. "I've never felt so loved. Even though of course I didn't realize that you were in love with me, which sounds so ridiculous right now," Jo snorted. "But I've never in my life felt so loved by anyone before," she told him, her voice on the verge of breaking. "When I'm with you, all I know is that I'm safe and that I'm loved and that you'd do anything for me and… the way you look at me… it just…," Jo gulped and Alex could see her eyes glazed over. "I feel like you really love me… like… all of me. I feel like there isn't anything you'd want to change about me, just like you said, I've never felt that way before… like… like I'm enough for you. Like I deserve… to be loved like that," Jo kept shaking her head, losing a tear, wiping it away swiftly.

"How could you not know how much I love you when you felt like that?" Alex asked her, making her laugh.

"Why are you asking me that? I just told you I don't know why… and… I know I acted like a complete idiot," she admitted. "I know that now… I was just… I was so scared, Alex," she looked up and what he saw on her face made his insides cringe. He took a deep breath, rubbing his forehead, trying to think this through. So… she'd been in love with him for a while now, thinking he just wanted her for sex and didn't say anything because she was scared he didn't feel the same way and would break it off whereas it was the very, very same for him? Was that what she was saying? That was seriously messed up! He looked up when Jo bridged the last bit of space between them and put her hands on his waist, running her thumbs across his abs. He watched her shake her head while she seemed to stare at a spot on his chest. When he was sure there wasn't anything else coming his way, he sighed and guided her chin up to look at him, running his thumb across her cheek.

"Jo," he started, shaking his head himself now. "You don't really love me, do you?" he asked her shakily, making her scrunch up her face.

"Um, yes, I do, trust me," she spat.

"It's okay, Jo, you don't have to… say that," he stuttered.

"Aaand you're doing it again."

"What?"

"Assuming things you just can't know," she gave him back. Alex bit his lips, chewing on that thought.

"But Jo, you said the way you like me wasn't enough… and now all of a sudden you love me?" He watched as Jo's eyes widened at this and her face morphed to amused laughter.

"Oh my goodness, is that what you think I said?" Alex inched his head to the right and looked at her sideways, narrowing his eyes.

"Well, that's what you said," he confirmed slowly. Jo closed her eyes and let her head fall onto his chest, laughing, shaking her head.

"No," she laughed uncontrollably now. "No, Alex, I did not say that."

"You said it yourself, of course you did, you said I like you, but obviously that's not enough," he recited the line he'd played back and forth in his mind for weeks now, the one exclamation that had devastated him and still did every time he made her say it in his mind over and over and over again.

"Alex," she stopped laughing and cupped his cheeks now, looking at him seriously. "What I meant to say was, while I like you very much, you don't seem to like me back, which would be a serious problem for establishing a relationship. I was saying one-sided affection isn't enough to keep this going," she declared. Alex felt his guts drop, looking at her incredulously, not knowing if he was feeling more stupid for having completely gotten the message wrong or if he was more shocked that this could actually mean… they were… this was… "See, I thought while I was falling in love with you, falling for you head over heels… you only wanted sex… I was thinking while I was completely in over my head with my boss of all people, you were trying to keep me around fo-," she tried clearing it up once again but Alex didn't care anymore what they had once thought, how wrong they had both been about each other. He rumbled down and cut her off, kissing her deeply, immediately getting an intense response out of her, her arms clasping around his neck and him picking her up, putting everything into that kiss that he had wanted to tell her for ages now. They stood there kissing for the longest minutes of their lives probably, both of them keeping up with deepening the kiss, embracing each other closer, never wanting to let go. Alex smiled when he heard her moan into the kiss and soften it a bit, still holding her so very closely and putting her down on the floor again, breaking their lips but keeping their foreheads on each other, nuzzling their noses together. "About time," Jo breathed against him mindlessly, making him chuckle, for they were standing in the very same spot as they had for their very first kiss together, they were just as passionate and she had recited just what she had said after their first kiss. And everything was just so… incredible. "Alex," Jo sighed.

"I love you," he whispered, before kissing her again, making her laugh, which kept him from catching her lips and kissed her cheek instead, her temple, sensing her shaking her head continuously before looking at him again.

"You're an idiot," she told him with a pouty lip, pulling him into another kiss.

"So are you," he gave her back between pecks. Jo chuckled.

"I know," she whined. When they looked at each other, Jo traced her thumb across his face and he realized how her face scrunched up in what looked like pain.

"Don't cry," he murmured towards her, smiling.

"I can't help myself," Jo gasped, tears running down her cheeks, pulling him closer and Alex resting his forehead against hers again. "I love you," she breathed against him, kissing him with salty lips.

"God, I can't listen to you...to us... anymore," Alex told her, making her look up at him in panic. He laughed. "This is so ridiculous," he said, infecting her.

"I know, right?" she chuckled slightly, before they both sobered up, staring at each other's eyes, both of them overwhelmed with the emotions of the day. "We're not the sappy, teary-eyed, cheesy couple from next door… this is not what we are, we're… we're…," she halted. Alex nodded.

"I know, we're not. We're just us," he nodded. Jo smiled before they melted into a tight hug. He sensed as she kept kissing his neck, roping herself up towards him as if wanting to get closer to him continuously. "I love you," he told her again, dead serious, not caring about how idiotic they both sounded. "I'm not going anywhere, Jo," he assured her. "I love you."

[Finally in unison]

We all think we're going to be great. And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met. But sometimes, our expectations sell us short. Sometimes, the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still. The expected is just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.

Alex and Jo lay on the bed, staring at the window front that was washed down with rain from the outside, the streaks becoming thicker towards the bottom and melting away towards the streets, gathering into puddles that of course, they couldn't see from their position on the bed. Watching the rain pour down, though, calmed them immensely. As if in trance, following the orders of the rain, Alex traced streaks up and down Jo's arm with his fingertips, holding her tightly towards him. It was comforting to lie there, feeling how Jo's back perfectly adjusted to his chest, warmth engulfing them, watching the cold weather outside, cuddling in between the sheets of the hotel bed. It was overwhelming to have her lie in his arms, knowing, as of this moment, she was actually his. There were no more doubts, no more arguing, she was his, and it overwhelmed him. He kissed her neck for the umpteenth time, holding her a tiny bit tighter, Jo's fingers reciprocating that sentiment and firmly held onto his arms. Funnily, looking back on their developing relationship over the months, all they really did was sleep together, whereas this time, they hadn't even gotten to it, getting distracted so much with breaking their kisses to stare at each other, tell the other nonsensical stuff mostly, touch each other. Now they were staring at the rain, together, feeling like everything was right in the world.

"Are you freaking out yet?"

Alex sighed against Jo's neck at hearing the words, kissing her again.

"How many times are you planning to ask me this tonight?" he gave her back, making her smile and shrug. "Are you?" She shrugged again, making him pull her even closer and kiss her again, stretching his neck to get to her cheek and temple.

"I'm scared," she admitted quietly after a while.

"I know, me too," Alex agreed. "This is big," she nodded at his words. "But being scared is not a reason to freak out. We'll do just fine, we've been doing this, it's nothing new," he reassured her.

"What if you stop loving me from one day to the next?"

"Hell freezes over," Alex gave her back dryly.

"No, I'm serious, Alex," Jo snapped at him. There was a slight pause, Alex just nuzzling his nose on her shoulder, letting her think it through. "I've never… I haven't… I mean…," Jo grumbled. When she spoke up next her voice was so quiet, Alex could barely follow. "There hasn't ever been a person in my life, saying they love me…," she confessed. Alex closed his eyes, trying to blank out the pain in her voice and the pain that was settling inside him. "Ever."

"I love you," Alex repeated. He sensed Jo's smile, even though he had his eyes closed.

"So you keep saying," she whispered, making him puff out a hot cloud of breath through his nose with his smile, kissing her shoulder over and over and over again. "And you…," her voice was so soft, almost insecure. "You keep telling me that… that… you love… like… all of me… and I don't even know what that means, seriously! But then… when you look at me… I just really feel… I feel like… you really do love all of me… as in every tiny little bit… every facet… every mood… every clipped toenail…," she sighed.

"Well, I don't know about that," Alex had arrived at her neck now, sucking at it when she chuckled. They stayed in silence for a bit, Alex sucking and kissing her neck while Jo had brought up her hand to cup his head while he did so, eliciting moans from her, sighs, their untroubled existence only ending when they heard an irritating buzz from besides them. They both looked down at the vibrating phone lying in front of them on the comforter that was announcing a message for Alex. Jo felt him huff against her, and she bit her lower lip before she slowly turned around in his embrace.

"Hey, so… can I ask you something?" she looked down at his chest where Alex was holding her hand. Alex didn't say anything but when she looked up at his eyes, she realized he was waiting for her to do so. She blushed slightly, making him raise his eyebrows, before getting it out, though. "We're… we're exclusive now, right? As in… you know…," she stuttered. Alex snorted.

"I'd think so after all this freaking neverending confusion," she cracked a smile at him when he leaned down and touched their lips together ever so softly before pulling back again and matching eyes. "Why?"

"Umm… so…," Jo blushed harder, averting her eyes and fidgeting. "Can I just… umm… can I ask about Lucy now? Can I be… umm… I guess… jealous now?" Jo smiled a sheepish smile when looking up at him, making him throw everything away and laugh out loud, holding her towards him, hugging her. When he pulled back, she was pouting. "Don't laugh at me… I'm just… look… she's texting you all the freaking time," she made her point.

"Oh, so you know about that?" he winked at her, making her roll her eyes.

"Yeah, I can see it flash when it comes in, I've never read them, no worries," she told him. Alex smiled.

"There's no need whatsoever to be jealous, even though," Alex cranked his head and looked at the ceiling. "I might even like that… just a little though…," he smiled at her. Jo chuckled and looked down, feeling stupid. Alex cupped her chin and guided up her eyes, their gazes melting into each other. "She's no threat to you whatsoever, Jo," he reassured her, making butterflies circle her stomach. "Mostly she just keeps in touch about the project. And when she's not, I've told her before that we're over, so over. But it doesn't matter anyways cause I don't even have eyes or ears or lips for her… you just capture me wholly…," he admitted, making her smile.

"I do?"

"You do, absolutely," Alex nodded, before they leaned in for the next kiss, their craving towards each other never seeming to stop.

"Do you think it's only gonna be a… a… fling? You know… I mean… do you think it'll last…?"

"How should I know?" Alex gave her back. "I have no idea… but Jo, we've only been doing this for about seven months… and I just told you that I love you…so…," he told her matter-of-factly.

"I know," Jo scrunched up her face. "I know," she repeated. "I've been thinking the same thing… this is so weird, like… I've been with other guys for years and I didn't once say it… or feel it much for that matter… but with you… I'm serious… I'm not just saying that. I love you," Jo nodded. "And I just… I'm scared that it'll overwhelm you… that it'll be too much," she explained.

"It's a lot, yeah, but I want this, Jo. I promise you I want this. I want you. So please… can we just leave it at that cause I'm having a really hard time not getting exasperated with all this talk about how much I love you and how much you love me and how we're gonna stay together forever and how we're gonna have five kids and two dogs and a hamster and how we're gonna grow old together, sitting on a porch, picking at each other lovingly," Alex gave her a piece of his mind, making her cackle.

"I never said all that," she noted, having raised her eyebrows towards her hairline. "You just made that all up," she winked at him. "You wanna tell me something?" Her grin spread across her face. Alex rolled his eyes.

"Shut up," he told her before taking her into a deep kiss. When they broke it after several minutes, out of breath, a layer of their clothing lighter, pressed up against each other, Jo mumbled against his lips.

"Remember our first time? The first time you kissed me like this and I just couldn't cope?" Alex smiled against her, making Jo mirror it, and he nodded. "It's so crazy to think where we were back then and where we are right now… I mean… look at us! We just… we could have never guessed how this one night would change our lives so drastically… right?"

"Mhm," Alex agreed with his eyes closed.

"But the way you kissed me….," Jo mused, getting cut off by Alex kissing her, Jo's hands anchoring in his hair, pulling him closer, kissing him deeper, letting go of the moan she needed to get rid of.

"Like that?" Alex breathed in between, his hands wandering off, down her spine and cupping her ass.

"Exactly," Jo's eyes rolled back into her orbs. "I never meant to… I… I never even thought about going into a relationship again… not now… not like this…," she added.

"Not with me?"

"Well… no… I never thought so, no," she agreed. "I mean… seriously?" she pulled back an inch to focus on their conversation. "How's everyone gonna react?" she asked him, insecurity lacing her voice. "Or do you plan on keeping us secret again?" her face fell for a second. Alex smiled and rolled his eyes.

"We did not just go through all this to keep this an affair. I'm so over that, just so you know," he told her. Jo laughed.

"Good, good. I don't want that either. I wanna be with you… always. But… seriously, how are we gonna do this? You're an attending… I'm an intern… how's everyone gonna react? They're not gonna like this," she pondered.

"Just don't freak out, alright? They already know anyways… they all do, even Hunt knows… they all saw us and they all know we're a thing… and especially with us making it official, they can't say anything."

"But what if they do? I don't wanna be the intern everybody looks down at because they think I'm sleeping my way up," she whined.

"Well… you didn't exactly think this through, right?" Alex laughed. "I mean, nobody's gonna think anything about you sleeping with me because I'm your boss… there's always been people sleeping around no matter who they were… but you do know that they're all gonna make fun of you for falling for me? As in… the guy everybody's had sex with…," he told her. Jo looked back at him in pain and then cupped his cheeks, staying silent for a while, and then shaking her head.

"Don't worry about me thinking like that for a second, alright? I know you, Alex… I don't care how many people you've slept with back there… they don't know you. I know you. I don't care what they think about me, I wanna be with you and I will be. Don't worry for a second that I won't wanna be with you. I do. Always. I want this, I want you. And I don't want it for a little bit or a little while, I'm in this. I mean it, Alex, I'm in this. All the way," she told him with emphasis, picking up on his own insecurities.

"Okay," he accepted her speech in a hushed voice. They lay in silence for a long, long while, hugging, kissing and staring at each other before Jo smiled up at him again, going through his hair.

"So…," she dragged that statement. "When you say, you take or you want all of me… does that mean you even take me without the sex… as in compared to what we were doing lately?" Alex yanked his head back and frowned at her.

"What about all of you don't you get?" Jo threw her head back and laughed joyfully, making him smile as well. When she quieted, they inched back together again, rubbing their noses against each other.

"So, I don't have to be scared that you'll never touch me again?" Alex chuckled.

"Yeah, as if," he told her, both of them laughing and Jo eventually initiating a longer kiss, rolling them over for him to touch down between her legs, both moaning. When they pulled back one last time to look at each other, they both smiled widely, losing themselves in the other's eyes, realizing the truth about each other, the absolutely terrifying and at the same time incredibly comforting truth about what had become of them. And even though they had needed too long, and then again not long at all, to get there and neither of them had expected this turn, they looked at each other now and knew, that there wasn't anything or anyone else meant for them, they were meant to love each other.

When something begins, you generally have no idea how it's going to end. The dump you were going to live in becomes your personal hell. The family you thought you had evolves and builds their own, leaving no space for you. The home you've called just that for years turns out to be a shell filled with empty rooms. The family that you thought was never gonna hoard around you, comes in as your new roommate. Your new roommate turns out to be your new family, your new home. And the one-night stand you were determined to forget becomes the love of your life.

-The end.

That's it! And that'll be it for a while! Thanks for reading, you guys!

Afterthoughts.

#1: Weirdly, there should have been an Amber/Aaron part in this story, I can remember it clearly I just… I can't seem to find it and during re-reading I kept waiting for it to come up but it never did and now it just crossed my mind that I must have deleted it… I remember the scenes perfectly well, Aaron coming to visit and meeting Jo at the house and then spoiling their secret at the hospital with recognizing her from the house… very weird but yeah… as said, I must have deleted it…

#2: Some of you were confused about how/when they were falling in love... I hope that got cleared up. If not, similarly to Change of Plans, I have this timeline (which in this case covers what they were feeling for each other in different settings and over time) that I'm happy to share if someone's interested. Just let me know and I'll send it to you if you have an account.

#3: I wasn't 100% pleased with the last three chapters, I'm still not. Therefore, it makes me immensely happy that you seem to have taken to them exceptionally well! This will also be the reason why I'm not planning to write anything much in the immediate future because I have limited time and even though I probably could put out, but I'd never be satisfied with the outcome because I don't have the time to give my all to writing. I just know, I could have done so much better, and that bugs me, so next time I'm gonna publish something, whenever and whatever that might be, I will surely take the time to.

#4: Speaking of which, I created this poll thingy... this is the first time I do this and I hope it works as I imagine... anyways, even though I'm currently not planning to write anything, I have juggled about some ideas and I've thought about what I'd like to write and since there were suggestions/prompts about what to write in the reviews now and again, I thought I'd take your opinions into account. So if you wanna give me input on what you like reading, please vote on that poll on my profile. I'd really appreciate that!

#5: Again, thank you so much, all of you! Every single reader means the world to me, you have no idea!