Hello again, lovely readers. Today I offer you the first part of a short little four shot inspired mostly by the lyrics of the song "Night Time" by the amazing "The xx".
Here we go, hope you like it. Cheers.

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, don't own the music. Just having fun.


You mean that much to me

And it's hard to show

Gets hectic inside of me

When you go

Can I confess these things to you

I don't know

Embedded in my chest

And it hurts to hold


Paul Wescourt's empty car finally comes into view, neatly parked on the deserted bridge. Jane sighs in relief. It had been a nerve wrecking drive accompanied by countless swears and honks, trying to get through the busy streets of late night Boston. The shiny car looks vacant and when she stops the car, her eyes are already scanning her surroundings highly alert. There is something about this Jane, that fascinates you. This urge to save people, no matter where and no matter the personal consequences. Suicide. Jane had said that this was the most likely scenario. A frightening scenario that enhances your uneasiness regarding the empty bridge and car. This can't end well.

When Jane opens the car door to step out, you hesitate. You don't know what to expect because concerning these highly dangerous situations, this is this is not your profession, it's Jane's . You're not known for acting on instinct, a trait that is most definitely needed here. Still you follow her and stand next to her, surveying the bridge for any sign of Paul. You support her.

When Jane walks towards the parapet, you want to follow her, but she turns back and motions to the car. "Stay back, I have to do this on my own now, otherwise he could get scared." Her message is clear and her stance radiates the usual, fierce authority and protectiveness. You should know better, but you have to try make her stay anyway, so you start to protest. Your approach is immediately nipped in the bud by her upturned hand, so you stay back as she goes further down the bridge. Your heart is beating wildly because you now that this here is dangerous, risky and everything can happen.

"Be careful." Please let her stay safe. Your whispered plea is swept away by the wind, as is your wish for her to stay safe because Jane is already climbing over the iron construction. You want to go to her and tell her that this person isn't worth the risk, but you know that Jane Rizzoli never leaves anybody behind. So you stand there, helplessly watching your best friend trying to save somebody else. Your thoughts turn bitter, the longer you watch her. She had just gone without you again. Had left you behind. Again.

As soon as she's on the other side of the railing, you have to turn away, not able to bear the sight in front of you. When you hear a loud splash, your heart stops. Oh, no. You yank your eyes back to where she had been before, but she's not there anymore. You cautiously walk towards the railing, fearing the worst. The night is uncomfortably dark and your only help to find her is the pale light of the few lanterns. She could be anywhere further down the bridge. Your panic increases when your eyes frightfully roam the deserted bridge and you still find nothing. Nobody. Oh, Jane. Your anxiousness increases unbearably the longer you look for her, and your stomach tightens in the worst of ways. Where could she be?

Suddenly, you catch a glimpse of a black something moving at the other end of the railing. "Jane! Jane, wait! Jane, please!" You run towards the figure, your lungs hopelessly trying to hold up with your sudden increase of speed. You're almost there now, you can see her wild black curls blowing in the strong wind. Only a few more strides and you'll have reached her. Only a few more strides and you would be there to help her, to keep her safe. Then all of a sudden you hear a fearful cry and moments later another loud splash follows.

No.

No, no, no, no, Jane. You reach the railing breathing hard, but she is gone. Gone. "Jane.." You whimper as you try to focus your gaze on the endless swirls of deep black water, franticly seeking something that looks like Jane, something that could reassure you that she was still alive. But you only catch sight of waves. Nothing but angry foaming waves. You start to hyperventilate then, clutching the iron bars so fiercely, making your knuckles crack. She had jumped. And now, she was gone, lost in the uncontrollable force of nature.

Your eyes begin to water and soon you're crying unabashedly, the reality of your loss hitting you with full force. How could she? How could she abandon you again, after all that had happened in these past months? You get angry. You haven't been this angry at her since the incident with your father. Why did she always have to be so reckless, so self-sacrificing during these work situations? Why didn't she ever put her family first? Why didn't she ever put you first? Did your fears and worry and love mean nothing to her? A crushing feeling of rejection fills your body. She was your everything and you, you weren't important enough for her to stop. Nobody was important enough to make her stop.

You are pulled out of the excruciating train of thought by the shrill ringing of your phone. Korsak. You take a deep breath, trying to get yourself under control, trying to overcome this pain that is paralysing your body. Because this was no time for personal rage or worry, a detective was missing and now everything had to be done in order to find them and keep them alive. That was the utmost priority, nothing more, nothing less. But personally, for you, it was the only way to stay sane.

You eventually take the call, trying to organise and mobilise backup and search parties. Korsak seems shocked and you can hear the worry in his voice, but you stay strong and professional, giving all the information he needs. When the call is finally over, you are exhausted, emotionally and also physically. But you know, that this will be a sleepless night filled with hours of uncertainty and helplessness.

However, you won't let yourself rest until Jane is alive and safe. With you. Searching, you let your eyes glide over the moving body of water one last time. Come on, Jane. Where are you? Please stay alive. Fight. Fight for me. I need you. After some time passes by without any trace of her, you give up. Defeated. While returning to your car, your thoughts go back to when she was still with you. Only an hour prior she was living and breathing the same air as you. You had planned to ask her out for a movie night at your house, but that was before. Before now. Regrets push through, filling your burning eyes with tears once more. You let her go. It was your fault. She could die and you would lose her because of you. You would never forgive yourself, if something happened to her, if she died.

And with that last thought you drive into the dark, unpredictable night, hoping to find answers for your doubting and hurting heart.