Vanilla Hime (Guest): Aw~ Thanks for your find review. *hugs*. I'm glad you like it. I wanted to give Akashi some kind of vulnerability but him not being in real control (since that's the only real way I can picture such a vulnerability). No worries about me quitting, though. While I was inspired by "Ten Count" this has this own path that I have planned and don't plan on quitting. *more hugs*

Guest: Yeah, it's rated M as it will have explicit scenes. The exact reason I'm also posting it on AO3 just in case it gets taken down (since technically this site doesn't allow explicit content—sexual or not) (Though most content usually goes unreported so I'm hoping I have no issues).

CHAPTER WARNINGS: Homophobic language, anxiety attack/breakdown, and bullying.

Clean

Chapter Four: Better Forgotten

Why did he agree to this?

Akashi stared at the blue eye man waiting for a response.

"I don't know."

"You invited me and you don't know where we're going." Akashi stated at Kuroko. Unbelievable. He knew he should have just told him no and spent the day at home.

Kuroko scratched his cheek with a finger. "Where are you comfortable going?" Kuroko averted his gaze to the ground. "I tried to think of something to do, because I was happy to spend time with Akashi-kun, but I realized that you're uncomfortable with so many public spaces that I didn't know what to do. That's why I wanted to ask Akashi-kun what he is comfortable doing."

Somehow, Akashi was reminded of a dog—an obedient dog. One that would sit at your feet and wait for you.

"I'm not incapable."

Kuroko looked to Akashi then looked away. "I didn't say that."

A silence passed between them as neither made suggestion to an activity.

Akashi's eyelids lowered as he took out his personal phone and held a number for speed dial. He spoke of his locations telling the person on the other side to pick him up. He hung up promptly and put the phone back in his pocket. He was both confused and aggravated as he saw Kuroko walking. "Where do you think you're going?"

Kuroko stopped in his track and turned back around. "You're going home aren't you?"

"Not exactly. You're coming with me. You told me to choose. Are you backing out?"

He watched Kuroko smile as he returned to his side, waiting for Akashi's driver.

The silence continued until Akashi's driver pulled to the curb. The driver exited the car, dressed formally. "Akashi-sama," he greeted. He acknowledge Kuroko's presence and nodded in greeting. He walked around to their side and opened the door. As per manners, Kuroko entered first. Then Akashi and the driver walked around to the other side and the driver repeated his actions with his young master.

It wasn't until the car moved, that Kuroko asked the obvious question. "Where are we going?"

Akashi only used his father's hired driver for two things. One when visiting his father or pertaining events involving him. Second, to visit their family's stables. "Do you like horses?"

It wasn't the reply Kuroko expected.

.

Kuroko was taken in by the large open field and the stable. They weren't in the city anymore. He hadn't expected this when he asked where Akashi wanted to go. He looked to his left where he saw Akashi petting a white horse with a fond smile. A sight which warmed him, but made him feel so much smaller and distant.

"This is Yukimaru. I'll be riding him. You can ride Hiroki." Kuroko looked at the brown horse.

"I've never ridden a horse before."

"You will now."

It had been a while since Akashi had last come out for a ride. Yukimaru leaned into Akashi's touch. He was old and didn't want the day he died to come. Yukimaru was the horse that Akashi had always ridden. Both riding and Yukimaru were calming. Logically, he knew there were germs everywhere, even here, but his instincts never seemed to react. It was a relief.

"Akashi-kun looks happy." Kuroko gently smiled towards Akashi.

"I don't know if I like the way you said that."

Akashi saddled Yukimaru. Then he saddled Hiroki for Kuroko because he was a helpless case. He managed preparing the riding gear both quickly and efficiently. It was something he had done hundreds of times by now.

He got on Yukimaru's back and began to ride forward when he heard a loud thump. He pulled the reigns, signaling Yukimaru to stop and he looked back. Kuroko was sprawled on the ground. Kuroko was hopeless, wasn't he?

"Kuroko."

"I can get on," Kuroko insisted. He raised his foot and tried to swing his other leg over when he fell backwards on the ground once more.

Akashi looked at Kuroko with an expression that read 'you can't'.

"Grab the bucket over there and flip it over. The added height should help you." Kuroko followed Akashi's orders but didn't help the kindergarten teacher in the least. Only this time, the echoes of the fallen pail accompanied Kuroko. Akashi raised an eyebrow. He got off his white horse to help Kuroko on Hiroki. Once on, Kuroko held onto Hiroki tightly. He was uncomfortable, unused to being on a horse, but enjoyed sitting higher up.

Akashi led the two of them slowly around. After a while, Akashi picked up the pace of a slow run and Hiroki followed at their pace.

Akashi got off when they made it back to the stable. See. He didn't need to see a psychiatrist. He just needed a good ride to calm him down.

He turned around to help Kuroko off only to notice that Hiroki was there but Kuroko was on the ground in the distant. He couldn't help but let out a small laughter. He took care of the two horses before Kuroko who decided the best course of action was to remain on the ground.

"I'm fine," said Kuroko when Akashi's form shadowed his eyes from the sun.

"That's why you've been on the ground for the past five minutes."

"It's comfortable."

"I'm sure it is."

Akashi extended his hand for Kuroko to grab.

Kuroko's eyes widen. "But your…"

Akashi glared knowing Kuroko was hinting at his Mysophobia. "I'm wearing gloves." There was no direct contact. He would be fine. It wasn't like he hadn't had to shake hands or have contact with other people or things before. Not to mention he was in a particularly good mood right now because he was able to ride Yukimaru. What did Kuroko think being mysophobic meant?

Kuroko hesitantly took hold of Akashi's hand and he pulled the blunet up. "Sorry. I don't know much about mysophobia."

The comment confused Akashi and he didn't like not understanding. Hadn't Kuroko been able to tell his condition from one glance?

Akashi was going to question him when he saw Kuroko's calm, relaxed face smiling. It was different that his other smile. He seemed so relax. So free.

"I was hoping to finally let go," admitted Kuroko. The words made no sense to Akashi. What was he talking about? "But it seems I can't. I like you. I like you romantically."

Akashi felt his nerves tingle as he froze. His eyes wide as he faced Kuroko. The words were incomprehensible as they replayed in his mind repetitively.

Kuroko frowned.

Akashi couldn't think straight. Everything was a blur.

His violent tears…

His full body, erratic trembling…

His loud, quaky, quickening breaths…

None of it registered. The only words that seemed to register with Akashi were 'dirty', 'disgusting', 'improper', 'filth', 'dirtydirtydirty'!

Kuroko stepped towards Akashi saying something. Akashi couldn't hear. Did it even matter what he was saying. Akashi slapped Kuroko's hand away in a panic before holding his wrist backing away from Kuroko. Akashi stopped. Kuroko didn't move forward unsure of what to do. Akashi focused on the gloved hand he just slapped Kuroko. It was dirty. It was dirty. It was dirty! It was dirty!

He ripped his glove off and threw it on the ground before stomping irrationally on it in a faster and faster tempo.

"Akashi-kun!"

Kuroko's words finally seemed to cut through to Akashi as he halted and looked to Kuroko. His eyes seemed hollower and less noticeable than before.

The echoing voices and flashing thought repeated in Akashi's head and he covered his ears with the palm of his hands. "You're a dirty faggot! You're dirty…you're dirty! You poof stay away from me." Akashi's once fast breathing was now slow, almost gasping for air.

Kuroko shook. His eyes wide and tears immediately falling down his face. Without second thought he ran.

"You're dirty."

.

The first time Kuroko realized he was gay was in middle school. He had been thirteen when he fell for Ogiwara Shigehiro.

"I like you, Ogiwara."

"I like you too. But ah…" Ogiwara rubbed the back of his head. "Did we really need to meet here for you to tell me that?"

"I don't think you understand."

"Eh."

"I want to go out with Ogiwara-kun."

Ogiwara looked at his friend's blushing face. His mental cogs turning, finally understanding why Kuroko wanted to talk to him in private. Ogiwara blushed. This was uncomfortable. "Sorry, Kuroko. I don't think of you that way."

"I thought so, but I decide it better to ask anyway. After all, if I don't ask then there's no chance at all." Kuroko smiled. Ogiwara wondered if Kuroko was really as happy as he expressed. Ogiwara, himself, had been rejected by the only two crushes he ever had. He had experience and it sucked.

"We cool then."

"Is Ogiwara still my friend?"

"Of course."

"Then all is good."

Kuroko hadn't known someone was listening. Kuroko never thought his sexuality should be a secret but he wasn't going to announce it to everyone, but that was just the kind of person he was. Did anyone really flaunt their sexuality around?

By the end of the week, rumours were throughout the school that Kuroko was gay. There were plenty of people who didn't know him, so didn't care about the gossip. There were other's that just didn't care. But there were some that cared and no one else seemed to stop the bullying that Kuroko endured.

They wrote slurs on his desks for him when he arrived to school.

They stole his things and wrote over it too.

His gym clothes ripped and cut.

One day, someone thought it funny to add laxatives to his lunch.

Another day there were needles in his indoor shoes.

He thought he could be strong but it hurt.

.

Dai-chan. Dai-chan!

"Ow! What was that for, Satsuki?"

"How can you be up here when Tetsu-kun is being bullied?" She had heard the rumours of him being gay and she had comforted him (well tried to as he wouldn't allow her to). She had been upset because she liked him, but she wanted him happy. She had only recently found out he was being bullied. If she hadn't caught him being bullied, he probably would have continued to hide it from her.

"Tetsu's being bullied?" Aomine shot up from his lax position.

Momoi couldn't even answer as Aomine had already run off. His normally cheery grin turned into urgent concern.

.

An upper year student punched Kuroko, sending him back into the school wall. The boy threw another punch which was caught. "What do you think you're doing?" The student gulped upon seeing an angry Aomine. Despite being younger, Aomine was taller and had a better physique.

"That's my line." He looked over to Kuroko who held his hand to his bruised cheek. He obviously wasn't fine.

"You shouldn't help that faggot."

"Faggot?"

The older student smirked. "Haven't you heard? He's a faggot. There's nothing wrong punishing him."

"Eh?" Aomine looked back at Tetsu. This was news to him. "I like boobs. I don't understand why others wouldn't so I can't say I understand. However, he is my friend and I won't let you lay a hand on him." Aomine punched the guy in the face, knocking him out.

Aomine and Momoi stood by Kuroko's side throughout the rest of middle school, not that they didn't before. They were more protective though from any dirty looks that came Kuroko's way. If they tried to do anything more, they had Aomine to deal with even when Kuroko insisted that Aomine shouldn't get into fights.

Kuroko was happy to have such good friends, but his personality receded the more time passed. He became more invisible, added to his already low presence. His smiles smaller and less frequent. He became more hollow like. Harder to read.

He separated from his friends when high school came around. No one no longer knew him as the 'gay guy' but hardly anyone knew him. He was simply a ghost.

.

"I'm going to marry him when I'm older." He nodded his head as if he was certain of this statement.

His mother didn't want to crush her son by saying two boys couldn't marry each other.

She just smiled and rubbed his head in kind familiarity. "I'm sure you will, Seijūrō."

When he told his father later that night, he didn't understand why his father got so angry. Love was a good thing, right?

.

"You're disgusting."

Akashi stood frozen. Twelve years old and the boy before him rejected him. Everyone loved him, didn't they?

He wanted someone to comfort him. He couldn't tell his father and mother was now dead. There was nowhere to go.

Akashi scratched himself involuntarily as he narrowed his eyes on the boy he confessed to. His feelings now replaced with a heavy feeling.

"It was a joke. You tell anyone and there will be consequences."

The boy shivered in fear as he faced Akashi. Something was different.

The boy never said a word to anyone.

.

"It would be better if I could forget."

Should I mention that I don't have the slightest care for relationships in real life? I'm sorry. The date scenes will improve (hopefully) as the story goes on.

Also, if the writing in this chapter sucks tell me and I'll rewrite/edit it. I kind of wrote it in my closet with my thoughts both scattered and unfocused.