Author's Note: Well, hello everyone. I just recently (last night in fact) watched the new penguins movie and fell in love with it. And of course, when I fall in love with something (especially penguin related) it becomes a fanfiction. This is a darker take on the story, so please be aware. Please enjoy, and as always, please review, follow, and favorite.

IT'S ALL IN THE FAMILY

BY THE YOUNG AND FREE DRAGON

"Spending a night in prison is worth it, if it means getting the shot you need."

~Werner Herzog

Chapter One: Reacquired

Skipper opened his eyes slowly. His vision was blurry, but through a few blinks, the haze receded to the edges of his vision and he could see a familiar cute figure standing over him.

"Skippah?" Private murmured, worriedly.

"Patton's panties, Private," Skipper groaned, rubbing his face and sitting up. "Did you accidentally put fish liquor in the love smoothies again?"

"Not at all Skippah, we've been kidnapped again!" Private replied, pointing to the cage that surrounded them.

"Well, that's great," Skipper said, glancing around. "Who is it this time? Disgruntled dames from Denmark?"

"No, it's Dave!" Private cried, wringing his flippers together nervously. "And I don't think he's messing around this-..."

"Dave!" Skipper said, hopping up and looking at his private in amusement. "Private, Dave is in a snow globe, getting shaken up by an adoring little girl. He finally got what he wants. Why would he have kidnapped us again?"

"You're so very thick-headed Skipper, it's sad," Said a voice behind him.

They turned to see Dave, his slippery, leathery cephalopod hide slipping easily through the bars. He still maintained the small effects of the cuteness ray, but his features seemed much more grim, if that were possible. He didn't have the same light-hearted attitude that he had had about his previous plan for revenge.

"Well, Darnell, even Private's vast sea of adorable couldn't do much for you," Skipper observed, putting his flippers on his hips.

Dave's features contorted angrily, however this was not much of a change from what they had previously been.

"Don't test me, Skipper," He warned. "Or an even darker fate awaits you,"

"I'm sorry, Dayton," Skipper said, mildly. "But the whole monster thing just didn't impress me. I don't think a darker shade of green will make me more of a monster,"

"It's Dave!" The octopus shouted, slamming his tentacle down on the cage floor, shaking the penguins. "Short for David! Hebrew for "beloved"!"

"Alright, so what?" Skipper said, getting more serious. "What do you want this time, Dave?"

The octopus seized him with his tentacle and receded through the bars, one of his other tentacles unlocking the gate to pull Skipper through. Another pushed Private on to his back as he rushed after Skipper, and yet another locking the gate behind Skipper.

"No one pushes my Private!" Skipper said angrily, struggling in the octopus's grip. "I'll knock that last tooth from your sorry mouth!"

Dave slammed Skipper down on a table, knocking the breath out of him. Two of Dave's henchmen strapped him to it without being told, and the evil mastermind yanked his suction cups off of Skipper painfully, leaving angry red marks around his midsection.

"On the contrary, Skipper," Dave said, as he produced a tiny ray gun with a small orange power source buzzing in the glass ball. "You'll be without a single bone in your body when I'm finished with you,"

"No!" Private shouted, gripping the bars of the cage tightly.

"Oh, don't worry, sweet Private," Dave said, his back still to the young penguin. "I will get to you soon enough,"

"You're going down Dave!" Skipper shouted, infuriated. "I hope you can fit in a pocketbook, because that's the only body bag you'll get!"

"Oh Skipper, you're so cute," Dave's said, his features softening for a moment before they hardened again and he pointed the laser into Skipper's face. "Too cute,"

Private let out an indefinable sound of anguish as the laser fired and a bright light blinded everyone in the room. When their visions cleared, a small ball of fluffy feathers slipped out of the restraints and fell into Dave's waiting tentacle. Skipper had been reduced to a child, and as he opened his iceberg blue eyes, they became darker than a storm at sea. Dave laughed manically and held Skipper up into the air for all of his henchmen to laugh at him.

"Very cute, Dave," Skipper said, his voice a few octaves higher, but still containing notes of anger. "More than you'll ever be,"

The cephalopod henchmen gasped at the insult, and Dave bared his tooth at Skipper as he held him near to his face.

"Don't worry, Skipper," he said in a low threatening voice as he began moving towards an exit. "By the time I'm finished with you, you'll be very, very, tired of cuddling,"

Private cried out, holding a flipper out of the cage, wishing to grab on to Skipper's and pull him to safety. He stood there silently as they disappeared, but several long moans of despair rocked his vocal cords as he heard Skipper begin to scream.

[][][]

"Skipper, according to my calculations; the cephalopod hide out is in center of New York's old transit system. With five hundred meters-... sorry, yards of rope, and using Mort's new found appetite for anything that moves," Kowalski said, referring to Mort's transformation since having been used for the cuteness ray. "We can infiltrate their hideout in two minutes flat,"

The intellect waited proudly for the leader of their team to slap him on the back and praise him as a valued member of the team. It never came however, and as Kowalski opened his eyes, he only saw Rico looking at him strangely.

"Sorry Rico, I'm used to... running my plans by Skipper," Kowalski murmured, lowering his clipboard sadly.

Rico's normally emotionless (unless you count 'mayhem' as an emotion) expression showed understanding, and he patted Kowalski's back, making a guttural noise of approval.

"Thank you, Rico," Kowalski said, smiling a little, and lifting his clipboard up again. "Anyway, that's the plan, I just... don't know how we will do this without Skipper,"

"Err... Private," Rico grunted sadly, meaning something along the lines of; "Or Private,"

"Right," Kowalski agreed sadly. He squeezed his pencil until he felt like it was going to snap, though it didn't. It was his favorite pencil after all. "We're down half the team. That means our success rating has been cut by..." He figured it up quickly. "Twenty-five percent. That leaves us at a forty-seven percent success rate. We don't even have half a chance. Statistically speaking, we're-..."

A flipper snapped quickly across the tall penguin's face, snapping him out of his loathing state. The manic penguin made several grunts which to Kowalski, translated to something similar to; "Kowalski, we're down to two members, but that doesn't mean we're out. Forget the analytics. Let's just save our friends- our brothers- from that Oedipus Octopus, who won't see us coming!"

"You're right, Rico," Kowalski said standing taller. "Grab our equipment, all of it. I've got a little something to invent for our soft bodied friend,"

As Kowalski disappeared into his lab, Rico looked after him in confusion, not knowing exactly why the intellect had agreed with him calling him a baby and leopard seal bait, but shrugging it off, happy at least that it had inspired him to carry out the mission. The demolitions expert began collecting.