Ludwig spent hours pouring over books, curled up in his brothers armchair, the soft glow of the fire illuminating against his skin. The library had provided, as Gilbert had said it would, ample material for his questioning mind. It had taken a while for him to find exactly what he was looking for, first pouring through medical book after medical book as though he would find some mysterious illness that was causing his body to react so oddly. He had found no solace in their pages, no answers to his questions. And then he had turned to the next section, a strange shelf of hardcover novels worn with time, and adorned in a thin layer of dust.

He had been no more than 50 pages in when a flush had risen to porcelain cheeks. It was the tale of a man and a woman and the blossoming passion that had grown between them, and for a moment, the boy had dropped the book and kicked it away, determining to give up his quest for answers as the warmth in his face persisted. Curious fingers soon reached for it once more, smoothing back the pages with timid hands as Ludwig began to read once more. Before he had even really realized, he had finished the first and begun another, brows furrowed in intense concentration. Ludwig couldn't quite explain it; something inside of him compelled him to continue. The feelings described in those old, dusty pages. They echoed the feelings the small teen had been having.

It came to him slowly, creeping over him and filling him with a warmth unlike anything he'd ever known as all the pieces fell into place.

He was in love with Gilbert. Everything made sense. His desire to be near the older man, how safe he felt so long as Gilbert was near. And then that dance… how much he'd wanted Gilbert to kiss him…

The terror came next, deep and cold, knotting and coiling in his stomach until he was certain he would be ill. As naive as Ludwig could be- he was more than a little aware that that wasn't normal. Little brothers didn't feel that way for their older brothers, and even though they were married, he knew that this was still wrong. A whimper fell from his lips as he threw the book cradled in his hand at the lantern sitting on the far desk, shattering the glass with a shriek. His knees curled to his chest, eyes burning with tears that he wouldn't let fall. Gilbert would hate him if he ever found out. So much became clear. Gilbert had never kissed him, even though they were married, and the boy was certain married people kissed at least. Even his mother and father had! It didn't even seem like that big a deal, and the boy had never been able to understand why his brother was so reluctant to talk about husband things, why he was so urgent on Ludwig just focusing on being himself for now. But now… Gilbert was disgusted being married to him, wasn't he? It was the only answer, the only thing that made any sort of sense. It hadn't been by choice after all- he'd been forced to marry the child for his country, so why wouldn't he be? That had to be why he tried so hard to draw those lines for them. And honestly, Ludwig couldn't say he blamed him. He was gangly and awkward, too emotional. He'd betrayed Gilbert, and left him. Why on earth would his brother not be disgusted?

"Ludwig!" The cry was filled with panic as the door to the library flew open. Crimson eyes glistened with concern as they surveyed the situation, the pile of broken glass lying forlornly against the desk, shatters spread across the floor like a warning, his sweet Hasi curled in the tiniest ball his larger frame would currently allow, one hand clutched over his mouth as though it were all that was keeping him together at that moment. Gilbert wasn't sure where to start, a ball of anxiety welling in his stomach. The Prussian took a breath to calm himself before slowly moving towards his brother, kneeling to his level, and reaching a tender hand out to run through silken blonde locks. "Shhh… shhh, no need to be frightened. It's alright. Are you ok, sweet one?" He questioned as slender fingers cupped the boy's cheeks, looking him over worriedly. No cuts, no scratches… Gilbert breathed a sigh of relief. That was at least one less thing he had to worry over. The lantern shattering must have just spooked the boy, he told himself as he shifted to sit on the chair, tugging Ludwig onto his lap and cradling him to his chest. "I've got you… I've got you…"

Hesitant fingers curled into the fabric of Gilbert's shirt, the blonde boy, still clearly upset, burying his face in the elders collar, body shaking violently. It was ok… he was ok. He was a smart boy, he could figure this out. It would all be ok. "I-I'm sorry… I b-broke the light…" He choked out, the lie sounding forced even to his own ears. Ludwig didn't look at his brother, he couldn't bring himself to, even as strong arms grasped him protectively. "It was an accident… I didn't mean to…" Another lie.

Not that it was hard to tell. Gilbert's brow furrowed in confusion, a frown tugging his lips as he listened to his brother's explanation, silently rubbing soothing circles on the smaller male's back. Why was Ludwig lying to him? Ludwig had never lied to him before. Still, Gilbert didn't call him on it. Whatever had upset the boy had upset him bad. Perhaps he had found the answers as Gilbert had sent him to? The Prussian could imagine that would be confusing, but he didn't dare mention it and make it worse. All he could do was cradle the teen to his chest, rocking him gently as he hummed a soft lullaby in his ear, fingers never pausing their ministrations. "Hush, Hasi. It's just a lamp. We've plenty more." They were fortunate enough to not be without want for kerosene either. "It was an accident… I'm not mad. Come. You've had a long day, little one, you would do well to retire early tonight I imagine."

Gilbert scooped the blonde up into his arms as though he still weighed no more than he had when he was smaller, carrying him towards their chamber and laying him on the bed, curling up beside him and holding him tight. "You fret entirely too much, my sweet." He teased softly, trying desperately to lighten the mood, to erase the worry from his brother's face. "You'll be an old man with wrinkles before you notice if you worry so much!" Ruffling Ludwig's hair, he kissed his head lightly, willing the boy to sleep and ease whatever had so frightened him, his own mind racing as he felt his eyes growing heavier.

Ludwig did not sleep, not truly. He was awoken fitfully every quarter hour, the fear still gnawing at his stomach, turning to nausea and panic. A shiver ran through him as he slipped from the bed, bare feet hitting the cold tile of the chamber floor, padding as silently as he could out of the room and towards his own. He just needed some time to think on his own, to sort through his thoughts. Surely he'd be able to figure something out. Perhaps the night air would help him clear his head. Yes, that would be perfect, he decided as he dressed and padded out towards the stables, saddling his horse as silently as he could. It was all the boy could do to keep the horse quiet as he mounted her, gently urging her towards the meadows. It was bliss, the wind in his hair, the chill of the night calming him and allowing him to sort through his thoughts as he urged the animal faster and faster. He could keep it to himself. It was likely just infatuation caused by all that time apart. Surely that was the case!

This could be fixed. Surely this could, and Gilbert would never be the wiser. Maybe some day they wouldn't have to be married either. The thought sent pangs of upset rippling through his chest, but he forced them away. Would that be best? Better for them? That was all that mattered… eventually the unrest among his people would ease, and they wouldn't have to be wed for Gilbert to protect him.

A smile tugged at the boy's lips as the worry began to ease, blue eyes drifting shut. He savored every second of clarity, of peace and quiet alone to himself, not bothering to watch where the horse was going. He'd rode her a million times, he trusted her not to go where she ought not to. He did not see her nearing the edge of the meadow where jagged canyons lay below sharp banks, the rocks that lay on the banks of the small stream therein sharp and unforgiving. Nor did he see the snake that slithered between the horses feet. The only warning he had was the frightened winney his animal gave, cerulean eyes flashing open as the child was sent flying over the bank, pain shooting through his body like a thousand knives before everything fell black.

When the boy awoke, it was to worried eyes surrounding him, one pair of crimson in particular. He became dimly aware of fingers clutching his own. Ludwig glanced around slowly, gasping slightly in pain as he tried to sort through his thoughts through the haze of confusion and grogginess. How had he gotten back to his room? The last he'd remembered was being thrown from his horse, and then nothingness. "B-bruder?" He questioned, the child's voice a hoarse whisper. Pain began to wash over him more fully, a scream falling from his lips. "Bruder, it hurts!"

Gilbert bit back tears as he clutched his brother's hand tighter, dipping to kiss his head in a vain attempt at comfort as he wiped away the tears, gnawing at his lip. Thank God Ludwig was finally awake… but how? How was he going to tell this little boy who he so adored what had happened? "Shhh… shhh, Hasi, I know it does. I'm here… big bruder's got you…" He voice was pained as he brushed the others hair off of his face, waiting for him to notice.

And then it came, in a shrill shriek of terror.

"I can't feel my legs! Gilbert, I can't move! Why can't I move!" Blue eyes glanced up to Gilbert's desperately, both Frederick and the doctor looking at the child in sympathy as Gilbert carefully tugged the comforter down to show his brother what had happened, one leg missing just above the knee, wrapped tightly in fresh bandages.

"You… you had an accident, Ludwig. We found you lying in the ravine. You were… you were unconscious and… God, there was so much blood, Hasi. The doctor tried to save your leg but… we worried infection was going to set in. You… you damaged your spine as well… Ludwig, I-" He was unable to keep the tears from his eyes, from his voice as he swallowed the lump in his throat and continued. "You… you won't be able to walk anymore. I'm… I'm going to take care of you though… Frederick bought you a chair, a really nice one… and… and I'll take you into the garden every day and into town…" He tried to console miserably, clearly failing as the boy began to hyperventilate. There was a possibility of the leg growing back some day, of his spine healing. But the younger nation had spent three years with humans, and his body had adjusted more to his human state than his nation one. He was unsure his healing would kick in at all. All he could do was pray as he shifted on the bed, scooping the blonde onto his lap and pulling the blankets around him tightly. There was still so much to worry about.. Infection was a big one. And if illness hit his human body, real illness not caused by his politics...

Gilbert wasn't sure what would happen. He would be there for his brother. He would take care of him, and love him the same. All he could do was gather him closer in his eyes, and hold the boy tight as he wailed, fighting the doctors away frightenedly. He felt helpless, unable to do anything to ease his sweet one's pain, or fear.

"Shhh… shhh, little one. I've got you… I'm here."