A Little Misfortune

Prompt: Resolve (Straight to the point, this prompt focuses on the many important decisions Sakura made in her entire ninja career)

Summary: The real reason Sakura decided to take the Chunin Exams when she was 12 years old.

Rated: T for language and sexual themes

Genre: Humour

Disclaimer: All characters belong to the great Masashi Kishimoto

A/N: This is my first time ever writing a prompt-based fic! I thought it was funny, so I figured I would post it here. Warning: this is one of the most random things I've ever written...

Sakura Haruno was a big believer in destiny.

She checked her daily horoscope each morning, memorized her Zodiac sign's compatibility with all the boys in her year, and she actually listened to old-wives-tales.

Yes, perhaps it's surprising that one of the brightest minds in the entire Academy was so devoted to an unreliable pseudoscience like astrology. And in the realm of ninja arts, it is especially important that students are level-headed and make decisions based on provable facts.

But I mean, come on. She was a twelve year old, girl.

And what twelve year old girl doesn't read her horoscope?

So on Monday morning, when Sakura met the other members of Team 7 at their usual meeting place, she was very confused. Her horoscope that morning had forecasted that today she would experience a day of enjoyment and pleasing fantasies, which she was quite looking forward to since they just got back from a C-Ranked mission only one day prior. Her mind was in serious need of a break.

So when her silver-haired, masked sensei distributed formal invitations to participate in the Chunin exams, Sakura stared up at him in terror. In what universe did this constitute a day of pleasing fantasies? There was NO way Sakura was ready to participate in these exams. And now she would have to spend the rest of the day stressing out over whether she should register or not.

Pleasing fantasies indeed.

The stars were clearly having an off day.

Sakura was not an on-the-spot decision maker. She excelled in school because she was an organized and meticulous planner with an excellent memory. Writing exams was a piece of cake for her because she studied her ass off for weeks in advance.

And if she was fed the solution by another person, she had no trouble digesting it and committing it to memory. She put more faith in other people's decisions than she did her own brain.

And perhaps that was why Sakura found herself in a fortune teller's tent on Monday afternoon.

She was immediately greeted by the bulging eyes of an elderly woman with long, stringy hair and enormous hoop earrings. Her outfit, which consisted of a mixture of draping curtain-like fabrics, seemed to match the inner walls of the tent itself. The air in the tent was thick with incense, and Sakura immediately felt the heat of candles against her skin.

"Welcome," the woman drawled, her thin lips twisting into a smile. "Would you like me to read your fortune?"

"Er," Sakura started, glancing around the tent unsurely. She really wasn't expecting this kind of get-up. This place looked like it was straight out of a movie. "Well, I'm not here for general future stuff. I mean I… Do you answer specific questions? About the future, I mean?" She fiddled with the hem of her red dress.

"Sit," the woman answered, while staring at Sakura through large, unblinking eyes.

"O-ok," Sakura said nervously, side-stepping around a wooden statue of a half-bird half-human. She eased herself into the armchair directly across from the fortune teller, assuming that was where the woman was intending for her to sit.

The woman slowly turned to face Sakura. "Your question," she said simply, and Sakura took that as her cue to ask it.

"Well, my team – my ninja squad, that is – is registered for the Chunin exams. But I don't think I'm ready for it. It's dangerous and I'm not strong enough to keep up with the others." Her voice trailed off and she started twisting a long strand of her pink hair around her index finger. "So my question is… should I enter the Chunin exams?" She peered up at the old woman hesitantly to find that her eyes were now closed.

Her hands were hovering over the crystal ball on the table between them. With a flick of her wrist, the woman beckoned for Sakura to do the same.

Sakura's eyes darted from the woman to the cloudy ball between them, but both the woman and ball were motionless for what felt like an entire minute. Then, suddenly, the woman's eyes snapped open. Sakura jumped back with a start, and it took her a few second to realize that the woman was mumbling. "I-I beg your pardon?" Sakura asked politely, but the woman didn't seem to hear her. Her eyes had glazed over and her head was swaying from side to side.

Is she having an out-of body-experience? Sakura wondered in awe, as she stared, transfixed on the woman's bulging eyes. The woman spoke again, and this time, Sakura was able to make out the words.

"Your clothing… ruffled and torn," the fortune teller spoke, her voice now eerie and monotonous. "And your hair… your hair, matted and tangled in a way it never was before."

Sakura gulped. She had no idea what the woman was getting at, but she couldn't stop certain images from flashing through her mind.

"The grip is… snake-like… his tongue so long and thirsty for his prey…" Sakura was starting to feel light-headed. Was this woman telling her what was going to happen in the Chunin exams if she chose to participate?

"Blood-red eyes spinning… A great ball of fire engulfs his foe…"

Sakura perked up at this. She had to be talking about Sasuke. Blood red eyes? Why, of course that was the sharingan! Maybe this woman was onto something after all.

"Lips press against his neck, then teeth, sinking tenderly into the flesh near his collar bone… You emit a shrill scream…"

Sakura's jaw dropped. Was this for real? It sounded an awful lot like someone was getting a hickey. Was that going to happen to her if she entered the Chunin exams?

I didn't think I was into that stuff… Sakura thought, while furrowing her eyebrows. Well, on second thought, I guess if the mood is right, I might…

Wait.

The woman couldn't be talking about that stuff. She was giving her insight about formal exams. Sakura's wild imagination was just getting out of hand. Focus, Sakura…

"He collapses against your body, his moans echoing through the trees. His entire weight crushes against you, his fingers entangled with yours, and he squeezes with all his strength."

Alright. Maybe it wasn't just her imagination. Whatever the woman was talking about was just dripping with sexual tension and Sakura suddenly had the urge to get herself some popcorn.

What? The story was getting good.

"Men flock to you in response to your cries of desperation..."

More men? Now Sakura was very intrigued.

"…and suddenly, your new appearance ignites a passion in his heart that calls him to action. But he loses control and goes too far… You embrace him tightly and beg for him to slow down…"

Sakura had to fight the urge to blush. It sure sounded like things were getting steamy.

And that was when the fortune teller's vision ended. With a throaty gasp, she withdrew her hands from the crystal ball and eased back into her own armchair, as if gravity was forcefully dragging her back down to earth. She blinked several times before speaking. "I had a vision," she said simply through deep breaths. "And now let us interpret it and discuss what this means for your future."

But Sakura was on her feet. "Thank you," she said, offering the fortune teller a courteous bow. "But you've already answered my question. I know what I am going to do." The fortune teller stared at her, visibly perplexed, as Sakura slammed a fistful of money onto her table and briskly exited the tent.

Bring on the Chunin exams.

A/N: Lol geez, I don't know how my brain comes up with these things. :P Anyways, I hope you got a laugh out of it.

So do you get what all the references are referring to? ;)

Thanks for reading!