Author Note: A huge thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read, comment, favourite and follow this story. Whether you make your presence known or not, I am so appreciative of you all. Writing has been a massive challenge for me in recent years and it's been a long time since I felt this passionate about getting something completed. Knowing that people have enjoyed it (at least some of the time ;)) has made me so happy.

I promise you that I don't write angst all of the time. I don't always put this much into it, and some of my stories are even happy. (I'm a sucker for flangst - fluff+angst.) But sometimes I really let go and throw it all in. Maybe it doesn't always work out for everyone. Regardless, thank you for making it this far and for taking the time to share your thoughts with me.


The headache turned Jane's temple into a bass drum. The music in the club the night before had seared itself on her brain. She poured a glass of water down her throat, ignoring the droplets that fell from the bottom of the glass onto her t-shirt. She dialled Nina's number on her cellphone.

"Never speak to me again," she said, groaning.

Nina laughed. "Did you at least enjoy yourself?"

"I wish I could say no."

"I have to go into work," Nina said. "I'll call you later. Drink lots of fluids."

The line went dead. Jane placed her cellphone on the kitchen counter and poured herself another glass of water. She sunk onto the couch cushions. The incessant beating of her brain was her punishment for drinking so much. She made a mental note never to accept Nina's invitations again, unless there was guaranteed limits to their evening together. She didn't really know Nina. What little time they'd actually spent together had been taken over by drinking, talking about Maura, or work. Jo Friday ran into the room, his mouth opening with each bark. Jane rested a hand against her face.

"Shush, Jo Friday," she said, closing her eyes and rubbing her temple. "No walkies today."

By lunchtime the headache had dissipated enough for her to continue on with her chores. The apartment needed more than a quick once over, which she usually gave it. On her search for items to dispose of, Jane found a half eaten pizza on the floor under her bed, along with an empty beer bottle.

"I shouldn't be allowed to live alone," she said to the empty room as she pushed them into the trash bag.

After showering, Jane felt considerably better. So much so that she slipped on her yoga pants and a fresh t-shirt, and laced up her jogging shoes. She could feel sorry for herself, or she could go out and get some fresh air in the hope that it would help. Somewhere in all of the things her mother said to her, she vaguely recalled her talking about the benefits of exercise when feeling low.

Jane pulled the door to her apartment open. She took a step forward, then stopped.

"Maura."

"Hi, Jane," she said, showing off her brightest smile. Jane closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She looked well. Her skin had a healthy glow and her eyes seemed happier than the last time she saw her. The baby lay against her shoulder.

"Wh, I," Jane's voice trailed off into the silence.

No matter how hard she tried to find the words, she couldn't. Instead, she stepped aside and motioned for Maura to enter the apartment. She took tentative steps over the threshold and hovered by the door. Jane pushed it to. She didn't know what to do with herself, so she clasped her hands together and stared at her feet.

"Did you mean it?" Maura asked, filling the void.

The one thing Jane had avoided for weeks had tracked her down. The night she admitted how she felt to Maura had exposed her. A new sense of vulnerability lingered in the air. Their relationship was fragile. Everything that had gone before that night at the batting cage was tarnished with the new revelation that settled uncomfortably between them. Despite wanting to turn and run in the opposite direction, Jane knew that Maura appearing on her doorstep had some significance. Whether it related to how she felt, she had yet to find out.

"Telling you to leave me alone, or telling you I love you?" she asked, barely recalling their brief conversation the night before.

"That you love me." Maura shifted Toby from one arm to the other. She narrowed her eyes. "Do you?"

Jane's eyebrows involuntarily sunk and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She could feel her throat constrict, making her voice come out small and shaky. "Of course, I do, Maur."

"And Toby?"

"I love him, too." She wrapped her arms tightly around her shoulders and settled her chin against her wrist. "I've missed him so much."

Maura lowered her gaze, disappointment etched across her face. "Did you miss…me?"

She forged a smile that barely reached the corners of her mouth. The intense feeling of loss that shadowed her since Maura left persisted. If anything, standing opposite Maura only made her feel it greater. She was there, and yet, the distance between them felt as wide as the Sahara Desert.

"Felt like I lost a leg."

They stared into each other's eyes; dark brown on hazel. The moment overwhelmed Jane. She could hide away from her feelings, from Maura's reaction to how she felt, but not with Maura standing in front of her, staring at her like a little lost puppy. She'd abandoned her. She left her alone, embarrassed and confused. But she couldn't blame her for doing so. Before she could say anything, Maura closed the gap. She hesitated briefly, shifting the baby to one side so that she could place her lips against Jane's.

"Wait," Jane said, placing a hand against Maura's shoulder and taking a step back. A couple of tears hovered on the precipice of Maura's eyelids. "Do you want this?"

"I," Maura closed her eyes and lowered her head.

Jane reached out and grasped Maura's left hand, pulling it towards her. She cupped it between her own hands. "Don't promise me something if you can't deliver. I couldn't take it."

"I don't…k, know," Maura said, retrieving her hand and letting it fall down by her side.

"You don't know?"

Jane's heart contracted inside her chest and for a moment she thought she was going to have some sort of heart attack. The pain was insurmountable. Maura turning up on her doorstep didn't mean that she was going to tell her she loved her too. It wouldn't necessarily lead to them starting a new life together. But Jane wasn't prepared for any other resolution to her revelation.

"I love you," Maura said, her chest rising and falling in quick succession. "I k, know that much. The last…s, six months have been c, complicated. I need time."

"I can give you time, Maura." The heavy weight lifted. A small sliver of hope sent coursing through her veins like an electric shock. After everything they'd been through, they were probably in a place of best case scenario. Jane ran a finger along the edge of Maura's cheek, her eyes filled with tears. "I can give you anything you need."

As if on cue, Toby started wriggling about in Maura's arms, squawking louder and louder as Maura shifted him about in her arms. She lifted him up and sniffed the edge of his diaper, then lowered him again.

"I need to change him," she said, glancing around Jane's apartment.

"You can use my room," Jane said, holding her hand out towards her bedroom door.

She followed Maura through the apartment, picking an old towel up from the dirty laundry pile she'd created earlier, and hovered in the doorway whilst Maura changed Toby's diaper. The baby squirmed about on the floor, kicking his legs out so hard that Maura had to stop a couple of times.

"Do you need any help?" Jane asked, stepping forwards.

Maura shook her head. She tugged at the fastener on the fresh diaper but it wouldn't come loose. She tugged again, her face scrunched up as she pulled too hard and it ripped off. Maura threw the diaper on the floor and sank back against her knees. A line of urine travelled into the air, hitting her against the arm. Jane rushed into the room and pulled Maura up by her arms.

"Don't cry," she said, cupping Maura's face before the tears could fall from her eyelids. "You got this. But you just got off a seven hour plane journey with a crying infant, get yourself cleaned up and I'll sort Toby out."

Ten minutes later, a fresh diaper, and a clean set of Jane's clothes, Maura sat on Jane's bed. Jane cradled Toby in her arms and paced around the room until he settled back into a slumber.

"I don't know w, what we're…going to do with him," Maura said. "I should p, probably take him home."

"Wait," Jane said, handing the baby over to Maura. "I watched this show a few weeks ago about babies in Finland."

"They sleep in boxes," Maura said.

Jane rolled her eyes, though her lips curved involuntarily. The last time Maura shared a random factoid felt like a lifetime ago. "Of course you would know," she said, kneeling on the floor and pulling her bottom drawer out. She scooped up the clothes and threw them into a pile on the floor. She pulled a blanket out of another drawer and folded it into the bottom of the empty drawer.

"You want him t…to sleep in a drawer?"

"What's a couple of hours going to hurt?"

Maura handed Toby back to Jane and she settled him down on the blanket. His little arms rested above his head, the sound of his exhales whistled out of his mouth. Jane rested a hand on his stomach. She'd forgotten how much she missed him.

Jane stood up and threw herself onto the bed beside Maura. "What happened in New Mexico?"

"Nothing," Maura said, turning her head away.

"Don't tell me nothing," Jane said, tugging Maura's hand across to her lap. "Why did you come home?"

"Jack didn't want m…me there."

"He sounded so enthusiastic about it when he asked you to go."

Maura nodded. "He just w, wanted to be…closer to Toby."

"You wanted more," Jane said, slipping her arm around Maura's shoulder. "You wanted a family."

"I already have a family," she said.

"I just wish you'd come home sooner."

"I didn't know…what to say." Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's waist and pushed her face against her side. "I didn't want t…to accept that t, things have ch, changed."

"No Maur," Jane said, pressing her lips against the top of her head. "Things are just getting started."

THE END


Author Note: It probably won't happen until I get back from my trip (so July) but I do still want to write a sequel to this story. I just need to finalise the idea. I can't promise it won't be angsty, but if it happens, it will probably have some happier moments in there, too. As Jane said, things are just getting started. I feel like there is more that can be done here. A very different more...because let's face it...the sequel WILL be full of Rizzles.