Disclaimer: I do not own the Suzumiya Haruhi series.

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Suzumiya Haruhi series

Scratch

By Cyberweasel89

Prologue: Tsundere Tomboy

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It was only the following day after I realized two possibilities.

First, either aliens, time travelers, and espers actually existed...

Or the three other members of the S.O.S. Brigade were majorly punking me.

Nevertheless, I stepped into my classroom that morning to find Asakura Ryoko next to Suzumiya Haruhi's desk, tending to the girl as she rested her head on the schoolroom surface. I walked up with my school bag slung over my shoulder, Asakura-san turning to greet me, concern on her face.

"Good morning." she said, then turned back to Haruhi. "I don't think she's feeling too well..." She turned back to me, her smile returning a little. "Take care of her!" she chirped, giving her trademark wink before walking off.

I only sighed, moving to sit in the desk in front of Haruhi. Or, judging from what Koizumi had told me just yesterday, should I be calling her God? Goddess? Kami-sama? Whatever...

"So why didn't you come by yesterday." I asked as I pulled myself into my seat, not even looking at her. "I thought you wanted to have a review session, or something."

"Shut up! I had a review session by myself, okay?" Haruhi countered, her head still down on her desk.

With a little prodding, Haruhi told me that after school yesterday, she'd gone back and walked the entire course we covered on Saturday by herself.

"It's hot and I'm tired... When do we get to change uniforms? I wanna change into my summer uniform now!" she whined.

I was sitting nearly backward in my seat here in an effort to look at her as I spoke. "Suzumiya, I know I said this already, but why don't you just quit searching for these mysteries you're never gonna find, okay? I mean, why don't you go out and have fun, like a normal high school student for a change?"

"What kinda fun does a normal high school student have?" she asked, turning her head on its side to gaze out the window.

"How about you find a nice guy and go walking around the city looking for strange things? It's a date, so you can kill two birds with one stone." I offered.

"Huh! What do I care about men? Romantic emotions are nothing but a passing phase. Just a form of mental illness." We both gazed out the window at the the P.E. field, watching as a male and female student accidentally touched hands while setting up a volleyball net, both getting embarrassed. "Heck, every now and then even I get in the mood for dumb stuff like that. I'm a healthy young woman, I've got needs. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself... But I'm not stupid enough to get stuck with all that grief, just because of some momentary urge to get all mushy! Besides, if I went out and really started boy-hunting, what's gonna happen to the S.O.S. Brigade? I mean, I just created the thing!"

"You could just change the brigade into some sort of random club that has fun and you'll have a ton of people in it." I suggested, only for Haruhi to look up at me and react almost before I could finish.

"No way! I made the S.O.S. Brigade because that stuff's totally boring! I mean, I got a moe character and a mysterious transfer student, so why hasn't anything happened yet? Awww, why can't a couple of weird things happen right now!"

I sighed, but felt a smirk coming to my face despite myself. "Well, following your logic, we have the enthusiastic leader, the deadpan snarker, the stoic bespectacled bookworm, the moe lolita, and the mysterious transfer student. I guess the only thing missing would be a-"

Before I could finish my joke, Haruhi shot up, her hands slamming down on her desk. "That's it! You're absolutely right, Kyon! We need a tsundere tomboy!"

"A... A tsundere... tomboy?" I felt myself nearly speechless. That was all I could muster up.

"Of course! Why didn't I see it before? Kyon, you're a genius!"

As much as I felt something bad was about to happen... I couldn't help but rub the back of my head. That might have been the first praise Haruhi had ever given me, despite all the things I'd done for her before. It... kind of felt good.

"Don't go asking for trouble like that."

I jumped, not having even noticed Asakura-san approach. Haruhi responded by plopping herself back in her seat, sighing forlornly. The class president's face was stern, but then she put her index finger to her chin in thought.

"But then again..." She returned the hand to her hip, a small, pleasant smile on her face. "It might actually be kinda neat if something were to come along and turn our everyday lives into something more fun."

After getting no reaction from Haruhi, Asakura-san shrugged her shoulders and sighed, clearly bummed at not having cheered the girl up. That was a first. I'd never seen Haruhi that down. Wasn't her dejected little face cute, though?

Asakura-san leaned in, making me jump from having my personal bubble invaded. "I wonder if Suzumiya-san is in love or something?"

"Impossible..." I asserted. Okay, Suzumiya falling in love or something weird popping up to make her happy were two things that would definitely not happen anytime soon.

Wrong. Actually, something weird was quietly lurking just around the corner. As I tore my gaze from Asakura-san, I couldn't help noticing the pair of golden brown eyes, the exact same color as mine, gazing at me from the door to our classroom, only for the figure to turn around and run off, leaving me with what looked like the image of a long, thin ponytail whipping around through the crack in the door.

XXXXXXXXXX

That morning, as I talked to Haruhi, I was actually thinking about something else.

As I had placed my shoes in my shoe locker for the morning, I found a note in my locker. Scribbled on a piece of note pad paper, it said only the following.

After school when everyone's gone, come to classroom I-5.

As I got through with my last class of the day, I couldn't help thinking that something like that had happened before. I reached the club room, feeling a shiver run up my spine just before I knocked. Whirling around, sensing a presence in a manner like I had never before, almost like a sudden sixth sense felt for the first time in my life, I saw what looked like a long, whip-like ponytail vanish behind the corner down the hall. Shrugging, and remembering all the times I had caught Asahina-san changing, I knocked twice on the door to the Literary Club, Curiously, I heard no response, so I entered.

Inside was Nagato, the supposed alien, sitting there reading a book like usual. "Yo." I greeted. Getting no response, I loosened my tie to help with the heat, stepping further into the clubroom and closing the door behind me. As I made my way to the computer in the room, tossing my bag in the corner, the image of Nagato's previous note flashed in my mind, the bookmark with computer printer-like handwriting on it, from the other night. It was pretty obvious the handwriting on this new note wasn't Nagato's. Pulling the note out of my pocket, I also realized that she wasn't really the type to go putting messages in a guy's shoe locker. I looked up from the note and glanced at the maid uniform hanging on the coat rack to one side of the room, the uniform Haruhi insisted Asahina-san wear at all times within the club room. Could it have been her? Nah, no way. She'd set a specific time to meet, and I doubt she'd scribble it on paper torn out of a memo pad.

I was jarred from my thoughts by the Brigade's own Chief barging in through the door, "Ugh, it's so hot!" she complained.

Haruhi... Impossible. She'd just grab me by the collar and drag me over to the stairwell, just like the last time. And Koizumi would just say hey, let's talk.

Haruhi took a seat in front of the computer, leaning back and sighing. Reaching up, she began undoing her shirt, a blush coming to my face as she exposed her bra-covered C-cup breasts. "We definitely need an air conditioner..." she remarked in an offhand manner.

Looking away and returning to my thoughts, I realized that the note clearly wasn't a love letter. All I knew was, it was requesting my presence at a specific location. As I watched Haruhi begin browsing the Internet from the club room's computer, my brain continued to work, even as Haruhi expanded on her previous statement with "And a tsundere tomboy."

Wait a second. Maybe Taniguchi and Kunikida were playing some kind of joke... Yeah, that was it. That was the most logical possibility. Although... I'd have expected more if those two were involved.

It was only then that I noticed the computer screen Haruhi was busy with.

"Damn... Where's a tsundere tomboy when you need one?" she muttered under her breath.

As I looked at the screen, it seemed she was doing something with Asahina-san's photos of her in her maid costume... And the website... Was she... Oh no...

Before I could blow up at Haruhi about it, there was a knock on the door. Well... Maybe not a knock. More of a pounding.

Haruhi took a deep breath, but only managed to shout out "Come-" before the door burst open, it seemed, from a solid kick to it from a short, slender, feminine leg clad in rich brown loafers and some black stockings that came to mid-thigh.

My eyes locked on the exposed flesh of her thin, toned legs situated between her stockings and her skirt, which seemed a bit shorter than most other students' skirts to make up for her very short height. Very short. About the height of Nagato, actually, but maybe shorter by not even an a few centimeters.

The light blue skirt gave way to the standard North High girls' uniform as I continued trailing my eyes up her compact, petite form, though she wore the uniform's optional black cardigan over it. Her arms were crossed over a very flat chest, and it was only then I heard the tapping of a waiting foot as Haruhi and I stared. When I finally reached her head, I saw an impatient, clearly annoyed face, brows furrowed over golden brown eyes the exact same color as mine. We locked identical eyes for just a brief moment, sending a shiver up my spine, before I continued upward. When my eyes finally reached her hair, my jaw dropped, and I'm surprised it didn't hit the floor.

Long, straight locks of deep brown hair hung in front of her ears to reach down to her shoulders, but what immediately drew me, and kept my utmost attention, was the long, thin ponytail her hair was tied into it. A beautiful, gorgeous, sexy ponytail of incredibly long, gorgeous, deep brown hair reaching down just past her rear. It was... it was breathtaking! As a connoisseur of ponytails and owner of several hairstyling magazines and one particular summer issue of a newspaper with a very intriguingly illustrated article, all dedicated to this particular trendy, aesthetically pleasing, and very practical hairstyle, I could honestly say it was without a doubt the best ponytail I had ever laid eyes on. Really, how was it possible for a ponytail to be that perfect? It must have taken her hours to get it just right, and with only a small band to tie it! My mind immediately set to work imagining that perfect ponytail made more perfect with any number of hair accessories, from ribbons of different materials and styles, to scrunchies in all colors of the rainbow. I distinctly felt a bulge grow in my school uniform slacks as my eyes remained locked on the bobbing whip of tied hair that swayed even as she gazed to and fro between the three occupants of the room, myself included.

"Ugh. Listen. I'm a freshman from Class 1-4. This school has no mystery or science fiction club. This is a last resort. This the S.O.S. Brigade, yeah? Mind if I join?"

Such a straightforward introduction... She hadn't even given her name. I tried with all my might to tear my eyes off that perfect ponytail, and I only managed to do so when I heard Haruhi making an odd straining sound. Upon looking at her, she had her fists clenched, trembling in excitement.

"She's perfect!" the chief screamed at the top of her lungs, causing the newcomer to recoil back in shock.

Haruhi jumped from her chair so high I was sure I saw her leap-frog over the desk and computer.

"That casual grammar!" Haruhi began, a cheshire grin on her face as she stalked towards Ponytail-sama like a cat about to pounce on its prey. "That tough-sounding sentence ender! That annoyed, impatient expression! She's even referring to herself with male pronouns! She's... She's..."

Haruhi was directly in front of Ponytail-sama, almost nose-to-nose with her, making the girl noticeably unnerved.

"Just perfect!" she finally finished, wrapping Ponytail-sama in a big, invasive hug.

"Grah! Lemme go, ya fuckin' psychopath!"

"Oh, yes! Use that male pronoun for yourself one more time, it just sends such tingles up my spine whenever you do! Especially since you're using the rougher ore instead of the more polite boku! You're just perfect! The exact tsundere tomboy I was looking for!"

Haruhi buried her face in Ponytail-sama's chest.

"She's so cute, too! The cutest girl I've ever seen! Mikuru has that moe hotness, Yuki has that nerdy class, but this girl is just freaking adorable! I've never seen a girl this cute!"

Pausing a moment. She pulled away, moving her hands to openly grope and fondle the girl's chest. I couldn't help but notice Ponytail-sama blush a bright red and stifle a moan at Haruhi's treatment.

"This chest... Totally flat! Even flatter than Yuki!" After frowning for a moment at this newfound fact, Haruhi's face lit up again, as if a lightbulb went off. "You'll be the perfect pettanko to balance out Mikuru's oppai! I can even have you wear some costumes that Mikuru is too busty for! This Delicious Flat Chest only adds to your sheer cute appeal!"

"Ohhhhh... You... You ain't making me wear... wear nothin'... ya psycho... yeah?"

"Ohhh, and that tsundere tomboy personality will make it so fun to see you in those costumes! It's embarrassing for Mikuru since she's so moe, but it'll probably be as embarrassing for you!"

Wrapping her arms over the shorter girls shoulders, Haruhi turned to Yuki.

"Yuki! Can I keep her? She even asked to join! No one's ever asked to join before!"

"That's fine with me..." Nagato replied from her corner, her nose still buried in her book. Why the hell was she asking Nagato? I would've said yes in a heartbeat with a ponytail like that!

"But wait..." Haruhi paused, pulling away from Ponytail-sama, leaving her wobbling on her feet. "You need an initiation..."

"Oh, c'mon, Haruhi. You never made Asahina-san, Koizumi, Nagato, or even me perform an initiation!" I wasn't sure if I was saying that out of fairness or a deep, carnal, hormonal desire to see that perfect ponytail every day of my life for the rest of my high school years.

"That's different. I invited you all my self. She asked to join. So that means she gets an initiation. And it will be..." Haruhi brought her hand to her chin in thought, then smiled wickedly. "You're going to head to the cafeteria to pick me up some melon bread and a bottle of water!"

That's it? Oh, I guess that was easy. Looks like my dreams of being close to that perfect ponytail were-

"Kyon, as my number one, you'll go with her to make sure she performs well on her initiation, okay?"

Alone time? With Ponytail-sama and her perfect ponytail? Hallelujah! Haruhi, I could kiss you, you made my day! Instead of showing this pure bliss at the notion, I merely nodded dumbly, too shocked to speak.

"Great! Tomboy-kun, you head on, and Kyon will be on your tail. Good luck!"

Ponytail-sama huffed indignantly. "Fine. Christ..." She turned and headed down the hall. As soon as the tip of her ponytail cleared the doorframe, my mind began to clear. Wait... Alien, time traveler, esper... That meant... Oh no.

I promptly raced out of the room, running to catch up with Ponytail-sama, who I realized I didn't know the name of.

XXXXXXXXXX

I came to walk next to Ponytail-sama, catching my breath before speaking.

"I'm going to be blunt." I stated. "This club already has an alien, a time traveler, and an esper. You're a slider, aren't you?"

I saw Ponytail-sama's mouth curl into a smile. "God, you're perceptive. But I guess that's to be expected."

Expected? She talked like she knew me. "Honestly? After three non-human confessions from the only other people in the club besides Haruhi and myself, I'd be shocked if you weren't a slider. So let's make this brief. Tell me about what you are."

Ponytail-sama sighed, though she seemed noticeably warmer than when she was interacting with Haruhi.

"Well, first, I'll need to explain the nature of dimensions and alternate realities. For every decision every person or animal in the world makes, any event that occurs, there is an alternate reality to depict if things had gone differently. We call these dimensions. Some dimensions are nearly identical to another except one minor detail, while others are so different they could even still be in the era of dinosaurs, or fantasy worlds complete with wizards and dragons. Dimensions are kinda like cells, you see. They perform mitosis and even die out naturally. But in general, for every person in a particular dimension, they have an identical twin in every other dimension out there, though sometimes with vastly different personalities or pasts."

"I'm with you so far."

"Now, imagine every dimension out there is a Cheerio floating in a bowl of cereal. Following this metaphor, what is between those dimensions?"

I paused to consider that. "Uhhh... The milk?"

She smirked. "Bingo, buddy. This milk is what we call Emery Space. It is here that you'll find the Emery Cloud. The Emery Cloud is a massive piece of dimensional dust and particles many times larger than this dimension's entire universe. It gives birth to two things every hundred years, alternating between them. Entirely new dimensions... And Dimensional Beings."

"Dimensional... Beings?"

"Dimensional Beings are composed entirely of energy. However, if they want, they can take on a physical form, which can be anything of their choosing. They are also completely immortal. Only three beings in existence can kill a Dimensional Being. The first is the very first Dimensional Being ever birthed from the Emery Cloud, and thus the oldest. Rixis-sama was at first the only Dimensional Being that knew the 'trick' to killing another Dimensional Being, but after taking part in a war of dimensions thousands of years ago, he vowed never to kill another Dimensional Being despite being fully capable of it."

"Rikushisu?"

"Nice try, tiger. Anyway, the second thing that can kill a Dimensional Being is actually an entire race of people. You see, in addition to to birthing dimensions and Dimensional Beings, the Emery Cloud occasionally 'hiccups.' These dimensional hiccups give birth to a unique life form known as a Gami."

"Like... Kami? As in god?"

"No, not exactly. It may sound Japanese in origin, but it's actually a word originating from a language forgotten near the beginning of all existence, translating roughly to 'that which disrupts reality itself.' Gami are unique in the fabric of all reality. Despite everyone having a twin in another dimension, Gami always look unique, and get deposited in a random dimension by the Emery Cloud soon after being hiccuped out, where they typically grow up orphans. Gami technically should not exist, and their very presence in a dimension can weaken its boundaries and threads binding it together. You see, Gami are neither mortals nor Dimensional Beings. Rather, they bridge the gap between the two species. Gami, like Dimensional Beings, can manipulate the fabric of a dimension's reality, but on a much grander scale, yet they are still fully mortal and only live as long as the average of whatever race they look like. Records show that there is only ever one Gami in the entirety of Emery Space and every dimension at any given time, with a new Gami being hiccuped out long after the previous one died."

"Let me guess. You think Suzumiya-san is one of these Gami things."

"Shut up, I'm gettin' there. Anyway, the last Gami was known as Kamain, and he was split up into two different men to avoid ever realizing his full power, Sam and Kain."

"Sammu? What's with these names?"

"Shut up, I'm talking. The reason this was done was because the Gami before him, Asp, reached unheard of levels of power as a Gami when the woman he loved was killed by a Dimensional Being. The one before him, Kel, fully realized his potential and led an army that unified several warring dimensions. Another, Bez, was the first and so far only ever artificial Gami. Sam and Kain eventually recombined into Kaimain just in time to save Emery Space from an army led by a powerful Dimensional Being, but died in the process of creating the most large-scale use of a Gami's powers ever known. Despite this, none of them were considered the greatest Gami of all time. In one instance of the history of reality, two Gami existed at the same time, a circumstance that was thought to have been impossible. The two ended up duking it out one-on-one, and when one of them emerged victorious over the other... Rixis-sama officially declared him the greatest Gami of all time."

"Kamein, Sammu, Kein, Asuppu, Keru, Bezzu... Were these all men?"

"Yes. The first ever Dimensional Being, Rixis-sama, has had the pleasure of meeting every single Gami ever birthed by the Emery Cloud. And he's told me that about eighty percent of every Gami ever known was male. This makes Suzumiya Haruhi... very unusual."

"So where do you Sliders come from?"

"Sliders are ordinary humans, typically rescued from a dimension before it underwent a Reality Breakdown."

"A what?"

"A Reality Breakdown. A Reality Breakdown is a complete and total tearing asunder of the very threads of a dimension, making it cease to exist altogether. Rixis, however, has seen to it to rescue certain individuals from their dimensions moments before the Reality Breakdown could occur, and gave us our powers as Sliders. I am merely one of several Sliders operating across the dimensions and Emery Space, with a great deal of us stationed in North High, Kyon."

"Okay, so what can Sliders d-, wait, you said three things can kill a Dimensional Being, but only listed two. What's the third?"

"Well, to answer your first question, if you want me to show you my Slider powers, I can't."

"Let me guess. You rely on technology, or can only use them under certain circumstances?"

Ponytail-sama groaned.

"Idiot! I know what you heard from the other three. It's not that I have some stupid rules on my powers, rely purely on technology to do it, or can use them all the time freely! It's just that there are downsides to using my powers that I really don't wanna talk about!"

"Really? The other three can't show me anything either, and neither can you?"

"Ugh! Shut up, shut up, shut up! Listen... There are just some things you don't wanna fuck with. There are outcomes that are even worse than the complete annihilation of existence itself. Forces more damaging to the integrity of reality than crap capable of turning imagination into pure void. They're forces that, if handled recklessly, will nullify the basic ability of intelligent beings in all real and hypothetical planes of existence to give a shit!"

"What kind of powers are we talking about?"

"Well... There is a certain phenomenon. One I and all Sliders can take advantage of."

"What's that?"

"There are rifts in Emery Space that can lead to great undoings without necessarily causing them. Not directly. Such rifts themselves are actually benign. Useful, even. They're catalogued phenomena within reality itself, with a provided means of creating them, and a wide range of scenarios for which it'd be smart as fuck to do just that."

"Ugh... Stop beating around the bush. What are these rifts?"

"Well... The Dimensional Beings of Emery Space have a more formal term for them. They typically refer to such a rift as..."

She paused, looking up to meet her golden brown eyes with mine of the same color.

"...a Scratch."

"A... A Scratch?"

"Shut up! I'm not done yet! Ugh! Anyway, the direct effects of a Scratch are limited to the dimension they're invoked in. Other dimensions won't experience or even observe the effects of a Scratch in another dimension, but tend to feel the consequences."

"Consequences?"

"Heh! The biggest Scratch in the history of existence... Occurred three years ago. And it prevented the Dimensional Beings from claiming the Ultimate Prize."

Ugh! Why do they keep mentioning something three years ago? "The... The Ultimate Prize?"

"Yeah... The massive Scratch three years ago in this very dimension caused a great disturbance in Emery Space and all dimensions. Due to this enormous Scratch, even bigger than the one caused by Kamain that led to his own death, a hand would be forced to emerge from hiding. But there would be no adequate way to prepare, even with all the foresight at the disposal of the Dimensional Beings, for a foe more powerful than Rixis himself, or even the long dead Asp at the peak of his power. A Dimensional Being who is indestructible, omnipotent, enraged, and perfectly capable of killing another Dimensional Being."

"What is this thing?"

"The only other Dimensional Being that can kill one of its own other than the Great Rixis, given the ability due to a trick he played on Rixis-sama himself... We call him... Void."

"What does he want?"

"For one, he wants to cause the death of Suzumiya Haruhi to prevent her from ever killing him like all Gami can. To do this, he has recruited Dimensional Beings to fight for him. Not that hard to threaten a Dimensional Being to work for you when you're the only thing in all of reality that can kill something immortal. Since Rixis-sama cannot take action against Void himself due to his own vow, he has given me and others the powers of Sliders, just a taste of a Gami or Dimensional Being's power. That's where I get my ability to utilize Scratches. Several others like myself have been stationed at this school to guard Suzumiya from other attempts by Void to kill her."

I was finding this all hard to take in... But then I realized something. "If you're the twin of someone in every other dimension... Who's in this dimension that looks like you?"

Ponytail-sama looked up at me, a sad smile on her face. "I'd rather not say... But know that this person is very close to you, Kyon. More than you could imagine."

That didn't make any sense to me, but before I knew it, we were in the cafeteria. Unfortunately, the melon bread was sold out.

"Great, what are we gonna do now? Forget passing your initiation, how'll Haruhi react when-"

"Shut up, Kyon. I think I might have to show you my powers, after all."

I watched as Ponytail-sama closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Opening them, her eyes were glowing an odd violet. Purple light gathered at her hand, and reaching out at the empty shelf in the cafeteria, she spoke, her voice giving off a distinct echo.

"Scratch... Shift!"

A shimmer of violet light swept across the shelf, a line up of melon bread appearing that materialized into thin air. Dumbly, I grabbed one of the pre-packaged bread loaves.

"How... How did you do that?" I asked, still in disbelief.

"Like I said earlier, Kyon. Dimensions tend to only have slight differences between them. In my case, as a Slider, I can see visions of things in the dimension I'm in of objects that only exist in dimensions close by. Objects that could have existed in this dimension, but don't. And using my Scratch powers, I can will and shift these items into existence."

"That's... unbelievable... but amazing." I gasped, staring at the shelf full of melon bread.

"Yes... But like I said, there are drawbacks to using my powers. Notably, a phenomenon known as Dimensional Entry Feedback Reset."

"Dimensional what?"

"It's a phenomenon that makes it so if a Slider uses their powers, it will reset their body to the conditions they were in upon first entering that dimension. So if a Slider entered a dimension with a wound, they'd re-gain that wound every time they caused a Scratch."

I turned to look into her golden-brown eyes, identical to mine. "Yikes!"

"Mine isn't so bad. Just embarrassing."

"How so?"

"Look down, Kyon."

I looked down, and sure enough I was staring at the flattest chest I had ever seen, with two cute little pink nipples situated on the ironing board. I couldn't help noting that I found it adorable. Latent lolicon tendencies? Or was the most gorgeous ponytail I had ever seen just extending its own sexiness to her non-existent breasts? But, wait... nipples? Non-existent breasts? Chest? Holy...

"S-Stop staring, idiot!" she growled, crossing her arms over her chest, looking away and blushing a deep scarlet.

Blushing the same shade as her, I pulled my uniform blazer off, wrapping it over Ponytail-sama's back. My hand brushed her bare shoulder, sending what I could only describe as a shockwave through my body. I felt some sort of... pulse, or something... Go straight through me from the point of contact. I felt every part of me lock up at the feeling of it. It didn't hurt, but it was like a complete system overload to my very being. Particularly my brain. As I started falling, I saw Ponytail-sama gazing at me with wide-eyed concern. I hit the ground hard like a sack of potatoes, my vision blurring as my eyelids grew heavy, slowly closing as the world went dark, the last thing I saw being Ponytail-sama leaning over me, gazing her worried eyes into mine and shouting something I couldn't hear.

XXXXXXXXXX

When did I stop believing in Santa Claus?

In truth, I can say that sort of question doesn't hold any real significance for me.

But if you were to ask me when I stopped believing that the old man in the red costume was Santa, then I can confidently say I have never, ever believed in Santa Claus.

I knew that the Santa who appeared at my preschool Christmas party was a fraud. When I sat in his lap, I didn't feel the eyes of a kindly old man on me. In fact, it was a little creepy to be sitting in the lap of some random old guy, exposing your deepest wishes. I guess I was already wise enough to question the existence of an old man who worked only on Christmas.

It was a long time later, though, before I realized that aliens, time travelers, magical girls, demons, and espers like you see in crazy special effects filled cartoons... didn't exist, either.

No, wait... I probably did realize. I just didn't wanna admit it. Deep inside my heart, I wanted those aliens, time travelers, magical girls, demons, espers, and evil organizations to suddenly pop up in front of me.

The world of special effects and stories was way more exciting than my boring, ordinary life. I wanted to live in that world, too. I wanted my life to be filled with excitement. I wanted to be the one who got kidnapped by aliens, and imprisoned in a giant ball-like fortress. I wanted to be the one who got saved by the handsome prince and taken off to live in castles happily ever after. Or to be someone who could banish demons and monsters with a single spell, engage in psychic duels with evil espers, and save my one true love from danger.

No magical prince came to sweep me off my feet. I've never seen a UFO. My dog never talked to me, even when I fed him alphabet soup. Two hours of intense staring at my pencil didn't make it move a single millimeter. And glaring at the back of my classmate's head didn't reveal her thoughts to me, either.

The normality of the world was... depressing.

Eventually I stopped searching the skies for UFOs and watching all those magical girl shows because I had finally convinced myself that weird stuff like that didn't exist. I even reached a point where eventually, all that was left was a certain sense of nostalgia for the old view of the world.

After I graduated from junior high, I also left behind my childish dreams and became completely grounded in reality. Nothing happens in 1999, even though I kept hoping, just a bit, that something would.

Humanity hadn't returned to the moon or gone beyond it. I guessed I would be long dead before you could book a round trip to Alpha Centauri.

And so, with these thoughts in the corner of my mind, I became a normal, carefree, senior high school girl.

Until the day... I met Suzumiya Haruhiko.

XXXXXXXXXX

I shot awake. What... What was that? It was... thoughts I had had before, from myself, during one of the moments where I waxed philosophical in my own head, but... They were different. More feminine. And it wasn't my own thinking voice saying them. it sounded more... well, to say it again, feminine. The words, too. It sounded like a girl was saying them, from the subtleties of her speech patterns, word choice, and even things like wanting a prince to sweep her off her feet, and being a normal, carefree, senior high school girl. I didn't recognize the girl's thinking voice... And the last words I heard... Suzumiya... Haruhiko?

"So you're finally awake."

I turned, seeing Ponytail-sama standing there, clad in only my blazer. My eyes were drawn to her sexy, bobbing ponytail, then to her adorably flat chest. Seeing where my eyes were, she blushed and pulled my blazer closed around her short, petite body.

"Listen, sorry about that. You just... fainted."

I didn't just faint! I was knocked out! But... how? I was just opening my mouth to demand to know what happened, but a tiny, dainty finger was placed over my mouth.

"Shush, Kyon. Don't ask me what happened when you touched me. I could either say I don't know, or tell you that I know but that you're better off not knowing. Believe whichever one you want."

I gazed into her golden-brown eyes, soft and... vulnerable. She was in a very raw state right now, and I had to tread carefully. Her finger gone, I sighed.

"You seem different when you're with me than when you first walked into the room to talk to Haruhi."

Ponytail-sama smiled a small, sad smile. "Suzumiya-san wished for a tsundere tomboy. I had to adapt to meet, and even exceed, that expectation, Kyon. But believe it or not... I'm gentler with you than I usually am. Consider my usual personality a happy medium between how I am with you and how I am with Suzumiya-san."

Ignoring the question of why she was gentler with me, I moved onto my next question. "You mentioned Sliders come from dimensions that were destroyed. What was yours like, and what destroyed it?"

She looked nervous. "I... can't tell you."

"Okay, then. You mentioned there's only one Kami at any time. Do the Haruhis in other dimensions have her powers?"

Ponytail-sama sighed. "No... Yes... Well, sort of. It's difficult to explain. And it's Gami, not Kami."

"Fine, then. Next question. How did we get here? This..." I looked around. It seemed to be a storage closet. "...place. You don't seem strong enough to drag me here without drawing attention."

She smiled at that. "Oh. That's simple. I Gated us in."

"You... what?"

"Scratches have many different uses, Kyon. The melon bread thing? That what Scratch Shift. Scratch Gate can be used to essentially teleport."

"T... Teleport?"

"Time travelers are masters of time, right? Well, consider sliders the masters of space and dimensions. There's really no place we can't get into or out of, in both physical and metaphysical terms.." She giggled at that, though it sounded a bit forced.

"A troubling thought... And finally, what's your name, anyway?" I couldn't keep calling her Ponytail-sama, even though the nickname was filling me with childlike glee.

She sighed at that, gazing down at the floor as she hugged my blazer around herself. "If I told you that, it'd let you know who in this dimension I'm an alternate version of, so... Just call me Jon Sumisu."

I quirked an eyebrow at that. "Jon Sumisu. As in... John Smith? That's an obvious alias, not to mention it should be Jein Sumisu for Jane Smith."

"Sh-Shut up, Kyon! I had to think it up fast at the time, and now I'm officially registered at North High as Jon Sumisu!"

I couldn't help shaking my head, a smile creeping to my face despite myself. "Sumi-chan okay for short?"

She blushed at that. "Um... S-Sure... Kyon."

"You should know my real name, too. Kyon is just a nickname. One I don't particularly like. It's..."

XXXXXXXXXX

And so, Jon Sumisu became Number Five of the S.O.S. Brigade. But her sudden and unexpected arrival at the Literature Club's room meant I wasn't able to stop Haruhi from uploading those pictures of Asahina-san to the club's website. This would cause unforeseen consequences to come, ones that would make my life much more annoying, but also more interesting...