"What's got you so gloomy, Lavi?" Allen asked cheerfully.

"Ah, nothing…" The redhead drifted off miserably.

"Well, you should cheer up!" Allen decided. "A day without your sunshine is, like, night!"

"Did you just -"

/\/\/\

"Ah, you were missing your left hand!?" Lenalee squeaked, after getting the parasitic exorcist to explain his time at the Asian Branch.

"On the other hand, I have fingers," Allen snarked.

/\/\/\

"...Allen. Allen. Allen!"

"...Hn? Johnny?"

"I've been calling for such a long time - did you not hear me?"

"Oh...I suppose I was just just lost in thought. It was a rather unfamiliar territory."

"Eh?"

/\/\/\

"I don't get why being an exorcist automatically means that you should believe in God," Allen complained.

"...And why is that, Walker?" Inspector Link grunted, feeling slightly curious.

"We-ell, not believing in God can be a good thing. Atheism is a non-prophet organization, you know."

"..."

/\/\/\

"Miranda's been looking down lately," Krory fussed worriedly.

"Maybe she's just grumpy but hiding it," Allen suggested. "Depression's just anger without enthusiasm."

/\/\/\

"Dammit!" Kanda snarled, missing the target again.

"Relax," Allen sang. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

/\/\/\

"Who ate my dango?" Allen snarled.

"I didn't do it, I swear!" Lavi protested, his hands in the air.

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory," Allen remarked, squinting suspiciously. "Are you sure you're meant to be a Bookman?"

"...Hey."

/\/\/\

"Alright, everyone." Allen stood on a table so he could address the group.

There was a murmuring.

"The reason I asked all of you to come was because I had a question."

Another round of murmuring.

"How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand."

Silence.

/\/\/\

"Master," Allen inclined his head.

"What is it this time, brat?"

"...why are there five syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?"

"Get out."

/\/\/\

"I can't believe Brother actually didn't do as I said," Lenalee complained.

"You know what Mr. Komui's like," Allen soothed.

"Yeah, but…"

"Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell a man a bench has wet paint and he'll just have to touch it."

"...thanks for the advice?"

/\/\/\

"All the Exorcists are going to be having their annual checkups soon," Bookman droned.

"I know. I'm studying for my blood test," Allen grinned.

/\/\/\

Throughout the rest of the month, the General-class exorcist and host to the Fourteenth Noah proceeded to continue harassing people with the most dreadful thing -

Shitty one-liners.

/\/\/\

Komui sighed tiredly, surveying the massive crowd of Black Order residents that milled inside his spacious office.

"We can't take it anymore!"

"He did it twice to me yesterday!"

"He even threw in a pick-up line! And some bad puns!"

"Shitty one-liners!"

From the back, a musical, mischievous voice that everyone recognized rang out.

"How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it."

Chaos erupted.

Allen Walker had struck again.

/\/\/\

(Later on, they realized that they had no idea how he had gotten in - the double doors had been securely locked.)