CHAPTER 27

…

For all the tragedy and loss that has plagued her life Lexa has also known love like no other has in her very singular position.

She doesn't remember her father's face or what it was like to live under his care but she has a current dream of someone holding her tight as they stand in the middle of the Glowing Forest often enough to know that it's not just a dream. Her laughter is free in that dream, her little hands trying to catch the glowing butterflies as they fly around them and the man laughs in her ear, and she feels safe and loved in his arms, but she always wakes up right before she can see his face and with the sensation of his bulky arms around her still tingling her body.

Lexa was only a child when she arrived at the Capitol, a skinny orphan who couldn't lift a sword with both hands no matter how hard she tried or was told to. She didn't like the swords at first, they were heavy and they made her hands feel weird, and they were just so big, larger than her entire body. She didn't understand why they'd give her a sword when Leo got to go everywhere else with the rest of the kids and she was always left behind to train in combat.

Leo understood what was happening way before she did. He knew what a nightblood was and Lexa remembers him crying himself to sleep while holding her so tight that she could barely breathe, and she often asked him about it but she was never given an answer. She only understood his silence years later when the concept of what she was training so hard for became clear to her.

She was only four years old when she had to move permanently to the Tower to live under the Commander's care. Anya was fourteen and Amada's second by then, and she didn't like Lexa at all.

There were nine of them, Anya called them Novitiates and she was only one of the many teachers that they got to see daily. Lexa was not a favorite of hers, not by far. Lexa was the smallest, the weakest, the slowest of them all. She was often left behind in group activities and she got lost more than once on their hunting trips because she couldn't keep up. She was the youngest, the other eight referred to her as a babe.

They were friends, they knew each other well, she even shared her bed with another Novitiate for years but they were not encouraged to grow a relationship among them and after years of training they all knew what will happen, they all knew that only one of them would reach adulthood and what they'd have to do for it.

Anya admired strength and Lexa was not strong at age four. However, she was a quick learner and more stubborn than the rest.

She picked up Gonasleng quicker than the other Novitiates did and when they weren't training she was often in the Commander's library reading about the past and the world that no longer existed but that carved their world in many different ways.

Leo was allowed to visit her when she was in the healer's quarters, which was more often than Leo would have liked. But every injury was a lesson and every drop of blood she shed wasn't in vain, she made sure of it.

At ten she was no longer the slowest, or the weakest and when she turned twelve Anya chose her as her second and her life changed yet again.

The Commander wasn't a constant presence in their lives, conflict existed among every Clan and it was impossible for the Commander to remain in one place for longer than a few days at a time and when she was in the Capitol her time wasn't really hers, and her lessons to the Novitiates were fast and short, and too big at once.

They needed to live in peace, they needed to find a common ground but back then it was impossible to even considered the idea. Lexa herself dismissed the thought more than a couple of times in order to focus on her training because if she was going to be able to bring peace among the clans she needed to survive her conclave first.

Anya was hard on the edges, she was not a patient woman and Lexa quickly discovered that being her second only meant that she was going to be pushed to her limits by the warrior, not to say that the other eight weren't.

"She would have hated her." Leo comments from the chair he's been sitting in for the last hour, just watching her as she braids her hair. The time is almost here and he is anxious, even more so than she is.

"You are not wrong." Lexa agrees with a fond smile, her mind still insisting on reminding her of the woman who despite all the obstacles became her best friend, her sister, her mentor, her confident.

"But she would have loved to see you smile like this again." Leo's words make Lexa take a pause, her hands stilling as she's done with her hair and unable to do anything as her throat closes in.

Costia was one of the few, if not the only one who could make Anya crack a joke and laugh with careless joy. It didn't happen often but it made Anya and Costia all the more precious to Lexa.

Costia was the only one who could make Lexa stray from her lessons with a promise to talk to her big sister later to get Lexa out of any trouble. Anya was not happy when she found them kissing behind the kitchen door one morning but Costia was her weakness and Costia knew it. If Anya increased Lexa's training hours in the field after, Lexa kept her mouth shut because she knew, even before she kissed Costia for the first time, that kissing Anya's little sister will bring consequences.

She never imagined the sort of consequences it actually brought at the end but she never once regretted loving Costia and neither did Anya.

"They did meet." Lexa says without looking directly at him. "I sent Anya to deal with them when they first arrived and they met."

"Did Clarke...?" Leo asks softly, careful to not actually say the words but Lexa hears them. The conflict has been extreme when Clarke's people arrived and Leo's inquisition is justified.

"No, Anya was captured by the Mountain along with Clarke's people. They escaped the Mountain together. They didn't get along. Clarke told me they fought in the woods while they were being chased by the Mountain Men."

"She's so tough." Leo murmurs impressed and Lexa can't help to smile in pride. Clarke is the toughest person she's ever met, the strongest.

"They were shot. Clarke tried to save her but Anya's wounds were fatal."

Clarke has only told her this story once and neither one of them has been too eager to mention it again.

"Her people killed her?"

"They shot at Clarke too. They didn't know who they were." It feels like a lifetime ago when Clarke first walked inside her hut in TonDC and offered her something that would seal the future between their people.

"She gave me this." She reveals the lock of hair that Clarke gave her, the lock of hair that belonged to Anya, the lock of hair that made Lexa realized that Clarke wanted the same thing as her.

Leo is silent as Lexa locks Anya's hair on her braid with soft movements that feel heavy in her arms. Anya was her witness once and she would have seated on the chair where now Leo sits listening to her if she were alive.

Music can be heard from the open windows, it's already beginning. "The time is here." Leo says as he stands and Lexa follows him.

He hugs her then, hard and without warning, and Lexa melts into his arms. She feels light, she feels weightless, she feels four.

"You deserve this." He says with conviction and his eyes, so alike hers, glisten with tears that move her. "You deserve to grow roots and leave a legacy behind that's not only the battles that you've fought and won, but also the people that you've loved, the family you will form and the children that will carry your blood."

"Leo." His name is a prayer, she wants him to stop because he doesn't know that she's not done yet. Clarke and her are not even close to being done.

"You deserve this." He repeats and she hugs him tighter. He's not crying and Lexa is grateful for it.

The music is louder now, she can hear cheering and she's dressed, her hair is braided, she has what she needs. Now she just needs to get married.

…

"You're freaking out." Bellamy says from where he stands by the door, leaning against a wall and looking all handsome and ready. It irritates Clarke to see him so put together when all she wants to do is make the world stop for just a moment.

"I'm not." She denies even though her hands are sweating and her legs are shaking.

"You're freaking out bad." He says, head nodding and the ghost of a smile on his lips and Clarke ponders the consequences of beating him with a chair because she does not need him to be looking so smug right now.

"I'm not freaking out, it's just - "

She drops on a nearby couch, all fight and nervous leaving her body at once as her shoulders sag and the only reason she doesn't rub at her eyes it's because of the war paint that she's wearing. Bellamy sighs and moves to sit beside her, close enough to round her shoulders with his left arm.

She rests her head on his shoulder as his arm tightens around her. "I'm just so scared." She says in a small voice and she's surprised to hear herself being so honest about it.

"The fight is over, Clarke." He says lowly. "There's nothing to be scared of anymore. We won."

His words are meant to reassure her but all they do is remind her of the war that is yet to come. Yes, they won a war and the world is better without Nia in it but the world is still not a better place to live.

"I guess I'm just a bit paranoid." She says and when he kisses the top of her head affectionately she can't help to smile in return.

"That's why you're going away for a few days." He reminds her as they both stand up again and he goes to retrieve one of the crowns that Lexa made the day before.

He places the crown carefully atop her head, all the while smiling as she observes him in the mirror. "Things will get better, Clarke. Even if we have to keep fighting for it."

That's the purpose, that's all she wants. "Thank you." She sincerely says before she hugs him tightly.

They only break apart when music starts playing and singing can be heard from the streets. "I think it's time." Bellamy says and her legs begin to shake again.

…

The walk down the streets is only one of the many traditions that Clarke will have to be a part of today and her nerves increase when she realizes that every single grounder is waiting for a chance to see her and witness her commitment to the most important person among them.

Bellamy is the picture of collected by her side and she doesn't really know if he's trying to play it cool for her sake or if he's actually feeling as calm as he appears to be, nor does she really have the sense to ponder on it at the moment, not when the doors open and the singing in the crowd reaches a new high in her ears.

Her mother is waiting on the other side of that door, standing in the middle of the street in a black grounder dress and looking close to tears. Clarke doesn't hesitate in closing the distance between them and her mother's kiss on her cheek is nothing if not soothing, more soothing than all of Bellamy's words have been so far.

"It's time." Abby says, her hands a little cold on Clarke's exposed arms. "Are you ready to do this?"

"I am now." Clarke says and now more than ever she wishes that her mother's desire to be here were true, that her support wasn't founded on distrust and pain, and fear. But her mother is here and she's being as supportive as she can be and Clarke can't truly complain.

"Then let's get you married." Abby says, her voice a torrent of emotion and Clarke is grateful.

As they resume their walk the song in the wind changes, the people harmonize a new and softer melody for her, a melody that is both happy and fulfilling, so telling in it's melody that it washes Clarke's nerves away and replaces them with anxiousness. Suddenly she can't wait to be married to Lexa and have this melody engraved in her mind as a reminder of the happiest day of her life.

The cold is forgiving today, snow is not falling down and the streets are dry for a change. While the sun has chosen to stay hidden behind light grey clouds the day is still made warm by the people surrounding Clarke, her mother and her witness.

The walk isn't long but the endless show of affection from the people she once thought were enemies makes up for a very long four blocks on foot.

For all of them, this moment, this ceremony represents an end. Everyone expects peace after this wedding and there will be, for a while at least. Their fights are not over and their world is still unforgiving but that's going to change.

This is the right thing to do, they both know it and still Clarke continues to feel as if she might be making a mistake by suggesting they try to change a hundred years of tradition at once. Is this world really prepared for a Blood must not have blood system? Is Lexa overseeing this by trying to be supportive?

At this point, more than anything else Clarke just wants time. That's it, that's all she wants. Time to be with Lexa and not feel as if it might be their last day together on earth.

As she approaches the remainings of the Temple that once stood so proud, Clarke readies herself to perform yet again.

The Ambassadors of the Thirteen Clans stand behind a large table that's been set on the street and they'll be the first to deem Clarke worthy in front of so many, because their wedding is for the people more than it is for them and Clarke knew this from the day that Lexa suggested this marriage.

They all look at her with pride, all but one. Titus stands in the middle of it all, the oldest among a small group of apprentices that were studying underneath the Elders to carry on their legacy.

"Clarke kom Skaikru." He says her name -with the same resentment that he showed her a few days ago- at the same time that all the singing stops. "Have you come here freely?"

"I have." She answers and takes a step forward, leaving her mother and witness behind. A step to symbolize her willingness to become a part of another unity, Lexa had explained.

"Have you come here available?" Grounders don't take upon divorce often, Clarke is not even sure if they know the meaning of the word but loyalty is everything. What Grounders do know is that a person cannot enter marriage by force, they don't allow it. Marriage is sacred in their culture and Lexa has been very clear about it.

"I have." Her voice carries on among the now very still streets.

While Titus stare is resentful towards her, Clarke takes notice that his are the only distrustful eyes behind the large table and it irks her to know that he is wounded by her presence alone. He values power too much.

"Do you have a reason to enter this marriage?" He asks and Clarke isn't the only one confused at hearing the question.

Lexa has explained the ceremony at large, giving Clarke all the information that she needed before she had to stand before the Elders for the wedding and Clarke made sure to learn everything that she needed to learn for this moment and Titus is straying.

"I have." She says and keeping her tone light is challenging because she's pissed that Titus has chosen this moment to try and throw her off. His last question is one that he wants answered for himself and has nothing to do with tradition, and they both know it. "My only reason to enter this marriage is Lexa."

Her answer ignites smiles from all in attendance but Titus is on a warpath.

"Have you no other reason then?" He asks and this time he can't hide his anger, not when Clarke is smiling like she is.

"None as important." She says calmly and it shouldn't be satisfying to watch him trip on his own words but it is.

"Come forward." The woman besides Titus speaks and Clarke notices her watching them intently, though she doesn't say another word.

The next part of the ceremony is a long one as the leaders of each Clan take turns in offering their pledge to her and asking for hers in return. This part is new for the grounders but they all observ with rapt attention because Lexa is the one who brought the Clans together and she's the first Commander to marry in times of peace. This pledge is just another step in getting their acceptance before she marries Lexa.

When the last leader accepts Clarke's pledge to his Clan the crowd begins to sing yet another song that touches Clarke's heart in a way that she cannot explain. It must be the soft melody that is making her feel mellow inside or maybe it's because it's finally time for Lexa to arrive.

Lexa is not wearing official robes like she said she would be, though she is wearing wear paint around her eyes, she's dressed in white, in a long coat that flows with each step she takes forward, her shoulder piece and the red sash contrasting beautifully against her sun kissed skin and dark hair.

Swallowing takes difficulty for Clarke as she stares at the Commander smile kindly to the children on the street but she manages just in time to look up and find Leo's knowing smirk as she walks beside his cousin.

Blushing madly, Clarke can only shake her head and breathe in deeply as she waits without growing desperate but the truth is that she can barely contain herself in her excitement.

The song picks up the closest Lexa is to Clarke, it evolves into a happier melody that equals Clarke's mood, Clarke's readiness for this to happen.

When Lexa steps forward to meet Clarke the song ends and silence once again takes over Polis, and Clarke worries that maybe everyone would be able to hear her beating heart.

Lexa's hands are cold and she barely smiles, though Clarke can see in the depths of her eyes that she is just as happy as Clarke is to be where they are, to finally be where they are.

This is for their people and Lexa is still the Commander, even while she's wearing white and a pretty crown sits atop of her head.

"Heda." Titus bows behind the table and Lexa winks at Clarke before they both turn around to face him.

The ceremony continues as Titus recites the sacred vows of marriage in Trigedasleng, vows that Clarke has read so many times in her own language and in Lexa's neat handwriting that she doesn't feel lost.

This is the day you become whole. This is the day you join your partner. This is the day your heart stops beating alone. This is the day that your blood stops being your blood. This is the day you promise your heart. This is the day you promise your mind. This is the day that you pledge unceasing faithfulness. This is the day that you promise peace in times of turmoil. This is the day that you promise laughter in times of sadness. This is the day that you promise to stay in times of trouble. This is the day that you promise to care in times of sickness. This is the day that you promise to enjoy your times of happiness. This is the day that you gain a family. This is the day you become one.

With tears in his eyes Titus looks up from his parchment and Clarke sees him under a different light, not for the first time.

This is a man that has seen Commanders come and go, has raised children only to watch them die, time after time, all but one. Lexa has not only achieved peace, put an end to a tirant and regained control of her people just when it seemed like she was about to meet her end, but she is also about to marry the woman that she loves.

And Lexa's hand is shaking, or is it Clarke's?

How lucky did Clarke end up being? More importantly, how lucky are they both to have reach this moment when the world was hellbent on ending their lives?

"Love is patient." Titus says out loud and Clarke's heart begins to hammer against her chest again. This verse was added by her request, this is a tradition that she recognizes and she's been thinking about these words since the moment she accepted that she is irrevocably in love with Lexa. They are facing each other now, they are truly getting married.

"Love is kind." Titus continues and Clarke doesn't even notice the tears that begin to fall down her cheeks. No one has ever been as patient or as kind as the woman standing beside her.

"It does not envy, it does not boasts, it is not proud." The image of Lexa kneeling before her comes to mind, followed by Lexa offering her many outs in the last couple of days. No, love it's not proud and Lexa has shown her many times.

"It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." The past is there and memories from Mount Weather fly by Clarke's mind but this is a new beginning, a clean slate. Lexa will never be forced to leave her again, after today no one will call Clarke an outsider again and Clarke will have to remain by her side, not only by duty. Duty will never come first again.

"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." There will be no more secrets, no more sides to take. "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

It is only when Lexa wipes away her tears with her fingertips that Clarke acknowledges the tears and somewhere in the back of her head there's a voice telling her to not let anyone see her cry but she can't help herself, not when Lexa is looking at her as if they were alone, as if nothing else matters.

"We're okay." Lexa tells her softly, only for Clarke to hear and the small smile on her lips is almost enough for Clarke to regain control.

"Do you, Clarke Kom Skaikru accept to join Lexa Kom Trikru in sacred matrimony?" Titus asks and Clarke's world stops.

"Yes!" She says, shouts and smiles so wide when Lexa raises her eyebrows in amusement. "I do."

There are a few laughs among the crowd but Clarke doesn't dare to look away from Lexa's eyes, and she's blushing but she doesn't regret shouting her agreement to marry the Commander.

"Do you, Lexa Kom Trikru accept to join Clarke Kom Skaikru in sacred matrimony?"

"I do." Lexa says, her voice soft and confident carries out an answer that coming out of her mouth it sounds as if it was waiting to be utter for far too long.

Clarke smiles through her joyful tears and Lexa squeezes her hands softly.

Titus carries on and Clarke knows the words he's saying, knows that she should be paying closer attention to what's happening but she can't look away from her wife, not when said wife is looking radiant and ready to burst in laughter. And they should, Clarke thinks, they so should laugh it out, let it all out and enjoy this moment but they're still bound to play this out for their people.

When Titus finishes Clarke nods softly and Lexa's lips twitch, it's done, their married, bounded by both Grounder and Sky traditions.

"One last thing." Titus speaks and both Clarke and Lexa turn to him with matching confused expressions. "A Skaikru tradition that Wandeha's mother has asked to introduce in this ceremony."

Abby is standing close to the dais where Clarke and Lexa are and when her eyes meet her daughter's she's smiling, and tears are also falling down her cheeks.

"Come forward." Titus calls out and Bellamy walks towards Clarke as Leo goes to Lexa. They're both carrying rings in the palm of their hands.

It takes only one look for Clarke to recognize the ring that Bellamy offers her and she loses her breath completely. The ring belonged to her father and she knew that her mother carried the ring in a necklace around her neck wherever she went, it's her mother's most dearest belonging and perhaps the only token she's managed to hold onto that belonged to her husband. And now she's offering it to Clarke on her wedding day.

Words evade Lexa when her cousin offers her the ring that she thought was lost forever. She wants to ask him how he founded it and when but she cannot speak. Her father's ring was the only thing that she kept from him ever since she was a babe, it was one of the few possessions that Leo had managed to keep from their homes when they were taken to the Capitol and he gave her this ring when she was eight and already a warrior, but she lost it or at least she thought she had.

"How?" The word leaves her parted lips in a whisper as Leo places the ring on her hand and closes her fingers around it.

He doesn't say anything but Lexa sees the small wink and teasing smile on his lips. He's been keeping it safe for all these years, just waiting for the right moment to give it back.

Their witnesses plotting with Clarke's mother to bring them this gift on their wedding day is all the support that Lexa never even knew she needed.

When Lexa looks up she finds Bellamy handing Clarke a small piece of parchment right before a very similar one is placed in hers by Leo.

This ceremony has already strayed from a traditional wedding for Lexa but that's exactly what it making it so special.

Clarke smiles at her direction from beneath long eyelashes and Lexa knows that the best is yet to come. She's never seen a Skai wedding before but Clarke is taking her hands again and she can't imagine a better way to learn.

"I, Clarke Kom Skaikru." Her wife speaks, her voice happy and emotional, a ring firmly held in her fingers as she lifts one of Lexa's hands and positions a golden ring on the tip of Lexa's finger. "Give to you, Lexa Kom Trikru, this ring, as a symbol of my commitment to love, honor, and respect you and everything that you represent."

In a daze, Lexa only feels the ring sliding on her finger as Clarke places it there and she vows to never take it off. Clarke is smiling and Lexa wants nothing more than to kiss that smile right off her lips.

She quickly eyes the paper and the words written in it before she does as Clarke did and places her father's ring on the tip of Clarke's finger.

"I, Lexa Kom Trikru." She speaks as Clarke's hands begin to shake. "Give to you, Clarke Kom Skaikru, this ring, as a symbol of commitment to love, honor, and respect you."

Lexa can feel the tears coming as she slided the iron ring on Clarke's finger because if there is a person worthy enough to care for the only reminder of her father, then that person is Clarke.

Titus makes the announcement in Trigedasleng, he speaks the words that are so alike those used in marriages in the space that Clarke looses herself in the feeling of Lexa's hands and presence, forgets about their surroundings and all the watchful eyes that continue to look at their lives as a symbol.

Music and laughter explodes all around a city that has lost so much but that somehow still has so much heart left to be happy.

It's around thunderous explosions of laughter and joy that Lexa pulls Clarke closer and kisses her for the first time as her wife.

Lexa's lips are familiar and so warm compared to the weather that they endured but this kiss is so different from the ones they've shared before. They're married, they are finally married in both Grounders' laws and Sky's.

"We did it." Lexa says against her lips and Clarke can almost taste her wife's elation when they kiss yet again.

"My Heda." Clarke says with a smile and a tuck at Lexa's hair to be kissed again and again.