Hello! This is just a bit of April Fools Day madness for you all, hope you enjoy!

The Goblin Queen strode quickly down the narrow passageway, heels clicking on the stone floor and chocolate tresses shining in the flickering torchlight. She hurried briskly down the hall, stepping over several goblins that were still fast asleep after the previous night's festivities. She turned sharply down another narrow hallway and then down a flight of stairs hidden behind a tapestry of a troll attempting to ride a unicorn, then exited the secret passage through a door in the back of the castle, a door that could not be found except by those who already knew where it was, a door known only to the King and Queen. Sarah pulled her cloak about her, blending in with the shadows of early morning as she crept over to the grove where a hooded figure awaited her.

"Good morn, your Majesty," the small, bent-backed figure rasped out from beneath its hood, bowing low before her.

"Do you have it?" Sarah asked tersely, looking around nervously to ensure they were not being observed.

"Yes, your Majesty, just as you requested," the aged old elf said, holding out a small silken bag in its wrinkled, long-fingered hand.

Before Sarah could take it the elf spoke again: "It's not really my place, your Majesty, but are sure you want to use this? His Majesty already loves you dearly, everyone knows that,"

"You're right that it's not your place," Sarah replied sharply, taking the little bag and tucking it into her robe. "For your silence." she said, handing several pieces of gold to the little creature before turning away and hurrying back to the secret door.

She knew that she still had several more hours before the king would awaken; she had been sure to thoroughly exhaust him the night before, on top of making sure that he had consumed copious amounts of ale once they had returned to the castle to continue the spring festival with the goblins. Still, her nerves were getting to her, her hands were shaking and her pulse pounded in her ears. It had been many years since Sarah had felt a rush of adrenaline like this. She had been the Goblin Queen for well over a century now, and after a while the days had begun to blend into each other, and even the wonders that had once enraptured her began to feel mundane.

She was desperate for a bit of excitement, for something unusual and unexpected. She knew she was being reckless, but she didn't care, it felt good.

Stopping in front of the huge, ornate door that led to their shared chambers, Sarah took a deep breath to steady herself, before opening the door noiselessly, slipping off her shoes, and tip-toeing inside. In the first light of dawn glowing faintly from the windows, she was able to make out her husband, sprawled across the bed just as she had left him, naked except for a black silk sheet draped across his middle. She examined his face intently for any signs of consciousness, and, satisfied that he was still deeply asleep, reached into the little bag and drew out two flowers, one white and the other purple. She put the white one back in the silken bag, and squeezed the purple love-in-idleness blossom, releasing its magic.

Holding it over his eyelids, she squeezed out the juice as she whispered the magic words:

"What thou seest when thou dost wake,

Do it for thy true-love take,

Love and languish for its sake:

Be it goblin, or cat, or bear,

troll, or boar with bristled hair,

In thy eye that shall appear

When thou wakest, it is thy dear:

Wake when some vile thing is near."

Smiling with grim satisfaction, she turned and left the room, leaving the door cracked open.

Groaning at the pounding ache in his head, Jareth waved an arm angrily in the general direction of the windows, magically drawing the curtains and blocking out the bright sunlight that had woken him. He rolled over to wrap an arm around his wife, only to find empty space where Sarah should have been.

He opened his eyes fully then, blinking in confusion and trying to think through the thick fog his mind was in. It was very unusual for his Queen not to be there when he woke, it was their habit to always wake up together. Could she still be mad at him for his behavior yesterday at the festival? He groaned. Even after all these years, he was still exhausted from living up to her expectations.

He had known when he married her that humans had much different beliefs than the fae when it came to fidelity in marriage. Whereas in the Underground it was considered perfectly normal to sleep with whomever you wished, as long as your partner, if you had one, was not denied or slighted in the process, those in the Aboveground were far more conservative. For Sarah's sake he had refused the company of all others, sharing his bed only with her. However, he often slipped back into the lascivious flirtation and shameless innuendo that came so naturally to him and his kind, particularly at festivals and feasts, times when mead and wine flowed freely and lessened inhibitions, and the promiscuous nature of the fae became readily apparent. Last night in particular, the Lady Shaylah had been persistently handsy with him during a dance, and he hadn't exactly discouraged her.

He had noticed Sarah scowling at him through the sea of revelers, and had gone to her immediately to make amends. He had thought everything was fine between them, but her absence from their bed cast doubt upon that assumption.

He rose and dressed, still feeling rather dazed, and set off to find his Sarah.

Hoggle was worried about his Queen. While lying in wait to catch the pesky rabbits that were destroying the vegetable gardens, he had seen her meeting a suspicious looking character over by the forest early that morning, and was worried that she might be in some kind of trouble, as sneaking around was not normal behavior for her. He had not approached her then, opting instead to follow the hooded creature until he had lost its trail in the Labyrinth. He had then decided he should just go to Sarah and ask her about it, to make sure she was okay and see if she needed his help. After finding the throne room, the kitchen, and the library empty, he decided that she must have gone back to bed. Climbing the tower steps, he sat down against the wall at the beginning of the long hallway that led to the royal chambers, settling down to wait for her to come out.

Sarah smirked as she watched her husband rise and leave the room, wondering which poor goblin he would lay his eyes on first. She chuckled as she jumped down from the window ledge, making the crystal she had been spying on him with disappear with a deft twist of her wrist. She ambled over to her daughters bookcase, selecting a collection of fairy-tales and settling down onto the pink and white comforter on the girl's four poster bed to pass the time.

Her children would not be back home for a few more days, they were attending their very first Children's Spring Festival in the Elven Woods, a special event for all the children of the Underground between the ages of ten and ninety to attend while their parents enjoyed the much more adult version of the festival a few miles away. Sarah had been hesitant to let them go, but Jareth had insisted that they needed time together, so Sarah had finally caved, sending her six queens-guard goblins along to keep an eye on her son and daughter.

Sarah and Jareth had been having a wonderful time at the festival. This year it had been hosted by the elves, and citizens from all over the Underground had danced and played games amongst the silver trees and glowing flower bushes of the elven kingdom's forest garden, the leaves of the trees chiming a delicate melody and the flowers perfuming the air for miles around.

Everything had been perfect, until Jareth had had a bit too much mead and started flirting with everything on two legs. As if by some unspoken signal, the fae women had then descended upon him like ravenous wolves, some of them breaking away to occupy an exasperated Goblin Queen, while others took turns trying their best to (somewhat) discretely seduce the Goblin King.

Early on in their marriage, when it had become known that the Goblin King was refusing to share his bed with anyone but his wife, it had been assumed that he was just temporarily enamored with his beautiful new Queen, after all, the fae lived for centuries, most believed it was unreasonable and impractical to practice monogamy for an extended period of time. Only a select few, those who themselves had known love, understood.

After some time had passed and it appeared that the Goblin King was rather committed to his choice of lifestyle, it had somehow become a favorite sport of some of the more fearless Underground women to wait until he was intoxicated and then see just how far they could get with him.

While he had never returned any of their attentions, he did little to discourage their wandering hands and lewd words, and it irritated Sarah to no end. Last night she had had enough, and had decided that something had to be done. She had warned him before they had arrived that if he didn't at least attempt to discourage the blatant attempts at seduction that he would regret it, and she meant to keep her word. While he had been otherwise occupied, she had gone Aboveground to think, and had been pleased to learn that the date Above was March 31st. She had not celebrated many Aboveground holidays in the decades past, and April Fool's Day had always been one of her favorites. A plan quickly formed in her mind, and, overjoyed at her prospective mischief and the amusement it would provide, she had hurried back Underground to make arrangements before insisting that Jareth take her home.

She would lay here in her daughter's room and read for a while, then go down in few hours to see how her plan was working.

Jareth stopped in his tracks, his breath catching in his throat at the breathtaking sight before him. The creature before him was stunning, how had he never seen it before? He felt as though his eyes had finally been opened, and a glorious new reality lay before him. The late morning sun cast its golden rays upon the creature's majestic wrinkled skin, full, luxurious eyebrows cast alluring shadows over electric-blue eyes. He had roguish sideburns and strong hands, his clothing was rustic and charming in its simplicity.

Jareth swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and strode forward confidently, all thoughts of his missing Queen forgotten.

"Hoggle," the king said huskily. "What a surprise to see you on this beautiful morning."

Hoggle looked rightfully alarmed. "Your Majesty, I was just waitin' for the Queen, I don't mean to be disturbin' you-"

"Forget about her!" the King spat jealously. "She is not here now, it is just you and I." he added, his voice returning to the soft, silky tone he used when he wished to sooth and ensnare. He gave the dwarf his best seductive smirk, posing in a way that he knew made him particularly appealing.

Hoggle was at a loss. Jareth's behaviour was bewildering, and he had actually called Hoggle by his name, he had never done that before! "Um, are you feelin' alright, your Majesty? Are you sick or somethin'?"

"Oh, I'm feeling more than alright, dear Hoggle, and I must tell you, there is only one cure for what ails me." he purred, giving the dwarf a meaningful once-over, before breaking into verse.

"Come, sit thee down upon this silken bed,

While I thy amiable cheeks do coy,

And stick musk-roses in thy grizzled head,

And kiss thy fair large nose, my gentle joy."

"Um, well, okay then, I'm just gonna go look for Sarah and-" Hoggle started, eyeing the distance from his spot at the wall to the entrance of the stairs and wondering how fast he could get there.

"No, you will not!" the King yelled suddenly, stopping himself from advancing and making a visible effort to control himself.

Calm once again, he gave poor terrified Hoggle a feral grin. "Come with me, I have something I want to show you," he motioned towards the bedroom door.

Hoggle took in the glazed look in the King's eye, the riding crop that had suddenly appeared in his hands, and the predatory look on his face before turning and running for the stairway with a yell, not stopping to look back.

The Goblin King growled in a husky voice: "I do love a good chase," before starting after him.

Hoggle came crashing down the stairs, landing in a heap on the floor before pulling himself up and dashing off down the corridor.

"You can run, but you can't hide," came the taunting voice of the Goblin King from the foot of the stairs just as Hoggle went around a corner and down another corridor.

"Eep!" squawked the dwarf.

"Come here, my pestilent little pickle!" he called jovially after him.

Hoggle burst into a small room just before the Goblin King rounded the corner, climbing into a crate and pulling the lid over himself. He held very still, praying that Jareth hadn't seen him enter the room.

"Ah, now where have you gone?" came the King's voice, just outside the door. Hoggle froze as he heard the click of boots on stone only a few feet away. He held his breath, trying not to groan in relief as the footsteps left the room and continued down the corridor.

Hoggle heard the King's voice echoing down the hall, "I shall find you, my persnickety pumpkin head."

After a few minutes had passed and Hoggle was certain Jareth was gone, he hauled himself out of the crate and wondered what the heck he should do now. Something was definitely wrong with the King, and unfortunately whatever it was involved Hoggle. Only one person had power over the King, and so the only option was to try and seek her out without being caught.

Several hours later, Sarah skipped down the corridor on her way to the throne room, eager to see which goblin her husband was enamored with on this fine first day of April. She grinned widely as she flounced into the room, only to stop and frown. He was not here, and the goblins certainly weren't in the uproar she had expected. In fact, most of them were still passed out drunk.

Sarah spoke to a bleary-eyed purple goblin near the door. "Has the King been here?"

"Nope! No Kingy today," it announced with a smack of its fat lips.

Dismayed, Sarah conjured a crystal to check on her bewitched husband. Jareth was stalking down a narrow hallway near the front of the castle, peering into rooms as he passed them and tapping his riding crop against his thigh in agitation. Sarah wondered what unfortunate creature he was hunting. She didn't have to wonder for long.

"Sarah!" a familiar voice wailed from outside the castle, the desperate cry loud enough to reach the throne room. Sarah saw the crystal-Jareth still suddenly, and then turn and race off down a side passage. Putting two and two together, Sarah gasped in surprise, this was not what was supposed to happen, he was supposed to see a goblin or a pigeon or something first, not her best friend! What had Hoggle been doing in the castle?

"Sarah, help!" came another desperate wail from below.

Sarah ran to the window and peered down to see Hoggle run screaming into the goblin city, being chased by none other than the Goblin King, in full battle regalia, holding a riding crop and spouting verse.

"So doth the woodbine the sweet honeysuckle

Gently entwist; the female ivy so

Enrings the barky fingers of the elm.

O, how I love thee! how I dote on thee!" he called after the terrified dwarf.

Sarah snorted in laughter and turned away from the scene, getting the attention of all the conscious goblins in the room and instructing them in what they must do.

A short time later, the Goblin King stalked triumphantly toward the cowering dwarf, who was cornered in a dead-end alleyway.

"I will wind thee in my arms, my cretaceous cucumber," he murmured hoarsely, advancing upon poor Hoggle.

"Yer mad! Stark raving mad!" Hoggle howled in panic.

"Mad with love," he agreed in a breathy voice.

Jareth grabbed Hoggle by the front of his shirt, hoisting him up and pressing him against the wall, just as a small battalion of goblins appeared at the entrance of the alleyway, accompanied by the Queen, who was wearing thick gloves and wielding an iron frypan. As they all watched in disturbed fascination, The Goblin King pressed forward and bestowed a passionate kiss upon the leathery lips of his beloved. After a long, nauseating minute he pulled away, and barely had time to smirk victoriously before before all the goblins yelled "APRIL FOOLS!" and the frypan hit his head with a sickening thwump, causing him to collapse on the ground.

Hoggle landed on his rear on the ground and just stared off into nothing for a moment, before heading wordlessly to the nearest pub, where he remained for the next three days.

Sarah bent down, pulling from her pocket the little white flower called Dian's bud. She squeezed it onto her husband's eyelids and murmured:

"Be as thou wast wont to be;

See as thou wast wont to see:

Dian's bud o'er Cupid's flower

Hath such force and blessed power.

Now, my Jareth; wake you, my beloved King."

Sarah knew that it might be a few hours before he actually woke up, iron frypans were not to be taken lightly in the fairy lands. The goblins helped her carry him back to the castle and up to his bed, before Sarah dismissed them and lay by his side, waiting for him to wake.

At sundown he stirred, groaning and forcing his eyes open. He saw Sarah lying beside him and reached out, stroking her cheek with his hand.

"I think I've developed an aversion to goblin ale," he said quietly, wincing as he moved his head to look at her more fully. "I had the most bizarre and horrifying dream."

"Did you? Will you tell me of it?" Sarah asked, trying not to smirk.

"No, I never want to think of it again-" he stopped abruptly, noticing that the sun was on the wrong side of the sky.

"Sarah, what time is it?" he asked apprehensively.

"Sunset, love. Why?" she asked him slyly.

Jareth looked at her in dawning horror, his head still hurting too much to yell or get up and storm around properly like he wanted.

"What. Happened." he asked in clipped tones, his face donning an unhealthy pallor.

Sarah propped herself up on her elbows and held out her hands, palm up and said, with a wicked twinkle in her eye:

"If we shadows have offended,

Think but this, and all is mended,

That you have but slumbered here

While these visions did appear.

Give me your hands, if we be friends,

And nightfall shall restore amends."

Jareth was perfectly still for a moment, contemplating various courses of action, before calmly taking her hands in his. His head was hurting too much to do anything else at the moment, truth be told, and he was not quite ready to acknowledge that this day had actually happened. Besides, he thought as he pulled her against him, if Sarah wished to observe April Fools day from now on, that was fine with him. After all, he would now have an entire year to plan how to get back at her.

Author's Notes:

Wait.

I can explain.

See, it's my birthday today (for real, no joke) and it is a rather sad, sucky day, so I wrote this because I needed a little comic relief. I hope I haven't traumatized or mentally scarred anyone and that at least some of you laughed as much reading this as I did writing it.

This will probably be a one-shot, unless I decide to add to it next year (which I probably will, as my birthdays have a tendency to suck).

Please review. Reviews are love.