The biggest lie.

Summary: Before going to the Wall, Jon learns the true identity of his parents (Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen). How does this affect the Stark family? How do Jon, Cat and Ned react to this revelation? Some truths are maybe better left unsaid.

Note: I am not a supporter of the theory of Rhaegar and Lyanna as Jon's parents. It's not a matter of whether there's evidence on the books or not (there is but not much), it's just that I don't like it. I don't want for Jon to be the son of Lyanna and Rhaegar. I would much prefer for him to be the product of a fling Ned had during the war. And since the book doesn't really say much about this, everybody can reach their own conclusions … I don't want to create a debate on this. There was another story of mine which broached this subject and a very interesting debate came up among the readers. That is not my intention this time. And for this story, it suited my purposes to follow R+L=J … So, here we go …

This story takes place in Winterfell right before King Robert came to visit. I may have tweaked the order of the events in Winterfell a bit (Benjen's visit to Winterfell, Robert's letter, news of Jon Arryn's death, the deserter from the Wall).

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1. Liar, Coward (Ned).

"So, have you started packing already?" Ned asked his bastard son Jon upon entering his bedroom.

"Father, sorry, I didn't hear you come in" he smiled. "I'm not leaving just yet, so no packing for now. But I'm actually very excited. Uncle Benjen has been telling me about The Wall and Castle Black and all his missions when he goes out ranging."

"You certainly sound excited enough" Ned smiled back. "Now, are you fully aware of what becoming a Man of the Night Watch entails? The responsibilities? The obligations? What you will be giving up?"

"Yes, Uncle Benjen has already told me. I will never marry and I will never have children. I will have no family."

"And, you are ok with that" prompted Ned.

"Yes, father. I am really looking forward to saying my vows and going beyond the Wall with Uncle Benjen."

"Well, you won't be ranging any time soon. You'll have to train hard before you even say the vows. And even then you'll have to see what they name you. You could be a ranger. But you could also be a steward, or builder, or even a cook!" Ned told him.

"I want to be a ranger"

Ned took a look around his son's room. It was a comfortable room but scarcely furnished and with few personal belongings. As much as Ned had wanted for Jon to feel at home in Winterfell he never truly did. Being called "bastard" at every turn and being shunned by Ned's wife had certainly taken a toll on the boy. Fortunately, his children did not share Catelyn's disdain for Jon and enjoyed spending time with their brother. They had been visibly upset at Jon's decision to leave Winterfell and join the Night Watch. But then, of course, the children did not fully comprehend what the implications of being a bastard were. They did not see the full impact this whole affair had had on Jon and Catelyn, and even on himself. Jon is a good lad, and Catelyn is a lovely woman. How could I botch things up so badly? How couldn't I make this work?

"You'll make a great ranger" he finally said. "But you know that you don't have to go if you don't want to."

"I know father. But I think this is what's best for me. The men of the Night Watch have no family, no fathers, no mothers, no brothers and sisters. This is me father."

"You have a family, Jon"

"I'm a bastard, as everyone keeps reminding me."

"You do have a family Jon" Ned insisted.

"I don't have a mother."

"You did, once."

"You promised me you'd tell me who my mother was one day. I think this day has arrived, father. I'll be leaving soon."

"Aye, I did promise" sighed Ned. He remained silent for a few seconds pondering what to say. "But not today."

"Father!"

"Tomorrow, son. I promise"

"Tomorrow" replied Jon.

Unable to face Jon any longer, with heavy legs he trudged out of the room. He went to the Godswood and kneeled before his Heart Tree. The faces carved in the bark mocked him, taunted him. Liar, coward. But I did the right thing, he wanted to yell at them. Liar, coward.

It was past midnight by the time he made it back to his room. Catelyn was already sleeping, so he took off his clothes and lay down next to her. Listening to her soft snores and running his fingers through her hair always brought him peace. How can I fix this? How can I make both Jon and Cat happy? Can I make Jon see that he does have a family? Should I? What if the burden proves too heavy? What do I tell Cat? It's been so long … Fifteen years.

TBC