Chapter 10: Now I've gone

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When I wake up, I'm too tired to get out of bed. My body's sore, my palms and knees still sting, and the back of my head aches. I didn't get much sleep, either. Not only did Old Lady and that asshole (I'll fucking kill them) plague my dreams, Naruto also had a restless night. I think he might have cried at one point.

So instead of getting up to go to school, like I should, I just go back to sleep.

I'm woken up who knows how long later by Naruto frantically shaking me.

"Nee-san! Nee-san, we're late!"

Groaning, I swat his hand away and roll over. "Go back to sleep."

"But what about class?" He shakes me again. I blindly flail around until I grab a part of him (with much smacking involved) and pull him down, eliciting a yelp from him.

"Skipping," I declare, rolling over and wrapping an arm around him. "Now sleep."

I'm not sure what he says back—if he says anything. As soon as I finish talking, I'm asleep again.

When I finally crawl out of bed, it's past noon. I'm groggy and still tired, but at least I feel a bit better. I sit up, yawning, only to get a whiff of something good. Curious, I turn to wake Naruto up, only to see he's not there.

Did he... make something?

Alarmed at the thought, I bolt out of our room and into the kitchen.

"Nee-san!" Naruto greets me enthusiastically from his seat at the table, waving a spoon at me. In front of him is a bowl of miso soup, a plate of fried rice, and some side dishes. Definitely not food he could make on his own. Greeting finished, he quickly turns his attention back to his food.

Then...?

There's the sound of running water. I slowly glance around Naruto, and sure enough, Raidou's at the sink. Raidou looks over his shoulder at me, his eyebrows furrowed, and wow, are his eyebrows almost always furrowed. I wonder if we cause him a lot of stress, or if he just tends to look like that.

He twitches his lips upward in a miniscule smile in greeting. "You're finally awake."

"Um, yeah," I respond as I stumble into the seat across from Naruto. There's food already laid out for me. I pick up the spoon set out for me and poke at the fried rice. Mm. Smells good. Wish there's egg drop soup (the Korean version, of course) instead of miso. "What are you doing here?"

Raidou stops washing the dishes to face me fully. He wipes his hands on a hand towel, letting his eyes drift away from me, before responding, smiling sardonically.

"Can't I check up on you two because I'm worried? And don't worry, I informed the Academy about your absence."

I flush in embarrassment. "Oh. Right. Thanks."

He shakes his head at me and comes over to tap my head. I flinch at the movement without meaning to. He frowns, his eyebrows furrowing again. I think about apologizing, but before I can, he places his hand heavily on my head and ruffles my hair. I take a moment to relish the feeling.

"Eat."

"Alright, alright," I grumble, swatting his hand away. He gives me a small smile before making his way toward Naruto, taking the seat next to him.

I tuck into the meal halfheartedly. I know I should be savoring it. I mean, two meals right after the other that I didn't cook? But I just don't feel that hungry. My stomach churns at me. I keep thinking about yesterday. And then the dreamsnightmares... Still, I know I need to eat, so I force myself.

I only get a few bites before Naruto finishes.

"Gochisousama!" he exclaims, grinning over at Raidou. (1) Raidou flicks a smile back, reaching over to ruffle his hair. Naruto leans into it. His face softens, relaxes, in an open show of trust and affection. It gives me pause. But then he suddenly straightens up, turning imploring eyes onto Raidou. "Ne, ne. Raidou-niisan! Teach us more! About chakra! And fighting! I want to get stronger!"

I set my spoon down to look pleadingly at Raidou, too. Naruto stole the words right out of my mouth. I was going to ask Raidou after I ate to teach us some taijutsu and more about chakra. So far I've had no progress on either front because I don't know enough about either subject to try anything. I can't even look up anything about taijutsu or chakra in books because I still have trouble reading. I'm going to go crazy from not being able to read more than just children's books, but right now I need to get stronger first.

And Raidou's really the only person we can ask.

I thought book knowledge should come first. I thought we'd have more time to get stronger. I didn't think anyone would assault either of us like that, and that we wouldn't be protected by Anbu or something. Speaking of...

"Please," I plead. "We have to protect ourselves since no one else will."

We both stare at him beseechingly for a while, Naruto leaning forward eagerly, his eyes full of determination. I can feel my eyebrows dipping lower the more time passes. Raidou's eyebrows furrow again as he carefully observes us. Assesses us.

I wish I can know what he's thinking, what he thinks of us. We're not exactly normal kids, for various reasons, and we don't exactly have a normal relationship with him, either. Raidou is our guard and guardian, but not our caretaker. Yet, he takes care of us. Cares for us, even.

But is it within his mission parameters—because ultimately we're his mission—to teach us? If it isn't, will he do it anyway? And what will it say about him if he does?

Again, without really meaning to, I'm testing him. I want to know what kind of person he is. What makes him tick. Because I want to trust him. I want to rely on him. Even more than I already am.

I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Finally, he caves.

"Alright," he sighs. But as Naruto's face brightens and my shoulders loosen (and when did they get tense, anyway?), he gives us a stern look. "Only because you need to know how to protect yourselves." He stares at us evenly, making sure we understand the severity of his words. "It's dangerous right now. After everything that's been happening the last few years... You have to be careful."

Everything that's been happening? What does he mean? I can feel my eyebrows furrowing as I slip into thought. What happened aside from the Kyuubi Attack?

Before that was the Third Shinobi War, and then... What? What else happened? Oh! Orochimaru defected, right? I'm not sure when that happened, though. I think that always confused me when I read the manga because of timing issues. A bit like how Kakashi's past contradicted itself.

Agh! The manga was convoluted with a bunch of plot holes, so I really shouldn't think about it. Besides, I don't know how much of it is really applicable. Or accurate.

So I need to think about what I know, what I've heard and learned while living here.

Aside from general hostility toward the Uchiha because of suspicions about their involvement with the Kyuubi Attack, there shouldn't be anything going on, right? What else is there?

—missing children?

—happening for years now—

Oh!

"Because of the missing children?" I blurt out.

"What?" Naruto asks, his expression furrowing in confusion.

I glance at him from the corner of my eyes, frowning. "Remember, yesterday? Some of the policemen at the station mentioned it."

Naruto just looks even more confused. He glances from me to Raidou. "Did they?"

Wasn't he paying attention? Well, I guess I can't blame him. He was probably too worn out to pay attention to anything that didn't have anything to do with him.

Ignoring Naruto, I turn toward Raidou for confirmation. "So? Am I right?"

Sighing, Raidou rubs the back of his neck and looks up at the ceiling. He mumbles something I can't hear, though Naruto might have caught some of it, judging by the way his eyebrows slant down. Eventually, Raidou looks back at me. He gives a curt nod.

"You're right," he says, and for a moment I feel elated for getting it right. But that quickly turns to confusion, because I shouldn't be right.

I mean, even with Danzou snatching up children, there shouldn't be so many missing to the point of people noticing. He's been doing it for years—and that's a scary thought, because there's the possibility it could have happened to me or Naruto, since we're the children of a jinchuuriki and Naruto's the current jinchuuriki. Possibly, Danzou could have convinced the Council that it would be a good idea for one or both of us to "apprentice" under him, like he has with so many clan children. I'm pretty sure people volunteer they're children to him because it's such an honor to be taught by the Great Danzou-sama, Councilman, War Hawk, criminal mastermind. Because what he does? It's criminal. Brainwashing all those children, making them his tools of war... It's sickening.

As much as the Elemental Nations disgust me for condoning children soldiers (and isn't it sad that most people don't see what's wrong with that), Danzou is ten times worse.

But then, if it isn't Danzou, who else could it be?

Heedless of my thoughts, Raidou continues talking. He stares down at the table, a look of consternation flashing across his face. "Since a few years ago, a large amount of children have gone missing. Some of them have families, but most of them are orphans. Unfortunately, we have no clues as to why the children are disappearing or who may be taking them. So you two must be extra careful."

When he finishes, he brings his head back up, his expression heavy. He takes a moment to stare into Naruto's eyes, then mine. As soon as my eyes meet his, I want to look away. I can't stand the pressure, the firmness, behind his eyes. He wants to convey his sincerity, the importance of us listening to his warning.

He's worried about us—genuinely worried—and wants us to be careful.

But I don't know if I can listen to him.

Part of me balks at it, slightly offended. As if I wasn't going to be careful if he didn't tell me to. Another part wants to shy away because I'm not going to be careful, because being careful will only get me so far in this dangerous world (because half of those missing children are probably dead, and I don't know how I feel about that—about the fact that I'm not one of them, that I avoided that fate, that Naruto avoided that fate). Because I can't hold back, because a part of myself is already holding me back.

Because... Because I'm a coward.

And like a coward, I avert my eyes. I can peripherally see Naruto's eyebrows furrow as he squints his eyes in thought. The silence turns awkward, for me, as I stare at the corner of the table. I don't know what to do, what to say. Is Raidou even waiting for me to say something? For Naruto to?

A thought pops up, and I voice it to escape the awkwardness. "But if it's so dangerous, why aren't we being guarded?"

I flick my eyes back up to Raidou. He's sitting with his hands folded on top of the table, staring down at them. When I ask my question, his eyes rise up to meet mine. I resist the urge to look away, silently challenging him. It's a question that's been bugging me since yesterday. Without meaning to, I'd let my guard down because I thought we were being guarded. I thought Raidou or someone else was guarding us. But they weren't. They aren't. Raidou had confirmed this when he agreed to teach us.

And I don't get why. Don't they want to protect their precious jinchuuriki? Or, since apparently we're "monsters" (and why am I included in that, anyway), protect the civilians from us.

"And why do you think you would be guarded?" Raidou's answer throws me off guard.

Crap.

That's right. There's no reason for me to think we'd be guarded. I shouldn't know that Naruto's the jinchuuriki or that we're the previous Hokage's children. I should view us as two ordinary orphans.

Except that's not right.

Not with the way people treat us, not with how the Hokage's interested in us. Or how Raidou's been assigned to us. None of that would make sense for two "ordinary" orphans. (And what, exactly, does Naruto think of all this, anyway? Shouldn't he be the most suspicious of our circumstances?)

Naruto answers for me. "There's that lady from that one night! She was dressed like you used to, as Yamori. And you used to guard us, right?"

That's right. There's that Anbu chick. Except, if no one's guarding us, what was she doing? She shouldn't have been there. Or maybe someone else assigned her to us, like Danzou.

...Aaaand that's a creepy thought. Way to give myself the chills. I quickly shake the thought off, telling myself not to jump to conclusions.

"And the Hokage's interested in us," I chime in, because yeah, that detail's hella suspicious. The Hokage isn't interested in all children, not like he is with us. (And wow does that sound really creepy, too.) "Plus, there's you."

I jab a finger at him, leaning forward slightly without really meaning to. Across from me, Naruto nods enthusiastically. Raidou shakes his head, frowning at us. He has to crane his head a bit to look at Naruto, but it doesn't lessen the effect. Neither of us back down, though.

Eventually Raidou slumps a bit and gives out an almost imperceptible sigh. "As you two are now Academy students, the Council has deemed you capable of protecting yourselves."

The Council? Not the Hokage? And why does the Council have a say in that? No. Wait. I guess that makes sense. They probably think it's a waste of resources to have people guarding us 24/7 now that we're "capable" of protecting ourselves—which also means that we were being guarded. Especially since they have more important things to focus on, like the missing children.

(Though, that still leaves the question of what that Anbu chick was doing that night.)

What a load of crock.

I bet this is Danzou's convoluted way of testing to see if we're interesting enough for him to keep an eye on us, or something. A test to see if we can protect ourselves from civilians, since he's only interested in the strong. And useful.

Of course, this is all assuming he's actually interested in us.

...Ha.

Like he isn't. Our pedigree alone assures his interest. Last of the Uzumaki, scion of the previous, much vaunted genius Hokage and his wife the jinchuuriki. And—damn it why didn't I realize this sooner, because the way I've been going? Not very subtle. I mean, I haven't been going around all, "hey guys, I ain't actually a kid. This is my second life! Isn't that cool" or anything. But I haven't been hiding the fact that I'm smarter than the average kid. And I don't much act like a kid, most of the time.

...I probably resemble some of the prodigies of this world. Smart, messed up, and disdainful. Yeah, I bet I fit right in.

Except I'm not really a genius. Just, not a kid. I have the capacity to understand the severity of certain situations, to understand or deduce the meaning behind things that children might not even think to question.

Which is why I try so hard to be cheerful for Naruto, to cheer him up when he's down, because I can't brush things off like he can. Can't bounce back like he does. And I need him to be cheerful, need him to be happy, because one of us has to be.

A child's world is small. It tends to include their family, their friends, and their school, but only peripherally. A child's world ultimately revolves around themselves. An adult realizes that there's more to the world, that they're insignificant. That they're a small ant trooping on.

I know this—I knew this. It's why I tried to hide from the world. Tried to bury my head under the sand and ignore everything else. And now I'm here, an adult in a child's body. An adult, who still sometimes thinks of herself as a teenager, who never quite matured to match her physical age (though I never looked my physical age, either). Must be genetic.

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By the time I come out of my thoughts, Raidou and Naruto have cleared the table and are in the middle of talking about something over a game of War. They've switched seats, having settled onto the floor in front of the couch.

...I'm disconcerted by my propensity to zone out. Guess bad habits really do die hard.

"Who's winning?" I ask, only half curious, as I make my way over to them. I slump into the seat closest to Naruto, nudging him over a bit with my foot, making him grump at me.

"I am!" Naruto answers enthusiastically. I'm not surprised. He has oddly good luck when it comes to card games.

I send Raidou a smirk as he glowers down at his cards. "It can't be helped," he mumbles. "I've never played this game before. Where'd you learn this?"

"You're just a sore loser," Naruto sticks his tongue out as he grins smugly. "Nee-san taught me."

"Oh?" Raidou raises an eyebrow as he glances at me.

I roll my eyes. "I only know, like, three card games." Which isn't necessarily true, but I can't remember most of the rules of the other card games, so I don't count them. I know War, Blackjack, and Egyptian Ratscrew. Then there's Spit and Speed, but I get the rules for the two mixed up too often. But that's not important. "So, when are you going to train us?"

Naruto none-too-gently puts his cards down, earning a glare from me, and leans forward enthusiastically. "We should start now!"

Raidou's lips twitch upward infinitesimally as he sets aside his own cards.

"I need to think up a schedule, first," he says. Naruto's face scrunches up as he gears up to say something, but Raidou raises a hand, cutting him off before he can start. "Since you two are aiming to become shinobi, I will give you the courtesy of giving you proper training. However, we won't be able to meet up more than twice a week, so much of your training will have to be done on your own. Thus, the schedule. Understood?"

Naruto nods eagerly. I mumble a "yes, sir." A second passes before Naruto starts to whine.

"But why can't you teach us now? Like some more about chakra!" he begs as he bodily throws himself to latch onto Raidou's arm. I commend Raidou for not simply moving away at the same time I berate myself for using "like" often enough that Naruto's using it, too.

And I agree with Naruto, too. Because I'm kinda impatient to learn more about ninja magic. I mean, chakra. I may not be a genius like Kakashi or Itachi, but I'm not a four year old, either. I can handle more. Maybe.

But Raidou just frowns at Naruto. His eyes flick downward and then back up so fast I almost miss it.

I don't get why he's so hesitant. It shouldn't be too dangerous with him supervising. Definitely better than if we tried on our own. I can attest to that. With him here, even if something goes wrong, he can get us proper medical attention. So why—oh. Right. Kurama.

I bite my lip, unsure. But what the hell, I'll do it.

"If it's about last time," I start, making sure to catch Raidou's eyes. Naruto tilts his head back to look at me upside down. "Well, Naruto used the warm thing in his stomach instead of his own chakra, right? That's why things were... weird."

"What?" Naruto rears back, letting go of Raidou's arm to face me. "What do you mean, weird? And what warm thing in my stomach?" His hands hover over his stomach unsurely as he tentatively pokes at it.

Raidou reaches down to stop him, making Naruto glare at him, except Raidou isn't looking at Naruto. He's looking at me. For a moment, we sit there. Me looking at Naruto looking at Raidou looking at me.

I pretend to blithely ignore the tension. "Can't you feel it?" I ask Naruto instead. He turns toward me, his face scrunched up in confusion. I point toward his stomach, begging my hand to stay steady. "In there. Ever since I can remember, you've had something big and warm." Without consciously realizing, I close my eyes as I feel for it. The familiar feel of it relaxes me. Makes me sway. My hand, limp, falls down to my side. "Comforting." I blink my eyes open to catch Naruto's eyes. "It helps me find you."

Naruto looks down at his stomach, unsure. He decides against poking his stomach again like I'm sure he wants to, probably because Raidou's still gripping one of his hands. I resist the urge to check the older man's reaction, instead keeping my focus on Naruto.

He looks up at me with wide eyes. "How? Where?"

"Um," I tilt my head in thought. That's a hard question to answer without giving everything away. Plus, it's better if I can't explain it. So I shake my head. "I don't know. I guess it's like your chakra, maybe? Because usually it's just in your stomach, but that one time you tried to use your chakra, you used it instead, remember?"

"Not really?" Naruto tilts his head, too. He crosses his arms and leans back in thought. It takes a moment, but he eventually straightens as realization flashes across his face. "Oh! I remember! It was really warm, too!"

And then he closes his eyes and scrunches his face up.

Uh.

What...? Oh, shit. Is he trying to use it!? Alarmed, I jerk forward to stop him. But Raidou's ahead of me. He pulls on the hand he's still holding, tugging Naruto sideways into him. Naruto gives a startled yelp, his eyes flying open in shock.

He stares up at Raidou accusingly as he rights himself. "Raidou-nii!" But he falters at the expression on Raidou's face.

"You can't use it, Naruto," he says. His voice is hard, firmer than it's ever been. It's—it freezes me, stops me from moving to get Naruto away from him. "Do you understand?"

"But—"

"Do you?" Raidou cuts him off. I bite my tongue, tense, unable to do anything, say anything.

Naruto nods quickly. "Yes!" But as Raidou lets go of Naruto's hand and starts to look away, Naruto speaks up again. "But why not?"

Raidou sighs, running a hand down his face. He suddenly looks so tired, so stressed. The scarred skin on his face puckers as he frowns down at the floor. He flicks a glance up at me, startling me, before returning his attention to Naruto.

"It's dangerous," he says. "Bad things will happen."

Naruto's face scrunches up in confusion. "Like what?"

Raidou's eyes flick over toward me again, deliberately bringing Naruto's attention to me. I frown at him, confused. He brings his hand toward me slowly, making me tense. I watch warily as his hand draws nearer and nearer until his pointer finger brushes the bandage over my right cheek.

Oh.

Leaning away from his touch, I swallow uneasily. Right. I got so caught up in finally getting some answers, in actually being able to learn something useful, that I forgot. Forgot that no matter how useful Kurama may be, how much I rely on his warmth and presence to comfort me (and it's still a funny thought, that), that most people despises him. Despises us because of him.

Stupid.

Stupid stupid stupid.

How could I forget? How could I, for even one moment, forget everything that's happened to us so far because of Kurama? No, because of stupid people. Because it isn't Kurama's fault. He was used. And yeah, he's probably not broken up about killing all those people, but he's...he's...

Damn it, he's Comfort. And that's all I can think of him as, despite everything.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I fold in on myself, allowing myself one moment of weakness. I count to ten before straightening, steeling myself. Naruto looks half ready to climb onto the couch to comfort me. Raidou looks hesitant, his hand curled up against his chest.

"Why, though?" I ask, because it's a question that needs asking. I know the answer. I know it all too well. But Naruto doesn't. And I shouldn't. "What's so different about it?"

So what will Raidou's response be?

Raidou's hand drops back into his lap while his other hand reaches up to rub at the back of his neck. He's hesitant. He doesn't want to answer, or doesn't know how to. Not without breaking the taboo. His gaze lingers on Naruto who is obviously curious despite being upset. Raidou's eyes close for a moment as he takes a deep breath.

When he opens his eyes, he stares straight at Naruto. "You have two types of chakra: your normal one and a special type. But the special type is dangerous and hard to control. Before you were born, a lot of people were harmed by someone else with the same type of chakra. It's... why some people don't like you."

Really?

That's what he's going with?

Well, I guess he's not entirely lying. Except he totally is. But he's... spinning the truth? Twisting it to make it more palatable without blatantly breaking the taboo? I wonder if this is an excuse the Hokage thought up, or something Raidou had to think up just now because the Hokage didn't even bother thinking up one. Because children totally aren't curious. At all. Riiiiight.

And it... it kinda makes sense? I mean, technically Kurama is a chakra construct, right? A "special" type of chakra, indeed. (And oh man, why does my brain have to conjure an image of him talking like... like an okama, of all things!?) (2) Kurama is dangerous and his chakra is hard to control, if what I remember from Before is to be believed.

But god. I wish—I wish he would just tell us the truth. Even though I know he can't. Even though I know it probably isn't the best idea to tell a little kid that he's got a "monster" sealed in his stomach. Even though Naruto has a right to know, that we both have a right to know. Since we're so effected by it.

But.

But at least he's given us an explanation. Even if it isn't the truth. It's better than not telling us anything. It's better than letting Naruto continue to live thinking that people hate us—hate him—for no apparent reason.

Yet.

How much will it hurt Naruto... when he learns the truth? When he learns that Raidou lied. That Raidou lied because the Hokage forbade anyone from talking about it. That the Hokage chose to keep us in the dark. Will Naruto understand why? Will he realize the Hokage, however misguided, was just trying to protect us? (Ineffective, protects the village but not us. We suffer because the village suffered, Naruto suffers without knowing why. All to protect the village.)

But is he really trying to protect us?

Doesn't the village come first, for him? It did for Minato.

Raidou's voice breaks me from my thoughts. "Renge, when did you learn sensing?"

"What?" I look up at him, my eyebrows furrowing. At first, I don't know what he's talking about. But as Naruto leans into my space to peer at me curiously, I realize what he means. "Oh! You mean like how I can sense Naruto? That kind of sensing?" I pause to give Raidou a faux confused glance. He nods. "Um... when you first taught us how to feel our chakra, I think. Right?" I ask Naruto.

He leans away and scrunches his face up. "How would I know? I didn't know you could 'feel' me!"

No.

That's... that's just wrong.

"Sense, Naruto. I sense you." I correct him with a grimace. When Raidou starts to say something, I quickly amend my statement. "But I don't know how to sense anyone else. Only Naruto's 'special' chakra." Raidou closes his mouth, letting out a thoughtful hum. I peer at him curiously. "Can't you? Sense it, I mean."

"Oooh, can you?" Naruto leans forward enthusiastically.

Raidou leans away, putting out a hand to gently push away Naruto's face, smooshing it. His hand covers most of Naruto's face. Naruto mumbles something, but it's indecipherable. I wait for him to move back, but he keeps leaning forward, so I reach over, snag the back of his shirt, and pull him backward. He leans his head back, gasping.

"Idiot." I roll my eyes.

Naruto sticks his tongue out in response.

Raidou waits until Naruto settles back down before he starts talking again. He immediately launches into a completely unexpected lecture.

"There are 361 tenketsu points in the body. Tenketsu points are where chakra is released. They're located all over your body, including your forehead—" He picks up one of the cards from the deck and sticks it to his forehead, then moves his hands away. Naruto starts clapping in appreciation, prompting me to follow. It's actually a bit impressive to see it in person versus on page. "—your hands—" He places each palm, one at a time, on the deck, and brings his hands up, fingers splayed, to show a card stuck to each hand. "—and even your feet."

He stands up and walks over to the nearest wall.

Oh my god. Is he—?

Raidou places on foot on the wall, and then the other, and starts to walk up it. And up and up, until he's reached the ceiling. I can't help but gape up at him. He looks down at us, and smirks. Then he suddenly drops. I let out a high-pitched shriek as he falls, quickly backing away. I bump into Naruto, making us stumble. But instead of falling flat on his face, Raidou flips right-side up and lands on his feet without a sound.

I stare at him, slack-jawed, unable to speak. That... that fucking ninja! Scaring the crap out of me! What the fuck, man! No cool!

Emitting a high-pitched noise of frustration, I stomp over and slam my fists into his side. He lets out a startled grunt.

"Never! Do! That! Again!" I wail. "Stupid, stupid ninja!"

Jesus fucking Christ! I almost had a heart attack! I mean, seriously! It's one thing to know he's a gravity-defying ninja, but it's another thing entirely to see it. I—I just—maybe I'm not cut out for this shinobi stuff.

Above me, Raidou sends a helpless look toward Naruto. Except Naruto, eyes sparkling, is no help to him.

"Sooo cool!" Naruto rushes over to latch onto Raidou's leg. "Ne, ne! Teach me how to do that!"

He takes a moment to push us away before responding. "It will take years of practice before you can do something like that."

"But—"

"Years, Naruto," Raidou insists, giving my brother a gimlet-eyed stare.

The blonde slumps over in disappointment. "Fine," he grumps. Then he turns to give me a not-so-discreet conspiratorial look. I share an unimpressed glance with Raidou.

But I can't help but wonder if it really does take years of practice. I mean, I know that in the manga, Team Seven didn't start learning tree walking until they were in Wave, but then like I said, that was in the manga. Also, their teacher was Kakashi, who is like... the shittiest teacher ever. Okay, maybe not the shittiest, but pretty high up there on the incompetent teacher list.

I mean, did he actually teach them anything aside from tree walking? If he did, they certainly never showed it in the manga.

Disregarding Team Seven, I have no clue how long it took anyone else to get to the point where they can attempt tree walking. I wonder if it's a matter of amount of chakra or chakra control that takes years before you're able to do it. Probably chakra control.

So it's probably a matter of children usually not being mature enough or disciplined enough to gain the necessary chakra control. Which means it might not take me the years it would normally take someone. Granted, I am getting a head start. Though the clan children might have actually already started by my physical age.

"I should talk to the Hokage about allowing someone to examine your chakra before you try to use it." Raidou's comment to Naruto makes panic surge through me.

No!

"But why?" Naruto whines.

I try to act calm, bringing my hands forward to clasp them together to try to hide their shaking, and plead. "Please. It'll be fine! Naruto's smarter than he looks."

"Hey!"

Ignoring Naruto's shout, I continue.

"And he's practiced feeling his chakra without the same thing happening as that time! Right?" I turn to Naruto, urging him to agree.

Naruto pouts at me, but nods. "Yeah!"

Raidou startles at the information, staring at us incredulously. But his expression slowly turns thoughtful, his eyebrows once again furrowing. I elbow Naruto without looking away from the man. Naruto lets out a whine, rubbing at his side, but also turns pleading eyes onto Raidou.

"…Fine." Raidou caves. "If Naruto can access his chakra instead of the... 'special' one—" Here, his expression turns wry. "—then I won't bring in a specialist."

I turn to Naruto, smiling widely in relief, and raise my hand. Naruto slaps it enthusiastically, practically vibrating in excitement.

"Yes!" He cheers with his arms raised.

"Less paperwork for me," Raidou mumbles sotto voce.

But I'm too relieved to comment.

Then, I'm confused. Why was I so panicked? Why didn't I want anyone to examine Naruto's chakra? I... I don't know. Does it really matter if someone does? Sure, it would take longer for us to actually start learning chakra control if we had to wait for a specialist, but how much longer would it take? Certainly not long enough to panic over. So why...?

What was I afraid of?

Still lost in thought, I'm barely aware of Raidou nudging me aside. He places himself between me and Naruto as Naruto closes his eyes in concentration. I close my eyes, too.

Immediately, I can feel Kurama's chakra where Naruto is standing. It blazes brightly; a comforting warmth. While it's important that Kurama's chakra stays in one place, it isn't what I want to focus on. But it's a starting point.

I've never been able to sense anything aside from Kurama's chakra. Even Raidou, who is standing right next to me, doesn't ping on my radar. I can't feel his chakra at all. Then again, I'm not exactly focusing on it.

Using Kurama as a point of reference, I try to sense Naruto's chakra. It shouldn't be that hard. It's right there, literally surrounding Kurama's. And yet.

I can't feel it.

I can't feel anything except god damned Kurama.

Frustrated, I blink my eyes open. Naruto's grinning mug fills my vision.

"—an do it!" he crows.

"I can see that." Raidou pats Naruto's head, one corner of his lips twitching upward. He glances up, making eye contact with me, and motions me forward.

I walk up to Naruto and nudge him with my shoulder. "Aren't you happy you listened to me?"

Naruto jerks away, affronted. "I would have practiced even if you didn't tell me!" At my unimpressed look, he falters, glancing away. "Maybe. Just a little."

He sticks his tongue out at me, but quickly retracts it when I start to reach for it. Clicking my tongue in disappointment, I return my attention back toward Raidou. He is thoroughly amused by our antiques.

"All right," he brings us back to task. "The next step is try and release your chakra. If you can't... things will progress very differently." His lips curve into a sardonic smile.

Eugh.

"Very differently." Wonder what that's supposed to mean.

Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I listen carefully as Raidou runs us through the steps to try and get a sheet of paper to stick to our hands. I'm a bit confused as to why he's making us do that. Isn't it supposed to be hard? Or maybe it's hard to release chakra from everywhere else except for your hands? And that's why shinobi use hand signs?

But for some reason I want to say the forehead's the easiest place... Is that from the manga? Or fan fiction? (Man, am I really regretting reading all those fanfics. I'm having trouble separating things from the manga, fanfics, and my headcanon from reality.) Ugh, I don't know. It's so frustrating being so stupid. Not knowing things.

"Why our hands?" I can't help but ask.

Raidou hands Naruto a sheet of paper as he responds. "It's the easiest place to release chakra. Now, try to collect only a small amount of chakra. Too much can be disastrous."

I watch curiously for a moment as Naruto squints down at his hand, frowning. As I accept the piece of paper Raidou holds out for me, I wonder if I should try sensing Naruto's chakra again. See if I can sense it now that he's actively trying to use it.

Why isn't Raidou just sensing all of this, anyway?

Wait a minute... Did he ever answer my question about sensing Kurama's chakra? Did he... did he dodge the question? Son of a bitch!

Ha! He probably can't sense chakra, that's why.

Oh.

Well...

I quickly turn my attention inward to try and direct my chakra toward my hand. Carefully, I coax a little toward my palm, making sure I don't go overboard like last time. A tingling sensation follows the path of the chakra, making my skin prickle. Though there's no physical reaction, I can feel the energy pooling into my palm. I splay out my hand, upright, and gently place the sheet of paper on it.

Except the paper is slightly repulsed, hovering a fraction before falling back down, only to be pushed upward again. I can feel my eyebrows crawling up my forehead. Huh. Too much chakra? It takes a moment, but I lessen the amount of chakra and flip my hand over. Disappointingly, the sheet of paper floats down. I grab it before it can reach the floor and try again.

It takes a few tries, with me adding and subtracting chakra, until I finally get it to stick. By then I'm sweating, my teeth gritted in frustration. I experimentally wave my hand a few times and watch in fascination as the paper sticks to my hand.

That's... that's some crazy shit. I mean, I'm actually doing ninja magic! Granted, I'm only sticking a sheet of paper to my hand, but still.

I look up, grinning widely, to show Naruto my results. To gloat, really. Except Naruto's staring upward, watching as he repeatedly blasts a wrinkled sheet of paper into the air. By his feet is the torn remains of what was probably his previous few sheets of papers. I glance at Raidou, ready to roll my eyes in exasperation, but freeze. He's smiling wryly at Naruto.

"Got it!" I throw my hand forward and wave it in Naruto's face.

Naruto yelps, jumping backward. His concentration broken, the sheet of paper falls to the ground. He grumbles at me as he bends over to pick it up. But when he catches a glimpse of my hand, his expression quickly brightens.

"Whoa, how'd you do it!?" He reaches out to grab my hand, but I whip my hand away before he can, accidentally allowing the paper to fly off. I click my tongue at him in annoyance. He widens his eyes and brings his hands together, accidentally balling up the paper in his hand. "Tell me, please."

Guh.

Quickly jerking my head away, I stare up at the ceiling to avoid his gaze. God damn that kid. Why do his eyes have to be so effective! Critical fucking hit.

"You're probably using too much chakra. Try to use less. Much much less."

Naruto beams at me before returning his attention to the exercise, sheepishly straightening out the sheet of paper. This time I do roll my eyes at Raidou. His responding smile is a bit strained. My eyebrows furrow at the sight. What's wrong with him?

I pick up the sheet of paper and resolutely stick it to my hand again. Then I amble over to Raidou, flopping onto the seat next to him on the couch.

"What's wrong?" I prod at him.

Gently pushing my finger away, Raidou's eyebrows furrow. At this rate, they might become permanently furrowed. "It's nothing." He hesitates. I wait patiently for him to continue, leaning against the armrest. "I didn't think you two would get so far so quickly."

My eyebrows crease to match his expression.

Huh.

I didn't realize that was considered fast. Makes sense, though. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that I'm physically four, and that most four year olds wouldn't realize how to do something so quickly. Or already know the basic idea behind tree walking (that is, too much chakra repulses, not enough doesn't do anything, and just the right amount makes you stick—which always confuses me, because why don't more people use these facts while fighting? And does that make chakra elastic? Or sticky?) and chakra control.

I suppose it is odd. He probably only expected us to maybe repulse or shred or explode the paper or something, or maybe even get it to stick for like a fraction of a second. With that thought, I let go of my hold over the chakra in my hand and tip the paper off my hand, watching it slowly flutter down.

"Well, maybe you're just a good teacher," I say flippantly.

Raidou smiles sardonically. "Maybe."

In front of us, Naruto makes an incoherent noise of frustration.

"Deep breaths, baby bro, deep breaths." I call out faux-encouragingly.

Naruto flips me the bird without looking over, eliciting a high-pitched noise from Raidou. I crane my neck to glance at the older man, except he's buried his head in his hands, so I can't see his face. I'm distracted by Naruto making a noise of triumph.

"Ha!" He jumps up and down, waving his hand. Half the sheet of paper sticks to his hand, except as he moves, it starts to slip off. Panicking, Naruto stops moving, but his concentration is broken, and the paper slips off. "Aww."

I clap slowly. "Good job."

Naruto pouts. He stomps over to us and throws himself into the seat between me and Raidou, elbowing me in the process, the ass. It was probably on purpose. I let out a grunt of pain and retaliate by planting my elbow into his side. Before we can get into a mini-war, Raidou quickly stops us.

With his elbow on his leg, he props his head up with his hand. "I see my very mature students are ready for instructions."

Naruto and I immediately straighten, though I can see a pout on Naruto's face. I have to fight a smirk from forming.

"Yes, sir," I intone instead.

Raidou grimaces. "Before we continue, I will have to think up a schedule. Until then, do not practice unsupervised. Understood?"

"Aye, sir!" Naruto and I salute him.

Raidou grimaces again, sighing. He stands from his seat and makes his way across the room toward the door, stepping around the scattered bits of torn paper. Naruto lurches out of his seat.

"Wait! You're leaving?"

Glancing back at us over his shoulder, Raidou doesn't stop walking. "I have a meeting soon. I'll come back in a few days with a schedule."

"Bring some books on chakra!" I call after him, because if I'm going to learn from him, might as well get him to clarify a few things, too. Plus, then I won't have to go to the library myself.

"Get them yourself." He automatically shoots me down.

I click my tongue in annoyance, giving a half-hearted goodbye along with Naruto before he closes the door. I wait a beat before nudging Naruto.

"What?" he grumbles at me, making a face.

I just point at the mess on the floor. "You know you have to clean that up, right?"

"What! Why?" He stands in protest.

"Well, it's your mess." I give him an unimpressed look.

Then I leave the room before he can somehow rope me into helping him. I want to try some more chakra exercises without interruptions.

.

.

A/N:

1 Thank you for the meal

2 Japanese term for a transvestite or homosexual. Usually portrayed in manga/anime as a bit drag queen-ish.

Oh my god I am so sorry this is late! I just... I got into Yowamushi Pedal and then things got busy and then I got stuck... But it's here! Like a day/two days late (ugh, stupid time differences). Also, does anyone know a good explanation for chakra? Because I don't know if my understanding of chakra is complete or even correct and that is really going to effect this story. But, uh, if it's "wrong," this is fan fiction, so... Sorry it's a bit shorter than usual.

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