Pairing: SasuSaku

Summary: AU. Trauma and shock make her mute. And he's out to change that. But when he leaves, how much does it take for a mute to confess?

Warnings: Angst, MEGA SPOILERS for Looking for Alaska (by John Green)

A/N: I'm here with a new series! But this is purely out of boredom so, um well, you might see this a lot actually. For anyone who's never read Looking for Alaska by John Green (it's a really good book but it contains mature content, strictly for 18+ only) the labyrinth is like a maze you're stuck in. The labyrinth represents your life, the twists and turns are like the decisions you make and they can either lead to the center, the point where you have achieved your life goals, or you get nowhere. That's pretty much what you need to know

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Thoughts

"Quotes from Looking for Alaska"

Book Entries

Random Author's Notes

The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive

John Green

Sakura was utterly confused. And bored for that matter, but mainly confused. First, she had woken up to shattering glass, at least that's what she thought it was. She had made two mistakes then, the first being that she ran down the stairs into the kitchen. Her first thought was: Why is the floor glittering? Continuing, she stepped on shards of glass. Great, just great. Her second mistake being that she decided that she should pour a whole bottle of antibacterial spray on her foot, the more the better. Hmph, much use that proved to be. But she was a five year old girl, what was she supposed to do?

Next her mother had run into the house crying. Why? She did not know. She just lifted up her freakishly large forehead and asked her mother in her innocent voice. "Mama? What happened?" And of course, she gets a vague answer. "You father, that's all. He-He's sleeping," Sakura's mother turned around. "Forever…" She whispered the last part, hoping Sakura didn't hear. But Sakura did. Deciding not to question her mother further, the pinkette walked away to her room.

What finally set her off was the large room she was in with her father in a big box at the front. While some cried, others came up to her mother with a sympathetic look on their faces, saying that they were 'sorry for your loss' and 'please accept my condolences'. Then they would glance at me, a rueful smile on the face. Another thing she did not understand.

And then days later, they were putting him in a hole. Why? "He needs a safe place to rest, honey. Please—" her voice cracked "—Listen, I'll get you some ice cream, okay?" Her eyes widened, face bobbing up and down as she squealed in excitement, a squeal that some mistook for a whimper from the poor child. As soon as they were done, they'd hug her saying that they were sorry while Sakura just stayed there with a confused look.

It wasn't until three years later, when her mother was sadly looking at her, did she tell her the truth, her father had died in a car accident. The worst part was that Sakura's mother was in the same hospital that her father was in, dying from a car crash like he was in. "Funny how the universe works…" Then she had let go of her breath and silence filled the room as a loud 'beep' was heard from the heart monitor. And this time, unlike before, she cried her heart out, unable to take the sorrow of losing her mother and learning that her father had died just the same. I'll never ever get drunk. I'll never drive a car if I get drunk. I don't want another little girl to suffer because I was foolish enough to drink alcohol.

Days later, both her mother and father were '6 feet under', their tombs next to each other. Sakura was never the same.

She came into the funeral heartbroken and alone. She left the funeral heartbroken, alone, and mute.

[6 years later]

Ding. Ding. Ding.

As usual, she was in class, sitting in her seat next to the window at the back of the classroom. As usual, again, Kakashi was late. She looked at the clock wearily, counting down the minutes. Five, four, three, two, one, and…

"Morning class!"

Kakashi walked into the class late, calmly stolling as if the bell didn't ring twenty minutes ago, well nineteen to be more precise. He always came in at the last moment.

"Kakashi-sensei! One more minute and we coulda left!" Kiba yelled from his seat.

"Hm, interesting…" Kakashi was reading his book, Icha Icha Paradise.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Kiba yelled. Kakashi looked up from his book.

"Huh? Ino, did you say anything?"

"No sensei, but Kiba was yelling in the middle of class." Ino said loudly.

He looked suspiciously at Kiba.

"Mr. Inuzuka, please see me after class." Kakashi stated.

"Ino!" Kiba yelled.

Ino smirked, her smirk soon changing into a dazed smile as she saw the person behind Kakashi.

"Ino? Are you okay?" Choji asked.

"New kid… so hot… marry me!" She said dreamily.

"Well, as Ino said. There's a 'new kid'. Class welcome, er…"

"Sasuke Uchiha."

"Class, welcome Sasuke Uchiha."

Kakashi scanned the classroom.

"Mr. Uchiha, please sit next to Ms. Sakura Haruno. Sakura raise your hand."

Sakura raised her hand tentatively, quickly putting it down. She looked up, finally getting a good look at the boy. His raven hair was spikey at the back, bangs falling straight down, some hanging over his forehead. He had onyx eyes that seemed to hold a certain coldness in them. He radiated perfection.

He briskly, but gracefully, sat next to her. Kakashi had handed out a packet to be done before class end and Sakura had finished it within ten minutes. When she was getting up to give her paper to Kakashi, she was surprised to see Sasuke already in his seat, reading a book.

Sakura had taken out a small black book, clicking her silver pen. She began to write, the black ink of the gel pen tracing out her letters neatly.

She was always lonely. As someone once said 'loneliness is to express the pain of being alone but solitude was the joy of being alone'. Emotionally done, mentally drained, spiritually dead, yet she still smiles like nothing happened. She still smiles like she's okay. She's [br] ok [en].

"How are you?"

Broken, useless, alone, clueless, confused, fragile, afraid, on the verge of tears, depressed, anxious, about to break down, ready to give up, pathetic, annoying, I'm just a burden, distant, lonely, bitter, heartbroken, lonely, rejected, crushed, I feel like I'm going to fall apart at any moment, empty, defeated, never good enough

"Fine."

Just then, the bell rang, dismissing them from class. Unbeknownst to her, Sasuke was watching her write, tracing out her words, reading her sentences.

Out of pity or genuine interest she did not know. She had begun to hang out with Sasuke. He proved to be a good companion. She wasn't going to dare say Sasuke was her friend. He only asked questions that she could answer, if she couldn't answer them, he didn't ask.

Sasuke on the other hand had befriended her because she interested him. Though he never saw what she wrote, he could make out some of the words. Lonely, depressed, burden, rejected. It wasn't until sophomore year a sudden realization hit him. After months of hanging out with her and being around her, I'm in love with her.

I'm in love with Sakura Haruno.

The next month, he had asked her to be his girlfriend. She, totally surprised, had accepted, her message conveyed through her eyes. It said what he wanted to hear: Oh my gosh, Sasuke-kun! Yes, yes, of course!

For the next two years, things were perfect. They hugged, kissed, smiled, laughed (Sakura had to silently laugh while Sasuke's laugh would boom out of his mouth), and cuddled. It wasn't until the end of senior year things got complicated.

"I love you."

She was surprised when he first said it. He had hugged her tightly and buried his face into her hair and whispered it softly. So softly, that she almost missed it. So she just stood there as he looked into her face, trying to convey her message through her eyes and smiling. It was awkward to say the least.

Things became a mess for her. He continued saying it, lovingly and affectionately all the same and all she could do was smile and hope he understood.

One time though, she sensed something different. She didn't understand what it was she was sensing from Sasuke, but she knew it was a negative emotion. Though, as quickly as it came, it left, so Sakura shrugged it off. It wasn't until later Sakura realized what that was. Doubt. He had started to doubt her love for him. And from then on, every time she just smiled and nodded, she could sense the doubt increasing. Bit by bit. Of course, he tried to hide it the best he could. But the best wasn't enough. She could still tell by the distant look in his eyes.

The worst one was during the summer after high school graduation.

"I'm leaving," he said "I got a full scholarship into one of the top colleges in the country, it's in Suna."

Sakura teared up.

"I'm going to leave for," he sighed "forever. We're going to move there. "

The tears grew.

"Sakura, I—" his voice broke "Sakura, I love you. Do you love me?"

She nodded, more like shook her head vigorously.

"But, can you say it back?"

At that very moment, Sakura's heart shattered to pieces. She tried; oh she so desperately tried to convey her message to him through her eyes. So desperately.

But it didn't work.

He stopped, dropping his arms to his sides, he turned around.

He had been her first friend in years, he had understood her, he made a way for their silent communication to work, he had been there every time she cried, he was the first person she ever kissed, he had held her tightly with a smile on his face, he was the first person to say he loved her and, and, horrified, she realized

He was crying.

He silently made his way to the door, opening and closing it swiftly, but not first without saying

"Goodbye, Sakura."

It wasn't until she unconsciously touched her lips, did she realize that she was crying too.

That night, she went back to her bedroom and opened her little black book for the first time in years. Taking out the same gel pen she always wrote with, she scribbled down her feelings in the same format as she usually did it.

"What's wrong?"

I'm tired, I'm depressed, I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm suffering, I want to die, I feel empty, I need help, I'm useless, I'm invisible, I'm crushed, I'm worthless, I'm anxious, I'm pathetic, I'm broken, I'm afraid, I'm about to fall apart, I'm lonely, I'm trapped, I'm losing myself, I hate myself, I want to disappear, I need to get out of this miserable life, I'm dead inside.

"Nothing."

She took the little book and put it down on her desk and grabbed Looking for Alaska by John Green. His words always lifted up her spirits, just a little. She read her favorite quotes.

"I go to seek a Great Perhaps"

Simon Bolivar's last words: "How will I ever get out of this labyrinth?"

"Y'all smoke to enjoy it, I smoke to die."

'Straight and fast.'

"She loved mysteries so much she became one."

"What you must understand about me is that I'm a deeply unhappy person."

"If people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane."

"It always shocked me when I realized that I wasn't the only person in the world who thought and felt such strange and awful things."

(SPOILER)"You can't just make me different and then leave, because I was fine before, Alaska. I was just fine with me and last words and school friends, and you can't just make me different and then die."

"Imagining the future is kind of nostalgia. You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present."

Finally, the sleep was getting to her. She put down her book and turned off the lights, she laid down on her bed, thinking about the labyrinth.

Sasuke was at home, he was still upset. He loved Sakura with all his heart but he had started doubting their relationship. Does she even love me? Is this one-sided? Was everything we had, nothing? And grudgingly, angry at himself for he still held feelings for her, decided he would break it off before he left.

This was it, Sasuke was leaving today, whether he wanted to or not. He could have left in a month but he decided he wanted to get used to Suna before going to the University. He, as the pristine and efficient person he is, had packed his bags a week ahead of time. He was still troubled. He decided that he wouldn't hurt himself anymore. He decided he wasn't going to lose hours of his sleeping thinking if she really loved him or not, he was going to waste another minute on her, and he was going to end it with her. But then why did he have a weird feeling that that was the wrong thing to do?

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

She picked up her vibrating phone. Her eyes widened as she read the message.

Sasuke-kun 3: I'm coming over, I'll see you in 5

Hurriedly, she cleaned up the living room, kitchen, and her bedroom. She was in the midst of throwing out a piece of paper as the doorbell rang. She walked over and opened the door. Sasuke stood silently and Sakura could see the luggage in his car. She was his last stop before he left.

"I need to talk with you."

The words passed over her. Distantly, she nodded; her eyes glassy. She felt the familiar stinging in her eyes. She let him in and he walked to her bedroom, she followed. He sat down on the bed, eyes traveling over all the pictures of him and Sakura. He could feel a pain in his heart as he began to speak. Sakura sat next to him.

"Listen, you know I love you,"

Sakura cringed

"but I don't think this is going to work. I'm moving to Suna and this relationship, you and me, us, we aren't working out."

Sakura could see the tears on her face.

"The first few years were amazing, believe me, it was, but now… that feeling… to me, well it seems you really don't love me the way I love you. I think you see me as a friend, that's all. So I'm going to spare us both the heartache and just end it. Sakura, we're over. Goodbye."

He got up, making his way to the door. Sakura just sat there. Her eyes were wide and tears were rolling down her cheeks. Did he just end it? His words reverberated in her skull 'Sakura, we're over. Goodbye.' Again and again and again she heard those same words. Suddenly, something in her clicked. She grabbed his hand.

Sasuke was opening the door, he felt miserable for what he did but it was needed. Suddenly, he felt a tug on his hand.

She sat up, running over to him and hugged him from behind.

He felt arms wrap around his torso from behind, a face buried into his shoulder. He tensed.

She held him tightly.

He could hear her sobs.

"S-Sasuke-kun, please d-don't leave me, I l-love you so so much." She whispered

Sasuke let his muscles relax, a warm smile was on his face as the woman he loved just said she loved him too. In her tight grip, he managed to turn around, hugging her back and she cried into his chest as he patted her back affectionately and took in her scent.

"S-Sasuke-kun?"

"What is it?"

"Are we really over?"

He smiled.

"No, no we're not and you have the voice of an angel."

She stopped sobbing. Instead, she smiled; her eyes still bloodshot.

"I love you."

"I love you to, Sasuke-kun. I love you too."

Forgive me Sasuke-kun. I was foolish to think that you could handle the relationship alone and that emotions were good enough. Forgive me for not reaching you half way. You were there waiting for me at the halfway point, but I never reached you. So you gave up. After waiting for months, you gave up.

"The way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive."

"Before I got here, I thought for a long time that the way out of the labyrinth was to pretend that it did not exist, to build a small, self-sufficient world in a back corner of the endless maze and to pretend that I was not lost, but home. But that only led to a lonely life accompanied by only the last words of the already-dead, so I came here looking for a Great Perhaps, for real friends and a more-than-minor life. And then I screwed up and he screwed up and we screwed up and she slipped through our fingers. And there's no sugar-coating it: She deserved better friends.

When she f***ed up, all those years ago, just a little girl terrified into paralysis, she collapsed into the enigma of herself. And I could have done that, but I saw where it led for her. So I still believe in the Great Perhaps, and I can believe in it in spite of having lost her.

Because I will forget her, yes. That which came together will fall apart imperceptibly slowly, and I will forget, but she will forgive my forgetting, just as I forgive her for forgetting me and him and everyone but herself and her mom in those last moments she spent as a person. I know now that she forgives me for being dumb and scared and doing the dumb and scared thing. I know she forgives me, just as her mother forgives her. And here's how I know:

I thought at first that she was dead. Just darkness. Just a body being eaten by bugs. I thought about her a lot like that, as something's meal. What was her - green eyes, half a smirk, the soft curves of her legs - would soon be nothing, just the bones I never saw. I thought about the slow process of becoming bone and then fossil and then coal that will, in millions of years, be mined by humans of the future, and how they would heat their homes with her, and then she would be smoke blowing out of some smokestack, coating the atmosphere. I still think that, sometimes, think that maybe 'the afterlife' is just something we made up to ease the pain of loss, to make our time in the labyrinth bearable. Maybe she was just matter, and matter gets recycled.

But ultimately I do not believe that she was only matter. The rest of her must be recycled, too. I believe now that we are greater than the sum of our parts. If you take her genetic code and you add her life experiences and the relationships she had with people, and then you take the size and shape of her body, you do not get her. There is something else entirely. There is a part of her greater than the sum of her knowable parts. And that part has to go somewhere, because it cannot be destroyed.

Although no one will ever accuse me of being much of a science student, one thing I learned from science class is that energy is never created and never destroyed. And if she took her own life, that is the hope I wish I could have given her. Forgetting her mother, failing her mother and her friends and herself - those are awful things, but she did need to fold into herself and self-destruct. Those awful things are survivable, because we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. When adults say, "Teenagers think they are invincible" with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us great than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail.

So I know she forgives me, just as I forgive her. Thomas Edison's last words were: "It's very beautiful over there." I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful."