Last Christmas

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I'm just borrowing them um unless someone wants to take pity on me and give me the boys as a x-mas gift? No? *sighs* Didn't think so…

Warnings : OCC, shonen-ai, angst, christmas-stuff.

Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts.

This fic is inspired by the song Last Christmas by WHAM! and it just popped into my head while I was listening to it. So yes even if it might not look like it now this is a Christmas-fic. I um don't know if they celebrate christmas on chistmas eve or on christmas day in Japan so I went with what is right for me *nods* In Sweden we do it on dec 24, christmas eve, so that's what goes in this fic.

Now please note that the POV in the first two paragraphs might be confusing since I don't out right 'tell' you who the person is. It will however be explained later on if you aren't able to guess.

Oh and about the pairings… You'll most likely never ever see me even suggesting one of them ever again. But my muse wanted it like this and who am I to go against her now that she's finally back from her vaccation??? Sorry for my babbling now please go read.

Chapter 1. Just A Mistake

Snow. All his world was covered in a thick layer of white cold snow. His eyes roamed over it and his ears listened to the silent nothing that seemed to have conquered life. The snow hushed everything and the only thing that was added was the soft creaking caused by him shifting his weight back and forth.

He blinked away a few snowflakes that had gotten caught in his eyelashes and smiled slightly. Winter wasn't his favourite time of year but he could not deny that it was a season of utter beauty.

With a small sigh he turned around and looked towards the way that would lead him back home. Home? Yeah he thought of it as home although… it was not. That house was a lot of things to him but not really home.

"Home is where the heart is," he mumbled. If that was true than maybe, just maybe, that house and the people who shared it with him was home after all. Because his heart sure lie there. It lie in the gentle hands that held him at night, that stroke away his fears and insecurities in the darkness.

He smiled again and started walking, followed by the creaking of the snow as it yielded underneath his boot-clad feet.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Slowly he shook the snow off of his coat and entered the house. It was quiet and dark in there but he didn't mind. The others were still asleep and wouldn't get up for a few more hours. Quietly he moved upstairs and stopped in the doorway to his room.

On his bed was his friend and lover, fast asleep unaware off that he had left hours ago. He watched the beautiful creature for a moment amazed by how perfect a human being could be. His eyes saw the rising and falling of a strong chest, the movement underneath eyelids that gave away that his lover was dreaming.

He undressed and carefully slipped into the bed next to the warm body that brought him such happiness at times in his life when he thought he'd never find any. Like always his presence alerted his lover and the eyes that had been closed opened a little.

"You're cold." It was just a sleepy hushed murmur.

"I went for a walk," he explained softly and moved closer. His lover reached out to him and pulled him against his body, lending him some warmth.

"So it's snowing then." It wasn't a question, just a statement that explained why he had left. He usually went outside when it snowed to watch the white flakes fall.

"Hai." He didn't need to say anything more, his lover understood. Almost purring he cuddled up to the warmth and closed his eyes. The soft thumping of a heart in his ear and the familier smell of his lover's skin in his nose. Yes this was his home. It wasn't so much the house as the person he was resting against that made it home.

There had been a time, almost exactly a year ago, when the house had been hell to him but it had changed. His lover had changed it and he probably still didn't understand how thankful he was for it. Content he allowed sleep to claim him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The shop was crowded and he didn't like it at all. All those annoying girls that ogled them like they were animals at a Zoo. Christmas was just around the corner so the mass of female bodies were larger than usual. With a snarling grunt he finished another arrangement and put it away to move on to the next.

A hand caressed his back and he frowned deeply. It was't unusual that one or several of the girls touched them but that didn't mean he had to accept or like it. Angry he swirled around and came face to face with his lover. A smile snuck onto his lips and he recieved a tiny wink clearly telling him to hang in there. He nodded a little and turned back to the flowers.

"IF YOU'RE NOT BUYING ANYTHING GET OUT!" How he had waited to hear those blessed words! Half the crowd chose to ignore them but at least the girls lessened in numbers.

"That's not going to work for much longer," a voice said in his ear and he startled. A pair of green eyes peeked at him from behind a pair of shades.

"Perhaps not," he shrugged. It really didn't matter as long as it worked right now.

"Sooo tell me… What do you want for christmas?" The silky tone made him raise an eyebrow and tilt his head slightly.

"For christmas?" he asked slowly. The blonde nodded and picked up one of the red roses he had been working with.

"Don't you have work to do?"

"Aya please… When did you ever see me actually work in this place?" Aya scowled and shook his head.

"Then at least go somewhere else and not work instead of standing here and interrupt those of us who actually do work!" the redhead snapped and sent the playboy a frosty glare.

"You are so not any fun Fujimiya! Sometimes I wonder how you could feel…" Yoji's voice trailed off when he saw the pleading look he got from brown eyes. "Yes Sir! I'm going over there to not work." The blonde strolled to the other side of the shop instead.

"Aya."

"Hm."

"Why do you always have to… pick on him?" A thin eyebrow rose slightly.

"Pick on him?"

"It's been a year you know… Isn't it time to forgive or at least forget?" The redhead glanced over to where Yoji was. He observed the amethyst eyes and saw a flash of pain and something else in them. What that something else was he wasn't sure of though but he could have bet his life on that it was… longing? He swallowed and bit his lip.

"Ken I can't." Aya said softly and moved a little closer. A quick glance around the shop told him that they were alone, the girls had disappeared and Yoji must have left suddenly or maybe they had just been standing there longer than he thought?

"Why didn't you tell him how you felt?" The redhead stiffened at the question and the familier mask slipped back over his pale face. Ken felt his heart ache. Maybe his fears were justified? Maybe Aya still… No, he couldn't afford to think like that, not when he was so happy.

Besides, it was acient history and it had just happened once. One little 'accident' and a whole lot of heartache for a man too silent and introverted to admit how he felt inside.

"Because it wouldn't have made any diffrence." The answer came so quietly that Ken almost missed it completely. "It was a mistake that never should have happened and it wouldn't have if…"

"If he hadn't been drunk off his ass?" Ken suggested. The pain came back into Aya's eyes but he nodded. "Are you sure about that?" The redhead gave him a confused look.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Ken didn't want to say it but it had been on his mind several times.

"Maybe last christmas eve meant more to Yoji than you think," he almost whispered. Aya let out a hard chuckle and shook his head.

"I was there Ken, it meant nothing to him… I should have stopped him though, I should have…" The redhead's voice trailed off. Slowly Ken reached out for the taller man and pulled him close, an action only he could get away with. Aya allowed it to happen and leaned against the brunette's solid body.

Do you love him Aya? Ken asked in his head. Would you let him hold you like this if he tried? Those two questions often ran through his mind and they were always followed by a third one, a question he really feared the answer to. Do you love me?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ken allowed the hot water to relax him until it felt like he had no bones left in his body. But no matter how relaxed his body felt his mind was nowhere even close to it. It was filled with questions and fears about Aya, or even more so about Aya's feelings. The stoic redhead with his pale face and complicated nature.

Ken sighed deeply and turned off the water. Aya had opened up to him and he didn't doubt for a moment that the redhead had deep feelings for him but was it love? He wanted to be sure but he wasn't. Even if the redhead had said that he loved him it was just words and words could mean everything or nothing at all.

Now I'm being unfair, the brunette muttered inside. Aya had never lied to him as far as he knew and did he really have a reason to lie about that? Their relationship had started slowly and then transformed into something Ken had only dreamt about.

He had loved Aya for so long but he had never thought he would actually have a chance of ever having the redhead. Someone had once told him that if something seemed too good to be true it usually was and that bothered the brunette so much.

Oh stop it! he growled to himself and stepped out of the shower. Was it so strange that Aya had problems with being around Yoji? Was it really so strange that it still hurt the redhead? Ken knew it wasn't, he would have felt the same way.

Aya had given himself to the blonde, allowed himself to be submissive, something that didn't come easy to him, and Yoji hadn't thought twice about his actions nor about the consequences. It had been Aya's first time and it wasn't suppose to be like that, that was something Ken knew for sure.

The first time should be special, not something that you rushed into and it most certainly shouldn't be something you regretted for the rest of your life. His hadn't been like that. He had given his virginity to Aya and he would never regret that, no matter what the future might hold for their relationship. Ken sighed and left the bathroom.

To most people the callous redhead seemed strong and unfazed but he knew better. It was not a coldhearted man who clinged to him during the nights, who so lovingly touched him where no one had ever touched him before. Aya was gentle, warm and soft no matter how cold and hard he might seem at other times.

That was what he clinged to when he doubted the redhead's feelings for him. It made him feel better that he at least had been given something that no one else had ever gotten from Aya. That man had given him his soul, if not his heart, he had showed Ken the other sides of Aya, or was it perhaps that he had showed him Ran? It didn't really matter to him.

He walked into his room and smiled when he found the silent red haired assassin there. With a swift kick he closed the door behind him. Aya came up to him and wrapped his arms around the brunette's body. Ken leaned into the embraced and sighed.

His birthday was coming up along with christmas and he dreaded it. A part of him feared that it would be a re-run of last year. What if Yoji had decided that he wanted Aya after all? What if Aya had decided that he wanted Yoji instead of him?

The brunette pushed away the thoughts as soft lips claimed his. No, the redhead was his, he had to be. If Yoji wanted him than Ken would fight, damnit! He would not allow Aya to be hurt like that ever again and he most certainly wouldn't let him go easily.

"I love you," he murmured into his lover's mouth. The redhead smiled into the kiss and Ken's heart fluttered.

"Love you too koi." He really wished he could convince himself to believe those words but he couldn't. They broke apart and Ken kept his eyes away from the redhead's. Last christmas you gave Yoji your heart Aya… Did you get it back? Would you give it to him again if he asked for it?

He felt so low for doubting the redhead but he couldn't help himself. In a week christmas eve would come around again and then he'd know if Aya was his or if the man he loved still had a weakness for the confident playboy who so easily had taken and given away his heart.

~TBC~

I really tried to avoide angst but the nature of the song and the nature of me sorta made that impossible *rolls eyes*

Now most people who know me know that I really don't like Yoji/Aya but this is what my muse gave me so I have to allow it. *chuckles a little* And shame on Yoji for just taking Aya like that *mutters*

I know Aya is OOC and I really don't care this is for the greater good um okay so it's for my selfish writing-muse but hey… Besides, it got a little boring that Aya is seme all the time. Our frosty redhead won't die from being a little uke right?

Don't think there'll be too many more chapters, one or two at the most. Need to have this wrapped up before X-mas after all *G* Lemme know what you think ne… Ja/Atsureki