Darling

January 1891

It had been nearly a week now; a week that she had been feeling ill. It wasn't bad. Usually she went downstairs, but today she simply wasn't feeling up to going down. However, she knew her mother-in-law would be around to insist she come downstairs eventually.

She had felt physically ill for a while now, yes, but the doctor had been by to inform her it was nothing to worry about. She was merely expecting their first baby. Her and Robert's first baby…they were going to be parents. And that was what made her feel so sick, and not just physically. It made her heartsick as well. They were becoming parents…and her husband didn't even love her; he couldn't even find the time to come and see her unless it was for their nightly activities. He didn't love her, and they were having a baby.

Letting out a sigh, Cora lowered herself onto the window seat, her head resting against the cold windowpane as she watched the snow fall outside. Why was it always so much colder here than at home? She always felt cold…cold to the bone, even in the summer. Maybe it was because everyone was so cold to her. No one ever showed her any warmth. She was merely the American girl who had been brought in to save the estate and provide an heir to the current heir of the Earl of Grantham. Nothing else.

She took in a shaky breath and pulled her dressing gown tighter around her, her hand hesitantly finding its way to her stomach. What if she had a boy? They would have an heir, of course, but it was well known that if there was no love in an English aristocratic marriage—and the wife had already produced an heir—then both parties could pursue affairs if they so wished. Would he be done with her if she were to give him an heir right away? She really didn't want that. She loved him. It was this thought that had prevented her from telling Robert immediately about the baby.

Then again, what if she had a girl? Would he be upset? She really couldn't tell because, sadly, she didn't know her husband. Nearly one year of marriage and she didn't know her husband. Nearly one year of marriage and all she wanted was to run home to her poppa.

A small sob fell from her lips just as the door opened. At first, she didn't notice anyone enter the room, until she heard her husband's voice whisper her name. She jumped just slightly and lifted her head from the window to look at him, quickly wiping the tears that had managed to fall.

"I did knock, it's just no one…are you alright?" He asked softly. "You've been crying…"

Cora watched him for a moment, trying to blink back the tears that were still threatening to spill down her cheeks. Oh, how she loved him…she had loved him from the moment she had set eyes on him across the ballroom at the first ball she had attended at the season. But he didn't love her, so she merely whispered, "I'm fine." He didn't need to be bothered with her troubles.

She heard Robert let out a sigh as she let her head once more fall against the window, her eyes watching the large snowflakes peacefully float their way to the ground. "You know, I hate seeing you like this…so upset and defeated," he whispered, gently lifting her legs and sitting beside her on the window seat before resting her legs on top of his. "I should have been better…a better husband, better at making you feel welcome…better at standing up for you to my mother; just a better husband in general. I should have been better because I have been so blind."

Cora looked at him curiously but said nothing as he continued speaking. "I have been blind to what I have," he whispered quietly. "And I shouldn't have been because I have something most people spend their whole lives looking for."

Taking in a shaky breath, Cora closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them to look at him, a fresh layer of tears was shining in them. "What is that?" She asked almost inaudibly.

"Someone who would give me the world if I asked," Robert answered softly, gently moving a little bit closer to her. "And that terrifies me."

Cora let out a small sob at those words and looked down. At some point during his speech, Robert had taken her hand, and she squeezed his hand gently. "I've been blind because I love you, Cora," he whispered, tears now slipping from his own eyes. "I think I have this whole time, I just wasn't able to understand it until now."

Those words only made the tears start to slip from her eyes, causing Robert to give her a worried look as his own tears began to flow quicker. "I love you too, darling," she whispered, leaning close to him and holding his hands tightly as she rested her head on his shoulder.

They sat like that for a few moments, simply holding one another and crying soft tears of joy. But after a few moments, Cora lowered one of his hands to her stomach. "Soon there will be one more to love us," she whispered, looking up to him to see his reaction.

Pure awe. That was what she saw on her husband's face. Pure awe and then loving happiness. His hand caressed her flat stomach for a moment before looking up at her. "Oh, my darling love," he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.

I'm so sorry I haven't updated this or Where I Will Always Love You for a while. I am taking some spring and summer courses, so I just got busy, and we're moving me out of my dorm and into an apartment in a few weeks too. Spring semester just ended, so I'm going to have more time over the next two weeks. I hope you guys liked it!

Prompt was: "I have something most people spend their whole lives looking for." "What's that?" "Someone who would give me the world if I asked. And it terrifies me."