A/N: Hi guys. I know I've been gone for awhile now but here I am! Hopefully you'll will still be interested in continuing to read this, because I literally was just reading some of my older chapters and an idea popped into my head. So here it is, I hope you enjoy.

P.S. This chapter is going to be pretty dark in terms of suicide mentions – so here's a fair warning.
The last time I wrote this it took place when Kai cast a manipulation spell on Bonnie (so basically her feelings towards him are twisted) and then with the continuation of Kai kidnapping Bonnie. Here it goes!

"When did it start?"

Kai's deep voice filled the silent room. Before he had decided to speak up the room was utterly silent. I was lying on the already made bed with a clear mind and Kai was on the opposite side of the room sitting on an uncomfortable looking chair underneath a picture that showed different flowers. There were daisies, roses, and petunias that stood atop of the menacing man that took me against my will. But strangely I didn't care that he kidnapped me. With the manipulation spell still running through my veins I was completely content with my surroundings. I didn't question why I was in an unrecognizable room with peach walls. I also didn't question why the bed I was lying upon so uncomfortable. I didn't question why the emotions of fear, anguish, and anxiety didn't run through my body as I knew that being in close proximity to Kai was unarguably dangerous to my wellbeing. I just lied there in the same outfit that I had wore on the day that Kai threatened Damon's life; the day I tried to kill him. So as I sat upward on the unbearably lumpy mattress that I had resided in, I paused.

"When did what start?" I asked while trying to regain feeling in my rear end.

"The suicidal thoughts," Kai began as he got up from the awkward chair that he was sitting on and stood to his full height, seamlessly covering the pretty pictures of flowers that once resided over his sitting frame. "You said beforehand that you wanted to die," he swallowed. "Do you still want to?" A hint of vulnerability touched his voice as he finished his inquiry about my mental health. Kai's feet found his way to the end of the bed and lightly sat down, leaving some well needed space between us. He licked his lips and I took notice of the slight tick in his left hand that made his pointing finger move in a fashion that whispered anxiousness. As if that one finger was itching to touch something and regain a sense of calm that would relax his nerves. Instead of prolonging the deafening silence that was between us I decided to entertain the act of actually having a conversation with him.

"It was back in 1994. I wanted to kill myself – I had an urge to. But I couldn't go through with it." The memories of the lonely days and nights living in isolation reared its ugly head and I shivered. "But as of right now, I don't want to die. I'm kind of depressed though. But I don't think I want to die. I just...don't want to feel like this anymore."

"Why couldn't you go through with it? Why not just end it? Your pain? Your suffering?"

Hope is the only thing keeping me going, Damon. "Hope," I replied back simply. Kai shook his head in disbelief as he rolled his eyes and gave me a pity look. "What can I say? I'm an eternal optimist."

"That's pathetic," he scoffed.

"Call it whatever you want. The reason why I'm all screwed up is because of you."

"I mean hope – really?" Kai continued whilst ignoring my last comment. He then got more comfortable in my lumpy bed by scooting up into the middle of it and lying on his side while keeping his head propped up by interconnecting his head to his hand. He looked up to me as I frowned at him because of his annoying all of a sudden boldness and comfortability. And because of the fact that his combat boots were on the bed too. "I get the suicidal part of course because even I tried to off myself a couple times as well. I can actually list off the ways I tried to end it: pills, hanging, I even tried to set myself on fire." He laughed lightheartedly as if talking this topic of conversation was completely normal. "Oh! And let's not forget how I tried to jump off a bridge, but I still couldn't die. It was tortuous." He began to shake his head in remembrance. "But you did something even more dangerous. You hoped. Which is pretty sad seeing that your friends don't give a fuck about you. Damon maybe, but nobody else."

I flinched. I flinched so irrevocably hard that Kai took obvious notice into my discomfort and an already sinister look of understanding and disgust graced his face. Before answering, he changed his body position from his side, to his back and laid both arms underneath is head in a seemingly lounging fashion. I still sat upward and awkward and managed to turn my body to face his so he could gracefully continue to judge and degrade me.

"What is with you and Damon?" He asked more to himself than me. His face showed a look of sincere confusion. As if he couldn't wrap his finger around it. "All you guys do is fight. It hardly seems as if you remotely like each other. But still – " he said, looking me dead in the eye. "You continue to have unwavering faith in him. Why is that?"

"He's my – was my best friend," I croaked.

"Best friend?" Kai mocked. "Is that supposed to mean something?"

"Why do you even care," I asked nonchalantly. "I thought we were talking about your suicidal tendencies and how depressed I am. Not my relationship with Damon." I ended on a firm note, that Kai took notice of. He turned his head in an questionable matter seemingly letting the matter drop.

"How would you imagine ending it?" He asked.

"Are you seriously asking me how I would off myself?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes I am. I can envision you OD'ing. With the depression and all, and seeing how overdose is more of a female thing," he added calmly.

I scoffed. "That's morbid – and a bit sexist."

"If you were still in '94 right now, would you do it? Could you see yourself kicking the bucket and losing that eternal optimism that lives in you?"

Hope is the only thing keeping me going Damon. So if you're really done – if you have none, then be done. Because this isn't helping!

I curled my neck in remembrance of that day I was oh so willingly trying to pull off Damon's daylight ring so he could burst into flames and I'd finally be free of his overbearing complaints and false hope. I knew that I would never actually do it because of my small emotional attachment to Damon, but it still never failed to remind me why Damon was even remotely able to survive. It was because of me. I was his emotional support and he was mine. And when he was gone, that emotional support diminished day after day. I knew within myself that one day it would become too much. The pain and loneliness would finally suffocate him to the point of death. So could I end my life after fighting the good fight to keep on living?

I turned back to Kai who's eyes were still locked on mine awaiting my answer. I didn't even know the answer myself. "The hell if I know."

Kai sighed. "I just feel bad for them – your friends."

I squinted my eyes at him in question. "Why?"

"Because after I'm done with you...they're going to wish that you did kill yourself."