Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart to everyone that reviewed, you totally rekindled my love of my silly fic writing hobby, and I appreciate every word you wrote. Thank you for taking time of your day in order to make mine amazing!

And to everyone who favorited, followed, and read this fic - yey! thank you! This was fun for me and I hope it was for you too!

Mamoru was a light sleeper so the creak of the bedroom door opening made him sit up from the sofa where he'd been sprawled out. He squinted at Usagi in the darkness.

"Is everything okay?"

Usagi just sighed, pulled on the edge of the sweatshirt. "I can't sleep," she said, lamely. Mamoru made a move to stand but Usagi shook her head.

"I'm not brave, Mamo-chan," she said, hoarsely. "I'm always scared. And I always want to take the easy way out. I always want to run away."

He was silent, watching her closely. Usagi's lip trembled again, her throat and eyes burned. How many times could she cry tonight before her tears ran out? she wondered.

She was so, so goddamn sick of crying.

"I can't run away from you," Usagi said, finally. "I don't want to. I'm scared, I know I - or worse you - could get hurt but I can't-" her voice broke. "I can't do this anymore. I can't be apart from you. I tried, Mamo-chan, I tried so hard-"

Mamoru was suddenly shaken from his shocked reverie, standing and crossing over to her in two long strides. Suddenly his arms were around her waist and hers wrapped around his neck, and his kiss was searing, her toes almost lifted off the floor. And she stayed like that, in his arms, kissing him again and again - this time not for pretend, not in a desperate attempt to hold onto what had slipped away, but because she could. Because she wanted to, because she had to.

"Are you sure," she murmured, against his cheek, stirring the dark hair by his ear with her breath. "Are you sure? Even after everything?"

In response, he knelt to kiss her abdomen, where their child lay curled in safety. He looked up at her from beneath his dark fringe of hair, his gaze reverent and his blue eyes clear in the dim light. "After everything, after anything. I have never been more sure."

Usagi shut her eyes with something like relief and something like slipping beneath the water after falling from a very, very great height. She sank to her knees as well, and leaned her forehead against his.

For a long time they stayed like that, all shallow breaths and shaking palms. Usagi wondered if something would break this spell, or they'd be found like that, hands pressed together, unmoving in the sands of time.

But somehow, morning came, drifting into the room with dusty soft light. Usagi blinked awake, unaware of when she even fell asleep. She was back in Mamoru's bed, did he carry her there?

Feeling like she was still in a dream, she walked slowly into the living area. Mamoru was already there, reading a book and sipping coffee.

For a moment Usagi felt awkward, standing there looking at him. Maybe last night had been a figment of her over-tired, anguished mind. Or, what if what was whispered into the darkness in the wee hours of the morning vanished like smoke in the heavy light of day?

Then Mamoru looked up at her and smiled and all her fear melted away.

"Good morning," he said.

Usagi burst into tears.

And just cried. And cried. She didn't know if it was the pregnancy (not that she'd ever had that excuse before for her famous waterworks), or her sheer mental exhaustion but the tears just wouldn't stop. Mamoru's concerned questions echoed senselessly in her ears, even as he had rushed over to comfort her. Usagi just let him brush way her tears and stroke her hair until her tears finally ebbed, fading into breathy hiccups.

"Sorry," she muttered, scrubbing at her face, "I don't know why."

"Maybe you need breakfast," he said, injecting some levity into his voice. Usagi just sniffled.

Mamoru stood up and headed toward the fridge. "We have left over pancakes from last night."

In a few moments, she found herself with a warm washcloth in her hand to wipe her face, and hot pancakes on a plate in front of her.

Mamoru knelt beside her at the table, "I have to go to work in a few minutes. Do you want me to call in sick?"

At that, she couldn't help a giggle escape. "Mamoru Chiba suggesting he blow off work, I didn't think I'd see the day." Then she shook her head. "No, go. I'm fine." Mamoru ran his fingers down the side of her face, gently, and Usagi had to fight off more tears.

"I'm scared," she said, not sure what she meant. Scared of what was in front of them, childbirth, Chibi-Usa, the huge change looming over the horizon. Possibly Crystal Tokyo. Maybe forever.

Mostly Usagi was scared of the precipice they walked, that one false move could be cataclysmic, leaving her alone once again. She couldn't lose him. Not again.

Mamoru pressed his lips to her forehead. "I know," he said. They stayed like that for a few moments. Mamoru left her with a kiss goodbye, and a promise to be in touch throughout the day. When he left the apartment, Usagi wrapped her arms around herself, feeling lonely in his absence. She looked around taking in the sheet draped across the sofa, the clean dishes in the sink, the early morning light moving across the floor.

She texted Mamoru a few moments later: "Can i still move in w u?" She didn't know when he'd have a chance to check his phone, but his answer came back quickly.

"Of course."

The next few weeks were a whirlwind.

Usagi thought if she never saw another box in her life it'd be too soon - just as Mamoru suggested they being looking for a bigger place to move in a few months.

She also had another doctor's appointment and was able to gift Setsuna with a blurry jelly-bean of an ultrasound picture and she could have sworn the almighty senshi of time actually teared up a little bit.

Then there was the emotionally draining task of talking to her parents, who took the news - well, not great, but better than she expected, especially considering Mamoru stepped up right away to promise to take responsibility. Shingo, still with a giant cast on his leg, had taken it upon himself to claim blame/credit for the whole thing, which was fine by Usagi. The truth would be too unbelievable anyway. Shingo had also made a joke about hitting Mamoru in the shins with his crutches - at least, Usagi thought it was a joke.

She and Mamoru were slowly learning how to be together again. Usagi slipped into his life so easily, it was as if there had been a space for her all along. It was an emotional time for her, some more crying, lots of comforting each other, and talking for hours until their voices were raw. They had so much to figure out, and so much to regret.

For her part, she wished she'd just talked to Mamoru about the girl she saw (Mamoru had told her that, ironically, before he met Usagi he'd never been close enough to anyone to let them casually kiss his cheek or even pat his shoulder, but after so many years with her, he'd opened up to the point where he'd had more friends, and allowed more personal affection in his life. "I didn't even realize I'd crossed a line," he said, and she assured him he hadn't. "I was silly and jealous and hurting," Usagi admitted.) Still, there was only so much good to come from rehashing the past. Usagi finally had to put a ban on non-productive wallowing because that was one thing Mamoru had trouble with.

Mamoru was slightly different now, Usagi noticed. Older, of course. He was settled in well at the hospital, and diligent about his work, but he didn't carry the stress around like a tangible monster any more. She noticed him trying to be extra attentive, extra kind. He had learned not to take anything for granted. And, for her part, Usagi hoped she was more mature than she was seventeen - able to give him more space if ever needed it.

They were doing well. Happy.

But the pain of living apart from each other had burned itself into their hearts, like a tattoo. They were forever branded with the knowledge that they weren't infallible, and with the permanent conviction that, even so, even after everything, they chose each other. And would again. And again and again. At least they'd proven that, Usagi thought.

"Hey, Mamo-chan?"

"Need something?"

"Will you kiss me?" Usagi wondered if that counted as a pregnancy request or not. Although, she would hope it'd be something he wouldn't mind. Usagi wanted to confirm that the same love and passion she had always felt for him was returned. It was one thing she hadn't been sure of. Had never been sure of.

Mamoru put down the book and walked over to her, brushing some wayward hair from her face. His lips were a featherlight tease against hers.

"Again," she whispered. Again he kissed her softly, gently. "Again..." and she was finally able to deepen the kiss and sink back into the sofa with the weight of his body against hers. "Don't stop," she said, and curled her fingers through his hair.

Mamoru's hand moved to her thigh, brushing his fingers up beneath the hem of her skirt. Tingles ran through Usagi's whole body at his touch, and she rocked her hips against his hand, murmuring his name. Although she felt tired and drained, her emotional state was steading with every caress from Mamoru's warm hands, with every gasp and moan she elicited from his mouth.

He wanted her so badly, this much was so obvious.

"What changed from before...?" Usagi had to ask, her voice uneven.

"What do you mean?" he managed to say and Usagi bit back a moan because this was important she had to know.

"You never wanted this before - you always pulled away or pretended not to notice when I'd-"

"Oh I wanted this," he said in a throaty voice, his other hand moved to her breast, as she pulled on his shirt. He had to break his hold on her to pull it over his head and when she could see his face again he looked her right in the eye. "I always wanted this, Usako..."

"Then why...?" Her question was lost in a moan, and she realized this was probably a ridiculous time to have this conversation but she had to know.

And it was a while before either of them spoke with any semblance of sense, tangled together in the cool fall sunlight filtering through the window shades. Usagi repeated her question and Mamoru took a while to answer.

"Well, first it was because we were so young," he said, Usagi noticed and appreciated he said 'we' and not 'you'. "And I knew we weren't ready for that step yet. And after a while, it got to be so built up," Mamoru rolled his eyes at himself, "I kept thinking, it had to be perfect, it had to live up to four years of fantasizing ... and every time you'd come in and flirt, or say something that turned me on, I'd step back because I'd think: 'it's not the right time'."

Despite the seriousness on Mamoru's face, Usagi couldn't help smiling. "So, wait, you mean I turned you on, even back then?"

He gave her a incredulous look. "All the time, Usako," he said. "It was ridiculous," he muttered. "You'd come in here to 'study' in micro mini skirts, you'd stretch your legs over mine, you'd make up some excuse to brush your hair... " Mamoru looked at her and shook his head, "I was never sure if you knew what you were doing or not."

Usagi hid a wicked grin behind a completely innocent look. "Did it work?"

Mamoru just sighed, put his hand on his head. "God, yes. I thought I'd have to commit myself or something, you were driving me so crazy."

Oh, 17 year old her would've loved to know she was driving her boyfriend to distraction even as he pretended he was too interested in his book to notice. Usagi sent a small fist bump to her younger self in her mind.

"But I had all those stupid hang ups," Mamoru continued, "so I just had to deal with it myself."

"Must've been hard," she said, cheekily. She was rewarded with the most withering look she'd ever seen and it was utterly delightful.

"You could've just talked to me about it, you know," Usagi pointed out. She couldn't keep the sadness out of her voice when she added, "I thought my own boyfriend didn't even find me sexy."

Mamoru sighed again. "We screwed up in such a fucking myriad of ways, didn't we?"

Usagi wormed her way under his arm and squirmed up next to him. "Hey," she said, "no more of that. More of this." She kissed him, deeply, soundly. There wasn't any more talk of regrets for the rest of the day.

"So, Usagi I have a question," Rei said, helping herself to Usagi's fries, which sat abandoned in front of her since as soon as they came Usagi decided she didn't want them. In fact, Usagi never wanted to see a fry again. Fries were horrible terrible things that she could never hope to eat without vomiting all over Mako-chan's adorable dress. Usagi told the waitress she wanted a milkshake instead.

"Yeah?" Usagi said absentmindedly. Where was the waitress with her milkshake?

"Why don't you stop being stupid and just marry Mamoru already, jeeze."

"Wait, what?" Usagi looked startled. "Get married?"

"Well, sure," Makoto said, "I mean, besides the fact that you are pregnant with his child, living with him-"

"Not to mention all that ~true love~ stuff," Minako said flippantly, also taking some of Usagi's fries.

"Don't you think you ought to marry him before you show anymore?" Minako continued, poking on Usagi's growing baby bump. "Not to be old fashioned but maternity wedding dresses aren't as cute."

"You two are obviously really happy together," Makoto put in, as she grabbed a fry, too.

"And so far the whole living situation is working out great," Rei added.

"It just seems the prudent next step," Ami agreed. "But the important thing is, do you want to marry him?"

Usagi flushed. Of course she did, she always had, since she was fourteen. And her friends knew it.

"You guys," she said "we aren't even sure Mamo-chan even wants to marry me, okay?"

"So ask him," Ami said, wisely. "It's modern times, women can propose to men."

Usagi pouted a little, "I know," she muttered. "But I want a proposal."

"Anyway," she continued, "I can't just, like, communicate telepathically that I want him to buy me a ring."

"Why not?" Minako asked, while munching a fry and looking at Usagi curiously.

"Because... that's not something I can do?"

"I thought you two could do that."

"No," Usagi looked her very strangely.

"Huh. Learn something new everyday!" Minako cheerfully swiped another fry.

"You could attempt another way to communicate to your co-habitant that you wish to make your causal union more official."

"Oh yeah! Like, drop all these hints, make him watch jewelry store commercials..."

"Or, just use your words like a grown up."

"That too..."

"OKAY GUYS ENOUGH!" Usagi raised her hands in an I-surrender motion. "Enough. Can we focus on the really important matters here? Like where the heck is my milkshake?!"

Suddenly her face fell and she pressed her hands to her stomach. "Never mind. I don't want a milkshake anymore. Hey, where did all my fries go?!"

Usagi entered the apartment and paused in the doorway, tilted her head to the side curiously.

"Is that.. are you actually listening to the new Seiya Kou song?"

Minako's album was doing well, but Seiya's newest single had rocked the charts. The critics and public alike seemed enamored by the edgy new ballot's 'raw, honest lyrics that reflect on heartbreak and unrequited love' as one music critic put it.

Mamoru gave a half-smile and shrug, "It's a half-way decent song, actually."

Usagi shook her head and smiled. "Okay."

"I can imagine how he feels," Mamoru said, thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?"

He looked at her for a long moment, as if trying to see if she was serious. Then he smiled. "Nothing at all. So, how was lunch with the girls?"

"They apparently think it's okay to literally steal sustenance from a pregnant woman but otherwise... it was great!" She smiled and sat down next to him on the sofa. He reached over and turned off the radio and closed his book.

"So..."

Usagi took a deep breath. "I have a request. But it's not one you have to do. Only if you want to. Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

"You could..." she bit her lip and looked out the window nervously. "Ask me... to marry you. I mean only if you- Hey!" She said as Mamoru stood up and abruptly left the sofa, disappearing into the bedroom. "Look I said you don't have to-" She walked over the bedroom only to almost smack into him as he walked back out.

Wordlessly, he handed her her jacket from where it was hanging by the door, and took her hand.

"Mamo-chan what-"

She followed him out onto the balcony and pulled her jacket around her tighter. It was definitely starting to get colder.

Mamoru stood and faced her, holding her hands. "Okay, ready?"

"For-"

Then he got down on one knee. Usagi started to laugh nervously, putting her hands in front of her mouth. "Like right now?"

Mamoru smiled, "Since you asked," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, black box.

"You had a ring?!" Usagi said, still shocked.

"Usako, are you doing to let me do this right, or not?" Mamoru asked and Usagi nodded and shut her mouth, trying to keep from smiling in the bitter cold.

"Usagi Tsukino, will y-"

"Yes!" she said, jumping up and down and pulling him up by his arm, "Yes yes yes!" She managed to hold still enough to allow him to put the ring on her finger and kiss her.

"How long have you had a ring?" Usagi asked, still looking at it in wonder. It was pink, heart-shaped, and absolutely perfect.

"Years," Mamoru answered, honestly. Usagi looked up at him in surprise, her eyebrows raising in a sad expression before he stopped her with a smile. "Presumptuous, I know," he said.

Usagi looked down at her finger and smiled. She may have been imagining it, but she could have sworn she felt a fluttering in her abdomen, a reminder from Chibi-Usa - her daughter - the newest, brightest star - that all may be right in the universe after all.

"Let's just call it optimistic," she said.

and it's done OMG. I had a lot of fun with this fic and even though it's been 'written' for a while I was tweaking it until the very tippy end. I wanted to give them a happy ending but I wanted to drag them through some serious mud first - so hopefully it was half as fun to read as it was to write. Please let me know what you thought!