It was Tuesday.

Tuesdays were the best because it usually meant a day full of game hopping and playing with just about everyone. Delirious had been playing maps on Far Cry with Nogla for the last few hours and he was about to go play more Battle Block with Luke but a text interrupted everything.

It was Evan.

"I won't be playing today. I have some things I have to do."

Delirious nodded to himself. "It's cool, man."

And that was that. They all had those days where real life was more important than getting together and playing. Everyone understood that, but when Evan finally got back on two days later, he was different. He was quiet, he didn't laugh, and Delirious could always make him laugh. But it was just the two of them playing and he could feel the heavy air hanging thick like smoke between them as they played on in near stopped his character and Evan did too, looking at him through a virtual body and he could tell. Something was not right.

"Evan."

"Yeah?"

"You don't have to play if you don't want to."

"I do."

Delirious was silent for a moment. "No you don't. I know when you don't."

Evan sighed, "I'm sorry, man. I just have a lot on my mind and I want to play, I really do. But I can't stop thinking."

He asked cautiously, "You wanna talk about it?"

"Honestly? No, I don't." Evan rubbed his eyes and he could feel his throat closing up, "Make me laugh. Please?"

It took Delirious by surprise. Evan never sounded upset. It was subtle but he heard the plea in his voice. The plea to take his mind off of whatever was eating at him.

"Okay." He said quietly and swallowed, leading their characters down a hill, past a few zombies that weren't trying very hard to eat them, and into an open field. "Alright, Evan. Go stand by the tree line and watch me."

Evan did as instructed and waited as he watched Delirious' character walk out into the open and place something on the ground which he proceeded to shoot. The mine he had dropped exploded and sent his body flying so high Evan couldn't even see it anymore. Delirious burst into a fit of laughter which never failed to drag Evan down with it.

"That was literally the best corpse launch I've ever seen!" Evan said in between breaths as he wiped at his eyes. It felt like a small weight was lifted the longer he laughed.

"I respawed, I'm at the hideout." Delirious chuckled. "You wanna do it again?"

Evan smiled, "Hell yeah, let's make a montage."

Delirious grinned as he headed towards Evan's character and they continued to play H1Z1 until he was sure Evan wasn't upset anymore, corpse launching the night away.

It was Tuesday again and Delirious wasn't thinking about it anymore until Evan joined him and he didn't say a word.

Just, "Hey."

Delirious didn't even bother starting the game, he just sat there for a moment and looked at him over Skype. Evan usually didn't use his camera when it was just the two of them because he knew Delirious would never use his. But it was on tonight and Evan looked sick.

Delirious took a breath and let his nerves calm down before he asked the same question he had a week ago. "You wanna talk about it?"

Evan's eyes met the camera and he nodded. "Yeah."

"Just, whenever you're ready, man. I'm listening, alright?"Evan gave him another nod and rubbed his face and sat there for a minute before he took a breath and sat up straighter.

"It's my brother … he -" Evan stopped and swallowed past the lump in his throat. "He's in the hospital. He got beat up really bad by a group of guys because he was defending his friend. They were beating his friend because he's gay and then they beat him for trying to stop them." Evan was trying his hardest not to let his voice shake.

"Jesus … is he okay?"

Evan shook his head, "I don't know, I went down there and they have him in an induced coma so his body can heal. But once he comes out of it I don't know if he'll be okay. They almost killed him. I didn't even recognize his face, Delirious. How do you come out of that okay? How do you come out of that and just go back to normal? How can people still want to beat people up over being gay? I don't understand."

"Hey, it's okay, at least he's alive. Did they catch the guys?" Delirious asked.

"Yeah, they did. But it won't stop them from doing it again when they get out. It won't stop anyone. Who fucking cares about people's preferences?! If I like girls, who fucking cares?! If I like guys, who fucking cares?! That was my baby brother, being a fucking great guy, standing up for what he believes in! And people still say that he deserved it! I can't deal with this fucking world anymore -"

That's when Delirious saw the tears start to fall down his face. "I just -"

Evan choked and he cried into his hands and Delirious was frozen, his mouth hanging open as he watched one of his closest friends break down in front of him. "Evan … shit."

He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. But it was breaking his heart and making his eyes water the longer he watched him drown in his anger and tears. "Evan, listen to me. It won't always be this way, one day people will learn that you can't pick who you love. No time soon I'm sure but it'll get better down the road because of people like your brother, people that will always defend their friends and their sexuality. People like you. People like me that don't care about any of that. Alright?"

Evan nodded but couldn't stop crying. All he could see was his brother lying bloody on the ground, being kicked and beaten until his eyes were swollen shut. "I should've been there."

"No. You can't think like that. There's no way you could've known. No way you could've been with him at the right moment, or the right time. Don't make yourself feel worse about it. He's alive and recovering and you can help him get back on his feet when he wakes up."

Delirious took a breath and watched Evan continue to wipe at the tears that kept coming. "I know I'm not good at motivational speaking or speaking in general because I slur my words all the fucking time, but it's going to be okay."

Delirious was losing faith and he was running out of options.

Fuck it.

He turned on the one thing he never used, his camera, and felt his heart beating in his face.

"Please, stop crying. It's okay. Evan, look at me."

"Look at you? What are you -" Evan froze when their eyes met for the first time and everything that was on his mind vanished and was replaced with Delirious and blue and how sad he looked.

Then he spoke.

It came out in a whisper and Evan watched his lips move, "I'm sorry."

Delirious leaned closer into the light of his lamp and he tried to smile, but he couldn't. "I don't know how you feel right now but it's hurting me to see you like this, man. Just promise me something. If you ever need to talk just call me and we'll talk as long as you need to. For as long as you want. I'll be here."

He didn't know how long they sat there, but he didn't care because Evan had stopped crying and now he was just looking at him until he broke into a grin a few minutes later. "Hi."

Delirious smiled. "Hey."

The night turned into morning and they spent every minute of it talking to each other, telling each other things that they'd never told anyone, until Evan yawned for the twentieth time and Delirious made him go to bed.

Evan called him again as soon as he woke up. It became routine. At some point during the day Evan would call and tell him how his brother was doing. He'd tell him how sick he felt all the time, how he'd always felt that way.

Delirious could see him getting thinner, losing the muscle that defined him so well. "You need to eat, Evan."

"I'm not hungry."

"Please eat something."

"Delirious -"

"For me. Eat something for me, Evan."

Evan left his room and came back with a jar of peanut butter and a spoon and kept spilling his mind to him as he ate in front of the camera. It wasn't much but it was enough to ease Delirious' worry.

A month passed and Evan was growing restless. He couldn't sleep and his head was always aching from thinking so much as he lay in his bed in the dark.

Delirious noticed.

Evan felt his chest tighten. Delirious always knew when something was wrong and he didn't know why that made him feel better. Maybe it was because he was lonely, or maybe because the one person that actually listened to him and understood him and wanted to make him better was over a thousand miles away. The closest he could get was a camera and a computer screen.

"How about you go lay down, but take me with you. I'll talk to you until you fall asleep." Delirious suggested because Evan had been awake for three days apparently and it was showing beneath his eyes. Evan carried his laptop and sat it on his bedside table and got beneath his sheets, looking at his friend sideways.

"Can you see me?"

He smiled and nodded, "I can see you. Now close your eyes. What do you want me to talk about?"

"It doesn't matter. Anything you feel like, Delirious." Evan hugged his pillow tighter and listened to Delirious laugh to himself.

"You can call me Jonathan if you want to, Evan."

He opened his eyes, "Is that what you want?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Okay." Evan grinned and shut his eyes again, "Then tell me something interesting … Jonathan."

Delirious felt a warm buzz run from his head to his toes when Evan finally said his name.

He googled facts about hippoes and proceeded to read the Wikipedia page for it until Evan was fast asleep. Jonathan watched him breathe, his back rising and falling, his skin flushed with heat. He picked up his own laptop and carried it to bed with him, setting it on the pillow beside him and he watched Evan sleep until he felt himself drifting off.

He didn't wake up until he heard shuffling and opened his eyes to see the Skype call still on and Evan sitting back at his desk with his headphones on. Evan caught his eye when he moved and rubbed at his eyes.

"Good morning. How did you sleep?" Evan asked with a grin as he rested his head on his hand.

Jonathan smiled at him, "I slept good. You?"

"Best sleep I've had in weeks."

"Good."

Because that's all that mattered. As long as Evan was finally getting good quality rest Jonathan would talk him to sleep every night. If it meant he was slowly helping him out of his depression, every second he spent on Skype was worth it.

Evan went out of town with his parents for a few days and he couldn't Face Time like he wanted to because of bad cell service where they were. He couldn't help the sinking feeling the longer he went without talking to the one person that shed light on his dark days. He started to feel the sick feeling return, the pain reenter his mind and he couldn't drive home fast enough when the trip was over.

"Hey." He said and sighed in relief when Jonathan sat down in front of his computer with that smile that made him feel like the world wasn't caving in on him.

"Hey, man. How was the trip?"

"It sucked. Just a lot of dodging old relatives and cousins and being force fed by my grandmother."

Jonathan tried to hide his grin, "Oh. That sounds terrible. I'm sorry."

Evan laughed, running his hands through his hair as he let his heart return to normal. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

Evan smiled and looked at his knees, wondering if he was supposed to be feeling butterflies in his stomach or if he was supposed to be worried about how much he needed to see Jonathan's face every day.

"How's your brother been?"

"He's been good. Really good. Thank you for helping me talk to him."

"Don't mention it." Jonathan said, "How have you been?"

Evan knew what he was asking, "The last couple of days … not great. But I'm okay now."

"Now?"

"Yeah, now that I'm talking to you."

Jonathan felt the ache in his chest and he knew what that meant.

Another month went by and he and Evan had taken to staying up all night so Evan could teach him how to strum his grandfather's old guitar. Jonathan hadn't touched it since the man had died and it was something that took Evan's mind off of things, so there he was sitting crosslegged on his bed in his pajama pants that had kittens on them. He only wore them for Evan because it made him laugh.

"Now play G, then C." Evan instructed him, showing him with his own guitar where to place his fingers. Jonathan strummed the two notes perfectly and he smiled at him from a thousand miles away and that alone made Evan feel happier than rain on a Sunday morning.

"Beautiful."

For two weeks Jonathan practiced relentlessly to learn an acoustic song when he wasn't talking with Evan. He wanted to play it for him to show him how much he'd learned. He got Nogla to teach him how to play Shiver by Lucy Rose, because the first time he heard Daithi play it, he fell in love with it.

"I'll be back in a sec." Evan said and left his room to go let his cat back in the house. Jonathan took the opportunity to start playing and get the feel of the song. He hadn't sang in years, not since his mom passed away. She was the only one he'd sing for.

His voice was scratchy but he felt the words moving him as he strummed and closed his eyes.

We broke everything that was right we both enjoyed a good fight

And we solved all the holes we had to breathe to make the other one leave

Evan paused when he walked into the room as Jonathan sang words that had him losing his breath. Words that had his heart melting as they washed over him, making him forget where he was.

And I loved the way you looked at me

And I miss the way you made me feel when we were alone

Jonathan opened his eyes, the blue swallowing Evan whole.

And I'll shiver like I used to

And I'll leave him just for you

And I'll shiver like I used to

Just for you

His voice got thicker, deeper the more he got used to singing again and he smiled as he strummed the light notes. Evan leaned in, wanting to feel every word he sent his way.

And if we turn back time

Could we learn to live right

After that night, he and Evan would learn new songs together and Evan would beg him to sing.

And he always would.

Even when Evan asked him to sing until he fell asleep.

All along it was a fever

A cold sweat, hot-headed believer

I threw my hands in the air, said show me something

He said if you dare come a little closer

Evan never shut his eyes.

It was June. E3 was about to start again and Evan knew Jonathan wouldn't go, so he didn't even ask. He hid his disappointment and he hid the fact that meeting him was the one thing he wanted most.

It was Tuesday.

He text him all day when he could as he wandered through the crowd saying hello to everyone, hanging out with the guys when they met up to watch the release of a new game.

He was feeling sick again and Jonathan wouldn't answer his Skype call.

"That's fucking wierd." He heard Marcel say and he looked over at him.

"What?"

"That guy has been staring at you the entire time we've been standing here." Marcel nodded in a certain direction and Evan followed his line of site into the crowd.

He caught sight of the blue eyes that he had mapped out over the last six months, noting how much brighter they became when he cried or how hazy they were when he first woke up in the morning. He felt the air leave his lungs as he shoved his phone in his pocket and ignored Marcel and the guys' confusion when he ran toward the stranger who was smiling from ear to ear.

He wrapped his arms around Jonathan and to finally feel him, to see him with his own eyes and not through a lens was enough to make his eyes water and his heart hurt with happiness.

"God, you feel so good." He said against his shoulder and Jonathan laughed in his ear. The butterflies were there and Evan knew they'd never leave. They pulled apart and Evan finally felt like he was all there and not forever lost in his own head. "Hi."

"Hey."

Evan let his fingers brush across his face, testing the waters, watching Jonathan lean into the touch before Evan closed the distance with his lips. He was careful. This was the one thing he didn't want to ruin. The one thing he needed.

Jonathan felt like the sun. His fingers wrapped around his neck. Evan pulled back and couldn't stop smiling.

"What?" Jonathan grinned, licked his lips, and grabbed a fist full of his shirt in his hand.

"I'm just glad you're only two inches away from me and not 1,115 miles."

-w.a.l.k.