A/N: Just a fair warning, this is emotional and you may wanna kill me after reading this. But this is based on various spoilers on the finale and it's pretty much what I hope doesn't happen. I'll be setting this fic to Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol because that song has given me a lot of terrible feels this week. (Thanks, Grey's Anatomy.)
This is dedicated to Jenna. I'm sorry in advance.
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
To say that a lot had happened over the last couple of weeks would be an understatement. He thought he was going to lose Dawson at a recent call, which scared the hell out of him. Despite their complicated situation which had grown more complicated after the explosion, he still loved the girl and he really wished they both weren't so stubborn about everything. He and Kelly were at odds again thanks to Otis' beliefs about Scott Rice and the tension between the roommates was almost as bad as it was after Andy died. He had also realized that the great guy he thought he had been working for was actually quite the opposite. Jack Nesbitt was probably one of the most shadiest people Casey had ever known second to Hank Voight. So when he told Antonio of Nesbitt's shady dealings, he didn't expect to be working with Voight. Even after Antonio's assurances that Voight was "changed" and "more logical" he wasn't thrilled about working with the cop who wanted him dead a couple of years ago. He would've preferred anyone other than Voight.
So now, he sat in his living room, waiting for Burgess and her new partner to escort him to the twenty-first district so he could prepare for his undercover operation. He had gone undercover before when he tried to track down Hallie's killer, but this was different. He was acting on pure emotion and anger last time and had no idea what the hell he was getting himself into. He didn't expect to get a gun pointed at his head and he definitely didn't expect Voight saving his life by a matter of inches. If he was just a little bit off, Casey would've been the one with a bullet in his head and he wasn't sure if Voight would've had a problem with it.
But this time, the circumstances were dissimilar. Casey had a clear head, he knew full well the dangers of what he was about to do and he was definitely worried even if he told people different. The other stresses of the past couple of weeks were weighing on him also, he hated fighting with Severide, especially now when he needed his friend the most. And he wanted nothing other than Gabby here with him, sitting on the couch beside him, telling him to be careful and that she loves him. That they'll get through it together. That he'll be okay. That they'll be okay.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
A knock on the door pulls him out of his thoughts and he stands up. He expects Burgess as he opens the door but instead he finds Gabby, looking nervous and overwhelmed. He's worried instantly and moves out of the way so she can step in, which she does. As he closes the door behind her, she starts rambling in that adorable way that he had always loved. That he still loves.
"It was a one night thing, I know, and I was on the pill which means this shouldn't have happened and I'm kind of freaking out right now because I have no idea what to do, I mean, this isn't the best of times and we're-"
"Whoa," he says. He barely understood a word she said, only picking up the parts she put emphasis on which had definitely peaked his interest. "Slow down, Gabs." He put his hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her down. It worked. She took a deep breath and averted her gaze away from his for only a second before taking comfort in his blue eyes. The blue eyes she had always found comfort in and the eyes that she fell in love with.
"I'm pregnant, Matt."
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
To say he was shocked would be another understatement. This was the last thing he had expected right now and her words ran over in his head about a billion times before they had actually registered. She's pregnant. He's going to be a dad. They're going to be parents.
She knew he had always wanted to be a dad. Everyone knew. They could see it in the way he interacted with kids at a call and how well he took care of the Darden boys. He lit up whenever he saw a child and he never tried to hide it. When he delivered that baby on Thanksgiving two years ago, they all had witnessed the greatest day of his life. It was the biggest dream of his that she knew of. But was being a father something in the cards for him at this moment? They weren't together anymore and it's not like the baby had been planned, so she could see why he wouldn't want to help raise this baby. She continued to stare up at him, waiting for any kind of response and after each second that passed with no answer, her nerves continued to skyrocket.
That was, until, a bright smile crossed his face. "Really?," he asked excitedly, and she nodded, a radiant smile forming on her lips and a laugh of relief sounding. His arms were around her in an instant, picking her up and spinning her around proudly.
He was going to be a dad. They were going to be parents.
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
After a good ten seconds of spinning her with as much enthusiasm he's had in months, he lets her down and they look at each other with tears in their eyes and great big smiles on their faces. "We're going to be parents," he whispers, and she nods happily. He cups her face and showers her with loving kisses, knowing nothing could ruin this moment. He doesn't recall a time whenever he's ever been this happy. She doesn't either. They need to talk about things; they both know that but neither one of them was about to say it. So they stand there, in their bubble of absolute bliss and their excitement over the future grew with every second that passed.
He kneels down and lifts up her shirt, exposing her bare stomach that he knew would show a bump in a few weeks. He gets even more thrilled imagining it as he places his hand over her abdomen, caressing her skin lovingly as he begins to talk to their future child.
"Hey bud," he whispers, barely loud enough for Gabby to hear. "I know you weren't planned, but that doesn't mean we won't love you with all of our hearts, okay? You're the greatest thing that's ever happened to us and you're going to be raised by so many people who love you. Your mommy is the best and if you look anything like her, you'll be trouble." He places a soft kiss to Gabby's skin before he stands up again, instantly greeted by her lips on his.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Their kiss is passionate and loving and it says everything they've both needed to hear from each other. They know they're in this together. No matter what. This is all they've ever wanted.
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
"I love you, Gabby, and I promise I'll love our baby with everything that I have, okay?" He murmurs it against her lips, and he can feel her tears on his cheeks as her hands move to the side of his face.
"I know," she tells him quietly. "I love you too." Their lips meet again, and it's somewhat of a replica of the first time they ever shared a kiss in her apartment so many nights ago. Their tongues are battling for control, and they don't know how they ever went without each other.
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
They both know there will be obstacles ahead, but they were both more than ready to face them head on. This baby is what they needed to get their acts together. And they couldn't wait until their little boy or girl was brought into the world.
A knock on the door pulls them apart, and they're reminded that their bubble of bliss can't last forever. He gives her another short but loving kiss before he moves to the door, opening it to find Kim Burgess on the other side.
"Ready to go, Casey?" She asks, and he takes a glance at Gabby behind him before he nods.
"Yeah, hold on," he says. She nods, understanding, and he walks over to Gabby.
"Be careful," she tells him, their hands meeting and their fingers entangling instinctively. "I love you. We love you and we'll get through this together. You'll be okay, okay? We'll be okay."
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
He nods, her words making his heart beat just a bit faster as he leans down to kiss her. It's quick but it spoke volumes, and he kneels down again to kiss his future child goodbye. "I love you, buddy," he whispers. He doesn't care that Kim is probably watching him right now. He's a proud father now, and he would do it in front of the whole firehouse despite the teasing he'd probably get. He stands up again and shares a tight hug with Gabby, both of them silently promising their love to each other. "Stay here," he whispers in her ear. "Don't move. Wait for me. I'll be back before you know it."
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
She stays there. She waits for him. She sits on the couch and catches up on her shows that Matt kept recording after she left. She smiles at that, and falls in love with him even more. She lifts up her shirt and her smile grows as she imagines their child growing inside of her. She knows they'll be the best goddamn parents they could possibly be. She knows their love for each other and their love for their child will outweigh everything else. They can get through what's ahead. She's sure of it.
The door opens and she stands up quickly, expecting to see Matt but instead she sees Kelly walking through the apartment.
"Hey, Dawson," he says, not doing a great job of hiding the surprise that crossed his face once he saw her. They really didn't know what to say to each other, truck and squad haven't been getting along lately and since he's on squad and she's on truck, it's awkward between them. "Did uh, did Casey leave to go do his thing?" He asks finally.
"Yeah," she says, nodding as she puts her hands in her back pocket. "He left about an hour ago." He nods at this, and it's silent again.
"Well uh, I'm going to head out I guess. Can you tell him I'll be back later tonight?"
"Yeah of course," she assures him, and he thanks her before turning away to leave again. She sighs, she knows he had come to check on his friend and roommate but both of them were too damn stubborn to apologize to each other. She makes a mental note to try to fix that.
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
He arrives home three hours later. He's shaken up from his undercover work but as soon as he sees her, a smile crosses his face and he can't help it. She greets him with a hug and he embraces her as tightly as he can without hurting her. Her touch feels like brightness. "How was it?" She murmurs into his shoulder.
"As good as it can be working for Voight," he answers, and they pull away from each other. He wasn't about to tell her that Jack got away. He wasn't about to tell her that a bullet flew past his head and he definitely wasn't about to tell her about the other bullet that flew past his head. His priority was to make sure she and the baby were as safe as possible. He didn't want to add anymore stress. Antonio said he would handle it and Matt trusted his word.
She studies him, making sure that he's really alright, before she leads him into the kitchen where she had made a dinner for the two of them. He smiles brightly. He missed this so much. He makes a silent vow to never let her get away again.
They eat dinner together, neither one bringing up what happened undercover but instead they talked about work and made plans for the future. She told him Kelly stopped by and that he'd be back later tonight, but she doesn't get a reply from him at that.
"You know, you two can't ignore each other forever," she says, and he sighs.
"I know, but he can't just talk to my guys like he does," he answers. "I thought we were past that."
"You two are both just trying to defend your own men," she shrugs from across the table. "You're being the good Lieutenants you are. But if you don't settle your differences soon, Boden is going to step in and make you settle them."
He nods, standing up to take care of both of their plates. "I know, I know," he sighs. She walks over to him and encircles her arms around his waist, and they both sigh contently as they look into each others eyes. "Stay here tonight?" He asks the question softly, afraid she'd say no.
"I thought you'd never ask," she smiles, and he gives her a grin in return.
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
They lay in bed together for a couple of hours, making up for lost time and laughing and joking with each other. Her head is on his chest and his arm is around her shoulder, holding her close. Neither of them want to imagine being away from each other ever again.
"Why didn't you stop me from leaving?" She suddenly asks quietly, her fingers tracing lazy patterns across his shoulder.
"I didn't think that's what you wanted," he answers softly. "I just wanted you to be happy…"
"I'm happy with you, you know," she tells him, and he smiles to himself at that. "Even when it seemed like I was never happy I was happy. I was happy because I could still call you mine, I could still climb into bed with you every night and I still had that ring on my finger."
His heart is racing at her words, and he wonders if she can feel it. God, he loves her so much. He reaches across to the bedstand, pulling out the drawer and retrieves the ring he had given her all those months ago. She looks up at him, wondering what he had been doing. Her eyes instantly widen and tear up when she sees what he has in his fingers.
"If you still want a life with me, Gabriela Dawson, this is yours. And I swear to God, I will do everything in my power to keep you and our baby happy. I want to marry you. I want to have a ton of kids with you. I want to settle down and grow old with you. I want to die when I'm a hundred and ten years old in your arms. I want forever."
She has tears in her eyes for about the tenth time that night. She nods eagerly, and with smiles on their faces, he slides the ring on her finger. They shower each other with more kisses, and then they show one another just how much they love each other.
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
There's a knock at the door a couple of hours later in the midst of their conversation about how they'll tell the firehouse, Boden especially.
They both groan as he stands up from the bed, pulling on some sweatpants since he figures Kelly doesn't want to see him naked when he answers the door. He comes back over to the bed, kissing Gabby playfully with bright smiles on both of their faces. "I love you," he murmurs.
"I love you too," she tells him, and they both grin at each other. The knock sounds again, and he groans with it.
"I'm coming!" He shouts, kissing Gabby one more time before walking out of the bedroom and into the living room. He opens the door, about to tell Kelly to stop forgetting his key before he locks eyes with the one guy he'd really rather not see right now.
Jack Nesbitt.
"You shouldn't have crossed me, Matt."
He doesn't have time to react before a gun is pulled and two shots are fired, hitting Casey in the chest and sending him backwards. He's trying to catch his breath. The pain is unreal. His mind is racing. All he can think about is his unborn child and Gabby. He can barely hear Jack's footsteps as he bolts from the doorway and he's almost unable to pick up Gabby's as she comes racing into the room. She's hysterically crying as she calls the police.
She's shaking terribly. Tears are running down her face as she holds her hands over his wounds.
"Come on Matt, no, stay me with me baby," she pleads, repeating it over and over. "Help is on its way, okay? You'll be okay. You'll be okay."
She doesn't know how she's forming her words through her sobs but somehow she is, she thinks if she keeps pleading with him he'll listen to her and be alright.
"You can't die, baby. This baby needs you. I need you. We can't do this without you."
But her pleads don't work. He gasps for a few minutes before he takes one last breath.
His body goes limp.
His blue eyes that she's always loved stay staring up at the ceiling.
She collapses onto his body, his old CFD shirt she wore and her shorts that he always enjoyed getting soaked with his blood.
She can't stop crying and she doesn't know if she ever will. The love of her life, the father of her child, her best friend, is gone. The whole world has faded into black and white. She'll never be the same and she has no idea how to exist in a world where Matthew Casey doesn't.
She clings to his body, the sobs racking her own and pleads that it can't be true.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Did you say it? I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life. Did you say it? Make a plan, set a goal, work toward it. But every now and then look around, drink it in. 'Cause this is it.
It might all be gone tomorrow.
A/N: I actually don't know I feel about this. I feel like I could've done better. Just be honest with me in the reviews, constructive criticism is always welcome. Also, props to the Grey's fans who caught the parallel dialogues!