(Set in 2022)

*Phil's pov*

The blood drips like a leaking tap on to the snow white tiles of the bathroom. Drip. Drip. Drip.

The pain that shatters my heart every day is still here. Just one more cut will get rid of it, right? I pick up the blade, running it down my arm. The pain is almost unbearable, as I cut into my flesh, but it covers over the constant heart ache. The blood flows faster now, and the tears follow.

It's time. It's time to let go. I can't continue anymore, it's getting ridiculous. I can't carry on like this. I can't.

Dan will understand. He has to. I look from the sleeping pills, to the goodbye letter, to the pale boy in the mirror.

I can't do this anymore.

This is it.

Before giving myself another moment to think, I shove all 12 sleeping pills in my mouth, forcing them down with a glass of water. I sit down and lean against the wall. I think about Dan, wanting that boy to be the last thing on my mind when I finally go.

It's weird. Dying is weird. I feel as though I'm floating as the bathroom goes blurry.

I guess it's true that when you die, you whole life flashes before your eyes. Every single happy memory with Dan comes back for a final stab in the heart.

The Skype calls. The Manchester eye. The first PINOF video. All of the best memories flash before me, including the day we came out to the Internet. Each memory feels like a dream. I lovely dream. The series of memories end on our wedding day back in 2015. I want to crawl back into the memory. I want to go back to that day, where we were happy. Where the cherry blossoms fell. I want to go back to Japan.

It hurts so bad, but then the pain is gone and everything goes black.

*Phil's letter*

Dear Dan,

I'm sorry I had to end it like this, but I couldn't carry on like I was. As selfish as it may sound, I couldn't stand seeing you with her. I just couldn't handle watching you having a normal life, with a wife. And when the baby girl came along, I knew. I knew there was no going back. No going back to 2009.

Please don't be sad that I'm gone. You don't need me. You have your wife and Winnie. They will look after you. All I ask of you is that you never forget. Don't forget those 8 years that I was truly happy. Never forget that moment at the train station when you ran into my arms crying, like a little fangirl. Never forget the four hour long Skype calls. Never forget the first time we kissed on the Manchester Eye. And most of all, Never forget the shit storm when we first came out to the Internet! Never forget.

I understand that you will have lots of questions, but I am afraid I cannot answer them.

Please tell Winnie that uncle Phil has gone to a better place.

See you in the morning, bear.

Love from Phil xxx