A/N: So.

I saw Endgame.

Game of Thrones, too.

Needless to say I WAS NOT PREPARED.

Understatement of the freakin' century right there.

For the sake of spoilers I'll hold my tongue on GOT and Endgame; but suffice it to say the latter probably one of the longest movies I've seen in awhile! It also tore my heart out and stomped on it...in a good way. Of course, there were some parts that could have been improved, but by all accounts? I enjoyed it. I was well and truly ready to throttle Thanos by the end-I suspect the whole theater was-and he lived up my expectations and more.

Now for the obligatory disclaimer:

I.

Own.

Nothing~!

GO AHEAD! LAUGH!

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TOOOOOOOO~!

Well, if you enjoy creative chaos and laughter, you'll love this chapter. I had a blast writing everyone in this!

Fair warning, everything in this chapter is meant in good fun and not meant to be taken seriously.

Obviously the title and quote are a reference to Game of Thrones, naturally. In particular, the track "The Night King by Ramin Djawadi" and the slow build up just...resonated with this chapter. So here we are, a quick interlude before we leap into the meat of the matter. Now, lets kick this into high gear shall we!

...onward!

"All men must die...

...what is dead may never die...

...but kill those bastards anyway!"

~?

The Night Unfurls (Interlude)

Note to self:

Maybe next time use your brain and DON'T trust a goddess with daddy issues to confront her old man peaceably. What?! Don't look at me like that! How was I to know Hela would go nuclear when she found Odin?! We never got to see how she would've reacted in the movie! Hmm. Maybe I should've heeded Red's advice and taken her to counseling. Hmm. Does counseling work on an immortal? Or an undead? Eh. Food for thought, I suppose. I mean, it worked on Scorpion and all I had to do was give him his family back...easy, no?

Still, there's one flaw I still hold from my mortal days its thus:

"I believe in people."

As wretched as a heart may seem, as black as the soul can be, I always see the light. A flicker of hope in the dark. It makes me want to help them. Even if they hurt me, even if they denounce me, even if they butcher me a thousand times for it. Perhaps its just another curse-lord knows I'm still suffering from several of those-laid on my shoulders by one of my enemies. Perhaps not. Who can say? Its earned me all manner of detractors but in the same vein I've gathered all the more allies for it. Funny how many people want to shake your hand when you give them what they want.

Now, then, let's wrap this elfy business up. Malekith won't know what hit him.

We've got a waaaaaar to start boys~!

So many Stones to collect, so little time!

Well, time is relative when you think about it.

Or is it subjective? Never could wrap my mind around that.

Bah! Time to make a few phone calls and get the gang back together!

(...Scene Break...)

This could not be.

Surely it would not be.

Yes, by all accounts, this should not be happening. The day should have been theirs. His. Yet it was denied him by the capricious whims of fate; for rather than the glorious victory that had been ordained, Malekith instead found himself forced to fight for his very life as his fleet burned on the horizon. Ship after smoldering ship was struck screaming from the heavens as though by the hand of an angry god, offering only a feeble fight before they fell. With this the dark elf came to the stunning and galling realization that he'd been had. Destiny, once his for the taking, now laughed at him in spite of all his plans, all his plotting, all his schemes.

As did another.

"Having fun yet?" a rich, resonating voice bounded off the floors. "I can do this all day you know."

The Dark Elf spun with a hiss and found naught but empty air.

"Face me, coward!"

His words met naught but empty air.

Even now his very footsteps were hounded by an infernal curse he didn't understand; gilded hallways turned in on themselves no matter how hard or fast he ran, leading him around and around in an endless maze despite his steady advance. He knew he was walking forward, he knew triumph was just around the corner, and yet it remained hopelessly out of reach. Thwarting him at every turn, denying what was rightfully his. How had it all fallen apart like this?

Where was Algrim?

Where were his men?

Where had they all gone?

It should have been an easy incursion, an effortless strike against a weakened Asgard. They'd grown soft after all these years, fat from lack of war. Weak, like their king. Their vaunted shield had fallen as planned, but from there everything went awry. His army was shattered, his hopes tattered, and the Aether hopelessly out of reach. Not only were his troops even now being routed but he had no way of escaping from this horrid maze unless whomever was creating decided to-

"How does it feel to be the last of your kind?"

To his credit, Malekith struck quickly.

No sooner had the hand settled on his shoulder than he lashed out at its owner, driving his blade into their chest. It was a clean kill, through and through. Straight in the heart. A fatal blow.

And yet they did not die.

Instead the last Dark Elf found himself

Clad in a flowing robe of the darkest scarlet night, the dead man frowned back at him. Blue eyes narrowed to menacing slits, whiskered cheeks pinched in an irritated frown. Malekith had half a moment to behold those strange crimson horns jutting from that tangled flaxen mess the man called hair. Just a moment. A second. A sliver in time. Then the stranger tilted his neck and exhaled softly.

"Should've aimed for the head."

Then Malekith found himself divested of his sword, the arm holding said sword, and his entire shoulder besides. There was no pain, no blood, only the sudden, disconcerting weightlessness of losing the better half of his body. Aghast, he stumbled back, blinded not by agony but confusion. No pain. Why didn't it hurt? An unexpected blessing to be sure, but why?

He soon had his answer

As he looked on, a lone crimson gem glittered in the open palm of this butcher.

"Gotta say, Reality Stone really does come in handy." the horned man hummed softly, turning his marked palm end over end. What remained of Malekith's arm sailed over his shoulder a heartbeat later. "Look! No blood! The very fabric of the universe, at the tips of my fingers, even more than usual! I could get used to this!"

Thief! How dare he!

In spite of his wound, the Dark Elf surged forward.

"Filthy mongrel! How dare you take what is mine you worthless-

"Not a mongrel. Naruto. We've been over this already. And you?" the stranger simultaneously backhanded him and drew himself up with a small smile. "Who are you to call me a mongrel, then? A despot? A tyrant? You're no Gilgamesh, that's for sure."

"I am Malekith!" he ground through clenched teeth! "Who are you to denounce me?!"

Laughter arose to mock him anew.

"Just a man, taking advantage of this mess. Like you. Someone once said chaos is a ladder, after all." the horned one hummed, folding both arms before that broad chest. "He was right in a sense...and also wrong. You see, chaos isn't merely a ladder used to advance one's station at their leisure; its an excuse, you see. " his hands came together in a sharp clap, and the entire realm rippled in response. "A chance to wreak havoc and get away with it, to forge new alliances and make new friends. And let me tell you, Malekith...

Robed arms rose, the world shifted, and the last of the Dark Elves stepped back.

Because quite suddenly they weren't alone.

...I've made a lot of friends."

He had.

There were dozens of them packed into the hall, some large, others small. Great and tall. Here he glimpsed a woman in peerless battle dress wielding a sword of golden light. There he beheld a great giant of a man with a mighty war hammer who embodied war itself. And there, towering about them all, a giant of giants, able to twist his head off through brute force alone. More still loomed larger than life despite their stature, villains and heroes, monsters, abominations and things so grotesque that Malekith's mangled mind couldn't even comprehend them.

He stood alone against a legion and something in him quailed.

Naruto lowered his arms.

"The sad truth is...well!" a small, lilting laugh escaped him as he briefly bent double before straightening. "I don't have time for you, Malekith. You're a small fish in a big pond, a flash in the pan compared to what's next, and we all know it. We've got Ultron and Thanos to deal with yet. You...no one likes you. No one will miss you. No one will mourn you. You will die as you lived. Forgotten. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to calm my wife down before she destroys all of Asgard."

He paused and glanced over his shoulder, considering. Those blazing blue orbs narrowed further still.

"Wun-Wun? He's all yours. We'll let Lyanna have the next one, eh? Don't want to spoil her fun."

At some unseen signal the giant advanced in a wordless surge. Fast. Too fast.

Massive palms closed around him-his torso-before the elf could even think to speak, much less defend himself. In an instant he found himself hoisted aloft as those horrid hands did their work. Crushing. Squeezing. Armor gave way to sundered flesh, ribs shattering like brittle glass as the giant intensified his grip. In his last moments Malekiths pride finally broke and he thought to beg. Alas, his cowardice availed him not.

"No! Wait! Stop! Please!"

A terrible blinding pain followed...then blackness.

It was, all things considered, an ignominious end for a failure of a villain.

A/N: Author's note is virtually the same here, so feel free to skip down and see the previews~!

There we go.

Got a bit serious there at the end.

Suffice it to say Hela has daddy issues...

...that'll be all manner of fun to write next chapter.

After all, just about everyone thinks Naruto's as mad as a hatter.

Rightly so!

I tried my best to capture the classic humor of the Marvel franchise here. And yes, this is post-war Naruto, who is nearly a God in his own right thanks to a certain Rabbit Goddess. Why doesn't he act like it? Partially because he is (1) easily bored, (2) has been hopping dimensions and messing with reality simply to amuse himself, and of course (3) underneath it all still our favorite blond, he's just...a tad more unhinged that usual.

MORE INSANITY COMING NEXT CHAPTER! LOOK FORWARD TO IT, YA KNOW!

So...In the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review, Would You Kindly!

And enjoy the previews!

Potential ones at that!

(Previews/Omake!)

"DIE!"

"Aren't you going to stop her?"

"What? No way! I don't want any part of that madness!"

"I was under the impression that the two of you had already been wed."

"Well, we are...but do YOU want to be the one to break your sister out of a blood frenzy?"

...perhaps we should let her dispense with the army. She seems to have the matter well in hand."

"I knew you were my favorite for a reason, Point Break. Now pass the popcorn. We're getting to the good part."

"Wanda! Nice to finally meet you after all these chapters! Mind if I kidnap you for a bit? Of course you don't!"

"Who are you?! Get your hands off of me! So help me, I will turn you inside out if you even THINK of-

The Scarlet Witch had half a heartbeat to offer this vehement protest before she vanished.

"Hmm. Time travel. What could possibly go wrong? Might be fun to mess with a younger Fury."

"The repercussions could-

"YOINK!" When next Hela looked, Naruto was nowhere to be seen. All that remained was the rift he'd created, the tear in space and time. After a moment she threw up her hands and laughed.

...screw it."

Humming softly, she sauntered in after him.

"Fool. I am inevitable."

Whiskered cheeks dimpled.

"And I am never alone. Have fun~!"

Thanos had expected silence of a sort. Resignation to his fate, at the very least.

"GET OVER HERE!"

Instead he found himself hauled backward by a scalding chain forged of living hellfire.

"To quote a friend...I'm not locked in here with you. No...

A hand reached up and twisted his own head off.

"YOU'RE LOCKED IN HERE WITH ME!"

R&R~! =D