The One With The Break Ups/ The One With The Outbursts

Could I be anymore dead?

Chandler let out a reluctant yawn, and realizing everyone noticed, he covered his mouth with both of his hands. He should not be seen with any sign that he is bored at the most important meeting of his life. But he was Chandler, he had to mess everything up somehow.

"Is everything alright, Bing?" Doug 'torturing to death with lame jokes', asked with a voice of concern.

Chandler loosened his tie, "Tie's a bit tight. It's ok, it's ok."

"Well, you better hold it up. No woman will ever grab your 'tie' that tight."

The whole staff laughed, including Chandler himself, while he was struggling not to come up with any sarcastic counter remark. Dear God. Please let me out of the meeting. Please. He prayed silently. He decided to think about other stuffs, like Kathy. Mmm, Kathy. He could swear Kathy was the best thing that happened in his life. He wasn't afraid of the thought that Kathy would stick around for a long time. It was a good thing Phoebe introduced him to her.

Good lord. Phoebe.

Phoebe was his roommate whose birthday was today. And she had asked Chandler to come fast to help her for the little party she arranged. He messed it up in 3 different ways.

i. He was late for the party.

ii. He was in charge of hiring catering services.

iii. He forgot to buy her a gift.

Stupid Muriel Bing! Could this day get anymore worse?

Chandler felt like he would have to sit straight there for eternity until the meeting finally ended. He left the office as soon as he could.

He literally ran. "Gift shop, gift shop, gift shop, gift shop-" he kept telling himself while running. As he pushed away at least 35 people while trying to break the record of Usain Bolt, he found a gift shop. Pushing the door open, he entered, wondering what Phoebe might like. She's his best friend, his only family here in the big city. And he let her down in three friggin' ways on her birthday. On her birthday-

Oh no. No.

The man who was previously holding a crystal duck, reacted to Chandler's bumping into him, resulting in the crystal duck falling down and breaking into pieces.

"NOOOOOO!" The raven haired man yelled out while the store clerk rushed to him. Chandler said, "I am so sorry!"

"You gotta pay for this!" The man spoke in a weird nasal voice that creeped him out, as it reminded him of Janice. Taking a deep breath, he yielded to fate. By running out of the store.

"Come back here, you!" He heard the man yelling from his behind, "Pay for the duck!"

Chandler yelled with all his might, "Taxi!" Hopefully one taxi stopped and he crawled into it, loosening his tie a bit and said, "5 Morton Street."

The man still came behind him, yelling something which was inaudible until the store staff dragged him inside. He let out a sigh of relief.

Paying the fare, he waited near the elevator, only to realize that it was out of order. He rushed to the stairs, climbed up, and was just pushing the door of his apartment, when he remembered that he forgot food. He forgot the effin' food. Score, Chandler Bing.

"Hey there," He pointed at Phoebe who had a worried expression on her face, "Happy birthday, birthday girl."

"Chandler." She hugged him, "Are you okay?"

"Depends." He smiled, "Like if you hit me when you get to know that we have no 'buffet' on a Buffay party, I won't be."

She still looked worried, "Uh- it's okay."

"It's okay?" Chandler widened his eyes, "Wait- where are the people?"

"They left. Without eating." She shrugged, "It's okay, Chandler. Just sit down and relax for a while. Do you want a massage?"

"For free?" Chandler said, "What's going on? Wait. What's that noise?"

He heard someone moan from his room. "What!" He yelled and walked to the room.

"Chandler, no!" Phoebe tried to stop him, but it was too late. He walked out, breathing loud, his eyes filled wide, expression of shock.

"Is that..." He paused, as if he hadn't wanted to say anything, "Kathy?"

"Chandler." Phoebe held his shoulders.

Just then Kathy, wearing one of Chandler's robes, came out, having a worried look.

"I am so sorry, Chandler, that you had to find about it this way." She said.

"You are sorry?" He said, pointing at the semi naked man coming out of his room, "You were having sex with him... IN MY OWN ROOM! ON MY OWN BED!" He outburst and said to Phoebe, "And you let them?"

"Hey, calm down." Phoebe said, "Things were out of my control. Well, don't just stand there Kathy, say something!"

"Look, Chandler, I wanted to break up with you for a very long time. And Nick's an amazing guy." Kathy said.

"You wanted to break up? Why!" Chandler shouted.

"You suck in bed, okay? You suck. And by that I mean you're bad. You can never satisfy a woman."

"I'll just go take a walk-" Phoebe snorted, "Or a dog to walk. Or- I am outta here!" She walked out.

Chandler said, "I can never satisfy a woman? So were all those times fake?"

"Duh, I am an actor!" Kathy shrugged, "Oh, and FYI, I am sick of your jokes all the time."

"But-" He uttered, when Kathy said, "And you're the worst thing that happened to me. Goodbye, Chandler."

"But you're taking my robe-" He struggled to say as he saw her leaving with Nick, "Never mind."

Phoebe entered soon and saw him just standing there, awestruck of the event that occurred. She sighed, "I wanted you to walk on them doing it. You should have known what a bitch you dated."

"Now my bed will mock me. Ooh here comes the guy who couldn't keep his girlfriend. The other guy did it so much better!" Chandler said.

"Look, I am hungry and your aura says you are too. Lets talk it over with at some fancy place." Phoebe smiled.

"I don't want to come out." He said.

"I knew it! You are gay!" Phoebe yelled.

"Not that type of coming out, Pheebs!" He smiled, "Where are we going?"

"Alessandro's." She said, "Sounds fancy to me."

Chandler shrugged.

"I don't think I can cope up with your neurosis anymore."

"Ha ha ha."

"Why are you laughing?"

"You made a joke, right? So, I laughed!"

"I want to kill myself everytime you have those outbursts. I like my room messy. I like myself messy. I don't want to shower 3 times a day-"

"You shower three times a day? I must shower 5 times a day. No, maybe 6. Double the time you do- oh, sorry. You were saying?"

"This is what I am talking about! I can't deal with this! This competition thing. We are through."

"We are?"

"Yes. Wait- what are you doing? No, no- don't break the plates! Not the glasses-"

"Uh, Pete?"

"What?!"

"Can I clean the mess I just created?"

"MONICA!"

"Monica!" Monica returned to her senses when the sous chef called her. She sprinkled some more salt on the dish, and sent it.

"Tim?" She said.

"What's going on? You're kinda inattentive today."

"You don't wanna know. Get back to work."

Monica sighed as she stirred the food in the pot. All her hopes for a stable relationship died once again. Pete Becker was a millionaire alright, but his heart was way behind. She did him right. She broke all his glasses and plates. And she also cleaned up. Served the loser right. She knew she had flaws, but she hoped that somebody would hopefully see the real Monica inside. Nope, not one of the douchebags did. She mouthed, "Douchebag."

Phoebe said, "Nice restaurant, right, Chandler? They even have candles!" Chandler let out an exasperated sigh while waiting for their food, "That bitch."

"I know." She said, checking out a lady behind Chandler.

"I am speaking of Kathy. How could she do this to me? My childhood was already screwed. Now this girl comes like Godzilla-"

Phoebe interrupted, "I thought only Janice was supposed to be known by that term. Oh, look, the food's arrived!"

Chandler had a first bite. Mmm. No. Wait. Salt. Too much salt.

"Pheebs, this is too salty!"

"Chan, it IS supposed to be salty."

Kathy gave him a salt shaker. The chef knows Kathy. Kathy is mocking him by giving the chef the salt shaker. How daring!

"Wait, Pheebs." He stood up.

"Chandler!" She tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen.

"Umm, Monica?" Mona, one of the waitresses tapped on her shoulder, "I think you messed a dish up. He complains that it is too salty. Also something of calling you and shake the salt up or something."

"Darn! Could this day get any worse?" Monica left the pan on the sink, "I'll say sorry and give him something on the house."

"He's in the balcony."

Chandler could see a happy couple downstairs.

"Yeah, yeah. Lick his face up and tell him the next day that he sucks." He roared, "Or I will do the job. Hey you! You suck!"

"Excuse me?" A female voice said and he turned around.

"I asked for the chef. The chef." He said.

"I am the chef." She chuckled nervously.

"Are you?" He said in an angry tone which made her uncomfortable. Nut case.

"I wanted to apologize-" she was cut off as Chandler said, "What? For mocking me by using the extra salt from that salt shaker Kathy gave you!"

Monica couldn't follow his words, "Kathy, who?"

Chandler's jaws dropped. What he thought and said actually made no sense. But, still. This woman would also someday tell someone that he sucked. And she destroyed his appetite that night.

"I'm very sorry for the accident, sir. Would you be interested in a dessert item? It will be on the house."

Chandler was not in his sense. He blurted, "No. On the house you'll be cheating your boyfriend with a millionaire hunk."

Monica stared at him. Did Pete sent him as a payback for yesterday?

"Well on the house millionaire hunk would be rather molesting himself than sleeping with his girlfriend."

"You women think you are good at everything, aren't you?"

"Whatcha gonna do, huh? Tackle me on the ground?"

"Everyone of your race are bitches. B. I. T. C. H. E. S."

"That's it. We've had enough. Mona! Call security and escort this man!"

"I'd happily get out from this dumpster."

"Dumpster? You didn't-"

"Dumpster, garbage. Trash place. Your food's disgusting!"

"OUT!" She yelled.

"Are you banning me? Could I be anymore happier? You suck, yeah. You suck. Your food sucks."

"And you are a douchebag!" Monica yelled, tears coming out of her eyes, "All of you are douchebags!"

Phoebe entered the scene to witness the heated discussion.

"Oh, hey, Pheebs! They just banned us!" Chandler grinned. Phoebe grabbed his hands and while dragging him away she said to Monica, "I'm sorry. He's not his usual self today." Monica wiped her tears and went back.

Inside the cab, Phoebe asked, "What was that, Chandler?"

"What? We were connecting with each other!" He said.

"She got you banned!" Phoebe sighed, "I know Kathy hurt you badly, but you should not vent it out on someone else! Talk to me instead, clear it out!"

The cabbie intervened, "Are you guys by any chance talking about Kathy Brewster?"

"Oh my god, you know her?" Chandler asked.

"That whore." He said. Chandler and Phoebe exchanged looks.

"I don't think after hearing that, I could be in any sort of relation."

"Wait-" Phoebe closed her eyes, "I sense something. I sense a woman in your life. You get married."

"Oh, really?" He said, with a mocking tone.

"Aha." Phoebe nodded enthusiastically.

Ross Geller walked in the kitchen. Seeing him, Monica turned around to hide her tears. Noticing it, he asked Mona, "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. She was bummed out the whole day. And then a man came and told her that she sucked and her food sucked."

"Monica! You know that's not true! Do you think all the stars you received fell out of the sky? Though that is impossible because stars don't-"

"Ross," Monica turned, "Pete and I broke up."

"Gosh!" He said, "Why?"

"The very same reason why my other relationships didn't work."

"Oh, Mon!" He hugged his little sister, "I bet you will find a better guy."

"That's what you've been saying since 8th grade!" She pulled away, "You know, being obese was better. My obesity filtered all the assholes. Now that I am thin, guys are interested, but then they run away!"

"Speaking of assholes, I met one today. I wanted to buy a crystal duck for my collection, as I was examining it, this guy pushed me and the duck broke. The guy ran out of the store! And I had to pay for the item I didn't even buy!"

"How much was it?"

Ross hung his head downwards, "Er... 27 dollars?"

Monica said, "27 dollars and you react like this?"

"I had to pay!"

"Calm down, I'll make you something nice at home. Let's go."

"You know, I didn't like Pete."

"You never liked any of my boyfriends."

"Oh, I mentioned it?"

"Yes!"

The Geller siblings walked out of the restaurant, heading towards home.

A/N: I am new here, and this is my first fiction. Please feel free to review and *correct* my mistakes. (I have a bad keypad and some of the letters do not want to get touched, so if you see some letters missing, do inform me. :p ) Have a nice day!