"Shinji."

Why was she in here? With me...

"Yeah?"

"The Wall of Jericho fell."

Is she still drunk?

"What?"

"Remember when I called the door to my room 'The Impenetrable Wall of Jericho?"

I moved to rub my eyes, but every muscle in my body ached, and I went limp again.

"Yeah, vaguely. Why?"

"The Wall of Jericho fell."

My thoughts were sluggish, like the synapses in my brain were blocked by cold syrup.

"...Your door's broken?"

"No, Shinji. I was making a literary allusion. In the Bible, the Israelites destroyed the wall protecting the city of Jericho by screaming at it."

"...You were-"

"Daring you to try something. Inviting you in. I dunno."

I rolled onto my side. Asuka had brought her mattress into my room, and she lay staring at the ceiling.

"You're a coward", she said.

"Yeah."

She smiled. "That's not true. That's something I realized with Instrumentality."

I was silent. She continued. "You've done cowardly things, therefore you are a coward. That's how you figured things work, right?"

"...Yeah, of course. If you do something bad, you're a bad person. That's...I mean, how is that wrong?"

"Your semen was cold."

Every muscle in my body contracted. My shame was physical, mental, transcen-fucking-dental. It hit like a tidal wave until I wanted to vomit, wanted to rip every one of my teeth out, wanted to dive into an ocean of broken glass, wanted to hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt.

"I'm sorry."

"You should be."

"I am."

"You are. I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you yet, but…"
I held my breath, tears streaking down my face.

"...I saw what you did to yourself, to the entire world because of it, and it made me wonder if you hated yourself more than I hated you."

"That's not possible."

"How do you know?"

"I…"

She sat up.

"The truth is, I'm willing to start over, clean slate. That's what this is. A second chance, for everyone. And that means you."

"Asuka...Why…?" I choked out.

"Because you aren't a bad person, Shinji."

"Yes, I am! I killed people! Good people! I started the Third Impact, I let those mass-production Evas kill you! Misato and Kaworu and Toji and everyone, they died because of me!"

"Shinji, you were set up. Your father put you in that position. He drilled the idea that you were worthless into your mind until you became his little doll he could order around. You might have pulled the trigger, but he was the one aiming the gun."

"He didn't make me...do what I did to you."

"No. He didn't." She stood up. The moon cast a strip of light across her face. "You did a bad thing, Shinji. A monstrous thing. But that doesn't make you a monster."

She knelt down next to the bed and rested her head on the mattress. Her face was inches away from mine.

"You're fourteen years old, Shinji. There's always a chance to turn around. To become a good person. Human beings are not set in stone. No one can decide who you're going to become except you."

I buried my face into my pillow and tried in vain to hold back my tears. Asuka watched me, and for a long time, we were silent, except for my muffled sobs. Soon, even that sound fell away, and everything was quiet again.

I took in a ragged breath, let out a puff of air that could have been a laugh. "When did you get so freaking enlightened?"

Asuka smiled. "I'll be at the door. Those can be your first steps."

When she was gone, I angled my head and looked out the window. The moon looked smaller now. Its light felt a little warmer.

She was waiting for me at the door, with my SDAT player and headphones in hand. She placed one in my left ear, and one in her right. She held out her hand, and I took it.

"Pick a song," she said.

I smiled at her, hoping she could read the thank you in my expression, and clicked the PLAY button.

It was an orchestral ballad called Toki no Kawa wo Koete. It began with a slow, gentle piano piece. Asuka stepped closer to me. I took a step back. She took a step back. I took a step forward. It became a dance. Slowly, the gap between us closed. The piano gave way to the rest of the orchestra, cellos and violins and an electric guitar building in strength and volume. Something in my core became iron.

Our shadows danced across the floor. The silvery light of the moon landed on Asuka's face, lit her blue eyes. The music built to another crescendo. She rested her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. I could feel her heartbeat against my chest.

And for the first time...I could feel mine.

"Don't be afraid, Shinji", she whispered.