Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. Obviously.

"No, Loki."

It had been ten years since Odin had spoken those words, since he had let go of Gungnir. Ten years since Loki had given up and let go. Ten years since he'd fallen and landed. Ten years since he'd been home. Ten years since he'd been sure what home was.

Loki shifted, frowning and trying to get more comfortable in his bed as the thoughts occurred to him. It wasn't the first time he'd turned these thoughts over in his head, yet it was the first time it had failed to fill him with sadness. He opened his eyes and sighed as he rolled over. He opening his eyes and stare at the ceiling, wondering what he was feeling. Ten years... Well, it wasn't that long, considering he had been alive for more than a thousand years. He had once spent ten years mute, only talking to certain people.

And yet these ten years had been the longest of Loki's life. He kept himself shrouded with magic and never stayed more than six months in an apartment. And he never got too close to anyone. Oh, he spoke to people; that was unavoidable in the long run. Things needed to get bought, and negotiations on housing made talking to others inevitable. He wasn't even quite sure why he hadn't gone back to Asgard.

He had thought about it at first, when he had walked through the twisting roads of Everything. Then again, time seemed not to exist then. It was beautiful, endless, and Loki had found smaller Realms. Realms he was sure no one but him knew about. He hadn't stayed in any of them for more than a day or two. At last, he had decided to move around the Nine Realms. He had stayed in Alfheim and Vanaheim, using disguises. He'd even spent a year in Jotunheim, trying to learn more about his "home Realm." Finally, he had come to Midgard. And for the past five years, he had been traveling the Earth, fascinated by the many cultures it held.

It was a lonely life; there was no denying it. He knew he Not that anyone would have cared or mourned him, anyway. Well, he amended, No one except... He closed his eyes. Frigga. Perhaps Thor, going by the man's face when he'd let go.

It was best not to dwell on such thoughts.

Loki finally pulled the covers back and got up, going to his little kitchen to make a cup of tea. He put the kettle on, grabbed a cup, and waited, sitting at the table with his head in his arms on the table. He was currently living in a little apartment in Brooklyn, New York. His landlady, Ella Hall, lived downstairs. She sometimes invited him downstairs for Sunday lunch, and he sometimes invited her up for a cup of tea in return. She fussed over him, but while the attention made him a little bit uncomfortable he put up with it. Though, if you asked him, he couldn't have told you why.

Thankfully, no one did ask. He didn't own very many personal things, and stored them in a pocket dimension. Nothing was permanent in his life anymore.

With a sigh, Loki stood, ignoring the click of the kettle turning off. He grabbed a jacket off of the sofa and pulled it on, putting on a pair of boots as well. He made sure he had his keys, then walked out the door, pulling a cigarette out as he did so. It wasn't an addiction; he only smoked on nights when his head was too full of thoughts. The smoke such an opposite from the frost within him that it somehow seemed to help. He wasn't allowed to smoke indoors, so he lit the end as he left the building and walked up the street.

He had changed more in ten years than he had centuries. He wore his hair a bit longer how, and he dyed the ends of his hair in various colors. It was no longer combed back, but parted, sometimes in the middle, sometimes off to the side. He wore colors more often, though they were usually still dark; he was wary of brighter colors. He still had the clothes he'd worn when falling. They remained in his pocket dimension, along with the battered, horned helmet. He had, for the most part, stopped wearing gold, embracing silver instead. He'd gotten his ears pierced and had considered getting a tattoo, but wasn't sure what he would get if he did. A snake? A bit cliché. A flower? Maybe not. He had decided against it for now, and drew on his skin with markers when he felt like it instead.

But the biggest change was that, at long last, Loki could be a girl whenever he wanted, and no one would care.

Outside, the crisp night air grounded him. Autumn was changing to winter, and Loki could tell that snow was on its way. But perhaps not quite yet; it was only the end of November, so there was time yet for snow. He walked until his cigarette was gone, then meandered back to the apartment, hands in his pockets. As he climbed the stairs, a door opened and Ella poked her head out. She smiled at him, her face warm and open. She was in a dressing gown and slippers.

"Bit cold out for a walk, isn't it, Jordan?" She said. Loki gave a half-shrug and a bit of a guilty smile in return. She leaned against the doorframe and looked him up and down, eying his pajamas under his jacket and boots. "Aha, so it's one of those nights, huh?" She nodded like she understood. "Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?"

Loki bit his lip. "No, thank you, ma'am. I wouldn't want to trouble you."

"Oh, come on," she said, tilting her head as if beckoning. "I've just boiled the water, so it's no trouble at all." Loki still hesitated, so she added "And I usually find that a little company helps on nights like this."

Loki blinked at her, then made his way back downstairs. She gave him a knowing look and held the door for him. He wiped his feet and took his boots off, leaving them by the door, which she closed behind him. "Would you like some cookies, too?" She asked. "I made them a bit earlier. They're chocolate chip, if you were wondering."

"Thank you," Loki mumbled, wrapping his arms around him and sitting at the table, back straight. He had been royalty after all, and polite mannerisms had been grounded into him for as long as he could remember. The tutors had given up any hope of Thor ever listening to them, so he had almost no etiquette whatsoever.

"What kind of tea would you like?" Ella asked, peering into her cupboard of teas. "Probably nothing with caffeine, I mean you want to be able to get back to sleep eventually, right? Is mint and lavender good with you?"

Loki nodded. A few minutes later, Ella set a streaming mug down in front of him. She put a plate of cookies down as well, and Loki picked one up, nibbling on the edge. There were cats painted on the edge of his mug, playing with a ball of yarn and mice. Ella sat down across, and stirred sugar into her tea. "You can take a plate of those back upstairs, if you like," she said, nodding at the cookies. "I made plenty to go around."

"Thank you," Loki said, glancing up at her. He dipped the cookie in his tea and took a bite. "It's delicious."

"Why, thank you!" She said, grinning at the compliment. "And I like what you've done with your hair; the red brings out your eyes nicely."

Loki's fingers went to the ends of his hair, dyed an almost magenta color. He averted his eyes and said a soft "Thank you, ma'am."

"You're welcome," she replied. There was silence for a few moments, then she said "Have you read anything interesting lately?"

"Mhm," Loki said, nodding as he swallowed. "Harry Potter. It's... a fascinating read." Even if it wasn't how magic actually worked, it was interesting. "I'm on the fifth book."

"Oh, I know those," she said, smiling. "Read all seven of 'em when they came out. My granddaughter loves 'em to death. I swear, she read them every time another movie came out. You'd like her, I think, my Tiffany. Though apparently she prefers Tiff nowadays. She's about seventeen... Have I told you about her before?"

Loki shook his head, though she had told him about Tiffany many times before.

"She's a great kid," Ella said, smiling. "That's her on the mantle." She nodded, eyes focused on something behind him. He turned to see the picture of a young girl with blonde hair and brown eyes, smiling up.

"She's as beautiful as her grandmother," Loki said, giving Ella a charming smile. She laughed, eyes dancing.

"Of course she is, with genes as good as her mother's," the old woman replied, a fondness in her eyes. She winked at him. "What about you, do you have any family?"

Loki straightened and looked down at his cup, smile falling from his face. "I..." He sighed. "We haven't been in touch for a long time."

"Ah," she said, nodding. "That's me; I haven't seen my Oliver in many a year. He was a good kid; I'm not sure what he's up to these days. I call him on his birthday and Christmas. He never picks up, or replies, but... well..." She sighed. "He's not in touch with Marie either. That's my daughter," she added. "Marie. Tiffany's mother."

Loki nodded and sipped his tea before taking another cookie. Ella watched him, then said "How long've you been away from your folks?"

Loki shrugged, taking a mouthful of cookie to avoid replying. Ella watched him, silent, until he finished. Then kept watching him. He flushed and mumbled "A few years. We didn't... part on good terms."

"Oh?" She asked, raising her eyebrows. Loki nodded.

"I didn't tell them where I was going," he said, not looking at her, "or even that I was going. I just... left." Let go. "I had issues." He trailed off and shook his head. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"'Course it does," Ella said, putting her elbows on the table, mug cradled in her hands. "Sometimes people need to talk. That's okay. Go ahead and talk, I don't mind."

Loki shrugged. "I changed my name. Haven't in contact, in about... Well, a while."

"How long? A decade?" She joked. Loki flushed again and looked down. Ella's smile fell and she said "Really? A decade?" Loki shrugged. "How old were you when you left, seventeen?"

"More or less," Loki mumbled, shrugging as he clasped his hands in front of him. "I move around a lot."

"Don't you think they're worried about you?" She asked. Loki snorted.

"Them? No. I mean, maybe at first," he muttered. "But now?" He shook his head. "Like I said, it doesn't matter."

"Of course it does," Ella replied. "They're your family."

Loki blinked and looked down. "No," he said in a soft tone. "They're not." He made to get up, but Ella reached across the table and put a hand around his clasped ones, stopping him.

"Jordan," she said. "I'm not the kind of person who's going to tell you to love your family unconditionally. Now, I don't know what kind of situation you were in, so I won't play judge. But if they ever hurt you, or lied to you, or anything like that, then you are under no obligation to love them. But," she added, patting his hand, "it's never too late to make amends, if that's what you want to do."

"I don't," Loki said, looking down. "At least... not yet. But thank you."

Ella just smiled and patted his hands again before getting up. "I'll get you those cookies for you to take upstairs."

About fifteen minutes later, Loki was in his kitchen with a takeout container of cookies. He set them down on the counter, and shrugged off his jacket, laying it over the chair. When his six month's rent ran out, he'd pack up and leave, leaving the keys on the kitchen table. Like he always did.

Jordan Walker was the name Loki had adopted when he'd arrived in Midgard. Walker was a popular name that people wouldn't really suspect. He'd found that Jordan was a unisex name, so he could switch between genders without too much question. He'd had to hide it on Asgard, but on Jotunheim, he'd discovered that the Jotnar were hermaphroditic, just like him. They also used one pronoun for everyone (ze/zim/zir), unless told to do otherwise. Loki found it odd, and wasn't quite comfortable with it, so he still used male pronouns. But, when asked, he shrugged and said whichever was fine. He didn't really care either way.

Loki went back to his bedroom, making sure the doors were locked before getting into bed. He pulling the covers around him like a cocoon, then waving a hand at the light. He snuggled down and closed his eyes as Ella's words came back to him. He sighed; he would miss her when he moved. He'd gotten comfortable in this little apartment.

He frowned a bit. He hadn't stayed anywhere for more than six months... but maybe, just this once, he could bend that rule.

After all, rules were made to be broken.

Hey, so this is the beginning of a story I wrote earlier this year. Out of the fics I've written, it's my absolute favorite, so I'd really appreciate it if you let me know what you think of it.