Previously...

"Take me back to Ressler," she demands instead. Instead of saying things she'll regret, instead of feeling sorry for herself, instead of dwelling on the fear that closes over her suddenly.

Reddington simply nods.

It's not until they're in the car, headed back to the hospital with Sammy gripped tightly in her arms, that Reddington whispers his confession.

"It's hard," he begins, looking out the window, watching the buildings pass by. "When you have to give your child away. It haunts you for the rest of your life."

Liz doesn't respond. Instead, she holds Sammy closer and enjoys his warmth, the sweet, baby smell he gives off, and his soft, sleepy snores.

After all, she doesn't know how much more time she has left with him.

June 19th, 9:30 AM (Bethesda Hospital)

Liz is at the hospital once more, walking through the bleached, white walls. Except this time, her arms are full of Sammy's warmth, his soft snores, and his warm breath is ghosting across her cheek.

She's walked this hall four times, each time unable to gather the courage to walk into Ressler's room. He's awake, she'd been told. He woke up right after you left. But she knows when she walks in, he'll see Sammy and his eyes will light up, because of course he feels like he failed them. They'd been cornered, and Liz and Sammy had been trapped, and the last thing Ressler had heard was her screaming as they'd broken into the bathroom and taken Sammy from her arms.

"Ma'am?"

Liz looks up suddenly, her hand stilling on Sammy's back where she'd been rubbing soothing circles. She meets the eyes of a tired looking nurse, who's poking her head out of Ressler's room.

"He's asking for you."

Liz nods - she knew he would, sooner or later, especially after Reddington had popped in to update him.

Time to face the music, she supposes.

Taking a deep breath to steel herself, she grips Sammy tighter and walks into Ressler's room. He's propped up against about a million pillows, sipping on cup of water. His eyes flash up to meet hers, and he's grinning widely as she walks into the room.

"Liz!" he shouts, and though she knows Reddington had told Ressler both she and Sammy were safe, there's still relief clear in his eyes as she walks closer. He makes a move to lean forward, but hisses in pain and leans back, panting but happy.

"Hey," she says softly, and she shifts Sammy in her arms, cradling his head gently as she lowers the baby into Ressler's lap. The older man is grinning widely, his uninjured arm moving slowly as he runs his fingers across Sammy's delicate face. The baby nuzzles into his touch, snoring as he shifts closer to the warmth Ressler offers.

"You found him," he says in quiet wonder, unable to tear his eyes from the baby. Liz nods, swallowing lump in her throat. "Reddington said that after I was shot, Sammy was taken. He said he just barely got there in time to save your life."

His eyes have taken on a slightly haunted look (how many times has he almost lost her? he can't keep count). She reaches over and takes his hand, entwining their fingers and letting out a deep sigh.

"We didn't just find Sammy," she begins, and Ressler looks up in surprise. "We found James, too."

She doesn't have to say anything more for Ressler to understand that her heart is breaking into a million pieces. She'd almost had this once, he mused, with Tom. A baby. A family. And she'd lost it when Tom betrayed her, when she realized that their relationship was a lie (not all of it, Ressler is man enough to admit that Tom really loved her, but love can't be based on lies or it will fall apart). And then Sammy had come along, and despite their better intentions, they'd both become deeply involved. They'd fallen in love with the baby Reddington has so carefully placed in their arms so many weeks ago.

"We'll be OK," he says quietly, because they will (he hopes). Or will they fall apart, too? Is Sammy the only thing holding them together? He refuses to believe it.

"We will," she echoes, and because time heals all wounds she knows it's the truth.

Sammy chooses that moment to open his bright blue eyes and smile up at Ressler sleepily. He reaches out a chubby fist and rests it on their entwined hands and Liz begins to cry.

It's hard, when you have to give your child away. It haunts you for the rest of your life.

July 19th, 8:32 PM

Liz has gone home for a change of clothes, and to bathe and change Sammy. She was coming back, she assured him. She'd bring Sammy's pack 'n' play, because they couldn't lose even a moment with him, not now, and Ressler is left alone in his room. The sun is setting, and he feels better than he did that morning, but as he tries to reach for his glass of ice chips, his shoulder reminds him that gunshots do not heal quickly and he grunts in pain and frustration.

"How the mighty have fallen," a voice chuckles, and Ressler looks up to see Reddington holding out his glass. He takes the criminal's offering, chewing thoughtfully on a piece of ice as Reddington makes himself at home in the chair that Liz had so recently vacated.

"Liz told you?"

"Depends," Ressler says, his voice quiet and free of any emotion. He crunches a piece of ice between his teeth with more force than necessary.

"About James."

"Yeah."

The two men are silent for a moment, and then Ressler laughs softly. "I know better than to get attached. It's why my mom never let me name any of the strays I insisted on bringing home. 'Once you name it you get attached, Donnie!' she'd say, and I'd try and find the kitten or puppy or whatever the hell kind of animal I'd brought home that week the next morning and it'd be gone."

"Did not naming them help?"

"Not a bit," Ressler confides, shaking his head. "I'd always go out and find another."

"Sammy's not replaceable," Reddington notes, and Ressler shakes his head.

"No, he's not."

"There once was a time, in Bali," Reddington begins, and his tone takes on a wistful edge as he begins talking. Ressler readies himself for one of Reddington's famous stories, but the man's next words take him off guard. "It wasn't long after I lost my family. A year, maybe two. I found comfort in many things - and women were no exception. But this woman. This woman was... exquisite. She was beautiful and exotic and the perfect distraction. But when the light faded and the night was quiet, nothing, not even her presence, was enough. You can't escape your ghosts, Donald, and if you try everything will fall apart."

You and Liz will fall apart. He doesn't say it, but Ressler can hear the warning in Reddington's carefully crafted words.

"So what do you do, if pretending it isn't tearing you apart doesn't work?" he asks, his chest tight. He already knows they're going to lose Sammy. And he knows, he fears, that he might lose Liz, too.

Reddington looks thoughtful for a second, and the silence is uncomfortable so Ressler chews on another ice chip, the crunching noise too loud in the silent room. Finally, Reddington sighs. "Donald, I don't know if there is anything you can do. Be honest, be there, be willing to talk. Don't... bottle it up. You do that," he says, and raises his eyebrow. Donald huffs. He knows this about himself, of course - his tendencies to keep everything to himself, to occasionally drown himself in liquor when he is unable to handle it anymore. But he also knows he'd be willing to try - to try and talk about his ... feelings, if it means he doesn't lose Liz.

"I know it's not the same," Ressler finally says. "Losing Sammy. It's not the same as what you lost, he's not dead, he just won't be ... ours anymore. But, does it get better? Does it ever get better?"

"Love is love," Reddington says, heaving himself to his feet. "There are no comparisons. And... yes, it does. The pain of losing a child never gets any better, don't mistake that. But over time you love again. Another child, friends, family - you will love others, in whatever capacity. And while the pain of loss never gets any better, the ones you surround yourself with, those you love... it doesn't negate the pain, but with enough people to help shoulder the burden, it gets easier."

Reddington rests a hand on Ressler's uninjured shoulder. "Remember that, Donald. Don't close yourself off. Let others help shoulder the burden."

Ressler nods, numbly letting Reddington take the cup of ice chips away from him and set it on the table. When Reddington turns around again, he's smiling as he tips his hat onto his head.

"And besides," he says as he opens the door to reveal Liz and Sammy, Liz's hand poised to knock. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. It may not even come to that. Good day, Donald!" he says, cheerfully leaning down to plant a kiss on Sammy's cheek, and then Liz's.

The door closes behind Liz, who looks confused as she moves closer to Ressler's hospital bed.

"What was that about?" she asks, sitting Sammy on Ressler's chest while she goes about setting up the baby's pack 'n' play.

Ressler shakes his head. Reddington was a man of mystery, that much was for sure. "I... I'm not sure," he says, his brow furrowing in confusion. They'd found James, he couldn't have possibly meant that they might not lose Sammy, right? He doesn't dare get his hopes up, so instead of dwelling on it, he beckons for Liz to come closer.

"Leave it," he says, motioning toward the pack 'n' play. "Come here, lay with us for a bit," he says, and as Liz leaves the pieces of Sammy's bed in the middle of the room and comes closer, he can see that she's just as worried as him, just as sad at the prospect of losing Sammy. She crawls into the narrow hospital bed, resting her head on Ressler's chest. He's using his injured arm to prop Sammy up, and he wraps his uninjured on to hold Liz close. As they all begin to drift off, Sammy's tiny, sleepy snores filling the room, he allows himself to believe that they can keep this, that they won't lose Sammy and the little family they've built.

Later, when the nurse comes in later that night, she smiles at seeing the little family all curled together on the bed. She gives the dad a shot of painkillers so he won't wake up from the pain in the middle of the night, and turns out the light to let the family sleep.

There is no excuse for my horrible, awful behavior. I am going to blame Blacklist and their episode break and also OMG that episode. There is literally one more chapter left, the epilogue, and it will take place partially in the future, and partially immediately after this scene through flashbacks.

Please review! (Even though I am a horrible human being who didn't update for months and months and months!)