Okay guys, I'm back. After months of looking at this, struggling with writer's block and a new symptom of my disease, dyslexia, I am finally ready to post. I really love this story, because it was born from a headcanon that me and one of my best friends got hella emotional about. It was suppose to be a one shot but I just couldn't fit everything I was feeling into one little part. Like I said, I've been looking at/working on this for months and I just couldnt get over this mental block I had on this until very recently. (Maybe its the positive linstead finally? Who knows.)

Anyways, Erin is very sassy in this chapter and I kind of love it. I was stuck on one part because it's kind of drastic, and I don't want it to seem out of character. But on the other hand I used Amellia Shepherd's (Grey's/Private Practice), downward spiral as inspiration for this fic because I feel that Erin and Amelia share a lot of qualities. So if you've watched Amelia's downward spiral, some of these scenes may definitely have a familiar feeling to them.

The song for this chapter is Gasoline by Halsey. I really love this song and I listened to it while I wrote a good portion of this chapter. I hope that you all will understand why by the end. Thank you for being patient with me, as my life and illnesses are very unpredictible. I do have quite a bit of motivation to finish part four(also the final chapter) of this, so It may be up sooner than you'd expect ;)

This is not properly edited, so please forgive any grammatical errors, weird dyslexic mistakes, and weird tense changes.

As you all know, I don't own any of these characters.

Enjoy! :)

P.S-The Italic parts in the story are flashbacks.

'Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?

Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me?

Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?

Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?'

As reality descends on her, Erin launches from her spot on the bed towards Jays hand, making a move for the pills. He quickly pulls his arm out of reach, balling his fist. She slumps back onto the bed before her proud temper causes her to straighten her spine.

"You went through my stuff?" Erin accuses, folding her arms over her chest as her form of protection against the flood of emotions coursing through her veins.

His face contorts in anger and he spins on his heel, trying to reign in his temper. "Erin," He begins before turning back towards her, "I'm holding a bag of drugs in my hand."

"So?" She snaps, stubbornness playing across her features.

"So?" He repeats exasperated, "If you don't see a problem with that, then we have a bigger issue than I thought." He says shoving the baggy into his pants pocket. He carefully watches Erin carefully watching him. A pang of worry eats away at his stomach.

He runs a tired hand through his hair, "Erin, this isn't you."

Erin snorts, "How the hell would you know?"

Her harsh reply feels like a slap to the face and he does his best not to actually recoil. Before he can reply there is a shrill ringing from his phone, breaking the tense silence hanging between them.

"Halstead," He grunts into the phone, his eyes staying on Erin, who shifts under his harsh gaze.

Jay listens and nods, "Got it," he replies into the phone, "text me the details."

He clips his phone back on his hip before he crosses his arms over his chest. "We caught a case."

Erin looks up at him with an eyebrow raised, not moving from her position on the bed.

"You need to get cleaned up," Jay criticizes, "You look," He pauses, eyes dragging over her disheveled appearance, "Well...you look like you should, considering." He shakes his head before making his way out of her room.

Jay's words echo harshly in her head and pain grips at her heart. Erin drags the sheet up to her chest, though she is fully clothed, their exchange leaves her feeling vulnerable and naked.

A while later, Erin slides on a pair of aviators as Jay starts the car, her head still pounding as the sun beats through the windshield.

"Where are we headed?" Erin asks casually as they pull away from her apartment complex and take a right.

Jay keeps his eyes on the road and doesn't respond. She watches the muscle in his jaw tick as he actively ignores her. She narrows her eyes at him, 'So he's pissed', Erin thinks to herself, 'that doesn't give him the right to be a dick.'

"If you're going to be an asshole, do you think we could at least stop for a coffee?" She snaps, crossing her arms over her chest.

His hands tighten on the steering wheel and he glares over at her, "No." he answers swiftly before focusing back on the traffic in front of them.

"You're impossible." Erin says through clenched teeth, letting out a huff and banging her head against the seat. Her vision blurs as she watches her city pass by out the window. Silently she reaches her hand up and brushes away a stray tear. She squeezes her eyes closed hoping to quell any others that may try to escape. She tries not to flinch as memories hit her like a wave;

"Where are we going?" Erin asked with a laugh, her feet resting comfortably on the dash. An old Journey song flowed easily through the speakers, and Jay wore a content smile on his lips.

He shot her a mischievous look, "It's a surprise."

"Ugh," Erin scoffed, " You know I hate surprises."

Jay rolled his eyes at her and continued singing along with the radio.

"You know, there wouldn't be any surprises if I was in the drivers seat." She said smartly, crossing her arms casually over her chest.

"Actually, If I remember our last stake out correctly, I gave you quite the surprise when you were sitting in the drivers seat. In fact," he said with a laugh. "I'm pretty sure I surprised you several times."

Erin gasped and punched him in the shoulder. "You're so gross!"

"What? It's true!" He defended, his classic smirk creeping onto his face.

Erin shook her head, but she couldn't help but laugh.

"Plus, you know you love me." He said confidently, his hand dropping down to intertwine with hers.

"Yeah." She said easily, her heart instinctively beating a little faster. "Yeah I really do."

Jay's breath hitched and the air grew thick as he processed what she just said. He was joking around, and he never expected her to actually agree with him.

"You've never said that before." He murmured matter of factly as his eyes darted between her and the road in front of him. As they made their way through a small town outside of Chicago, his heart raced in his chest. "Are you sure?

"Yes," She said with a smile, squeezing his hand in reassurance. "I'm positive I love you.

Erin let out a yelp as Jay maneuvered the car to the side of the road, kicking up dust and gravel as they came to a swift stop.

The most beautifully genuine smile Erin had ever seen crossed his face, and she fell even deeper.

"Can you say it again, since I'm no longer operating a 2 ton piece of machinery." Jay asked, the smile still glued to his face.

She raised an eyebrow, "Oh, I know exactly what kind of machinery you're working with."

"Touche," He laughed. "But seriously, " He locked eyes with her, "Can you say it again?"

She brought her hands up to hold his head between her hands. Her palms rested against his neck as her thumbs brushed against the stubble of his jaw.

"Jay Halstead," She started, "I love your taste in music. I love what a great partner you are; how you'll always have my back no matter what. I love that you can cook. I love your dirty jokes.I love how passionately you talk about the things you love. I love how mad you get when I drink the last of the milk and put the carton back in the fridge. I love how you still go to Mass on Christmas Eve, because it would make your mom happy. I love that birthmark on your left hip, and I love how it's shaped like Florida. I love that little smirk that crosses your lips just as you're falling asleep. I love every goddamn thing about you, Jay. I love you. I'm in love with you. Every part of me, loves you."

Before Erin could even take another breath, his lips crashed against hers. She fell easily into the kiss. She giggled into Jay's mouth as he pulled her from her seat and into his lap. He adjusts the seat so she can straddle his thighs comfortably before finding her lips again.

When they finally break for air, Erin rested her forehead on his and they both laughed a little breathlessly.

Once he could breathe again, Jay brought his hand to stroke Erin's cheek. "I love you too."

This time it's Erin initiated the kiss as her heart soared. She couldn't ever remember feeling this happy.

"I love you," She said into his mouth. "I love you." She repeated as she kissed his cheek. She continued a trail of 'I love you's' down his neck and chest, stopping to say it as she popped each button of his shirt.

"Whoa whoa whoa," Jay murmured with a smirk, "If you go any lower, we're going to put a serious dent in our travel Itinerary."

"Well, you know how I am with rules and schedules," She shrugged before attaching her lips onto his neck, working her way back up to his mouth. She responded instantly as Jay deepened the kiss, rolling her hips into his.

"Oh fuck the itinerary." He said, his voice deepening. He reached for the button of Erin's jeans, which popped open easily. He slid a hand into her pants, cupping her, her instinctive moan vibrating against his neck.

"No wait," She pulled herself away from him, covering his hand with her own. She looked into his eyes, dead serious. "You have to tell me where we're going first."

He deadpanned, his face completely stoic. "Wisconsin." he said cooly. And with that, they both busted out laughing-

Erin is jerked back to the present a few moments later when the car lurches to a stop. She glances up and then looks over at Jay, "What are we doing here?"

"We're getting you a fucking cup of coffee. Let's go." He growls as he yanks the keys out of the ignition. He gets out of the car and slams the door behind himself, causing a shiver to travel up Erin's spine.

She gets out of the car at a slower pace and as she looks at the diner a sense of deja vu washes over her. She can't remember when or how, but she had been here before. When she glances over and sees Jay's hard eyes glaring back at her, she picks up the pace. Even in the foul mood he's in, he still holds the door for her. The large diner is bustling with people and Jay makes his way over to the waitress, whispering something in her ear. Erin focuses on the tacky decorations plastered to the walls until Jay walks back over towards her.

"Come on," He says, leading her forward into the maze of crowded tables.

Erin drags her feet, "Why are we getting a table? You didn't even want to get me a coffee." She scoffs.

Jay rolls his eyes, and places his hand on the small of her back, pushing her forward. Reluctantly Erin lets him guide her through the diner, and looks down confused when his hand clamps around her wrist and Jay's feet come to a halt. As she lifts her eyes her heart races and she suddenly sees why Jay had shackled her to him. She instantly wants to flee as she looks at a table full of her pseudo family.

Erin turns on Jay who still has a hold on her, "I thought you said we caught a case?"

Before he can answer, Voight interjects, "He lied. Sit down." He watches as she turns her head stubbornly. " ." He orders harshly, grabbing the attention of a few of the patrons around them.

Reluctantly Erin slides into the tacky red booth that looks like something straight out of the 50s, followed by Jay who folds his hands on the table. Erin holds steady as Hank's eyes bore into her, Olinski and Antonio sit quietly next to him, each of them knowing better than to try and say a word.

Erin is the first to speak. She interlaces her fingers, locking her hands together, before resting her chin on top of them. "Why are we here Hank?" She asks a little too sweetly.

"Why do you think we're here Erin?" Hank questions, his eyes focused intently on her.

She yawns, finally breaking eye contact with him. "I don't know, looks like some kind of half assed intervention to me." She folds her arms on the table and looks around to her colleagues, her gaze finally settling on Jay. "Is that what this is?"

"We just want what's best for you." Olinsky answers quickly.

"Yeah, you're heading down a dark road. We're just trying to protect you." Antonio chimes in.

Her eyes narrow at both of them, "Oh yeah, like we protected Nadia?" Erin says stiffly causing a heavy silence to fall over the table.

"Do you want some coffee, Erin?" Jay offers, trying to change the subject.

"So one of you can slip some naloxone into it? No thanks." She sits back with a smug smile on her face as Jay and Hank exchange glances. "You know what sounds really great though? Waffles." She chirps, before waving her hand and bellowing, "Waitress!"

The waitress quickly jots down Erin's order and offers to take the orders of everyone else, but no one else seems to have an appetite. "Oh well," Erin says, handing her menu to the waitress, "more for me!" A sickly sweet smile is plastered on her face as she turns back to the table. She starts opening sugar packets and pouring them onto the table. The rest of her unit, her family, looking at her in disbelief.

"Halstead, come with me." Voight orders, sliding out of his side of the booth.

"Ooo time for a secret meeting," Erin sings sarcastically, which earns her a glare from Voight and a sigh from Jay who slides away from her, out of his seat.

Voight nods to Antonio and Olinski to keep Erin where she is before following Jay out of earshot.

"What the hell are we supposed to do now, sarg?" Jay starts, looking his boss hard in the eyes.

"I'm not sure. The last time I went through this with her she was a teenager. She's smarter now, a lot more stubborn now." Voight says, rubbing a hand over his jaw as he thinks.

"I'm guessing the last time she wasn't also mourning the loss of one of her best friends?" Jay adds.

"That's it. We bring up Nadia. She'll probably strangle us with her bare hands, but if it breaks through to her, it might just work." Voight counters.

"If that doesn't work, I have another idea." Jay says solemnly, " but you're not gonna like it."

By the time they get back to the table, Erin is already halfway through her waffles.

"So," she says with a mouth full of food. "what's the verdict?"

Jay and Voight both slide into the booth silently. Erin raises her eyebrows and waves her fork impatiently implying for them to spit it out. Several beats pass before anyone speaks.

"Erin, we want you to get some help." He says somberly as he reaches out for her free hand, but she snaches it away defensivly.

"I don't have a problem. I'm having fun." She says, her voice rising. "For fucks sake, I never get to have any fun. Why can't you all leave well enough alone?" She mutters, stabbing a fork into a piece of waffle.

"Because we all love you, Erin." Voight says firmly, "We don't want to see you destroy yourself."

Erin rolls her eyes, shoving a bite of waffle into her mouth.

"Nadia wouldn't want you to be doing this to yourself." Voight adds.

Erin looks away, barely managing to swallow her mouthful of food.

"Don't," She says, her voice too quiet for anyone's comfort. "Don't you dare." Her eyes lock on Voight, full of fire.

"Erin-" Voight pleads but she cuts him off before he can finish his thought.

"No!" she snaps, fist slamming into the table, shaking it's air around them immediately grows silent, her outburst gaining the attention of the other patrons.

They sit silently for what seems like forever, no one daring to speak. Erin tries to contain the anger that is building in her chest, taking a deep breath to steady herself before she speaks.

"You," She points a shaky finger at Voight. "don't have any right to tell me how to live my life; to tell me how to grieve. You are not my father." Erin says emphatically before turning to Jay. "And you, are not my boyfriend." She registers the look of hurt that flashes over each of their faces, but she can't bring herself to care. "I'm going to do whatever the hell I want."

"No," Voight corrects, "You're not. You're going to get clean."

Erin leans her elbows onto the table, resting her chin on her hands, "Or what?" She counters, a small smirk tugging at her lips.

"Or," Voight takes a deep breath before continuing, " you will immediately be stripped of your badge and you will no longer be a detective in this unit."

She looks around at her coworkers, her family, and sees the same melancholy look mimicked on each of their faces. She falls back against the booth, the air rushing out of her lungs. She weighs the options in her head and after a moment she reaches her hand out to Jay.

He looks at her confused and when the realization hits him, his eyes grow wide and he looks over to Voight, who gives him a disappointed nod. Reluctantly Jay reaches into his pocket and pulls out the small bag. He gives Erin a pleading look but it doesn't seem to phase her, so he drops the baggie in her palm.

Erin immediately opens the bag, fingering out the last two pills and sets them carefully on the table. She stands up, removing her badge from her hip.

Jay looks away and cringes with every bang as she proceeds to use her badge to crush the pills into a fine powder.

Erin carefully forms her lines, and with one last look to Voight, she bends down and snorts them in quick succession. Wiping her nose, she stands up straight, her eyes locked on Voight. She drops her badge into his lap, the white powder still dulling its metallic shine.

"Fuck you," She says to Voight, before turning to the others. "Fuck all of you." She picks up her aviators off the table, and grabs one last bite of waffle before letting the fork fall onto the table.

"MMMM," She exclaims, turning on her heel, walking purposefully away from the table.

Jay makes a move to get up, he wasn't about to let her just walk away, not after what she just did. But he feels a strong hand on his arm, pulling him forcefully back into the booth.

"Don't," Voight says, his voice filled with defeat. "She's gone."

Two days later Erin storms into her apartment in huff. She shoves a hand quicking into the pocket of the leather jacket hanging by her door, and does it with each of the other coats and sweatshirts hanging on her hooks; she comes up empty.

"Shit," She mutters, irked. When she walked away from the unit, Voight had immediately froze all of her financials. Erin vaugly remembers a voice mail from him, saying that he wouldn't 'enable her habit.' Of course, she had taken her last 3 pills eight hours ago, and now she was coming down hard with no way of obtaining another fix.

She goes on a mission, looking every place she can think of. As she continues her scavenger hunt, she grows increasingly more frustrated. She slams the drawer in her dresser and sits on the bed defeated. Her skin is crawling, and the painful memories were seeping back into her consciousness.

"No," she groans aloud, bringing her hands to her eyes, as if to stop the memories from weighing her heart down.

Pushing herself up, she walks back into the living room and grabs the bottle of whisky from the table. Unscrewing the top, she throws it across the room carelessly as she brings the bottle to her lips. As it burns a trail to her belly, she prays that it will at least take the edge off.

She fiddles with her phone, sighing with relief as music blasts through her speakers, temporarily drowning out the thoughts in her head. Erin rests against the wall, occasionally taking a swig of the amber liquid.

It doesn't do shit.

Her body is still screaming for a fix and lets out a grunt, downing another hearty gulp. All the horrible things she's said and done to the people she loves play on a loop in her head; the music no longer helping to drown them out as pain and anger rush through her veins.

"Goddamn it," She bellows, angry tears pricking her eyes.

She spins on her heel and hurls the bottle through the air.

The bottle crashes against the door and Erin gasps as it narrowly misses Jay's head. Between the music and the thoughts coursing through her brain on a loop, she didn't even hear him slip through her front door.

They both stand in tense silence for what feels like forever. Golden trails of whiskey still run down her front door; the liquid dripping onto her wooden floor is the only thing that breaks the silence. Erin's heart beats so rapidly against her chest that she is almost positive that Jay can hear it as well. Her chest feels heavy and the tears well back up in her eyes. She tries to will them away, but to her dismay they spill over, running down her cheeks silently. As the gravity of the situation hits Erin, her a sob escapes her throat; her hand flying up to cover her open mouth.

On instinct, Jay quickly approaches her. His hands run up her arms and she drops her head to her chest. He captures her head between his hands, bringing her back to eye level. The pain in her hazel eyes is clear as day. Gently, he wipes away a tear as it runs slowly down her cheek.

He takes a shaky deep breath before he speaks, "Are you ready to talk now?"

'These voices won't leave me alone

Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold.'

Okay so I hope any errors weren't too bad because I didn't really proof/have anybody proof it. But anyways, I hope you all enjoyed it. And I hope that you will enjoy the next and final chapter when I'm able to get it out. Please follow/fave/review, and I will love you forever. :) 3