The Road to Paradise

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When Fili woke up, he woke disoriented, confusion racing through his mind as he stumbled, attempting to steady his footing. The last thing he remembered, the last thing he remembered…

What was the last thing he remembered?

Pressing his fingers to his skull, the blond haired dwarf scowled, rubbing at the bloodied skin he found there, as if he could tease the information free from his thoughts.

The last thing he remembered, was the battle.

Going to scout for Thorin.

Getting caught, hoisted high before Thorin's horrified gaze.

The razor sharp blade pressing through his back and coming out of his front, gleaming red with his blood.

His breath was coming in short, sharp gasps now, eyes wide with panic. He'd been stabbed, stabbed through the lung. There was no way he could have survived that, no way he could have lived through it. Not at all.

So why was he waking up, where had he woken up?

How?

"Fili?"

Fili spun on his heels, jerking to a stop and then dropping the sword in his fingertips when he saw the source of the voice.

Harry looked back at him, green eyes wide behind the spectacles that sat upon the bridge of her nose. Her hair was as big a mess as always, black locks flying about in every direction.

Any other time, he'd have been happy to see her, happy to greet her.

But not right now. He was asleep and he couldn't be asleep damn it, not when there was a war going on.

"I need to go. I need to get back, we're fighting and Thorin needs my help and oh god, Kili, Kili needs me-" he cut himself off, not quite able to draw in the air he needed to speak with. It felt like his throat was closing up and his chest was wet, shirt matted to his torso.

What was going on?

"Fili, Fili, I need you to calm down." Harry's cold hands were pressed on either side of his cheeks, drawing his head down till their foreheads rested against one another, her skin so soft against his own. Dirt smeared across it, along with dry flakes of blood, leaving a dusting upon Harry's brow.

But still those bright green eyes, so sad, looking back at him.

"Fili, you can't help them, not anymore."

"What do you mean I can't help them?! I still draw breath! I still stand! I can still fight!"

"You're dead Fili!"

Frozen, the blond haired male stared down at the girl that was clutching at his face, tears pooling in the corners of her eyes, slowly welling over and tracing the curves of her cheekbones.

"Dead?" He repeated dumbly, all thoughts stuttering to a halt.

He couldn't be dead, could he? No, he couldn't be, how would he be meeting up with Harry if he were doing anything but dreaming? The two of them met one another in their sleep, had always met one another in their dreams. It was the way things had been since that first faithful night they met. If he was dead, then shouldn't the dreams have stopped?

Fili paused, looking Harry over once again, just with far more focus, far more precision, than he'd done so before. Now that he thought about it, her hair hadn't grown at all, it seemed to have stopped growing completely actually. Ever since-

"You died. At that battle at your school."

The guilt on her face said it all.

Harry was dead. Had been dead for nearly a year, but she'd still been meeting up with him, how, how had she still been meeting up with him?

"It's through the soul. I don't know why, but our souls formed a connection through those dreams. I could chose to stop visiting once I died, but I couldn't give up… I didn't want you to worry."

Pulling the girl tight against his chest, Fili inhaled the scent of her hair, the honey shampoo she used and the underlying warmth of home that clung to her form.

"Your uncle and brother have already passed on too, but you were clinging. You almost became a ghost Fili, lost to wander the lands until the end of time."

So Kili and Uncle Thorin had died too. Pain flared in his chest at the very idea, and tears made the backs of his eyes burn. He hadn't wanted them to die, had hoped they'd go on to win in the face of his death.

Apparently not.

"What now?" Fili asked, aware of the rub of his throat, the way the wound in his chest throbbed openly until Harry placed her hand atop it, healing it.

"Now we move on. They're waiting for you over there… I didn't want to introduce myself… And you can meet my parents, and Sirius and Remus too."

One dainty hand reached down for his own, but Fili pulled the limb back, not missing the hurt that flashed across Harry's face. Instead, he pulled his gloves off, dropping them uselessly to the floor. He wouldn't need them now, there was no need to wield a weapon here; there was nothing to kill here.

Instead, he gently took Harry's hand in his own, pressing a kiss to the tips of each finger and then clutching the delicate appendage close.

Fear, shame and hurt rolled about in his torso, because he'd failed Uncle Thorin, failed to protect Kili, failed to return to both himself and his little brother to Mother.

But Harry's hand in his felt more real than he'd ever considered it to be before, he could feel the pulse of her heartbeat, the exceedingly fine scattering of hair that stopped coming up from her arm just as her wrist did.

Harry's brilliant green eyes looked back at him, still the most beautiful and gorgeous creature he'd ever seen in his entire life, sadness and joy all compacted into one small body.

"Come on then, Kili's going to drive us mad waiting for his elf to show up."

So. I finally got around to watching the BOTFA today. I'm very sad. Very, very sad. My poor baby Fili. I just had to write something for my feels, so here it is.

This is a 'what if', Harry died just after killing Voldemort, a killing curse to the back from one of Voldemort's supporters. So she never joined Fili in Middle Earth, she was just always there for him in his dreams.

Tsume
xxx