AN: First off. Sorry. I literally took about what? Two weeks from writing this? I had four other fics I was working on, and the unexpected death of an uncle. I took some me time, family time, and then my keyboard just died completely. Been a week needless to say. Now I'm ok. So on to Undercover Drag Queen!

"Undercover Drag Queen!"

Chapter 4: All Tea, no shade.

"Jesus Christ! I can't feel my balls. What did you do to my balls?!" InuYasha stood in his hotel room, hands roaming over his manly bits. Terrified and naked from the waist down, his eyes kept switching to the mirror and to a humored Jakotsu.

Every time his eyes landed back towards the mirror a small wince coursed through him. His manly bits no longer shown, only a smooth expansion of tape. His balls pushed up inside of him, and his penis tapped between his legs. He looked like a ken doll, all man no penis. That's what most likely scared him the most.

More like traumatized him. InuYasha had felt things down there he had never dreamed of. This all in not a good way.

Jakotsu had man handled, and maneuvered his parts like no one had before. He was pretty sure his testicles were shoved up deep inside him. The fleeting thought of his balls being stuck inside him set him into a panic every few seconds.

What if he couldn't get them to descend once more? What if he had to go to a hospital? How the hell do you explain a situation like that?

'Hey doc, sorry could you possible remove my balls? Oh how they get there? See I'm an undercover cop who had to go as a drag queen. Taped my balls right up there! Oh? You want to admit me?' Not how he wanted to end his day.

Jakotsu had reassured him more than once that wasn't the case, that his boys were safe and snug and easily extractable. He was a drag queen after all, he did this all the time. Right?

It was one of the most awkward feelings for Inu. He felt as if he moved the wrong way he would have a blowout, everything coming undone and the process would have to be start over again. How did he walk? Waddle? Carefully and slow?

How did drag queens do this?! A surge of respect flown through him. These man were dedicated to their craft.

How Jakotsu had talked him into this position still baffled InuYasha. InuYasha wouldn't take his pants off for anyone, let alone a man who held a roll of tape in one hand and a sadistic smile on his here he was, pant less, as well as dick-less.

Had to admit, that feminine man literally could charm the pants off of anyone. Literally.

"That's tucking dear." Hiding the small smile that played along his lips Jakotsu pulled back an away from an emotionally terrified InuYasha.

A roll of packing tape in one hand, a pair of scissors in the other He took the moment to marvel at InuYasha's backside.

Catching Jakotsu's eyes and where they rested, InuYasha yanked at a towel he had draped over the chair next to him, wrapping it around his waist he glared at the unabashed queen.

Shrugging his shoulders, "Can't blame a man for checking."

"Go home Jakotsu."

"Can't."

"You mean won't." Grumbling InuYasha crossed his arms, in an unmanly way he pouted.

Sly smile still on his face, Jakotsu knew when to stop while he was ahead. Not wanting to get thrown out before he finished his work, he walked away to sort through the massive pile of stuff he had thrown on the bed prior to InuYasha's taping.

'Man was unbelievable' InuYasha thought. Here InuYasha was, in a new element and Jakotsu was taking advantage of the situation. He was enjoying Inu's discomfort way too much. That seem to have hit a nerve for InuYasha.

Arms still crossed he watched as a gleeful Jakotsu sorted through clothes, jewelry and what looked like hair. Man wasn't all to blame. InuYasha needed to learn to relax. Calm down. Why his father had sent him here right? Out of his element to learn to coo, his heels?

Scoffing at the absurd thought and trying to regain composure InuYasha stormed towards Jakotsu, not letting him win this InuYasha could fight through his discomfort.

"I didn't imagine it would call for you taping my balls to the back of my neck!"

"Stop being a baby, you don't want a bulge do you?"

"I'd take a bulge over-over whatever the hell you just did to me!"

"InuYasha?" Sighing gently Jakotsu's face showed the immense control he was trying to maintain. Not wanting to yell at the cop before him he choose a different direct method.

"What?" Eyes narrowed, hands on hips he met the peaceful serene smile of Jakotsu, with a puzzled look.

"Shut up and sit down."

"Excus-"Shocked he stared open mouth as Jakotsu took hold of his shoulders.

Pushing down on his shoulders, Jakotsu attempted to make the shorter man to sit and just allow him to get his job done with.

Looking up to protest InuYasha closed his mouth. Eyes dark, with a tint of anger had InuYasha forgetting whatever retort he had going through his mind.

One look from the drag queen had InuYasha shutting up and listening.

Mulling over in his mind all the nasty things he wanted to say. Knowing better he just took his seat, waiting for Jakotsu to do what he had to do.

A small cringe rippled through him. Sitting felt weird and foreign. Not having any thing he needed to arrange was oddly nice and weird.

Maybe Inu could get use to this taping thing.

Laughing, as well as happy no more lip came from his cop, Jakotsu smiled cheerily down at Inu."Time to beat this face into a work of art."

"Beat my face?!" Panic flown through him once more. Sitting up straighter InuYasha thought about pushing this man out of his room. Didn't InuYasha have enough done to him already? This bat shit insane queen was going to abuse him even more?! Didn't his balls take enough torment?

Eyes rolling, Jakotsu pressed once more upon InuYasha's shoulders, easing him into his chair. "Oh god you're so green. Not literally beat your face. I'm going to apply makeup on to make you look passable."

"Passable?"

"More than a man in a wig, I'm going to make you so damn fierce those bitches will be gagging."

"I don't think making people gag is such a good thing either..."

Sucking his teeth Jakotsu covered InuYasha's mouth. "Just shut up. Let me do what I have to ?"

Hesitantly InuYasha nodded.

"Good. Now let's see." Finger tapping against his thin lips, he stared at InuYasha's face as if trying to memorize it.

"Ah ha!" An evil smile spread across Jakotsu's facer, leaning in his eyes sparkled with a devious notion. "Get ready Detective InuYasha. I'm going to make you so damn fishy."

Fear grew inside InuYasha. The hell was about to happen?

Why was he going to make people gag?

The hell did fish have to do with anything?

As Jakotsu went to rummage through his pile once more, InuYasha was left to think of all the things that was about to happen to his body.

As every second dripped by, InuYasha felt himself hating his father, more and more.

…

…

…

"Dear god."

"Amazing right?" Jakotsu smiled down with pride at his work. The shocked look on InuYasha's face made him feel all the more good about his work.

"I look…I look." Loss for words, his voice trailed off. Looking up at Jakotsu he just shook his head. A small smile on his face. This was unbelievable.

"Dude look like a lady."

Barking out a laugh InuYasha nodded. He sat staring at the person who looked back in the mirror. What stared back wasn't InuYasha. It was a completely different person. It was a shocking experience for him. This was all too weird, yet oddly fun.

To know it was you, only to have it look like someone else, was a mysterious fun experience. He felt like he was a different person. He could talk, or act anyway he wanted, because in a sense it wasn't him.

He was starting to understand why being a drag queen had its perks.

"Yea." He stared at himself a bit long in the mirror. His face was as Jakotsu has said earlier 'Beat' to the gods.

Cheekbones contoured so high and dark, his face looked thinner than it actually was. His nose looked smaller and slimmer, also contoured to hell. Lips ruby red, fuller and poutier. His eyebrows more manicured and shaped to look thinner.

The wig Jakotsu had given him was heavy and towering. Bobby pins dug deeply into InuYasha's own hair to keep the huge thing in place. Yet InuYasha felt himself scared to move his head to much, for fear of knocking the thing off.

A deep black, so black blue highlights coursed through it. Fashioned in a complicated up do ringlets of curls hung tight and loose around the massive thing. It was elegant, yet fun.

Jakotsu was truly a man of pure talent. He had made InuYasha passable. He damn near looked like a women. If not for InuYasha's massive shoulders he almost looked delicate lady like.

The only downside to the whole thing was the outfit. The dress itself wasn't the issue. No, the issue was the corset he had sucked Inu up into.

InuYasha had fought, and lost. He felt his ribs pressing in, air harder to pass through his lungs. All in order to make the slinky dress he was stuffed into look better.

InuYasha admired the hourglass figure he has achieved. The pain however wasn't worth it.

How did women and queens do this to themselves? Respect to them for it. Beauty really was pain.

Least he looked amazing. Look dropped dead fuck-able.

Smirking He stood, hands roaming over his body. He winked at himself in the mirror. "I'd fuck me."

'Why doesn't that surprise me?" Shaking his head, and rolling his eyes Jakotsu walked away from the smug man.

"Because I'm hot."

"You are unbelievable."

"Funny I use to think the same about you." Flashing a smile InuYasha for the first time since landing in New York felt at ease. He knew he was working, and knew he had to solve this case. What would hurt if he enjoyed himself while doing it?

"Cute, here." Walking behind Inu, Jakotsu slipped his arms around his upper chest. Shoving something cold and jiggly down the top of his dress had Inu yelping and pulling away.

Glaring, arms across his chest in position as if to defend his virtue he glowered at Jakotsu.

"Why are you feeling me up?!"

"First, you have nothing for me to feel up. Second, don't flatter yourself." Holding up the thing in question InuYasha's eyes widened as he watched the jiggly flesh colored thing wavier in Jakotsu's hand.

"What the hell is that thing?"

"Chicken cutlet."

"You want to shove chicken meat down my dress?!" Shrieking like a female, InuYasha ran away fast. Cowering a distance away eyes wide InuYasha snapped back.

He was delving into this character a bit much. Next thing he knew he'd be swapping recipes with the other hens at the PTA meeting.

Clearing his throat and throwing his shoulders back he posed in a manly pose. Trying to earn himself points back.

Ignoring him, Jakotsu narrowed his own look.

"No, how you became a detective is starting to baffle me. " Ignoring the hot look he got from InuYasha, Jakotsu once again made his way to InuYasha.

Backing further each step Jakotsu took closer, ended InuYasha against the wall. Nowhere to go Jakotsu reached him a smile on his face.

Thrusting the wiggling matter of topic in his face Jakotsu laughed. "This is a fake boob genius. Its rubber, gives you the illusion of cleavage."

"Oh." Straighting himself, InuYasha felt a bit silly and stupid. Grasping the rubber material from a laughing Jakotsu's outreached hand, InuYasha nestled the thing down the front of his dress.

Looking down he grunted an approval sound. The thing did make him look like he had a decent b cup. Hand roaming over his newly formed fake breast InuYasha lost himself into it.

Jakotsu watched on, unamused as InuYasha fondled himself. It was both awkward and weird. Then again what did you expect a straight man to do?

Haven given the man a few seconds of peace before he interrupted him, Jakotsu cleared his throat in a loud manner.

"Ok Casanova. Let me know when you're done eye fucking yourself. We got to get out of here. Unless you're going to be the diva type, fashionable late."

Looking up ashamed InuYasha instantly dropped his hands. Cheeks flamed He looked anywhere but Jakotsu's amused face.

"Tequila Mockingbird is not a diva. She is a goddess."

Throwing his hand sin the air Jakotsu mumbled, "I created a monster."

What about you?"

"What about me?" Looking at a now serious InuYasha had Jakotsu regretting asking.

"Going to dress up?"

Jakotsu grew silent at the mention of dressing up. "I'm fine like this."

"Are you performing tonight?" Puzzlement drew Inu's brows close as he studied Jakotsu. He looked to be hiding something. Not knowing if he should press son or not, he chose not to. Letting Jakotsu speak for himself.

Silence greeted them both before anyone else spoke. Sighing heavily Jakotsu went around the room, picking up the things he had flung around. Hand busy he spoke over his shoulder.

"I don't perform anymore."

"Why?"

"Because, I just don't." Voice coming out harsher Jakotsu didn't feel bad. He didn't want to talk about it. And no matter how much fun InuYasha was turning into, he wasn't going to go there.

Those were dark days, days he didn't want to relieve.

"Sorry. Didn't know it was a sensitive subject."

Feeling slightly guilt he gently shook his head. ".Just no point in going into it."

Staring into a sad face, InuYasha knew when to leave real enough alone. Nodding towards the door he tried to get things back to topic. "Let's get out of here."

Both men made their way to the door, silently they crossed the empty hall to the elevator.

The silence that creped over them as they waited for the doors to slide open was constricting.

InuYasha felt himself feeling bad for bringing the subject up. Jakotsu had been happy and thrilled with tonight's turn of events, and one question seem to have manage to ruin all good things.

Opening his mouth to say something Jakotsu turned the same moment. A look of sheer will on his face.

"I use compete in the pageant scene." Voice a whisper, Jakotsu refused to meet Inu's eyes. As if looking at his new found associate would make this all the worse.

"Oh?" Intrigued InuYasha listened on, hoping for more.

Nodding again, Jakotsu adverted his eyes. Looking at the metal doors as if they were the most interesting thing. Licking his lips he continued talking.

"Almost winning a billion times, and losing does a number on someone. I refuse to put myself through it again. I'm older now, I don't have a shot in hell to win against these younger girls. So I sit in the background. I offer my make-up services and that's it. That's as close to the scene as I get."

"You have to miss it."

The ding of the door hitting their floor chimed off. Shrugging Jakotsu turned to look at InuYasha for the first time since they started talking again.

Eyes serious, and almost sad he spoke in a low tone.

"I do. That time it over though. No use dwelling in things we can't change. Can we?"

Turning away Jakotsu walked into the empty elevator, Leaving InuYasha to stand there and thing of the words that just showered over him.

…..

…..

Vocab if need be:

Tuck: Drag queen technique of hiding their penis while in costume

Beat: apply make-up

Gag: react to intensely, shock, exclamation.

Fierce: amazing, hot

Chicken Cutlets: Brassiere gel inserts

Fish: A drag look that is especially feminine

Sorry this was short. Not much more into the story plot I know. Next chapter I swear gets better. I just wanted to give you guys something. I don't want you thinking I was done writing. I just had some family issues. I hope you at least enjoy this.