Out of all the things in my life, I don't think I'll ever forget those first few days.

It's funny though, the first thing I remembered was moving into South Park with my parents, which was just days ago, and just minutes later, found myself drafted into playing a LARPing session with the neighborhood kids. Well, that's assuming a LARP is the right thing to call it.

This was the sort of game I played that had me fighting Nazi Zombies, infiltrating an abortion clinic, running around Canada, and, ugh, going up a male prostitute's ass.

Mr. Slave, as much as I think he's a nice guy, I think he seriously needs to clean out those bowels of his, I still get nightmares of that incident.

But I'm getting ahead myself.

Who am I? my name is Dovahkiin Perkins, I'm a 9-year-old boy now living in South Park, Colorado.

Appearance wise, I'm Caucasian, I have short hot pink hair. (I know it's weird, but from what I've gathered, I was born with it) and I typically wear a pink hoodie with pink jeans.

I know what you're thinking, why would a 9-year-old boy like me have such a fascination with pink? frankly, I don't remember, but most of my wardrobe has pink clothes for a long as I could remember (which, if you gathered, wasn't really long). Besides, I personally never saw anything wrong with wearing pink, and oddly enough, no one in South Park has ever given me grief over it, some people have commented on my hair every now and then, but that's about it.

Anyway, I won't bore you with all the details, to make a long story.. a little bit shorter, after the insane roller coaster playing that game put me through, I ended up becoming the kid who managed to have nearly everyone in town as a friend... on Facebook.

Oh, as well as the fact I became 9-year-old killing machine that made aliens and underpants gnomes crap themselves in terror, mostly metaphorically speaking, of course. And it's all thanks to the training I got when I was starting out in this whole LARPing thing I've been doing.

And abit more recently, I found out I had the U.S government hunting for me because of my talent for making friends, which turned out to be the main reason my parents and I moved to South Park, and why my memory was wiped.

Was that alot to take in? if so, I don't blame you, I still have a hard time wrapping my head around what's been going on with my life.

But it wasn't all bad, things have calmed down since last night, where I had to help siege Clyde's fortress, fight a Nazi Zombie Princess Kenny, and did I mention I climbed up into Mr. Slave's butt?

Anyway, the next day, as I said, was much quieter, I woke up and checked my Facebook on my phone to find neither 'Grand Wizard' Cartman nor 'King of the Drow Elves' Kyle calling over for anything.

Cartman... Now he's the sort of guy I never thought I'd have to deal with. It's common knowledge in town that he's the resident egotistical jerk, but ever since I first came to this town, he's consistently treated me with much more friendliness than he's clearly ever given almost anyone else.

That's right, the guy hates gingers, yet he apparently thinks a pink-haired boy is perfectly acceptable, try explaining that.

One thing about that bothers me about him though, from the start, he gave me some implication that he knows me more than I know myself, he already knew my family and I would move to South Park, he clearly already knew my 'power' of getting friends on Facebook faster than most people, and he's gone out my way to make me an important part of that game we were playing, like he knew from the start I'd be his triumph card in that fantasy war we've been doing.

Kyle seems to think Cartman is just using me though, and that's likely true, but if so, he seems to be putting a heck load of work into making me want to be used.

But either way, whether or not there's anything genuine about the way Cartman's been treating me, I think I'll find out for certain eventually, after all, I've only known him and his other friends for afew days.

Speaking of Kyle, well, he seems to be pretty bossy at times, but otherwise strikes me as a good person with good intentions, if nothing else, his focus on my involvement seems to be just doing whatever he can to keep Cartman from influencing me as much as possible.

Kind of like a stern, but fair, dad whose idea of what's best for kid is to keep him as far away as possible from a chubby mom who's more easy going and encouraging, but obviously more manipulative and selfish.

Okay, wierd analogy, but the more I think about it, even though both Kyle and Cartman consider themselves my friends, the way they act around me, sometimes especially when they're in a 3 to 4 square foot radius of me, makes it seem like they're more like they're trying to be a pair of divorced parents arguing over who gets custody over their one New Kid.

Good Lord, as if my real dad getting annoyed with my unwillingness to talk wasn't bad enough.

Granted, I know I'm not the only reason those two get at each other's throats, but I find it a little weird that they both think I'm worth the trouble.

Frankly, I'm surprised Kyle doesn't put as much effort in keeping Butters a good distance away from Cartman, I think if anyone deserves better than Cartman, it's him.

Now Butters, he's one guy I liked from the moment we first met, and one his first reactions to seeing me for the first time was to immediately declare himself my friend, which I found weird, but comforting at the same time.

I was troubled to learn that Butters was such a big target of bullying. Heck, he casually talks about getting beaten up at certain parts of town. Which made no sense to me, why would anyone want to hurt someone as nice and friendly as him?

One thing's for sure, if I ever see any one of those bozos give Butters a hard time, I'll make damn sure to shove my Sweet Katana up their anuses. Butters deserves much better, and I owe him at least enough to make sure I can make things a little bit better for him.

Now Stan? he also seems like a nice guy, certainly feels as though he's more...stable than company he keeps. He also seems to want to keep me from being influenced by Cartman, but he acts a little less harsh with me about it, I think he's taking into account that Cartman has undeniably treated me with much more respect than he has with others, I mean, if the worst you get from someone is being constantly called 'Douchebag' like it's just a nickname, I think you might be in more of a good place then you realize.

But back to Stan, is it just me, or is his family is a little.. bizarre? yeah, his dad's pretty weird, and seems abit too casual toward half the shit that goes on around here, but he proved to be a friendly guy and he helped me out alot during my 'quests'. Stan's mom seemed nice, I guess, and I think she's probably where Stan gets most of his sanity from, though I saw rarely her outside the place she works so I still don't know much about her. Stan's sister Shelly, on the other hand, was quite a mess to deal with. Stan had me help him fight his sis to get his IPhone back, it was one of the toughest fights I ever had, but Stan and I won, and Shelly was surprisingly cool with that, well, at least she's been more cordial with me since, and I suspect the revelation that Stan's now capable of holding his own against her will give her pause for thought next time she ever decides to give him any grief.

As for Kenny? I can't make heads or tails of that guy, the first time I met him, he was pretending to be a princess with alot of the stereotypes that go with it, At least I think that's what he's going for. I can barely even understand a quarter of what he says thanks to how he's got most of his face covered in that hood of his.

This wasn't helped by the fact that after we defeated Clyde and invade his castle (long story), Kenny betrayed us and tried to kill me, he even drank that green stuff that turned him into a Nazi Zombie, which somehow made him unkillible until Cartman made me fart on Kenny's balls, yeah, you heard right.

It's times like this that make me question my own sanity.

But anyway, just the day after, 'Princess' Kenny apparently went back to normal and everyone was still chill with him hanging around Kupa Keep, they told me Kenny's whole betrayal thing was just a 'PMS thing' or something, Not sure I'm really okay with that, but it's clear everyone expects me to view what happened as water-under-the-bridge stuff, so I decided I should just forgive and forget. Hopefully once school comes up I'll get the chance to know Kenny out of that dress and wig.

Okay, that didn't come out right, but I think you know what I mean.

Actually, considering most of South Park seems surprisingly forgiving over how I had to beat-up half the kids in town, caused massive property damage, rummage through peoples stuff like a kleptomaniac (which I probably am), I can't say I've been doing much better myself.

But yeah, school is coming up next monday, and after everything I went through, all I want now is to live out a quiet day in relative peace. Luckily, as I said, things have calmed down ever since that night I farted on Kenny's balls, so as long as no super-secret government agencies try to kidnap me in my sleep, I should be alright.

Though considering the things I've accomplished, I frankly doubt there's anything that can stop me.