I am not a mystery writer. I couldn't devise a grand mystery, real or false, even if I tried.

However, I have been the witness of one of the most peculiar murder mysteries that has ever existed. Or at least, the most peculiar mystery that I have ever had the knowledge of. You see, I used to be a train porter for one of the grandest locomotives that has ever traveled the rails of Europe.

The Renaissance Express.

The Renaissance Express was the train that all other luxury lines compared themselves to, with fine cuisine, luxurious cabins, majestic views, and stopped at many of Europe's magnificent destinations. France, Italy, Germany, Poland, and Russia were the countries that the train traveled through.

But enough about the train for now, let's talk about me for a minute.

I was in my mid twenties, and much stronger than I am today, but was probably just as large during this particular trip. I was born on November 2 in 1912 in England, though my parents are of an Irish descent. I was raised during World War I, experienced the The Roaring Twenties, and encountered the full force of the Great Depression. The Depression convinced me to leave England, that and the fact that my size and strength were a burden on my family.

I worked in warehouses, factories, and any other job that required heavy manpower. I joined the ranks of the Renaissance Express in 1932 and traveled Europe as a porter. Normally porters worked for individual train stations, but due to my abilities, I was brought along to work for the train itself.

I worked on the train for about seven years without incident, but in the July of 1939, the most unusual band of passengers boarded the train in Russia to travel to France.

The first of these peculiar passengers I met while loading a rather weighty package onto the train. It was weighty even for me, I doubt that a normal person would be able to lift such an object. As I was loading the object, the apparent owner approached me.

"Excuse me sir?" The man asked "could you please load that with the utmost sensitivity? I mean, I happen to know the weight and that two people are often needed to carry that object"

"I would rather not have people comment on my method," I replied "for I have unusual strength compared to that of a normal person"

"Ah, it's just that I want master's piano to make it to France safely"

"So that's what it is!" I exclaimed as I loaded the instrument "And who would be so wealthy to transport a piano with him?"

"Sir Meta Knight, the son of a frenchman and an englishwoman" A man announced as he approached me. "Dee, I will allow you to board at this time"

Meta Knight wore a mask that covered his face completely, but holes were in the front so he could both speak and be heard.

"Please pardon my manservant, he's been anxious to return to France"

"I can understand why, with the rise of international tension" I said as I adjusted the piano's placement.

"So you are knowledgeable of world affairs! I thought that I was the only one who knew"

"Well I believe that everyone knows about such things but they wish to ignore the facts"

"Much like Neville Chamberlain"

"Indeed! By the way, what brings a man like you to Russia?"

"A series of concerts by Russian composers, like Rimsky-Korsokov and Mussorgsky"

"Interesting, but what do you think of modern music, like Jazz?"

"The sound intrigues me, but does not enthrall me"

"But do you like it?" I heard a man asked from behind me. I turned around and saw two men in almost identical suits holding two instrument cases each. They both had red hair but one wore a beard.

"I ask because you fail to indicate any enjoyment from the type of music" The bearded one spoke.

"I sort of like it, but would like it more if it was less staccato"

"But not all Jazz is staccato," The one with out the beard replied "and not all Classical music is legato"

"True, but I believe that we should continue this discussion on the train" The man declared and made his way to board the train"

"What a peculiar man" I stated, and then I turned to the pair "so, what do you need to be loaded?"

"We need our instruments safely stored but easily accessible," The beardless man spoke "for we wish to practice in the luggage car"

I was taken by surprise by the last detail "You wish to practice? What instruments do you play?"

"I play Trombone, while my friend Bowser plays trumpet" The bearded man answered.

"Interesting, but you happen to hold four cases, rather than two"

The non bearded man turned to the other "Should we tell him Ganon?"

The other shook his head "Not now, we'll invite him to see us practice and then he could see"

"That all depends on what the conductor says"

The two shrugged and handed me their instrument cases. I loaded the devices and then I loaded their luggage.

After the pair left, two pilots approached me and were chatting in the process.

The two were almost oblivious to me. Once they arrived, they just handed me their luggage and never gave any indication that they noticed me. But to be fair, the youngest looking of the two did thank me while the other kept blabbing. I guess that he knew that his acquaintance was being rude, and couldn't control the other's behavior.

After that particular pair, I started to feel a drizzle come down, so I entered the luggage car to retrieve my rubber raincoat.

As I came out, the rain was starting to pour a little harder, and a man in a black trench coat was running towards me. Unfortunately for him, he slid on a puddle, fell on the ground, and accidentally threw his luggage. Fortunately, i caught the parcels, placed them down safely, and helped the man up.

"Are you okay sir?" I inquired.

The man took off his fedora and shook the water off of it. "Yes, I am. Thank you for saving my instruments"

I turned to the mans luggage and saw a pair of instrument cases much like the ones the pair of redheads had.

"Do you happen to know the pair of men who also happened to bring instruments of this nature with them?"

The man shook his head "I haven't the foggiest clue what you mean, sorry!" The man then thanked me for my kindness and rushed to board the train.

I loaded the instruments, but as I began to put the first case on the train, a small object fell to the floor of the luggage car. It was a passport. I opened it and saw the name of the man in the trench coat.

I put the passport in my pocket so that I could return it to him when the train began to move.

After the discovery of the passport, a rather tall man (when compared to normal people) with suspenders and a mustache and holding a rather embarrassing floral umbrella approached me.

"I'm sorry sir," The man began "but I seem to have lost my passport. I think that I accidentally left it in my trunk"

"It may take some time to find it sir, what does this trunk look like?"

"It's an old brown piece of luggage, well used but sturdy. There is a M on it but it has been etched out and replaced with the letter L"

"Ah!" I exclaimed "I think that I put that near the back" I climbed through the luggage and saw a battered trunk with an L on it. I handed it to the man and he tried to open it.

"I'm sorry," the man said "but this isn't mine"

I looked at the luggage; it was brown, had an L on it, but there was an emblem on it. The emblem had the Renaissance Express logo on it.

"I'm sorry, I accidentally retrieved the conductors luggage by mistake!" I places the trunk back and looked through the luggage again. I finally located a trunk where a letter was certainly removed. I handed it to the man and he was able to open it.

"Ah! There it is!" the man exclaimed "Thank you so much! I was afraid that I would't be able to leave Europe!"

He then left, and then the conductor then began to approach me.

"How's everything going?" He asked.

"Everything's going well Link" I replied. "By the way, two gentlemen asked if they could use the luggage car to practice music. I told them that it had to be okay with you first"

"Who are these gentlemen?" Link asked as he removed his cap and adjusted his blonde hair.

"Bowser and Ganon...I think..." I replied.

"Thank you Ralph, I'll find them and talk to them" He answered, and then proceeded to yell. "ABOARD! ALL ABOARD! TRAIN DEPARTING IN TEN MINUTES!" He the checked his pocket watch and then shouted again.

"MAKE THAT TWELVE MINUTES!"

Link then boarded the train and then a man with a shit eating grin approached me.

"Hello there sir," The man spoke in a kind matter that contrasted his snarky appearance, he was lugging a large black trunk "could you place this where I could access it during the journey?"

"Sure," I replied "do you happen to be with any of the musicians on this trip?"

The man looked at me as if I insulted him "NO!" he exclaimed "I have no time for musical endeavors, arts, or creativity! I am a man of industry, politics, and the progression of society!"

"Are you a politician?"

"No, I am an intellectual. A philosopher who believes in the philosophies of Hume and Locke"

"I honestly don't know who they are"

"To me, they are desire and experience. To the layman, they are a pair of dead guys"

I shrugged as I loaded the piece of luggage and boarded the train.

My quarters in the train was a rather roomy area in the back of the luggage car. The capacity of the train was not like most public trains, so the amount of luggage was often minimal. I slept in a well enforced hammock, and the images in international newspapers kept me company as they hung on the walls.

As I was organizing my belongings, a passenger accidentally entered the Luggage Car.

"Oh, I'm sorry" the man apologize "I was looking for the bathroom"

"I understand. There's one here and it's to your left"

The man thanked me and entered the bathroom. I briefly glanced at the newspapers I collected and noticed that the man who had entered the bathroom was on the front page of a German newspaper that was released during the 1936 olympics.

"Hey," I began "aren't you the winner of the Marathon of the most recent Olympics? Sonic Gi-Jeong?"

"I sure am" he spoke as he exited the restroom.

"What brought you to Russia?"

"I was training up north to deal with running in the cold"

"Interesting...are you traveling alone?"

"No, I'm traveling with my friend Tails Futatsu. His father was a pilot in The Great War and wants to be one himself; the political climate makes it seem like there's going to be another one"

"Excuse me" said a young female voice outside of the compartment "may I have some assistance?"

"You better get going, I've some work to do"

Sonic left, and I approached the door of the car. I saw a young girl no less than seventeen with yellow hair and blue eyes.

"Could you please load my trunk?" She politely asked.

"Sure...but what's a young girl your age traveling alone?"

"I was told to evacuate..." She spoke as she fiddled with the pendant at the end of her necklace.

I shrugged and put the trunk someplace safe. She then boarded at a great speed and checking my pocket watch I closed the doors.

"ALL ABOARD! LAST CALL FOR BOARDING!"

I made my way past the luggage I had loaded and sat in the back and spent the while translating a Russian Newspaper. The train lurched and slowly began to move forward.

We were off.